Work in progress

My sister said that she was sick of looking at the picture of my beat up old food processor.

She had to call.

She said "I had to call," because she couldn't get her "Lisa fix" via the blog.

Which made me wonder, how many other relationships am I missing out on because they touch base with me via this blog, but I don't know that?  :::::Shrug:::::: I don't know, I guess it doesn't really matter, but if you ever wonder whether or not to respond -- you should!  Because it returns to me the connection that I put out there.

This is not a demand mind you!  Just a thought.

There was a Christmas commercial on this morning -- the Hershey Kisses were singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas."  For Gawd sake.  Then I get on to my picture a day site and they are discussing next year, shall we all take a picture a day again?  Since I sort of feel that it was a really cool thing to do ... ONCE ... I doubt I will continue.  But it's another example of making connections in strange and different ways.  It is AMAZING how you can get to know someone just by looking at their daily self-portrait.

And then I was reminded that I haven't blogged in a few days.

Such pressure!

So I went online and basically began and ended my Christmas shopping.  We held it way down last year, and this year isn't going to be any different.  One decent gift and a stocking with decent items.  Yeah, that's it.  I bought the one gift for everyone, now I have stockings.  I've already done other family and friend gifts.  For someone that is not always that organized, I am quite amazing this year!  :)

Then I came on here and blogged.  And the reason that I haven't in a few days isn't because I don't have anything to say -- it's because I have so much.  And while for the most part I have no problem saying anything -- and putting anything I say out there -- one of the side affects of eating raw is that you change.

And it will sound crazy to the general populace.  So I haven't been all that anxious to go there, but really the reason I started this blog was to write.  And writing is my therapy, it always has been.  I should also mention that while I have kept diaries for years, they are usually filled with daily doings and the weather.  But I started my raw journey with a journal and I am filling those pages with my feelings.  And things that inspire me.

Like this comment I came across:

Paint your life BIG so people will see.

Now, 19 days ago (pre-raw) or PR, I would have thought something along the lines of "nice comment," and moved on.  But in my raw state (R-s) that just speaks volumes to me.  Volumes I'm telling you!

I've always had the inclination to paint my life big.  Things happen in my life and if there's nothing happening, then I make something happen.  I don't need and crave this -- in fact, I can go for weeks and weeks without even seeing a lot of people or doing anything at all.  But those times are just as big as the other times.

As for "so people will see," I think that goes hand-in-hand with not caring what other people think of you -- so you are given a freedom to do whatever the hell you want.  And if you want to blog crazy things because that is where you are at at the time, then you do it.  Because why not!  Life is fluid, blogs are too.  I can go back and read entries and think "man, you were losing it there."  And I read some and think "wow, that was inspired."  But I can also see that there is no stagnation ... there are ruts, absolutely! ... but I think that maintaining a blog is a cool thing, an interesting archive of time.

It's a lot of work -- and a certain sense of pressure!  But sometimes you have to dig a little deeper and pull something out of the hat -- just for the sake of saying something.  So while I am probably not going to do a self-portrait a day next year, I am definitely going to continue my blogging practice.  Even if I talk about scary, crazy things like how I watched the dogs the other day for an inordinately large amount of time ... watched how they listened and reacted to different sounds, scents in the air.  So then I tried it too.  I just sat there and listened and sniffed.  So many sounds.  So many smells.

It's kinda relaxing, a dog's life is.  Though when the car drove into the driveway, I did not feel compelled to go nutso and start barking and chasing it and spinning around in circles.  I mean, how uncool is that?

So that's really all there is for now.  I am in a pause ... big things shifted in my psyche and now I just have to get used to that.

I was making a cooked lasagna for a dinner party the other night while simultaneously preparing a raw lasagna.  I was assembling the cooked one when I got some of the sauce on my hand.  I had been looking into the pot a little longingly when I was making the sauce ... and when I added the meat, it looked so appealing.  It was bubbling and it smelled good and I had just put in the herbs ... and I realized that it was the time that I would normally taste it.  But I didn't want to go there.  I didn't even want to open the door.

So when it splashed on my hand, I washed it off.  And I realized that my personality HAS to go to these extremes -- it's the way I am.  I HAVE to swear off cooked food one million percent, and then I can work my way back to a new normal.  Because if I open the door just a smidge and say "oh, this is okay," and "that is okay," then all of a sudden there will be a whole lot of okay going on.  And it's NOT okay!

I can even hold a dinner party and eat raw!  To look at everything as possibility.

To paint your life BIG so that will people will see ...