Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Too many shoes, or not enough?

No, this post is not about The Secret -- but it's about ideas and attraction and my overwhelming feeling of certainty that the world is not coming to an end.

I have, as many readers know, not been this optimistic over the past year.  I latched on to any one particular subject and followed it down to its worst-case-scenario, fully believing that peak oil would decimate us, or everyone would die of cancer or whatever else I got caught up in.

Those things are all still true -- but they don't HAVE to be our destiny.  We are all in charge of our own futures -- and we can choose whatever path we want to take. 

Peak Oil is a fact.  But as we now know, the oil industry is incredibly volatile.  We were paying double at the pumps a few months ago.  But all it took was a few adjustments, and suddenly the demand on oil went down enough to balance out the supply and demand war.  Seriously, some how every one of us made some type of change that affected this, even if it was a change that really didn't change your life.

It is infinitesimal changes across a grand scale that can make a grand change.

If you don't want cancer in your life, then you can stop ingesting cancer-causing agents on a daily basis and instead eat foods that will armor your body to guard against what is really an inevitable disease for anyone who eats the standard american diet.

Again, with teeny tiny changes, this too can be done.

I can hear a dozen analysts screaming that I don't know what I'm talking about, that historically this and historically that, blah blah blah.

That's fine.  I'm not an expert, I will admit that.  But I know what I know and I know this without a shadow of a doubt:  We NEED this, this world in turmoil.  We NEED it as our wake-up call, we need to STOP eating crap and buying crap ... and the only way to get some people to do this is to make it impossible for them.  And that is by taking away their buying power -- or their money, if only for a short while, so they can slowly start to GET IT.

I will admit I am a bit of a hypocrite in this whole conversation.  I still buy stuff.  I still buy stuff I do NOT need.  It's a hard habit to break.  I am always amazed when I am in a store (and I will say that I don't go in on my own accord, I am almost ALWAYS with someone else who is, while not making me go, certainly providing me with a situation I wouldn't put myself in on my own) I can't believe how much stuff there is that appeals to me!  I have my buttons.  I love pocketbooks and jewelry and soft materials and cool gadgets and things that sparkle.

But I've bought enough things over the years to know that I just plain don't need them.  That I can live without them.  When I find something I like, I don't think about it at all.  I just buy it.  I have never wasted precious moments of my life wondering the pros and cons of something.  It is as simple as if I want it and seem to have a need, then that is fine.

The other day while shopping I wanted one thing.  I wanted shoes.  Now, I most certainly do not NEED shoes.  I have loads of them.  But I had decided that I would use these shoes (and I knew exactly what type I wanted, what brand and what color) as a reward for reaching a milestone.  Before we reached the shoe store, my sister and I went into this shop that has all the wonderful pocketbooks, jewelry, soft materials and cool gadgets and things that sparkle and I was of course infected with the fever.  I wanted.

But what?

I've blogged before about my perfect pocketbook, which was slung across my shoulder.  But it wasn't so perfect that day because my sunglass holder didn't really fit in it.  I was feeling a bit put out at its slight imperfection, and I am sure that it was no coincidence that there was an entire WALL of pocketbooks that were just screaming my name.

It was bedlam I tell ya!  I started to try them on.  And I settled on one that seemed perfect!  Perfect!  Until my sister started pointing out that it was like a bag on sterioids.  Forget the perfect pockets on the front, that was only the tip of the iceberg.  The thing opened up in three different places, it had multiple zippers and snaps and it opened to the left and it opened to the right ... and well ... you'd never be able to find a damn thing in it!  It was like the castle of pocketbooks -- full of hallways that you'd never really need to go down.  Just point me to the kitchen please.

I felt bereft.  No pocketbook today?  Really?  I hadn't been shopping in weeks, months even!  But then I said to myself no, you are getting something today.  You are getting shoes!

As I was buying a birthday present I noticed these fabulous earrings on the counter.  Made of some Amazon tree, they were really, really cool.  Then my mind flashed to the earring tree on my bathroom counter at home.  FULL of so many earrings I could wear a new pair everyday for months.  Seriously.  I have a lot of earrings.  And bracelets.  And rings.  I just have.  A lot.

So I bought the shoes and instantly felt gratified.  I asked for my size in the color I wanted, put them on my feet, stood up and said I'd take them.  I wore them out of the store and never looked back.  I love those shoes.

I love them because they are not only a reminder of the milestone I intended them for, but they also remind me that I **am** capable of just buying one thing -- that I don't have to instantly gratify every "need" that comes my way, because you know, I never would have loved that pocketbook.  And I have loads of pocketbooks.  I could change pocketbooks everyday for a few weeks too.  I just have.  A lot.

Anyway, so as our economy tanks, I am cool with that because I only need food, I don't need an abundance of stuff because I already have it!  I didn't personally need this lesson myself, because I was already on this path ... it was becoming a natural progression of the type of changes I needed to make, both physical and spiritual.

Because stuff bogs you down.  It really does.  Everything bogs you down in one way or another.

I had my hair cut to feel free.  I could only go so far, but I had this overwhelming urge to cut my hair for the freedom of it.

I changed my diet and I feel free.  Which makes no sense, but something clicked for me, and it ultimately made me realize that I am free from the pull of food.  All food really.

Charlie made chicken and cheese grinders (I invented them because we all loved steak and cheese grinders and when I gave up red meat, we all wanted to keep this wonderful food alive!) last night and the smell was incredible.   So in my mind I ate one.  I could taste exactly what it would taste like ... right down to the mayo on the roll, the slimy feel of the onions and peppers coated in melted cheese, the softness of the bits of chicken as I bit into them.  It was delicious.  And then I watched as everyone ate theirs.  It was mindless.  They were just putting the food in their mouths, chewing and going for the next bite.  There was no doubt in my mind that I had enjoyed that grinder a hundred times more than they did ... in my mind!

We're so numb to everything after all these years of too much, that the only thing that is going to make people wake up is a crisis of immense proportions.

But each and every one of us can control that proportion, by keeping things in proportion.  Because you can ultimately have everything you want -- you just have to want it with pure intention.  And that's when it gets tricky ... because then you have to go deeper inside yourself than you have to when you have enough money at your disposal to just buy everything you want because just maybe, maybe one of those things will meet your wants and you don't even have to try to think about it.

And that begins the great disconnect.

Think about all the mixed messages the universe hears.  The car industry is in grave danger.  They say we must bail them out too because of all the jobs that will be lost.  But wait ... do the worker's REALLY want their jobs?  That is why answers can't be packaged up neatly and problems solved overnight ... because ultimately, in the backs of many of the minds of these people who work on assembly lines, they are secretly happy at the thought of being FORCED out of a job they hate.  Out of a daily existence that has numbed them completely.  As long as there is negative energy mixed in ... it will dilute the solutions.  

Everyone has to think what THEY want.  What they REALLY want.  Yes, they want money to provide food and clothing for their families.  But how much money do they need?   People get locked into jobs for life based on these needs:  The need to provide.  But WHAT are they providing?  In many cases, empty lives that will be led by their children as well, because so many basics have been lost over the years.  We have forgotten that you don't NEED stuff to survive.  You just need food, shelter, some clothing (not closets full) and not 100's of pairs of shoes.

I know that all I want is the freedom to be free of stuff -- to not care about what type of car I drive or the clothes I wear or any of that.  And to a certain point, I have reached that.  But not completely -- I still have human thoughts!  (hahaha, sorry, reading too many vampire books). 

But mostly I want to know WHAT I want.  I want it to be intuitive, I want to believe that every choice I make is pure and not based in any of the emotions that tend to accompany our decisions.

It is what I intend.

Gawd I love my shoes.


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