Michael and Farrah ... hair and a white glove

I remember we were having a party however many, many years ago, when Peter came out (it was late and/or early) and said that Princess Di had died in a car crash.

I remember how it hit me: OH MY GOD, we can die.

I know, I know, that sounds ridiculous, but let's face it: we never think that we are going to die. It's just not how we live. We live to live and death is one of those things we pretend is never going to touch us.

The death of Princess Di was a milestone to me because she was so young and vibrant and had her whole life ahead of her. And she died. And that meant that we could all die.

Today Michael Jackson died and I was sitting at a bar on a Chicago sidewalk and watched as the news started to filter out. I personally found out from a friend who was told by someone on the phone. I didn't feel especially shocked or even that upset. He was weird. I know that doesn't mean he should die, but he was never normal, he was never anyone I related to on any level, and so his passing, while sad, did not affect me.

But it did to the younger crowd. They were very upset, which I found interesting, because I think his music was more my generation than theirs. I actually knew him when he was still black and not so weird, and he was a very talented individual, without a doubt. But something went very, very wrong with him, and I just let him go. He faded into the ether of time's past and I was happy to let him stay there. His death is secondary to me; he became unimportant to me a long time ago.

Farrah Fawcett also died today, which is kind of weird. Yes, she was expected to die, but still, doesn't the fact that she died on the same day as a HUGE pop icon sort of mimic how her life as an actress turned out? She was a poster girl, really. She blew out of Charlie's Angels because she wanted more money and they said no, and she never really went anywhere after that. She was really not that big of an anyone, and if she had been the only celebrity to die today, she would possibly have been given some decent press and footage.

But no. Michael Jackson stole her final curtain call.

I think that is weird. Or maybe not.

What is a celebrity? In this age of reality TV, being on TV is no longer a BIG DEAL. Why do we idolize these people? Why do we think that they are better than us? More important than us? More worthy of being splashed across the news waves ... who will know when WE die? Will it be broadcast? Will anyone care?

Over and over today I kept hearing "it is so sad." They were, of course, referring to the death of Michael Jackson. I kept thinking his life was so sad. Everything he did to his body -- for whatever reason -- was an indication that he wanted to change himself. He clearly did not want to be who he was -- and the only time you don't want to be who you are is when you are deeply unhappy with that person.

I believe people die of broken hearts, for whatever reasons. And the only thing he ever lived for was for the approval of his family and his fans. I have a feeling that in his mind he no longer had either. And so it broke for good.

He tried to build this world into a fantasy land -- I hope he's finally found what he was looking for.