Something happened, but what?

Last night I had vivid dreams -- the kind you wake up in the morning and still remember.  Like enough to sit down and write about, you know, in your blog.

Now we all know that no one wants to hear about someone else's dreams -- really the only person who derives pleasure from the situation is the one speaking -- probably because it helps to remember it, because as you are telling it, something else will pop into your head.  And the poor listener is like, ahhh, okay, sure there was a monster who gave you a Lexus.  Such is the way of dreams.

So here is a warning ... I am going to rehash this dream because it was a doozy.  You may return to previously scheduled programming if dreams are not your thing!

First I was driving in a car and the road ended and there was deep, bottomless water all around.  I want to say it was Matthew McCaughnahy who was there, and when I climbed out of the car, he dipped it into the water.  Picked it up and dipped it.  I watched this, and then I asked about the guy who was standing with his back to us.  And another older man said that he was watching his stash.  Then that guy turned around and shot the man who had just spoken to me.

I haven't analyzed this one though, because the next one was more disturbing.

I was on a bus (and I know this has significance because I have dreamt busses before) and someone else was driving, a dark haired woman.  I actually think she was a stranger, and we were in a city and we were trying to get somewhere, but there was a lot of traffic, then I came p with a plan, and we were going to follow it, when she stopped at an intersection.  I looked both ways and there was nothing coming, well, she had time to go, but she didn't!  And then tons of cars came and I said, "You should have gone."

And then ... they started digging a huge hole in front of the bus ... with a backhoe ... and we sat and watched for a bit, and there were two other girls on the bus, again, strangers, and we went inside the house (it was a dream, I guess the door to the bus went into a house).  There were a lot of people in the house, and in the main part there were adults, but they weren't friendly at all.  I remember thinking, "if she'd only just gone we wouldn't be stuck here."  I remember thinking that several times, that it had almost seemed a conscious decision to get stuck.

I wandered around the house, maybe with the girls, not sure, and there were bedrooms in this wing where kids were hanging out, teenage kids, kind of like having a slumber party.  They didn't pay any attention to me (us) and so I wandered back to the main living space again, and then out onto the deck.  And then there were two boys there, teenagers, and they said that the bus was never going to get out, and that it was probably smart to find another way "out."  And then this kind of blondish guy comes out onto the deck and he said "everyone in your party has to leave, you upset them, you went to the back wing and saw the girls," and I said, "So?" and he said "they are not happy with you right now," and he led me and another man down into the cellar and told us to wait there and he would be right back as soon as "it was safe."

And then he came into the door and I turned and he held up a gun and shot me!  And it was in my neck and I held up my hand to the pulsing, gushing feel of blood pouring from my body and I thought, "no!  I can't die," and I slid to the floor and I thought again, "no one will ever find me, I am nowhere, in a cellar," and then again I thought, "no, this makes no sense, I can't be dying, this has to be a dream."

And I woke up with my entire body pulsing and I literally felt a WHOOSH as all of the blood left my body.  I felt this while being wide awake.  It was SO FREAKY.

So I continued to lay there, and let my body calm down, and I thought to myself that dreaming about death, even your own, is not a bad thing.  I know this because I have dreamt of death before and read about it, and it usually means a significant change is happening (or about to happen)in your life.  But I couldn't get back to sleep and then maybe I did for a few hours, but I then woke up when Peter and Charlie left to go to the race and haven't been able to fall back asleep.

Whatever this dream was about, it was big.  Big enough to stay in my mind until I dealt with it!  So I came downstairs and I've been reading about it.  Here is what it says:

To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes do not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.

Further research asked the following questions pertaining to the dream:

As you look at the events that took place, what were you feeling?

Mad!  I was furious that I'd been put into this situation -- because if the bus had pulled away from that house and/or intersection, it wouldn't have happened (theoretically anyway!) And when I was shot, I was completely taken by surprise ... like it never even occurred to me (though I suppose being led to a cellar by a stranger who has indicated danger might be a clue!) that something like that would happen.  

What went through my head at the time?

That it wasn't right, not the way it was supposed to be, and I know that it was very important to me to believe that it was a dream, and that when I woke up, after the whooshing, it restored to me somewhat a sense of self-being ... that it wasn't a premonition or anything, only a DREAM.

What does it say to you about your weakness or fears?

Well, I don't know!  Don't let anyone else drive the bus screams out loudly -- that I have perhaps a weakness in letting others, what, drive my life?  I would think that would be a good thing!

The thing about the bus is interesting:  If we dream of being in a bus we are coming to terms with the way we handle group relationships, and new directions we need to take in company with others ... and we may be experiencing the need to be an individual, while at the same time belonging to a group with some kind of common purpose.

Well, I dunno about all of that.  Another one says:  if the driver of a bus can't find their way, it is time to take over your own creative development.

Well, I can see both explanations making some sort of sense, and you can see above from my comment "don't let anyone else drive the bus," that I was on the right path.

Anyway, dreams are very powerful -- and can give you insight as to what just might be going on inside your crazy head.  Last night I had a hard time falling asleep -- and my blog before bed (that would make a lovely title, My Blog Before Bed) was also a little frenzied and scattered.  I felt awake and alive and full of energy at midnight last night and feel much the same first thing this morning.  There is so much that wants to come out -- this book needs to be written, it is knocking at my door FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED ME.

Maybe this is all as simple as yesterday I should have bagged the cleaning and laundry and just done the things that please me and fill me with passion -- like writing and creating creative slideshows!

See, you don't need a shrink, all you need is three books on dreams, the internet and a blog.  And the knowledge to stay off the damn bus!