This is it ...

Let me state first of all that I've never been a HUGE Michael Jackson fan. I loved many of his songs, and was amazed at his dancing talent. But for the most part, he didn't really rock my world to any great extent.

As the years went by, it became quite clear that this person was, well, a little more than ODD. I never paid a whole lot of attention, but things like "he bought the Hunchback of Notre Dame's bones," and he now owns the entire Beatle' catalog," would permeate my consciousness (that wasn't hunchback, it was something else. Can't recall exactly whose bones he had and it's not important enough to me to look it up.) Anyway, then I realized his physical appearance was changing ... A LOT. And then he was on an Oprah show and he said that he'd had NO plastic surgery and the reason that his skin had changed color so dramatically was because he had some type of disease. Ummm. No. Liar, liar, pants on fire.

He became a true oddity to me and one not worth much of my attention at all. Then I saw him I think on a Barbara Walter's special, or maybe another Oprah or one of those VHS shows, who knows, but something about him completely touched me. I realized that he was a product of what happens to someone when their world is completely wrong. He was, in essence, an abused child.

Now, how did I end up at that conclusion? He was a very young child when he was catapulted to stardom. He had more talent in his little pinky than any of his siblings, and his family capitalized on that ... if only to keep the older brothers working! There was footage of this little boy trying to get into a car and being completely MOBBED by screaming fans (which I so don't get, what are you going to do when you get to a person you adore, tear him apart?) And things seemed to click into place ... the fact that he lived on a ranch called Neverland, which created the perfect environment that a child would want to be in; or the fact that he hung out with children. I don't think he did anything pedophile-like to these kids, I think the problem was that he was emotionally stuck at about 10-years-old and that was all he could relate to. And think about it -- all adults would have treated him differently because of who he was. So he never had anyone treating him in a proper manner. I am sure he was always so confused. But children, children don't know how to act other than who they are (at least for a little while!) So he could be himself around them without being judged.

So here he was, alone in his castle, unable to leave without creating some kind of mob scene. It's really beyond sad. And when you are 10, you are not really ready to have sex or a relationship, so that kind of left him in a place of limbo -- because a part of him wanted to be "normal," except that he had no concept of normal.

So the people he bonded with were people who had experienced the same wacky and surreal childhoods -- people like Elizabeth Taylor and Brooke Shields and Lisa Marie Presley. I can just see him and Lisa Marie sitting around and talking, of course having the mutually exclusive "badge" of being different because of extraordinary circumstances, and just howling at how funny it would be to get married.

So this more or less 10-year-old is then accused of molesting children and I am sure that really took him from the edge of the precipice to a free fall into nowhere for a good long time. I don't think he ever recovered, and in truth, would any child?

I saw a different Michael Jackson in the film "This is It." It certainly didn't convince me that he was a full-fledged adult, but I sure did see someone who knew his stuff. You can say a lot of things about Michael, but you can't say he wasn't amazing at his craft. Amazing isn't a strong enough adjective ... in truth, there really are no words. (But don't you worry, I'll struggle along!)

First off, I never would have gone to see his concert. After seeing what it would have been like, I have no doubt I would have absolutely ADORED it. In fact, it made me very sad that the costumes that were custom-made for him that were "beyond anything that had been designed before," will never be worn by him. He had a real flair for the dramatic when it came to his wardrobe -- a true understatement!

The film is pieced together parts of his rehearsals and the filming of the various movies that would have been shown on the backdrop. He is involved in every aspect and the people in charge kind of treat him a bit like a God. I found that part a little distressing, I must admit, and that also reinforced my earlier feeling that no one ever treated him "properly." The director of the show and the producer of the movie, Kenny Ortega, sort of fawns on him ... "what do you want Michael, what can we do for you Michael, I love you Michael," to which Michael responds in a very weak voice, "I love you too."

Except that Michael doesn't really know what love is, I don't think. But man, does he know how to put on a show! His meticulous attention to detail is almost painful. You can see every cell of his being twinging when he tries to convey to the piano player what key he wants the song to be in, or how long he wants a note to be held. But he does get it across, and every single one of his band members and dancers knows they are in the presence of greatness and performs willingly. And the talent he surrounds himself with is just plain awesome. And he doesn't have that need to be the only person shining on stage, he very often wanders behind them or off to the side.

This Michael Jackson is someone you would want to know, because he is doing something that he knows. He is strong and confident and man could that guy move. But when he was doing a duet with a female vocalist, a love song, it wasn't believable. When he drew the woman to him, there was nothing there. I truly believe he was asexual. Even his signature move of grabbing his crotch and doing the grind ... has no sexual undertone to it AT ALL. Zip.

So here was this 50-year-old man moving around the stage like a teenager, rocking and rolling and creating a masterpiece. There has been speculation that he was anorexic, that he was doing massive amounts of drugs; that he had this or that.

There is no doubt that Michael Jackson was riddled with emotional and physical problems. I believe he is in a better place and I hope that this time around he stays under the radar and keeps his talents to himself. They ruined him for this life. How sad is that?