I think I cracked through

 

Now that I no longer feel heavy and overwhelmed, I've taken a step back and examined yesterdays thoughts and feelings.

I have never been one who is prone to depression, I am generally even-keeled emotion-wise and unlike many members of my family, I am not burdened with PMS symptoms that are downright scary!  (I am not pointing fingers here, really!)

But in exchange for that, I suffer serious "change of season" periods -- a phenomena that I actually recognized several years ago, but I believe I've had all of my adult life.  When I say serious, I mean, I get depressed and all the other PMS symptoms that some people deal with on a monthly basis and I don't even know what is going on until I am out of it.

Yesterday was not about that -- it was something else.  But it still involved feeling down and uninspired and blah and I think I was channeling spring! LOL  

Let me explain.  (Or have you run away?)

Before a flower comes out of the ground, it has to push through dirt.  Dark, heavy dirt.  And while I am not really channeling spring, I am using that as my metaphor for coming out of the dark doldrums of winter and opening up and coming out of the dark earth and into the light.

Get it?  Into the light?  (Don't they say if you have to explain too hard you're not doing a good job of explaining?)  Well, listen harder then!

But not really winter ... but unconsciousness!  And ... because I fight everything, it couldn't be a smooth transition -- it had to hurt a little.  (Have I written this already?  I am experiencing de ja vue).

I feel as though I have cracked through -- I don't feel overwhelmed today, I feel inspired.  I don't feel heavy, I feel as though I could float -- my entire body is all tingling and full of energy.  (I haven't even juiced or had wheatgrass yet ... I have been typing non-stop for hours!)

And I am ready to continue on with my journey.  (Yesterday I attempted to watch the webcast of A New Earth and just couldn't do it.)  Today I am ready to hear what I couldn't handle yesterday.

Yesterday evening Peter said to me "I see you are leaving your car in the driveway, (as opposed to the garage) I guess it is spring."

I heard him say "You are lazy, you never put your car in the garage," and I said so.

And he said "That is your perception.  I was actually saying it because to me it is a sign of spring, and I like it."

And I thought ... really?  Did he actually say that is my perception?  Because he is right!  And so I agreed with him (about it being my perception) and then tried to get over myself.

I wonder if he said that tonight if I would perceive it the same way?

What a difference a day makes, huh?