Monday, September 26, 2011

This is a story about books!

This is a post about books.   I went to Amazon.com to check on their daily kindle deal, and the same as it has been the past few times I've gone, the book didn't appeal to me.  But today I asked, why does it not seem like a book you would read?

It is called Brain Rules, and it is written by a doctor who is a molecular biologist who studies the brain.  Why wouldn't that interest me?  So, I decided that regardless of the topic, I am going to download the Kindle deal of the day, and read them.  This one cost $1.49 and well.  It would have to be pretty bad not to be worth that amount!

I don't know what my favorite genre is, not really.  When I first started to read, you would get those things from school where you could order all of these books, and I would check ALL of them!  They all seemed so fascinating!  Since they were relatively cheap, my mother always said yes.  To ALL of them!  I would read with delicious delight the descriptions of the books, and I would add up the cost, get money from my mother, cut out the small order form, and then take it to school the next day.  And then I would wait.  Oh, those things took so long to come in!  I used to drive the teacher nuts, is the book order coming in today? 

When I was old enough to ride my bike to town,  Tracy McDonald and I would walk into the young adult room at the library, and I swear, I would swoon!  Such a sacred place.  I can still picture the row of Happy Hollister books, in the bookshelf to the far left corner.  Oh.  There was nothing as exciting as that day the librarian led me to them.  Tracy, who was older than me, had already read them, and had gone on and on about how much I would like them.  Oh, and how!  The only sad thing was that I went through them so quickly.  And they were an old series, with a dead author.  It was quite disappointing.  I remember asking the librarian if there would be any more.  And she shook her head.  I am sorry, but no.  But then I went on to Trixie Belden and Nancy Drew.  And then when I was in sixth grade, I read a naughty book.  I have always been a voracious reader, and one Sunday afternoon I was bored and in the downstairs TV room.  There were bookshelves filled with "old people's" books, that I'd never really examined.  I indiscriminately pulled one from the shelf and started to read.  Soon, I had closed the door to the room, because I didn't want anyone to see me reading it.  Then, when the babysitter started sleeping with the father, I hid behind the green chair!  My greatest fear is that my mother or father would take THE BOOK AWAY FROM ME.  And thus grew a new passion ... reading smut in the living room behind the green chair.  Ahhhhh.  But alas, my mother didn't have a lot of smut, just a small collection.  So then, I started to read the classics, which my father had these old versions of, and we were told not to touch them.  (I figured they had to have some serious stuff in there if I wasn't to go near them.)  Well, let's face it, Mrs. Haversham rotting in her wedding dress was creepy.  Not my great expectations of sex in a closet or whatever the hell I was reading.  But interesting.

That led to a very early interest in romances.    Danielle Steele, Kathleen Woodiweiis, anything that had a picture of a big strapping man with his muscles popping out of his shirt and the poor woman clasped in his big strong grasp.  Bodice rippers is what my friend called them.  We read those through high school, but let me tell you, I read them way earlier than I should have!  We didn't have google back then, but I figured out what a blow job was through wily research.  "DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT A BLOW JOB IS?" I asked anyone around.  Anyone.  Finally Barb, the older sister of a friend, filled me in.  I of course, did not believe her.  First of all, did she not hear me, I said BLOW job.  There was no blowing in her description, none at all.  We discussed this enough to make her doubt her own knowledge!  HAHAHAHA.   Finally, she went out and asked her mother.  She came back to the bedroom to report that she did have it right, and she was now grounded for the weekend.

Sorry, Barb.  My life would have been ever so much easier with google!

Books can certainly have an impact on your life!  I remember reading The Yearling.  I was in junior high, and I know this because I was home alone with my brother and sister, theoretically babysitting them.  But I was really in my bed, all cozied up, with my book.  I was being interrupted, so I pulled out the trundle bed and had them curl up near me.  My brother had our cat Chippy in bed with him.  I had reached the part where the deer needs to be shot, and I was sobbing and sobbing and sobbing.  At that moment, the cat started to dry heave and my brother tossed him at me.  Just in time for it to expel a skull of a chipmunk all over my chest.   You can't make this stuff up you know, it wouldn't make sense!

My parents came rushing upstairs and into the bedroom where I was still sobbing over both the deer and the trauma of having a skull first on me, and then in my bed.

And then there was Eric.  By Doris Lund.  This is not a very long book, but it just so happened to be the ONLY book I brought with me on a spontaneous trip to Newfoundland.  That is how my parents traveled.  They would keep it all a secret and then wake us up in the middle of the night and tell us we were going somewhere.  I innocently grabbed the ONE book that I happened to be reading, and off we went.  To the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.  I of course, finished the book in no time, but not without sobbing and sobbing and sobbing.  You see, Eric had leukemia and he died.  And he died about 14 times for me, because it was the ONLY book I had so I just kept re-reading it.  And re-living the traumatic end!  Every person in that car remembers that book!

Right now I am reading on my iPad a novel, and a book about weather shamanism.  And when I am in the car, I am listening to a Lisa Gardner detective/murder/mystery type series.  Sometimes it is confusing to remember what is going on, but I have always had multiple books going.  That trip taught me to keep any number of books in the car in the event of such a thing ever happening, and whenever I was in the car, I would read those books, while still reading another book before bed.

I have a tendency to devour an author and then criticize him or her after ten or so books.  I will accuse then of being formulaic and repetitive, and I will wonder why I liked the earlier books so much!  I know this is not fair, to the authors anyway, but I can't help myself.  I am currently doing this with Lisa Gardner.  I just downloaded a third book by her today.  Even when I said to myself I should break it up with another author.  Oh well.

What started this was the Kindle deal of the day.  Apparently, this is how my brain works!  I'll let you know if I am right!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

There is this place ...

When I drive to Charlie's school several times a day, I have to drive through a small Main Street of a town that is really failing.  Not that it has ever been a burgeoning example of prosperity -- but it has gotten much, much worse in the few years I have been passing through on a regular basis.  Gone are the small shops, replaced by soaped up windows and FOR RENT signs.  On the main portion of the street, the only businesses that are actually in business are two banks, a donut shop, a furniture store and an auctioneers store front.  Oh, and two gas stations, one a Cumberland Farms and the other that has the cheapest gas but the people that hang around it are too creepy to imagine ever stopping there.  (I do stop from time to time at the Cumberland Farms, as their gas is the next cheapest, but let's just say I would rather not.)

I stopped at the grocery store that is at the edge of this town last night and because I had been noticing the decline overall, I was struck by the clientele in the store, and walking into it.  There is a high percentage of teenage mothers and even teenage fathers, filling up their carts with the most disgusting junk food, with these unhealthy looking children kind of just there.  They have no life, no spark.  None of them do.  It was hard to see.

Then as we were walking out, I saw this young mother and her little boy walking towards us.  The mother had a cigarette and she was tugging the little boy along as she looked for a place to store the cigarette while she was in the store.  As I was watching what she was doing, the little boy caught my eye and he just stared at me.  He made me catch my breath.  He was extremely pale with huge shadows underneath his big blue eyes.  He too, was devoid of the life spark that so often fills small children, and it took all I could do not to scoop him up and take him home with me.

"Why do you look like that?" Charlie asked, as we continued towards the car.

"Like what?" I asked him.

"You look so sad."

I motioned toward the little boy, who was still watching me.  "He just made me sad."

Charlie wondered if it was because he reminded me of him and if it made me sad that he was so grown up now.  I had to laugh at that one.  "No," I said with great vehemence, "that little boy did not remind me of you at all."  And that was because my little boy had always been full of life.  He may have been screaming and yelling and demanding my life's blood from me.  But he never, ever, ever had those eyes.

That was yesterday evening, and I can't shake those eyes.  That face.  And I wondered.  If I went up to that mother and said to her that I would help her -- that I would take that little boy and watch him so that she could go to school, would she accept it?  Or is she too far gone, like the rest of that town, and committed to sitting on the stoop of their dilapidated apartment buildings, smoking and sitting next to their lifeless children?

Such hopelessness and decay, 15 minutes from my own house.  Why do the rich people go to Africa?  I don't get it.  I don't mean to take away from the African people -- but what about our own?  Born Americans, starving for hope in a small town, which has so many police cars that one only has to imagine how much trouble goes down there.  (It was in fact on the news last year when a couple was arrested for cooking heroin in a building across from the high school.)  It's not a good place.

But how do you get away from it?  Every time I drive through I am treated with a snapshot of their lives that makes my heart ache.  A young girl, walking towards the high school, covered in tattoos, earrings all over, no book in her hand.  No backpack.  She is just showing up.  Going through the motions. 

Or the woman in the doorway, obviously just out of bed, her hair all over the place, cigarette dangling from her lips, as her young daughter waits for the bus.  And I look at this girl.  Messy hair.  Dirty clothes.  That empty face.

The group of teenage boys who are clearly not going to school that day, riding around on their skateboards.  Smoking.  Their pants falling down to their knees, their dirty hair sticky in their faces.  They are, of course, going to be magnetically attracted to their like, and they are going to have sex, and they are going to have babies who will carry those lifeless faces around until they too skip high school, because what is the point?  WHAT IS THE POINT?

The town itself is addressing its problems by adding more cops.  The cops are tough too.  There are several stationed around and they stand with no smiles on their faces.  As I often go by in a convertible jeep, I will smile or try to engage them into some type of human contact.  Nope.  This morning I wanted to yell WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO OFFICER FRIENDLY YOU DICKHEAD.  But I thought that might not be smart.  He was standing in front of the high school, lights on, in a stance of authority.  I have no idea what he is supposed to be doing -- he pays no attention to traffic or human, for that matter.  He just stands there.  I guess he is supposed to be scary.  Personally, I think he has it all wrong.  I think he needs to be reaching out; putting on a face of humanity.  Not being a dickhead.

But I am sure he spends his days and nights arresting young kids for drugs and what have you, and probably countless domestic disputes.  He is hardened, as are the ones he polices.

It is a very sad place and makes me wonder how many other places around the country are in the same predicament.  It is really too much, sometimes, to see the great disparity in wealth and lifestyle.  From a small New England college where parents would do anything for their child; to a small New England town where the parents don't know what to do for their child, because nothing was ever done for them.  It is too much, I tell you. 

But if I ever see that boy again, I will reach out to his mother.  There is no way I could walk away again.  I am not even sure how I did it last night.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Bounty and Loss

Everywhere I look there seems to be bounty.  My garden is swelling with cucumbers, melons and tomatoes, basil plants are falling over in their abundance and the kale looks as though it is vying to be most beautiful vegetable in the garden!

There is a local farmstand I like to go to, where they have organic veggies, and their tomatoes are over the top beautiful.  They lay them out upside down on a table, and they are just a palette to feast your eyes upon!  I go everyday just to visit them!  (Well, and to purchase ten pounds or so to add to my own supply for sauce.)  This is harvest time and the veggies are littering gardens everywhere.  I throw in fresh garlic, peppers and onions into the sauce and inhale deeply.  Pure heaven.  My goal is not to buy any sauce -- I am filling the freezer!  I also have blanched and frozen a lot of green beans and will also do that with corn.  Why suffer through the supermarket stuff when you can get it now?  I think I am going to need a bigger freezer.

Or am I?

Maddie has gone off to college and there is one less mouth to feed.  And Charlie claims that once he has his license he is going to stay at school all the time.  So will it be sauce for two?

It has been a whirlwind week with summer coming to an abrupt halt with a cold rain that has settled into the area for days (the next tropical storm named Lee, I guess) and a drive to Beverly, Mass. on Sunday to drop off Maddie, and then off to Tilton the following day to get Charlie all set at his school, and then a trip a little further on into Belmont for his driver's ed. class.  And then an unplanned trip to Beverly, Mass. yesterday to visit with Maddie, who has never really liked to be away from home, but who is bravely enduring the trials of being a freshman in a forced triple room with a potential bitch of a roommate (and one nice one, thank heavens!) and settling herself into a completely new life.  She is trying very hard and I had told her from the start; if she needed me, I would be there.

So after six hours in the car yesterday, I had to drive 45 minutes in the rain and dark to pick up Charlie, and I thought, wow, this is a lot.  This is tiring and I am not used to it.  And yet, in a few months he will have his license and I will be free?  (Yeah, something tells me not to break out the champagne yet!)

It is such a bone-gnawing tiredness that has settled in, and I am, as usual, trying to fight it.  But it is well deserved (it is a lot of driving and big changes like seeing your daughter go to college are big emotional upheavals) and then back to the worry of a child with a new license driving around.  I just want to climb into a cocoon and curl up for a few months!

I tried to catch up on sleep after I drove Charlie to school this morning, but then I remembered I had to pick up my CSA bounty -- and that of course led me to track down more food so I could cook.  Because that is an excellent thing to do when you are tired, right?!!!!  While I admit the smell of sauce simmering on the back burner is delightful, I still have to deal with the rest of the food.  Shall I blanch and freeze the beans and corn, or have them for dinner (the latter would certainly be easier!  But I am quite sick of both items, and there is still corn chowder in the fridge we could have for dinner.)  The garden is also sodden with this rain and I noticed a few out of control cucumbers when I went out earlier to get some basil for the sauce.    And I still have yet to master when a cantaloupe or watermelon are done ... so are they out there rotting or not?  They still seem awfully heavy, but I just don't know.  The last two watermelons were overdone, but the others out there don't seem ready either.  There is nothing more disheartening than cutting into an under-ripe or over-ripe melon.  And I have googled how to tell countless times.  I think it is a learned thing.  Which I haven't learned!

My brain is filled with what to do with all this food that has come to fruition at the same time while my body craves rest!  But if I leave the kitchen for an hour it becomes infested with fruit flies.  (I read in my never-ending reading that putting a tomato into the refrigerator was like killing it!  )  Well, geesh, okay.  But let me tell you, fruit flies love to hover around ripe fruit.  Then I had a most wonderful cantaloupe on the counter and ate some, but it was filling, but then I thought, probably putting a ripe melon into the fridge is killing it too!  So when I returned later, it had been taken over by those damn little bugs.  There is no time to rest!  The food rots as soon as you pick it.  And my obsession with eating THIS food all year round is freaking me out.

I think I have conquered the cucumber dilemma -- by freezing cucumber juice!  Then I can throw that into smoothies all year round.  But those cucumbers mock me with their ability to grow overnight!  I am not going to be sad when the last vine dies, because seriously, it is a full time job keeping up with those cukes.  I can hear them out there giggling .... let's grow as big as we can and freak Lisa out.

I think sleep deprivation makes people lose their minds.  Or perhaps I should put my mind in the fridge to preserve it.  Or will it kill it?

Friday, September 2, 2011

Breathing just did not get easier

Okay, he did it.  He finally made the move that caused me great disappointment.

No, no, I am not talking about my husband.  I am talking about Obama.

He is now risking the health of American's in the name of looking the other way while corporations harm the environment.  http://news.yahoo.com/obama-halts-controversial-epa-regulation-143731156.html

"A spokesman for House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, had muted praise for the White House, saying that withdrawal of the smog regulation was a good first step toward removing obstacles that are blocking business growth."

It is also a bad step in removing smog from our air.  Which is more important? 

First off I understand that none of this is simple.  And government regulations absolutely can be crippling to business.  But on the other hand, giving carte blanche to businesses by not making them run their factories more energy-efficiently and cutting down on the pollution put into our air is also crippling ... to the planet.  Which kinda sorta means....us.

What would happen in a perfect world is that greed would be removed from the equation and therefore companies wouldn't be concerned with making money, but instead, of making products that people need.  And they would do that with regard to other things, like employees (you know, as in keeping them) and the environment.  They wouldn't pollute, they wouldn't bury their cancer-causing aftershit into people's backyards and so on.  But there is no perfect world, so therefore there has to be regulation.  And that regulation comes from government.  And the people who cry the loudest that they HATE and abhor regulation are the ones who are committing crimes of nature and don't want to be held responsible for it on ANY level.

So we ended up with a president who has been trying to master the art of compromise in order to get ANY thing done.  Which of course is constantly met with cries of Obama sucks.  I personally think that people, overall, suck.   I certainly wouldn't be so hasty to blame the problems of the world on ONE single person.  That is just ridiculous.  And stupid.  Which is what is basically the platform one must operate from in order to manage those that are.  Both stupid and ridiculous. 

"The withdrawal of the proposed EPA rule comes three days after the White House identified seven such regulations that it said would cost private business at least $1 billion each. The proposed smog standard was estimated to cost anywhere between $19 billion and $90 billion, depending on how strict it would be.

"Republican lawmakers have blamed what they see as excessive regulations backed by the Obama administration for some of the country's economic woes, and House Republicans pledged this week to try to block four environmental regulations, including the one on some pollution standards, when they return after Labor Day.

"But perhaps more than some of the other regulations under attack, the ground-level ozone standard is most closely associated with public health — something the president said he wouldn't compromise in his regulatory review. Ozone is the main ingredient in smog, which is a powerful lung irritant that occasionally forces cancellation of school recesses, and causes asthma and other lung ailments.
Criticism from environmentalists, a core Obama constituency, was swift following the White House announcement.

"The Obama administration is caving to big polluters at the expense of protecting the air we breathe," said Gene Karpinski, the president of the League of Conservation Voters. "This is a huge win for corporate polluters and huge loss for public health."

"In his statement, the president said that withdrawing the regulation did not reflect a weakening of his commitment to protecting public health and the environment.

"I will continue to stand with the hardworking men and women at the EPA as they strive every day to hold polluters accountable and protect our families from harmful pollution," he said.


So in essence, what happens is that government creates agencies to police certain sectors.  The EPA is designated to regulate the environment.  They then do their jobs, but then the government machine, which doesn't want to HEAR bad news, does everything in its power to avoid said bad news.   So exactly how would this system EVER work, I ask.  Presidents can overrule their agency recommendations, and that is what happens.

The decision mirrors one made by Obama's predecessor, President George W. Bush.  EPA scientists had recommended a stricter standard to better protect public health. Bush personally intervened after hearing complaints from electric utilities and other affected industries. His EPA set a standard of 75 parts per billion, stricter than one adopted in 1997, but not as strong as federal scientists said was needed to protect public health.

The EPA under Obama proposed in January 2010 a range for the concentration of ground-level ozone allowed in the air — from 60 parts per billion to 70 parts per billion. That's about equal to a single tennis ball in an Olympic-size swimming pool full of tennis balls.

Jackson, Obama's environmental chief, , said at the time that "using the best science to strengthen these standards is a long overdue action that will help millions of Americans breathe easier and live healthier."

So if the president said that withdrawing the regulation did not reflect a weakening of his commitment to protecting public health and the environment ... then what is it, exactly?