Just a weird day

I spent the morning really meditating on where this new book is going -- because last night when I stopped writing it was because I was kind of not sure what direction it was going in.

I then felt prepared to spew words, and so I did.  A lot flowed over the course of a few hours, and I was suddenly inundated with a lot of decisions.   I was approaching crossroads it seemed every few paragraphs, and I had to sit back and ponder further.  I was in the shower, with the water pouring down on me, when it hit me. Literally, like a ton of bricks it became clear where I was supposed to go, and I threw on some clothes and hit the keyboard.

Now here is the really weird thing.  I had music playing, and I was typing and singing (multi-tasking has always been my thing) and things were flowing and flowing and flowing, and then I realized I was sobbing. S O B B I N G!  Not tears rolling down the cheeks, heaving, blubbering, most unflattering crying.

What is up with that?  Now, granted the subject matter I was dealing in was sad, very sad indeed (brain tumor, death, sobbing daughter, confused future lover) but sobbing?  A little too close to my art perhaps?

I thought perhaps it was due to the fact that since Tuesday  morning I have been writing incessantly, and if I am not writing the book I am writing emails, blogging or thinking about the book.  And maybe I was having a nervous breakdown or something!  Nah, but my thought was perhaps I needed a break.

So I meandered into the living room and scrolled through the DVR and since again, writing has become my pasttime, I haven't kept up with any of my shows, so I just randomly chose an Oprah show to watch.  It was about the Law of Attraction and The Secret and living your perfect life and there was me, BOO HOO BOO HOO BOO HOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOO.

So much for a distraction from sobbing!  "Do you lose yourself in your work," Oprah questioned the audience.  

Oh, honey, you have no idea!

"Do you ever find yourself in the flow?"

Flow?  I've been oozing all over the place like liquid mercury, solidifying in my chair for hours on end then oooozing back into oblivion.  Flow.  Honey, just call me LAVA GIRL!

"Are you living your perfect life?"  

Right now I can't decide whether or not I want to write tomorrow or go skiing.  

If it's not perfection, it sure is close!

There is no point, beginning or end to this ... I think I'm getting a little dependent on the muse leading me down the path, and right now it has taken a vacation and left me behind ... a sobber!

Tissue anyone?