Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Secret Life of no one that exists on this planet is more like it


My teenagers watch this and because I like to be a good parent and monitor the stuff they watch (oh okay, fine, I admit it, I like to watch these types of shows, I mean, hello, GILMORE GIRLS, to die for) but this is no Gilmore Girls.  I am not sure what this is.  It's not horrible, but it's kind of silly.

First off, this girl gets pregnant sleeping with the drummer at band camp.   This doesn't make a whole lot of sense -- she is the "good" girl that her parents never worry about, was there drinking at band camp?  I mean, sure, the drummer is cute, but he is the world's biggest player and is so smarmy I can't imagine any "good" girl being of interest to him.  Of course she only did it once.  But why?  Just because?  Okay fine.  So now we are to believe that teenagers, good and bad, sleep with other teenagers just because.

Got it.

So she has this little secret which she tells her two best friends, who seem, well, odd.   I can't put my finger on it, but these two girls are ALWAYS together, but not really with her.  So are they her best friends?   Just something not right there, like whomever is writing this show doesn't get friend dynamics.  Because let me tell you, if two of them hung out exclusively all the time, the third one would be looking for another friend.

I am just saying.

And then, the most ridiculous thing of all is the boyfriend.  Here she is pregnant, but no big deal, she just goes to school and goes to band practice and then does her homework and then starts dating Ben.  Yep, and you know what?  He is in love with her.  He spotted her in the hall and it's all over for him.  Several episodes later he is begging her to marry him, and he tells her he loves her like he is asking her for a Skittle.

You kidding me?  I am supposed to believe that in the :::cough cough, ahem:::::: years since I was a teenager suddenly boys aren't afraid to communicate?  Really?  You sure?   They just blurt out they love you like that?  

I think I'm going to start a show of my own and call it THE SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN.  Here's how it will go.

I will have this woman meet her husband wrapped in saran wrap at the door with a cherry popped into her mouth, because isn't that what we all do???

Sure, sure it is.  Yep.   And then she will pop up from the bed and kiss her husband's feet (again, standard material here) and then skip about the house cleaning and cooking and singing and loving everyone.  And she will never, ever, ever get her period, because you know, that is her most treasured secret!

It's all bollox I say.  Boys don't want to marry you when they are 15 and if they do, they are seriously warped and I would highly instruct my teenage daughter to steer clear.  If you get pregnant, it is useless trying to ignore it, because it is a problem that only gets bigger and bigger and bigger.  This is supposed to be a "good" girl, presumably smart.  I am not seeing this.  I have met dumb girls who are smarter than this.  

But what do I know?  Only raised one teenaged girl and am actively raising another girl and a boy.

And the player boy -- the drummer -- he is probably a good composite of a screwed up high school kid.  He has been sexually abused and is in foster care, and therefore is basically screwing anyone he can because he has "issues."  I get all that, but he's just so wrong.  Too something.  

Oh, the whole show bugs me.  I would like to see a little authenticity -- because that is how the teenagers of America are viewing it.  Like it is real.  I kept saying to Maddie, NO BOY IS GOING TO TELL YOU HE LOVES YOU on the first date, and please, if he does, let me know so I can have a chat with him.

Then there is Grace.  She is the sweet, blonde, clueless, naive teenager with the blonde parents who scare me just because they talk like Barbie and Ken.  I have nothing against blondes per se, in fact, I've been one before (and for all intents and purposes and visits to the salon, still am!) But please.  THAT is the stereotype they throw in to the mix?  My theory is that there must be some Jewish man who has no children and has never been married before writing this.  Why?  Because it has nothing to do with a Jewish man with no children, etc. and therefore it would make sense that someone that has no clue is coming up with the dialog, because it is just crap.  

The boyfriend's father says to his son:  "I can tell you are in love with this girl, I can see that you love her."

Who says that to their son after his first date?   NO ONE I tell you!  NO ONE!  (You can see I am having a problem getting over this aspect of the show, but it's because every show this silly boy is professing his love to this girl, and all she says back most of the time is why are you so nice to me?)

Back to the SECRET LIFE OF THE AMERICAN WOMAN:

She has driven her children around all day, to one sporting event and commitment after another.  She still has to get groceries and make dinner, but that's okay!  She loves all of this.  In fact, when she gets a flat tire she smiles and thanks the universe for providing her with yet another challenge, because isn't that just groovy.  Even though she is a little greasy from changing the tire, she gives her husband a big kiss and thanks him for not renewing their Triple AAA membership, because you see, she loves him.

Barf.




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