Born to drive

Yesterday I completed a milestone, and yet, I was in the background.  The milestone was Charlie going to get his license, but for me it was the last child I would ever have to take to the DMV!

It is such a great place to people watch.  There were loads of mothers and the occasional father, with their about to be licensed kids, and we sit on the chairs and wait.  We stand in line over and over, then return to our seats to wait.  We have a very small purpose -- we have to of course drive with them there; we have to be there to stand in as the "adult," but we're really not all that needed.  They take the written test while we sit and wait.  Then they too have to wait until their designated driving test time nears, and then the poor parents are discarded once again, we must vacate the car and let a perfect stranger drive off with them.  And we wait.

When Hallie went for her license, we drove down to Concord and stood in line (and waited of course) only to discover that we didn't have a heating bill.  Yes, that is what I said.  We needed to have some proof that she lived in the actual residence that she said she did.  They said a heating bill would work.  A HEATING BILL!  We had to drive home and find some stupid heating bill, and then, because we were so disgusted with Concord, we drove (I actually drove this time because this was no longer fun and games, but serious business, and speed limits could not be adhered to in order to get this job done!) like mad up to Lebanon.  Where she had time to put in her written test; but alas, they were closing and she was unable to get her driving test in.  OH MY GAWD.

Then we drove back up there the next morning and she FINALLY got her license.  I told everyone I knew, don't go to the DMV without your heating bill.  Not any of them that I can recall ever had any use for a heating bill.  But they had them!

Then Maddie and I went down to Concord, (with a heating bill of course) and she passed her driver's test, only to discover that there were no driving times available that day.  But our friendly DMV assistant kept at it, and there was an available time in Manchester.  Of course, Maddie didn't want to drive in Manchester  (they all have heard stories from friends who have gone to this DMV or that DMV and it is the BEST DMV to go to!)  As far as I am concerned, all of my kids were highly ready to get their licenses by the time I brought them to the DMV.  I have seen kids who didn't know their right from their left get their license -- I wasn't too worried about their passing.  And Concord is the CLOSEST and is far more interesting to people watch than some smaller office.  (Though they are all closing due to budget cuts, according to one woman I talked to.)

Anyway, she panicked that she had never driven in Manchester, so we went down and I had her drive what I suspected would be the exact route she would take (and it was) and after several healthy doses of waiting, she finally had her license.

Charlie was the most eager of all of them to get his license.  So eager, in fact, that he convinced the driver's ed. teacher to change the date of the class so he could get his license as close to his birthday as possible.  He has been driving since he was five-years-old.  This is not even an exaggeration -- says the mother who watched her near toddler son drive around and around and around in the driveway why the father said it was fine.  Fine!  He used to go to to work with Peter and drive around in an old pick-up truck on his back lot by the hour.  The kid loves to drive.  It was common for there to be regular activity in the driveway on any given day.  One car or the other would go by; then the Bobcat would start up and he'd be driving that around; then the Gator, then back to one of the vehicles.   I remember Hallie getting so disgusted at the amount of gas he was using driving around in the driveway! 

When I climbed out of the car to let the driving guy in, he asked me if I thought Charlie was ready.  I told him that he was born ready.  Oh really, the man said.  I am not even kidding, I said, as I watched as Charlie confidently told the man to climb on in.  There was never even the slightest doubt in my mind that he would get his license.  Even as we watched, minutes before his own test, a girl not pass and slam into the passenger side of her car and ignore her mother (it is always the mother's fault, is it not?)

The entire experience was probably the easiest out of the three.  Walked in, stood in a short line (they never looked at the heating bill, or in this case this time, the tax bill) he did his eye test, then his written, and back in line to find that the next available driving time was 1:40.  It was then 12:30 -- time for lunch!  We went to lunch, we were back in time; he took his test, he came back in, he got his license.  I was in the dressing room at L.L. Bean by 3:00.  Easy peasy.

The hardest part is that he has the longest drive of the three.  Hallie and Maddie drove literally five minutes down the road to school.  If there was bad weather, I drove them.  There was a forecast of snow for today (which did not pan out, thank heavens) and Peter was quite insistent that he didn't want Charlie to drive his truck with the bald tires in snow.  I thought to myself that it's a tough time to get your license -- right before snow season.  Will I ever want him to drive that distance in a lot of snow?

I am still waiting for him to text that he has arrived at school on his maiden voyage -- he drove to the gas station and the store last night, but this is really the first "big" trip on his own.  You can tell he is number three because I didn't actually notice the exact time he left -- so I can't really watch the clock and wonder.  But he will be fine.

As for me, I am somewhat torn between throwing a huge party or just absorbing this last milestone on my own, quietly.  It seems mind blowing that I never HAVE to drive a child to school again.  Seriously ... mind blowing.  We have been juggling the art of getting Charlie to one school or another (all very far away) since he was in fifth grade.  I could climb into my own car right now and not have to be back at a certain time to pick him up!  I guess we both picked up a little freedom at the DMV yesterday!  Thank Gawd for the heating (tax) bill!

It's not supposed to be work!@

 
I am such a disorganized person -- and truthfully, that rarely bothers me.  But then again, I am NOT really disorganized in most things.  Just when I write.  I am very careless and lackadaisical when writing, because it seems when I am in the middle of a book; it would be impossible to forget anything.

I have three novels that are in various states of flux.  One is completely written but I am incapable of believing that or something, so I leave that one in the belief it needs more.  Then there is another one probably more than halfway written, and that one grabs me from time to time.  But this one I am working on now has been the most compelling as of late.  The characters have not flooded my brain, as they have a tendency to do.  But instead, they are on the periphery, waiting.  They are waiting for me to finish their story.  They are so patient too ... and I have come to the realization that it is because those characters are patient themselves.


I sat down this morning to write where I left off yesterday.  But it doesn't feel right (write) and because I am clearly in the mood to write, I am writing here instead.  Somewhere there is a notebook with my notes on this novel.  I just can't find them.  There is a lot of confusion if I lose track -- as I am now going to start going back in time.  But I need to pick a timeframe and that just puts me off.  I don't do outlines, I just jot down notes and let the book flow.  But this one has never been like that.  It has asked more from me right from the beginning.  


The premise is hard for me too.  I am not sure where it came from, or why it even needs to be written, but I struggle with scenes (of the sexual nature for starters) between the main female character and one of the main male characters, who is 20 years her junior.  I have no business putting myself in the situation, because it is not about me, but still.  There is such a weirdness about it -- like really, it doesn't feel right.  And yet, why is it okay when older men hook up with women so much younger?  Why does that not seem predatory and wrong?  I guess that is part of the main theme of the book -- the coming to terms with that actual question.  (Why I am writing about it really confuses me, I must admit!  It certainly doesn't come from experience.  But that is the way such things happen I guess.  They sort of kind of be what they want to be!)


But my frustration right now is that I can't find this notebook that contains all my notes.  I just flipped through six -- and they were all something I am working on.  But not this one.  Which makes me wonder, am I supposed to be re-thinking it?


I feel like the girl in the picture above.  In fact, that is exactly what I did when I realized I wasn't going to be able to just fly through and type like a maniac this morning.  Sigh.


I can't even find a fancy new notebook to use.  Which may mean I have to clean my office.  GAH!

A picture is worth a thousand words (though of course I added those too!)

 I come from a family of photographers.  To be one, you have to have an eye.  Or have some creative juice flowing through your veins.  When I was a child, my father would take pictures of us, telling us to lay on the floor with our heads together, or do something -- ANYthing -- other than pose.  To this day he will not pose for a picture.

 I go through stages.  There are times when months will pass without my touching my camera.  And then I will pick it up and take pictures for just as many months as I did not.  I have gone through a LOT of cameras -- mostly because I was so drawn to the little ones you could throw into a pocketbook or backpack with ease.  But, as I have discovered through experience, those cameras do not last when used on an almost daily basis.  I called once to complain that my third camera had died, and the person on the other end was aghast at how many pictures I was taking with it, along with an expectation that it was up to it.  Apparently those cameras are made for the photographer who takes it out for vacations and the occasional sunset.  Oh, and they hate the beach!

 I have photoshop, which is a very challenging program -- if only because it is SO easy to ruin a perfectly good picture! (I guess the challenge lies in not overprocessing!)

Here, you can see I did not heed such advice, and went a little nuts.  But I don't worry about color so much (or even light) when taking a picture any more, because those things are easily dealt with.

 This picture was taken with a telephoto lens halfway across the (albeit narrow) part of the lake while I was sitting on my dock.

This photo is the same as above, with a little tweaking.  First off, fall foliage in the first one was dull.  No problem!  Back in the day when you had only natural light to make a great photo, the upper picture would have seemed acceptable.  But there is so much altering to pictures going on these days, there is no such thing as real -- all memorex!

 

Sometimes I just prefer a natural photo.  This one is untouched and I find it very calming.  There would be no need to have the browns be browner.   I find this very calming in its simplicity.

 I am not sure who took the above.  Over the weekend, there were photographers everywhere!  Maddie, Charlie, my nephew Zach, my sister and myself.  Snap, snap, snap!  My guess would be that this was Maddie's doing -- she has an eye for the unusual.  I think I probably would have tried to get the entire flower in -- but she saw it this way, and it totally works.

 The kids also know when a picture is going to be fun.  I was on the dock while they were on the public dock, and Maddie called to me to take pictures of their action.  It is always fun to fly through the air, and I love how Charlie is pointing at her.

 Here, Zach looks almost as though he is leap frogging Maddie!

 I took lots of pictures of the kids out on the boat and kneeboarding -- but I thought this one captured it best.  Thumbs up!  I often wonder if these children have ANY idea, whatsoever, how lucky they are.  I am guessing the answer is no.  Charlie has been driving a boat since he was a little kid -- to him it just is.  Now this picture would benefit from some tweaking to give the background a lift in color.  Oh well.

At first I was going to crop this so Zach was the only subject in the frame, but then I realized that the car gave the added benefit of the motion of speed.  Both Maddie and Charlie were using my camera, so I am not sure who the official photographer is.  But good job!

Here is a photoshopped rendition of one of the above photos. (You can spend hours and hours playing in that venue, believe me!)  I just don't know what to do with everything!  My walls are full of pictures already, so I thought this would be a fun way to bring some out of hiding.

P.S.  Click on any of the above photos to get a larger, cleaner version!

24 Things

I was going to begin this thing on October 1 called 24 Things.  Each day, for 24 days, I was to remove one thing from my house -- give it away, sell it or throw it away -- in order to create space for creativity to flow.  Space.

In the few days leading up to October 1st, I have been on a thing frenzy.  And not disposing of, but obtaining of.

This is who I am.  If even **I** tell myself that I am going to do something, I do the opposite.  I can NOT be told what to do -- even by myself -- without a negative reaction!  It is as though I unleashed some purchasemaniac within me -- and I just want to BUY BUy Buy buy.  So wrong.

It is October 2 and I have only bought things because the rules are you have to purge one thing -- and NOT purchase ANYthing for 24 days.  Clearly I do not like rules.  Even self-imposed ones.

Such amazing and total self-destruction of my own potential goals.  The rule not to purchase stuff has rekindled a complete and total love of stuff.  I want stuff.  Pretty stuff.  STUFF and things.  GIVE THEM TO ME.  NOW!

Yeah, I know.

It kind of freaks me out too.

Epiphany. (not a good one!)

Need.

Greed.

Confusion.

Self-loathing.

Wonder.

Anxiety.

Churning stomach.

Mind blowing.

Wrong.

Unfortunate.

Evasive.

Pathetic.

Astonishing.

Unexpected.

Amazing.

Foolish.

Pitiful.

Upsetting.

Disappointing.

Self-discovery.

Not that big of a deal.

Recoverable.

Faddish.

I may not have begun to purge 24 things.  But these are my 24 words to describe this.  Now as Scarlett would say, Tomorrow is another day!