Just keep it off the garage floor

My BF was a great guy. We were both each other's "firsts" and as a result of that, we very much liked to experiment with that activity. A lot.

The first time we were "caught," my mother said something to me in the deli line at the local grocery store. I lived in the barn at that time, and didn't really see my parent's all that much! This was during the summer and I had a full-time job at the same place as BF. We had sex pretty much every morning after he finished his cooking shift in a small, dirty and gross room over the kitchen. No one ever thought to look for us there!

But we also had sex in the barn. A lot.

So when I bumped into my mother at the grocery store, I did not expect her to say, "I found your condom on the garage floor this morning."

Geesh.

First off, what was it doing on the garage floor? (Later I would investigate and realize that it slipped between the floor boards and fell there.) You can imagine who got in trouble for that! (Take your damn condoms off and don't throw them on the floor, got it?) How embarrassing to have to deal with this conversation in the damned deli line at the supermarket. Okay mom. Fine. It won't happen again.

It was used. She said.

Yes, I know. Please just order your damn ham!

We stood there in silence for a while. And then I remembered the good news! Oh, I told her, I am going to go on the pill. I just have to get down to Concord to pick up the prescription.

Not really the information she was looking for! Hey, listen, mom, other mother's out there that think your children aren't having sex. You pick up the phone, make an appointment, and you can have birth control pills almost immediately. Should you consult with your mother first? Never occurred to me, but maybe she would have had an easier time with her shopping list that day if she hadn't had to check off: talk to Lisa about used condom found on garage floor.

I don't know. In my mind, she just wasn't paying attention. What did she think I was doing when I went to visit BF at his school for the entire weekend? Well, let me tell you, we were seeking out the cheapest hotel rooms we could find and using them, liberally. I could write a manual on how to have sex on the cheap in northern Mass. Or, where to go "parking" in the town I currently live in!

Yeah. To this day when I walk my "loop," I go by three places that we regularly parked the car on the way to and from our houses. Dark back roads. Do kids even do that anymore? Hell, with these SUV's -- it would be sheer luxury. I am talking compact cars in my time! And not for one second did it stop us!

Not even the time his parent's sat us down at the kitchen table and said that they had found condoms in his backpack. (Could you NOT think of a better place to hide them I yelled at him later!) What was it with this guy and leaving his condoms all over the place? You can understand my urgency to get on birth control HE wasn't in charge of!

So yeah. Two teenagers sitting at the kitchen table, the sun streaming through the windows, wondering what was going to come out of the mouths of these rather conservative and NOT laid-back people.

Not that, let me tell you. They then launched into a whole long blah blah blah about pregnancy and STD's that convinced us, as we ran out of that house, that we would NEVER have sex again. Nope. Too dangerous. We didn't even make it past our second favorite parking spot before we were ripping each other's clothes off. You know. To have sex for the last time.

Here's the thing. The entire experience drew us even closer. The horror of that conversation bonded us! I can vividly recall standing in the yard just staring at each other! How would we face those people again! Together, that is how! We were united in our badness -- in high risk this and that. We could even ::::gasp::::: TOTALLY RUIN OUR LIVES!

How cool was that?