Oh what a beautiful morning

This little lizard snuck into Hallie's room this morning when we were outside taking pictures of the most FABULOUS sunrise! I woke up to Hallie saying "Mom!" and I sat up and saw this orange ball of fire out the window, just above the water. Without thinking, I grabbed my camera and ran out onto the porch. Hard to get a picture through the screen, and Hallie had already figured this out and was halfway down the stairs, me in hot pursuit. You can see the sun hitting the left of the house -- that is my bedroom.

Hallie ran down on the beach while I stayed by the pool and she thought I was telling her to run on it? Not really sure why, but I was in my nightgown (at least she threw on some clothes!) and barefoot and suddenly it was dawning on me (at dawn!) that my feet were getting frostbitten!

But oh what a glorious morning. After taking all the pictures, we had to escort the lizard out of Hallie's room (well, I sat on the bed and watched her do it!) and then we tried to get back to sleep. Which we couldn't.
Following are pictures from our bike ride and hike yesterday.

This is called the Indian Shell Ring. What is that, you ask? Well, it is in the middle of the woods, and to get there we had to tramp around muddy paths in dense woods (alligators, lizards and snakes, oh my) until we reached this clearning. According to literature an Indian Shell Ring is what Native Americans used to hang out in. The ring itself was comprised of shells and other debris that they then made a circle around themselves of. I guess. Not much to see, quite a disappointment in fact. I thought it was great that the Native Americans had benches. Ha ha.

Along the trail within the Sea Pines Forest Preserve there are alligators. We didn't see them ON the trail, but you could see them lazing around on people's lawns. I am sorry, that would freak me out if there were alligators hanging out on my yard. I never felt compelled to feed them.

We rode our bikes on the beach before we hit the trails, and it was delightful as always. I took this picture as I was riding -- it's kind of like riding on the desert when it is low tide, because there is TONS of beach. Really, it's my most favorite thing to do!

Baby, how come you're so wet?

I did something I have never done before -- I read the book Shutter Island, devoured it, really, and then went to see the movie the next day.

I never would have gone to see the movie if I hadn't read the book, because the previews were disturbing and I don't really like that head game type of stuff. I do not really like to be scared for the sake of being scared, but after I read the book, I realized that wasn't the story at all.

Of course, there was no suspense in my case because I already knew what was going to happen, but because my perspective was that of being enlightened, I could pick up on all the subtle glances, etc. that would have been totally missed and meaningless otherwise.

It's a great story, and watching the movie brought the book to life --all the casting was perfect. But I am not sure which I would recommend! I bet the movie would have been fantastic not knowing the outcome from the get-go; but the book was a real page turner.

What I liked was the immersion -- going from reading the book to watching the movie -- and having the story in my head and really considering it from all angles.

The whole thing makes me shutter!

Go see it.

Or read it.

Or both.

This is Hilton Head part two

Ahhh, this is how I spent the better part of today -- reading. Sheer and total heaven. It wasn't quite sitting on the beach, but that was because the poolside chairs were so comfortable and the book so engaging, I didn't actually move until I was crispy fried. This picture is what happens in a few day's time -- the clogs are ditched and white skin is exposed.
I discoveredthat I could keep cool by laying near the pool and dipping a foot in. I stood in the pool up to my knees and it was FREEZING. I think the ocean was warmer.

I called my brother and told him that my parents' had commented that they were in paradise, so he asked me to send pictures. This is really the easiest way to do it ... so welcome to the Madden Hilton Head vacation!
My father set up on the screened porch.
Kitchen.




Looking into kitchen from porch.
My bedroom, which also opens up onto screen porch.





Moon peeking between palms.

Sunset musings

Just sat on the beach and read for an hour or so and had the best time people watching. First there was an older man with his little white scruffy dog when I first went out who looked at me quite guiltily. Clearly his dog had pooped and he had no plans to pick it up. He pretended to be looking for something for a few minutes and then sort of nonchalantly returned to the path to his house. Don't want your dog to poop in front of yours of course!

Then a woman came out of the pathway .... the beach is accessed by these concrete pathways that sort of meander between houses and I keep forgetting when I go out there and sit that this is so. Not as private when everyone is coming and going from this one point. Anyway, she came out with her dog and she was dressed in a long black coat, a hate with a plume and golf shoes. Strange get-up to say the least (I was dressed in a sweatshirt SITTING on the beach, to say she was overdressed is understating, believe me). She meandered off and then a father and son walked by. It was fascinating to see how he moved his arms -- they kind of flopped aimlessly at his sides -- like he wasn't using any muscles to control them. Then I could see that the son had the same movements, just less obvious. He also had his toes pointed outwards while he walked. Sort of like he was kidding.

Then a youngish couple walked by with their puppy. Not a little puppy, let's say 8 months old, appeared to be a lab mix. Cute, and he came up to me and I petted him and the woman threw a tennis ball. The dog didn't even glance at it. So the man tried to show the dog how to run to the ball; and I, not really believing what I was witnessing, laughed. The man explained that the dog, named Randy, was not very good at fetch. I said that they should count their blessings, bury the ball and find out what else the dog was interested in. But the man said oh no, if he would fetch the ball everything would be fine.

Well, I disagree wholeheartedly! I have two labs who are ball-a-holics and I would be thrilled with a dog that scorned the ball. The man was clearly hoping that the ball fetching would solve the fact that the dog was totally untrained. For when I stood up to leave a litte later, the dog came bounding over to me and didn't listen to their cries of "Randy, get over here!" "Randy, get the ball, watch daddy chase the ball." (Seriously.)

I made the dog sit while they trotted over to retrieve him (they were quite good at it I must say, better than the dog was at fetching the ball) and they asked me how I had done it. I said I pushed on her butt. I didn't point out the verbiage on the sign at my left that stated that only dogs under "voice command" were allowed on the beach!

The sun was setting and so I had to leave my little paradise of oddities. I will of course, return tomorrow with a notebook in hand to record such things. The woman in the long coat is a total book character. Loved the golf shoes. On the beach.

And hopefully Randy will be there with his people, continuing to teach them how to fetch him.

This is Hilton Head

This was me last night after we arrived on Hilton Head Island, had unpacked the cars and were in desperate need of some poolside time with a bottle of wine. The weather was fabulous -- mid sixties, which is plenty warm enough when you've left the world of 30-degree temps and snow. The only thing wrong with this picture is the clogs with socks on -- I will remedy that today!





This is what is outside my bedroom window -- and when I opened my eyes I couldn't keep from smiling. Oh, I do so love the ocean and can't remember the last time I've heard it all night long while I slept. And to wake up to! Also, the sounds of birds ... always a sure sign of spring at home, and they have continued to remain silent. Forget the hedgehog (or the possum called Puxatawny Phil) I don't care whether or not he's seen his shadow. I know it is spring when I hear the birds have returned as they chatter to each other about their winter happenings.


This is right outside my bedroom door -- the screened porch with the sun beating upon it. I actually attempted to sit out there, but the temps are pretty chilly as noted by the fog on the water. I am not sure why I am awake since I couldn't fall asleep until 1:00 a.m. and then woke up again at 3:30. It always takes a while to get accustomed to sleeping in a new place I guess and I keep thinking about all the things I want/need to do (with a carwash being uppermost on the list.) My car went through a snowstorm last Tuesday night that left it covered in salty residue.) No one down here is covered in snowy salty residue, believe me, and now is an opportune time to drive around in a clean car without danger of it getting dirty again. I also didn't bring a beach chair (how stupid) and my suntan lotion is sitting at home at the top of the stairs in the hallway, in that spot where I surely wouldn't forget it.

I want to scope out where to get GOOD food and figure out where the good, healthy restaurants are. I want to ...

...lay in this bed and listen to the do do do do do of the birds and the waves crashing on the beach and RELAX!

But first I have to look up in a dream dictionary what the hell it means to have a peacock attach itself to your head. Couldn't get the damn thing off, and I am letting you know right now, a peacock on the head is HEAVY business.

Later: I looked it up and it says to see a peacock in your dream represents spring, birth, new growth, longevity and love. It is a good omen.

Snow way to avoid it

We have been though winters here where it snows and snows and snows. I have stood on snowbanks in my driveways and looked over the roof of my two-story house. I have watched snow drift up over the windows and watched as my husband shoveled snow off the roof and then hopped down. Off a two story house.

I love it when we get storms that never seem to end. We have been through two very serious ice storms in the past decade. Weather is unpredictable and freaky and fun. We have had no school for weeks on end, we have had countless state of emergencies due to weather. I love it all.

I don't know why. I guess it is because I love things that are exceptional and out of the ordinary. I love it when things go big and huge and almost reach crisis dimensions. Because you can always figure it out. You can shovel your car out and drive somewhere where there is no snow or ice if it bothers you. And I love to drive in the snow and seriously, you could stay home and eat all the food you have in your cabinets and pantry and never go hungry for quite a few days. You actually can survive without milk and bread for a few days or a week even. WHY ARE WE SO NUTS?

What intrigues me are the people who make A HUGE DEAL of it and let it completely envelope them. Why? When records are broken for having more snow than has ever fallen before, to me that is just fun. I don't know if I believe that all these climate changes are due to global warming. I am not sure I even believe in that anymore. The earth has its own way of dealing with its survival -- and if it needs to clean up a bit, well, it is stronger than we are. The message here is that things are no longer as they used to be. So deal with it. So what if you never had snow before. Chances are, you might just have it all the time now. So adapt.

Adapt.

Adapt.

Adapt.

Right now we are getting no snow. Sure, that is kind of a drag, because when we have snow we can do more things -- like snowmobiling and skiing and making really big snow men. When you grow up with the expectation of snow in the winter, you figure out how to deal with it. If the future holds no more snow for this region in the winter, if everything is going to go all topsy turvey and the south is going to get winter and we're not -- then the best thing to do is expect that. I guess I can stop skiing and find other things to do to fill my time in my new snowless winter. And I would expect those that derive their livelihood from snow removal, etc. would head south in the winters with their equipment, so that it would no longer be a huge big old deal when it snows there.

My point is, if it is happening, then it is a reality, and what better way to deal with reality than to deal with it?

I just spent a day skiing and it was fabulous. Many years ago, when I was in high school, we went through close to seven years in this region where we didn't get any snow. So the ski industry figured it out. They installed snow making and when the temperatures dip below freezing, they make snow. They still do it now so that they can open the mountains early and extend their seasons.

We can adapt to whatever Mother Nature serves up because we are capable of adapting and figure it out. I just read something where they think there might be snow in all 50 states.

Kind of cool.

I think.

Peace

So with the danger lurking of this being my "ego" talking, I think I had a bit of an, umm, hmmmm, I guess glimpse would be the best description, of "it."

It being what we all seek. Glimpse being a total concentration of this feeling of knowing that leaves behind a veil of peace and serenity.

It is such a tangled confusion of thoughts, which at the same time I believe I am not supposed to take seriously. That the only real "knowing" does not come from thought at all. But feeling.

My bibles are two books, one is Somebody Should Have Told Us, by Jack Pransky, and A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose, by Eckhart Toll.

I began A New Earth a few years ago. I read it, I highlighted passages. I read it again. I highlighted more passages. I was totally reading it with my ego-centric brain. I read Somebody Should Have Told Us, a little less than a year ago. It resonated with me, and yet, it didn't penetrate. Both books have been on my bedside table for the last year. I have picked up Somebody Should Have Told Us countless times. I have read it so much that as soon as I start reading, I know exactly what the chapter is about, in parts verbatim. A New Earth has just sat there, looking like a porcupine with all the little post-it tabs sticking out.

Now I only have to assume that this began with the fast (though it is presumptuous to even call it a fast. I consumed massive quantities of green juice and some salads and soup) which definitely brought me to a different plane. What that plane is exactly, I don't dare to guess, but it is a good place and clearly my mind was open. I picked up Somebody Should Have Told Us and totally gobbled it down. Despite the fact that I knew it by heart, it was like reading a new book. Because I GOT IT! I didn't get it intellectually, I GOT IT!

I let that feeling whirl about me for a bit, and then I picked up A New Earth. And I realized I was reading the same book, just by a different author with a different approach to describing the same thing. THAT THING THAT I GOT! And then ... everything changed. Everything.

When my husband started to drive me nuts, I said to myself, this is just your thought, this is your perception, and he really isn't trying to drive you nuts, he just wants to connect with you. True, he doesn't spend hours upon hours seeking "the truth," which can be exasperating (and when I just wrote that I laughed, because it sounds so corny and cultish) but anyway ... once I stopped viewing it all as his vicious intent to drive me crazy, it all evaporated. And I feel so thankful that he is doing this bathroom project so NEATLY. He started the demo yesterday, and while I had been dreading the entire process with every fiber of my being prior to my "awakening," (I love the words, they are, like I said, incredibly corny) yesterday it was just, so, so nothing. I did leave for the afternoon, and when I returned the bathroom was spick and span. (He claims that all of his projects are left like this, but seriously, my perspective wasn't THAT SKEWED in the past!)

Anyway ... it has been a crazy couple of days, but of course, I have questions. LOADS AND LOADS of questions and theories and wonders. And then I think, but is that wrong? Because those are all based in thought and well ... where I guess the fine line of insanity can be breached. Because you could drive yourself crazy trying to interpret it all. But you're NOT SUPPOSED TO. Oh, it's so crazy, and yet, I know I sound crazy.

Yes, I am the Prophet Lisa, and I have been brought to you to guide you towards your destiny. I tell you this much, I get THAT whole thing now. (people following leaders and cults) I was watching a video of Eckhart Tolle, and he was speaking so S L O W L Y that I was actually squirming in my seat awaiting the next damn word. And I thought, I don't want him to be my leader. It was a thought, true, but I have years upon years of conditioning (of my own doing of course) that points to all authority figures as B A D. Really bad. So I would like to ask someone, hey, am I WRONG to have that thought, is that thought wrong, or is the thought not real? And then I think, well, all thoughts aren't real. Can you see how exasperating it is? So if you can't think about it, and you get it by knowing (which I do get) then how do you live with your damn mind all the time?

I don't have any compelling desire to try to "teach" anyone or amass a throng of followers. (which I think often happens to people because they feel compelled to spread the gospel, so to speak.) I want to write about it because I want to see what I say when I write about it. I believe it is a total no-no to crow about "knowing," because that is a clear indication of your ego at work. Except that my ego isn't the entity that gets to have that feeling. That amazing, wondrous feeling that doesn't seem to leave me. That greets me upon awakening in the morning (ha, slid that one in!) and fills me with excitement at the thought of a whole day ahead of me to see if it is really true. If it is really true that I can live in the moment and feel like it's the most amazing moment ever.

Yesterday I went to see the movie Lovely Bones with a friend. We discussed the two books above on the way there, and then we had lunch at a vegan restaurant and were both absolutely consumed with the wonders of our sandwiches. We were both moaning after each bite, the flavors were just to die for. She mentioned that she didn't want popcorn, and I responded GOOD GOD NO, we will not fill our temples with such empty trash! And I thought (which is a nasty, nasty habit) of how cool it was to be so in tune with our food and again, not to want to dull our senses with "bad" food as such a conscious choice.)

But the movie was disturbing. It is about a man who kills a teenage girl and how that affects her family and him. The man in the movie, of course, was creepy. But we were alone in this theatre with the exception of one man, who was sitting a few rows in front of us. Because of the subject content of the film, when it was over we sort of sat there digesting it. And the man walked by and then turned and gave us this really weird look. Sort of filled us with that heeby jeeby tingling feeling. Too close to home -- a strange man looking to do harm to girls in the movie ...

We went to the bathroom and all these thoughts of being attacked kept running through my mind. I kept saying to myself THESE ARE JUST THOUGHTS, this is just FEAR, you can control your fear and thoughts by getting rid of them. But then I FELT scared, so I asked myself, does that mean it is real?

We went to the car and this rearview mirror was down. I never put it down and couldn't imagine why it was. Was it a sign? Was it a sign from an angel (a deceased person watching over me) telling me to watch my back? Was I truly going crazy and was this the portal to that world? Was I being totally inundated by these thoughts as a sign, as a test? As a way to see that I really had no control over anything whatsoever?

LOL -- seriously. Fortunately I was able to rein it all in and I put up the mirror and commanded myself to get a grip.

It's a slippery slope because there are no books, there are no gods, there are no leaders. There just is. And to get to the point of eradicating all of your belief systems completely must be the journey of a lifetime, and certainly not something that could be accrued in a week's time. Right?

But that is my perception, not necessarily my belief, and therefore, only MY reality.

But what is worth believing in is the way I feel, the sense of peace and calmness and aliveness and hopefulness -- my camelot.

The fast went fast

Five days on a juice cleanse -- I really, really, really got so much out of it. Not only did I completely cleanse, but by Friday, I felt so darn good. I skied on Friday too, and had a cup of soup so that I wouldn't feel faint (that is actually allowed. You can have soup and salads daily throughout the cleanse, though in the course of the week I had three salads and two cups of soup and for the most part drank juice and water and tea.)

Instead of being thrilled to have it over, I was more interested in keeping it going. So I juiced in the morning and then Maddie and I went to a movie. I hit the health food store to stock up on green green goodness and decided that I would have a wrap that had avocado, red peppers and a sun burger in it. My concern with any type of fasting is that your body just goes into survival mode and your metabolism cranks way down. I am sure this is so -- I mean, that is how our bodies are designed. I think once you get past the point where your organs get a chance to focus on other things because they don't have to go about the business of digesting food; the circuitry switches and everyone in there is saying WE ARE STARVING!

So I felt compelled to eat, even though I wasn't all that hungry. You are supposed to gently break your fast, but all of the soups had meat in them or the other one was bean chili. The thought of putting beans into my happy system seemed criminal, so I opted on the wrap. I also picked up a small bag of dehydrated and raw veggies and off to the movies we went. I absolutely loved my wrap and crispy veggies and the smell of popcorn was very off putting. One thing is for sure, your tastebuds are certainly awake! Wow, everything tasted so delicious. I wasn't able to finish the wrap and I was worried it would be too much. But it was all good.

The hardest part with any eating plan in my life is the access to organic, fresh food and the fact that we live in an area that has shitty restaurants that serve crap food. It is absolutely brutal, and why I end up giving up most of the time, because to maintain a social life, I either have to cook all the time or go out and eat crap. So, we went out with friends, and truthfully, I had a kitchen full of good food I had just purchased and I was torn, but I also want this to make sense. I don't want to have to stay home to make it (it being my life!) to work, because that isn't feasible. I will throw in the towel eventually and all will be lost.

So, I thought, well, a couple glasses of wine and some salad and pizza should be okay. A little harsh for coming off of a fast, but I'd managed the wrap just fine, so off we went. I expected that one glass of wine would throw me for a loop, but not really. Not really at all! I had more than one. I had one piece of pizza and was fine with that, but I was concerned that maybe I was just used to being dizzy or something and wasn't really aware of the effects the wine might be having on me -- so I had another piece. It was cheese and herb -- very delicious. And I decided that maybe going on a vegetarian diet isn't the right thing for me. Because then I would even lose this option!

So my perspective has changed a bit. I CAN go out and eat without throwing in the towel, so to speak, and still feel good and then pick up the juice in the morning, which is what I did. Normally at these restaurants I will get some chicken or fish dish and think that I am better off, but I don't think so. Keeping it as clean as possible is the way to go.

The problem with any eating plan I have glommed onto is that I believe that I MUST eat that and only that or perish. I cringe at the way I would pack a cooler where ever I went so that I would be assured that I would have the right food. I was always worried that I would end up in a situation where I had NO access to what I ate, and then ... and then what?

Exactly. One thing this fast has taught me is that when in doubt, just DON'T. As in just don't eat. You can, in fact, go days and days without it! I can certainly leave the house for a few hours and be okay!

An entire sea change in perspective in a week.

Why, that was FAST!

HAHAHAHA.

Do I have the juice to ski?

I am on day three of a "cleanse," which means that in the past three days I have been drinking green juice like it's my job (who knew how many different tastes you could get out of greens?) and trying to decide if I can go skiing.

I did yesterday and instantly became quite dizzy. It's hard to ski when you are dizzy, so we went into the lodge and I ate a salad. Not a healthy salad by any stretch of the imagination -- it was iceburg lettuce, sad looking tomatoes and a few cucumbers -- but it did the trick and I was able to continue skiing without further danger of passing out! I also had a salad for dinner (this time a healthy one of spinach) but I woke up with my stomach grumbling this morning.

I don't really want anything, I am accustomed to drinking a green juice for breakfast, so I don't feel deprived, but the light headedness is back and I also notice my muscles ache from yesterday. Which they shouldn't, because it is mid-ski season. Just another side effect I guess.

What amazes me is how good you feel. I mean sure, you feel a little hungry, but I keep telling myself if I want to, I can have a pizza. I am not into deprivation on any level -- but after my period from hell I figured my body needed a little tweaking! And wow! Just two days into it and there is such a feeling of wellness, it's really incredible.

But should I ski? I am torn between wanting to hit the slopes and enjoy the few inches of snow we got overnight, or just taking it easy and not have to worry about eating enough to make up for the exercise. If only the skiing conditions were bad, then it would be easy! But no, they are fabulous and the sun is out, the sky is blue. Such problems I have!

My idea was to finish my juice and see how I feel. The juice has too much ginger in it -- it is killing me, burning the roof of my mouth. Next time I read six inches of ginger I am putting in ONE! So I am feeling kind of ew from ginger overload. (Which is ironic, because you take ginger to settle your stomach!)

This has been a delightful cleanse in that I haven't felt tired or experienced any detox symptoms whatsoever. (Of course, coming off of feeling so tired I thought I was going to die, I suppose the contrast is a bit extreme!)

Well, I just wanted to record this to remind myself that I can juice for three days (or 2 anyway!) and remain positive.

Pizza anyone?