There is a strong pull from deep within me that wants to be someone other than who I am. I don't say that in an existential manner. What I mean is that I want to not be a participant in this consumer-driven society. I want to live in harmony with the planet and reap true benefits. Not drive up credit card bills.I am actually not a shopper, but like anyone, I like new things. I don't shop as sport and I could care less about a bargain. If I need something, then I buy it as soon as it is in front of me. And online shopping is my greatest guilty pleasure, if you will. But the possibility of having little to no impact on the planet appeals to me more than a new pair of shoes. It appeals to me a lot.
I thoroughly enjoyed watching the documentary, No Impact Man, which is about a New York city-based family that goes without eating in restaurants, eating anything that doesn't come from the local farmer's market in fact, eventually they do without electricity and they ride no public transportation, etc. Now the wife, Michele Conlin, goes to work everyday where there is electricity, ice and so on, but ultimately in the end she has no desire to return to her caffeine addiction or even to have TV in the apartment. What she finds is that the great sacrifices brought her to a new realization that if you are seeking something, you can probably find it right in front of you.
I like that message. I believe in it. And I haven't, always.
I am currently reading this book
and I have been devouring it like I would a juicy novel. It is full of scientific mumbo jumbo that for some reason I can understand as though it is comprehensible. Which I guess ultimately it shouldn't be, but like I said, it is. I think this is because I have always had this feeling, this knowing if you will, that the big shit was going to hit the fan, and to have it spelled out for me is more comforting than discouraging.One thing I found that resonated with me was that it is almost dangerous when people recycle and grow their own food, because it almost gives them a moral justification to carry on their not-so-less impactful ways without any guilt. I agreed with that except for the part that I do have guilt. I hate driving in the huge SUV and that my big huge house is completely energy-UN-efficient. And I don't feel as though I am helping any of that with the guilt-free light bulbs or turning off things that don't need to be on. And having a small garden makes me feel as though I should do more -- grow more and can more and be more self-sufficient.
What is hard to battle is the self-loathing that I don't do more. That even though I KNOW there are so many more things I could do to lessen my carbon footpath, I do not. And the reason why is that I too, am in the state of denial that the majority of humanity suffers from, though I try to fight it.
As I rode in the boat last night with a beautiful sky above me and the planet around me seeming to be about as perfect as it could get, I thought, as I've thought many times before, what comes next? When (if?) this Great Disruption takes place, what happens to all the gasoline powered boats? Will such frivolous things as pleasure boats be discontinued due to the fact that they are not necessary? Or will that pleasure continue as technology closes the gap and the gasoline engines are converted to electric in those very same boats? I don't know.
And then I thought, really? This is where your thought process goes when the essential fabric of our society is going to be torn to shreds? What is going to happen to the pleasure boats? It is like a running battle inside my head ... what is going to happen, and damn, what a beautiful night. I think it is healthier to be in the moment -- to breathe in deeply and take in the magnificence of the planet. But it's also just naive to forget that it is in jeopardy.
This is just a new take on Peak Oil and all the disaster that brings with it, but the headliner in this book is climate change. Are they one and the same? Is peak oil not just a symptom of the bigger problem of a consumer-based society? And the consumer-based society that is eating up its resources at an alarming rate with no intent to stop is also looking at all the crazy weather-related disasters as oh well, whatchya gonna do?
Does Paul Gilding, who claims everything he states in this book is based on scientific fact, really right? Do I have any faith in scientists when I don't in doctors? Or do I have faith in certain scientists, certain doctors? Who am I to judge? Who am I at all?
I've said this before, and I will say this again. It is a question that has haunted me since I was a small child. I would ask, to no one in particular, but as I have grown (I don't want to be as egotistical as to use the word evolved) through the decades, I believe I was speaking to someone for sure, the question WHY AM I HERE?
And I would get no answer. And as I have lived my life I have examined my certain talents and wondered if I was squandering them, but in the end, I don't think I was put on this earth to write novels or run an organic restaurant or even have a successful blog. All of these things are certainly attainable, but if they were meant to be, then I certainly would have done it. Right? I'm not lazy, which has always made me curious that I wasn't highly successful at one endeavor or another. And yet, I AM highly successful in the fact that I have raised three wonderful children and believe that I have instilled in them a certain value system that will bode them well in the upcoming future. And most of the time I truly believe that my barometer of success (outside the world's barometer of success being where you are in your career and how much money you make) is the right one.
It's not that difficult being me, believe me. The level of success I have reached in living a full life, with amazing traveling opportunities and acquisition of material things to the degree that I have is certainly enviable. And that I say and just shake my head, because that is the stuff that DOESN'T MATTER AT ALL! What is really successful is a 25-plus year marriage and three amazing, respectful, smart, dedicated and brilliant children~! So why didn't I put that first? Because society doesn't dictate that as success. Show me the money.
Well, fuck you, society. Humanity. And anyone else that believes that a BMW trumps my Jeep. It's all just metal on wheels and it's all emitting dangerous gasses into our stressed ecosystem and we're all going to be deep in the shit and well you know what? That just excites the hell out of me.
Why? Because THAT is why I am here. To what level, to what end, I have no idea. That is just the beginning of the excitement. Because all of it -- the material stuff -- you can take away, as long as you leave me with what is important, and that is my family. And it will be my job to show them the way. It already is, but they aren't ready to listen. And that is fine.
I am not even going to share what I have learned through my reading, because no one wants to hear it. And I don't blame you, it is scary shit. But I will leave you with this to ponder. Right now, as a society we are using 1.4 planets worth of resources. If we continue on with a growth-based economy (and remember, you are only going to vote for Obama if he promises more growth) in 2050 we will need four planets to sustain that type of growth.
I fully intend to be here in 2050, and it is pretty plain to see that since we only have this one planet, something WILL happen, some adjustment, some Great Disruption ... and if you believe Gilding, and I do, it already has started.
I'm ready for whatever comes. Are you? (Keep in mind, I've always loved scary rides.)
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