I've got a beautiful feeling ...

Maddie's dinner dance, or whatever they call it.  Her first dress since she was ... a kid?

Goofing around.

!

Maddie and Steph.

Big storm comes upon the group waiting to board busses:

Hurry, the bus is leaving without us.

Oh what a beautiful day

With a beautiful day stretching ahead, it was hard to pinpoint exactly what was the perfect thing to do.  I was going to climb a mountain, but then my sister mentioned the beach.

The beach!  Perfect!  I thought it over, and within seconds determined that it would be lovely to jump into the Jeep and head to the seacoast.

So I did.  I picked up Tomasen and off we went, with the sun pouring down on us we joined a modest group of others who were drawn to the lure of the sea.  We walked for about an hour, then made a peace sign out of rocks, chased the piping plovers ...

 

and then went out to lunch.  But let's discuss these silly birds.  They are really quite comical.  They have these funny legs that look disjointed when they rush, because they always seem to be in a rush, and you have to keep an eye on them because they blend right into the environment, and poof, they are gone.  In this picture it is actually running by me very quickly, so it is amazing it came out as clear as it did.  I love beach pictures and seem to have a thing going for the birds.

So then we drove along the coast and found a restaurant that was serving out on their deck, right on the water.

Perfect!  The sun was still shining, and just as we asked for our check, a big cloud came along it it started to get chilly.  Great timing.

We then went to a restaurant supply store so I could get a spring-form pan, but on the way there rain drops were falling on our head, so we drove under this roof and put up the top.  And it poured.  And then the sun came out again.

Oh well.  I drove back to Concord, where Charlie had a game, and have concluded that driving in a Jeep with the back windows out is TOO NOISY.  I couldn't hear myself scream it was so loud.  The sun was out in full force and all the rain clouds were gone, so Charlie and I drove home with the top down.

Perfect day.

But you should see my hair :P

yikes.

Oh what a beautiful morning

Writer dies of head explosion

So I had something happen today that's never happened before: dueling book characters are wrestling for brain space in my head.

How did this happen?

When I am working on a book, the characters become part of my daily life, and I am going over lines of dialogue or situations  constantly in my head.  I don't even notice it after awhile, because I am so used to it, and I would say the only people who are affected by it are my kids.  For all of a sudden I will realize that they have been talking to me and I am so deep into my head I don't notice.  Until they yell at me.

And accuse me of not listening.  Which is totally true, but still.  I am busy.  The thing about your head being busy is that you look like a dork otherwise -- just sitting there staring off into space.

Anyway.  For weeks now these particular characters have taken up full-time residence in planet brain, and things have been going along quite well.  But I "organized" my computer, offloaded a slew of pictures and tidied up my writing files, and well, now I can't find a damn thing.  It's a little irritating, but normally whatever I am working on takes up residence on the desktop.  But for some unbeknownst reason I hit the "organize desktop" button, and now I have no idea where anything is.  Oh. And because I took off all my pictures, the screen saver picture was in that, and so I had to change it to something that still happened to be left on.  It's been a bit of a fiasco.

The current screen saver is an ocean picture, so I can't really read any of the files sitting on the desktop.  Yes, I should change it, but who cares, whatever ... so today I had one of those brain freeze things and couldn't remember the name of the book I am working on.

That might sound odd, but I have working titles, permanent titles, and I have a few books that I am working on that don't even have titles.  But I only always work on ONE book at a time, and like I said, I can usually find it.

I was forced to go to the writing folder and scan through it for something to jog my memory.  By then I had of course remembered the file name, but I was amazed at how many other folders were in the writing folder.  Hmmmm.  So I started to look at them.  All little morsels and tidbits of story ideas.  Then I came across one called Gates and Gallagher.

Interesting name, I thought.  Like it.  Opened it.  LOVED IT!  Wanted more.  Let me just say this, there is nothing worse than getting into a book and then coming to the end and to the realization that the ONLY way you can ever read the rest is to write it.

Such a drag.  And probably not a common problem, but for me, it actually is.  

Anyway, the characters grabbed me and I suddenly felt a little overwhelmed.  Because the other characters were already in my head, and they weren't moving aside.

I couldn't work, so I put together a shopping list and headed south.  And it was so crowded in the car.  First off Margie wanted to bat it out with Walter, but then all of a sudden Jenny popped into my head and I started to visualize her, and then Walter yelled that he wanted more of his journal entries written -- that it was the best way to flesh out his character and prove that he was far deeper than I was portraying him ... then Gary Livingston joined the party and said that like Walter, he was misunderstood in the story.  The problem was, Gary and Walter are NOT in the same story.

What the hell!

I actually feel tired today.  And with a bit of a headache.  I never feel or have either, ever.  These characters are getting mighty damn pushy and I blame my bout of organization on the whole thing.  The whole mess!  The whole riot in my head that is wreaking havoc upon all of Lisakind.

You can't make this stuff up either.  (Even if you are a writer!)

Sooooooooooo sweet

UPDATE:  The little cakes are DELICIOUS!  Above is a picture of them, along with the delicious chocolates.

I made these raw chocolates yesterday and because I had already had the remains of the chocolate in the blender with my smoothie, and because the raw cacoa used in these recipes is very powerful (and will keep me up for days if I am not careful) I didn't actually taste one until this morning.

Oh my.

Maddie came out to get into the car to go to school and her mouth was full of chocolate and she was mumbling something about how delicious it was.  This was before I had tried it, and the way she was going on -- well, you can only imagine how anxious I was to get that little morsel into my mouth.

Oh my.

The recipe didn't make that many, so I had put the majority into the freezer and kept three in the fridge.  Maddie ate one and I quickly scarfed down the remaining two.  There are a few in the freezer, I may have to get a guard dog to keep them there.  I need to make more, but here's the thing, it's a bit time consuming.  They don't have a lot of ingredients, but I don't like super sweet, so instead of using the measurements in the recipe, I keep tasting and tasting and tasting until it is just right.  I have to figure out a way to measure that so that subsequent times will be easier.

I just made chocolate mousse cakes.  They are too sweet, I can tell already, and the entire time I was making them I was adjusting things in my head.  I always make the recipe as close as I can, but omit things that I know will make things sweeter than they need to be.  I learned today that coconut oil, agave and dates together are way over the top.  I've scribbled down a few adjustments, but right now I have 12 cupcake sized cakes and 8 mini-cupcake cakes in the freezer.  See, you end up with tons of those and very little of the chocolates!  Figures.

How do I know I won't love them as much?  Yesterday while making the chocolates, everytime I had to clean something, I used my tongue.  Because I couldn't get enough of it!  I was scraping the sides of the blender trying to get the last morsels out.  It was delicious.

Today, I tried the different components, and my initial thought was okay, but a little too sweet.  That is three sweet things combined, it's going to be too sweet.  But the good thing about the freezer is that it dulls the taste a bit, so it might be fine.

Above is the Chocolate Orange Cake that I want to make next.  Doesn't that look to die for?  I've studied the recipe and already made the adjustments that I think are necessary for it not to be too over the top sweet.

I have been very frustrated with the whole raw food concept because of the lack of fresh ingredients, so this is renewing my interest in it because I happen to have the ingredients on hand, and you can freeze things, so it's not a lot of work for a one-time meal.  Now obviously you can't eat this stuff all day long, but it's nice to have a little something on hand to stave off the sweet cravings, and the little cakes are made with avocado, so they will be very filling.

Maddie called and said she read my Facebook entry about making the little cakes and said she is dreaming about them!

I am telling you, those chocolates are THAT good.

Aren't you dying for one?

If this gravity gig quits, we're in serious trouble

Do you ever have one of those mornings when you wake up and there is a huge question running around in your head, and you vaguely feel that you know the answer, but you are not happy with the one word that doesn't really explain it, so you lay there and obsess?

No?  Really?

Because this morning the moment I opened my eyes, I was just completely blown away with the concept of the earth being round.

Seriously.

Last night I couldn't sleep.  At all.  I tossed, I turned, I deep sighed, I glanced out at the sky and wondered if there was a full moon, and noticed that the moon was waaaaaaay over on the other side of the sky (which meant morning was approaching.)  The last thought I had was how the sun and the moon rise and fall in the same place. (Not that this was an epiphany, more of an "oh no, I've managed to remain awake long enough to see the full rotation, aaaaargh!")

And then I woke up thinking about the sun and moon circling around the circle of earth, and for the life of me, despite my limited knowledge of gravity, just couldn't imagine why if you're on the bottom you don't fall off.  Or, okay, because of the whole gravity thing, why don't you feel upside down, or if you're on the side of the rotational spin, again, why aren't you laying down?

No, this is not the first time I've questioned this, but it has been one of those things not fully explained to my liking is all.  And I truly do not feel satisfied with any of the answers I have come upon.  They are all basically stated in terms of "It's gravity, moron," which is great, I knew that.  But I don't know why I knew it or what it really means, other than that it seems to work and no one is complaining.

Did you know there is actually a society who believes the earth is flat?  And the response to that is "If it was flat, you moron, you'd fall off the edge."  Which really makes no sense either, because we should be falling off in droves when we're upside down.

I am just saying.

This reminds me of the fax machine.  When we first had a fax machine installed at the office, it was because we belonged to some association that required you to have one so they could send you faxes.  This was a long time ago when the earth was green, and it was a technological wonder I couldn't seem to grasp.

HOW did it work?  I believe the answer I always received was "it comes over the line, moron."  Well, yeah, I get that (and gravity too!) but HOW does it come over the line?  I eventually did grasp the concept of digital information and how it is packaged up in little packets and executed through time and space (well not really) and then goes from one machine to the next and then is printed out.  Well, I mean, I get it in terms of not being able to explain it, I should add!

Is it normal to be concerned about such things?  Because, I've been reading about gravity and falling off the earth and I still can't really say, other than the fact that gravity always pulls from the center of the earth so that no matter which surface you are on you can still stand up, that I completely and totally "get" gravity.

Because seriously, does that REALLY answer the question?  I picture a person on a beach ball, and when that person is glued on (a cheap and easy replacement for gravity), when the ball is upside down, they don't fall off, but they are seriously getting head rushes.  BUT, if it was gravity holding them on and not glue, it just works better.  Huh?

So, there is a force of gravity between any two things, and the earth is the largest mass you deal with, and for everything that is smaller the force of gravity is less. (Like you versus everything else on earth.)

No, I don't really GET it either, I just get it.  Moron.

Queen. Mother. Freedom...

We were having dinner last night and some how my blog came up and Maddie commented that there were times that I was "out of line."

I asked her to clarify and she said, "well, for example, you just did one on the swine flu and you are lucky that the government doesn't go after you or something."

Why is that, I wonder.  Do they instill that fear somewhere along the line to our children, that if you express your opinion you can get in trouble for it?  

Is it true?  What about the fact that I was right?  This swine flu is really winding down as a big ole crash and burn pandemic -- though just in case you feel safe enough to sleep at night, they do remind you that it could mutate into something even WORSE.  (And as long as you keep it in context, even worse than no big deal comes out to a little bit bigger no big deal.)

But why is my daughter saying the government is going to come after me?  Has she not been following the news (well, filtering it I should say, since you can't take it at first-glance), because if she was she would realize that Obama has not been interested in turning this into a REALLY BIG DEAL either.  He's done as little as he can in regards to commenting on it, because everything does need to be addressed, but he has taken a wait and see attitude since the beginning.

What are the consequences of expressing your opinions (popular or otherwise) on a public forum?  I read some blogs where the commentary is just downright mouth-dropping off the charts, I mean, mine is G-Rated times ten compared to some of them, so it interests me that my own daughter thinks that my opinion, which is always strong and as far as I'm concerned, fairly well-informed, could pose a danger to me.  

Well, could it?

There was the incident of the school reading my blog and indicating that my words could be used against me in regards to harming my child, and there are times that I wish that I had let that blow up into a big ole mess, because I feel VERY strongly that I have every right to express my opinion in any forum that I wish.

But there is one thing I've learned over the course of keeping "principals" alive and "rights" in line, is that for the most part, the majority of people would rather just do nothing, so you're pretty much always going to be on your own, and how much of your life do you want to devote to issues that are mired in negativity?  I think that at this point in my life I have definitely concluded that "fighting" anything isn't the way to approach any possible solution.  But the fine line is that the fire inside is stoked by brash violations of our rights -- big or small -- and it is the anger and the sense of injustice that flames the cause.

So at what point can you take a fire you need to burn big and scary and turn it into something safe and warm?

I have no answers for this; it is something that I have lived with my entire life.  From the days of being a child and being told by my parents that "you can't change anything," to the realization as an adult that if I had JUST played the game, things would have been a lot easier.  (And then I instantly get sick at the thought that if I had become complacent and just stood in line naked on my march to the gas chamber: I'd just be dead.)

So I am constantly at odds with myself, one moment I am ready to jump upon my steed and rush into the center of battle and yet (when I turn around and realize that the mass crowd that started with me has now retreated) there is a part of me that is always wondering what other means there is to an end.  It's hard.

It's like I was designed to be the leader of a cause, and deep-rooted in my DNA are all these signals and deep-rooted motivations to make true change, and yet ... there really isn't any one big cause great enough worth unleashing it for.  It's like I am a souped-up race car stuck in a small track at an amusement park -- I could jump the car off the track, it's not that restrictive, but then what?

So I occasionally rev the engine and look around, and realize that despite the fact that I am equipped with all this power, there really is nowhere to go.

It's MADDENING I tell ya!

When I was in Sedona, I did this thing called journey work, and while in a deep, almost hypnotic state, I was asked to describe myself in one word.  She asked me three times, and these are the words that I said:

Queen

Mother

Freedom

So, if those are the things that I am, what does that mean?

It means something, and I guess it is my job to figure that out.

So Maddie, I apologize for concerning you via my words, but as you can see, I originate from three very strong words -- all of which mean big, big things.

A Queen is a leader, a mother is all-knowing and freedom is something not one of us should take lightly.

I know I don't.