Christmas countdown

It seems to sneak up every year.  You think it is weeks away, and then suddenly it is only DAYS away.  This year, for some reason, it is coming very quickly, and even though I was quite proactive in ordering gifts quite some time ago, I still have that feeling like there is SO MUCH TO DO and i don't have enough time to do it.

I am, of course, talking about Christmas.

Once upon a time I used to get into decorating the house for Christmas.   And this year, well, let's put the Christmas tree upside down!  Nah.  But these days I have no interest whatsoever in it.  Zip.  Zilch.

My children have accused me of being Scrooge.  They say I have no Christmas spirit.

But what exactly IS Christmas spirit?  Does it mean that like most things, it's all about ME creating something for everyone else?  Decorating the house, purchasing and wrapping gifts, stringing popcorn and cranberries for the tree (I have to FORCE people to help do this since Hallie left, she always helped!) and making sure everyone has special holiday meals and plenty of hefty doses of Christmas spirit?

You know, that makes a whole lot of sense when you have little kids.  But my kids are no longer little and I see no reason for having to be the creator of something they can also contribute to.  If it is not inside of me to fill the house with lights and decorations and spend hours on something I have no interest in ... then guess what, it's not gonna happen!  If that is Scrooge-like, then guilty as charged, but I have done my best to purchase gifts that they will all love and enjoy and of course I will wrap them and decorate the tree and string popcorn and cranberries and feed them food that is all happy and Christmas-like.

But it's not what it's all about, and I can't seem to figure out how to impart that, other than to just stop doing the things that to them make Christmas.  Like the gifts.  My kids don't need anything -- and you hear this from countless other people.  We buy our children everything they need and then some more after that.  It's just the way things are (even if you can't afford it) and so it's really, really hard to ignite the spark that has already been fanned into a full blown forest fire years ago.  Whatever gifts I have for my children, they will not get all that excited about.  Because it will be disappointing because it won't be more than they've had before.  That is impossible.

They have it all.  Hard to top that.  And so, let me tell you, it's not all that fun to buy them.  It feels more like an obligation -- because everyone else does it.  And let me tell you even louder that THAT reason is the best reason for me NOT to want to do it anymore!  Ick.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I have a few items that I am excited about giving, but not across the board, and it's those presents that I have purchased out of a sense of obligation that do not sit well with me.  And this isn't new, I've felt like this for a while -- as each year I tried to top the year before, until it became impossible.

And it's a situation I can't figure out how to solve.  But then again, I can't change the way I feel either, and with each passing Christmas I become less and less inclined to feel obligated  to be the perfect Christmas mother -- fa la la la.

And it's hard to purchase more stuff to bring into a house already brimming with stuff.  I say this, as I sit in my office surrounded by piles.  No matter how hard I try to muck out from underneath the accumulation of years of junk, it seems to return as soon as I turn around.  And when I go shopping, I see all this stuff that I so totally NEEEED (not at all) and end up buying it and then wondering what the heck?

Yeah, I guess that all sounds quite Scrooge-like -- but it doesn't come from a place of evil Christmas past's lurking in my psyche -- it comes from wanting to evolve a commercial holiday back to its origin -- of Christmas spirit being about love and peace and happiness and joy.

NOT STUFF!

It's there, inside me.  When we went to get the tree, I inhaled the wonderful aroma of greens surrounding me.  It's all right there, at the surface, but I think that if everyone wants to wallow in Christmas spirit, then they should bring a little to the table -- because it's not all about one person doing everything all the time.  

Or it shouldn't be!