If anyone remembers Schoolhouse Rock, that was the one about a bill, a lonely looking white roll of paper lounging on the Capitol Hill steps, singing about his crazy and long passage to, well, I guess, enlightenment, or utter darkness.
After emailing all my congressmen about the war, I decided to check out some of the current key bills in Congress. Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh my!
Or WTF?
The first one is called America's Climate Security Act of 2007 If you click on the link it includes paragraph upon paragraph of unreadable and incomprehensible material that ummm, I don't know what it says! Something about Greenhouse Gases, but not sure what. It would establish a domestic offset program to sequester GHGs in agriculture and forests, and! the Bonus Allowance Account. And will establish the Carbon Market Efficiency Board, which shall observe and report on the national GHG emission market.
Huh? How does one sequester GHG? (I am sure by now you have figured that that stands for green house gas, which I did not get for quite some time because I was kind of dizzy from reading it from beginning to end.) What is an offset program? And what would be the bonus? Extra GHG? Aren't they bad? I mean, isn't it BAD to have GHG? Therefore having extra seems crazy to create what appears to be a reward system for it! And then of course there would be the Carbon Market Efficiency Board. Which is of course an oxymoron, because efficient and board do NOT go hand in hand.
Anyway, that is one paragraph and it told me nothing. I have no idea whether or not I am for or against this bill. I already know that President Bush doesn't read any of these things (and quite frankly I can't blame him, I'd rather read something I can understand myself), but does ANYONE? How could you?
I thought maybe it was confusing because it was so long. But after poking about the bills I came across this one: Farm Bill Extension Act of 2007 - Extends and revises agricultural and related programs respecting: (1) commodities; (2) sugar; (3) dairy; (4) conservation; (5) exports and trade assistance; (6) food stamps and nutrition; (7) agricultural credit; (8) rural development; (9) rural electrification; (10) agricultural research; (11) forestry; (12) energy; (13) specialty crops; and (14) livestock.
Does anyone get what that means? That is all she wrote -- just that one paragraph. One bill rambles on ad nauseum about things it is going to do, and this one just says that? No one reads these I tell ya because they aren't readable! They don't mean anything! Oh yeah, the Farm Bill Extension Act, you voting on that Johnny? I mean, come on, commodities! Sugar! And damn we don't want to forget forestry, energy and specialty crops. Damned if we know what we're going to do with them, but maybe we could introduce a Bonus Allowance Program into the bill, as well as create an egg market efficiency board. You got that Johnny? I mean Sally, Johnny's intern. Get off your knees girl and write this down.
That was bad. I apologize.
Ooooh, here's one that sorta kinda reads like it was composed in English -- Renewable Fuels, Consumer Protection and Energy Efficiency Act of 2007 -- seems to make some sense. Not enough so that I can paraphrase it here -- but one of the suggestions is that all Federal Building will have to use Energy Star products by the end of 2013. I mean, is that not just beautiful? It takes the federal government SIX YEARS to change a lightbulb.
Let's not even get into how many federal employees it takes to change it.
I have a headache now.
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