What is it about public bathrooms and the inconsistency of what you will find? Tonight we went to Hanover to see a movie and then out to dinner. At the movie theatre bathroom I really, really had to go. The movie was fabulous and not for one second was I going to run out and miss anything just to take care of business.
So by the time I was third deep in line waiting for my turn at the toilet, I was hopping up and down. Gritting my teeth. Groaning inside. Hoping I hadn't developed a weak bladder all of a sudden.
At last! My turn. I flew into the stall, figured out how to latch the door and then looked for the hook to hang my pocketbook. Oh, there were the holes where the hooks should be, how nice. At least I knew not to look further. I managed to loop the strap of my pocketbook in the narrow space between the door and the wall and then I hopped up and down a few more times and went to the next step of my public bathroom routine, which is wiping off the seat.
I don't hover.
I have had far too many episodes in the past where it resulted in wet items of clothing. I'd rather wipe off the seat and take my chances, thank you very much. But this particular role of toilet paper was like so many you encounter in the stalls: feather thin and weak, so when you tugged it, it ripped. And then you have to spin the roll around a few times to find the end again, all the while about ready to pass out -- because it's a matter of so close, so close and yet so far.
Okay, so then the entire time you are relieving yourself, instead of basking in the moment of glory, it's all about wrestling with that stupid role of toilet paper. I swear to gawd, I am nixing the chic small purse and hauling around a carpet bag with my own toilet paper and a box of Depends so that I won't have to run into these monumental horror shows.
OK. That's one down, off we go to dinner, and yet another stall of mystery. This one again had no place to hang my pocketbook. How difficult is this? How many women do you know that DO NOT have a pocketbook? This is not rocket science, this is pee-ology. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! And there were the two holes, MOCKING ME, and the entire time instead of fighting with the toilet paper, because wonders of all joy this toilet paper gave out, no problem, I sat there and stared at the two holes and tried to determine if there was ever a hook there, or if it is actually just astronomically cheaper to purchase bathroom stall doors without hooks.
Whatever.
So this bathroom was very, very small, and when I squished into the small area by the sink, I noticed that the paper towel dispenser was really high, at the same level as my head, and that hanging down was a long strip of paper towels. After I washed my hands, I leaned down to rip off a small piece at the bottom, because I certainly didn't need 5 feet of towel to do the job. And my movement caused the automatic thingy to shoot out more paper towel. And my next movement to avoid any movement caused even more to shoot out.
I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head. Seriously?
No hooks, stingy toilet paper, tons of toilet paper, an abundance of paper towels whereas at the first bathroom I had to wave my hand three times in front of the red dot to get even four inches of paper to wipe my wet hands.
And men wonder why it takes you forever! Oh, to walk in, unzip, do it and zip up.
How hard is that?
Hell, just give me a clean toilet and a hook above it and I'll forego the stall experience. I just wanna pee for crying out loud!
***
So we went to see the movie Gran Torino -- which was FABULOUS. Oh, Clint Eastwood is just beyond amazing and I can't think of one single negative comment to make about it. I enjoyed every second of it -- despite the fact that we were in the third row from the front! Yikes.
We also went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button not too long ago, and that too was just fabulous. These character-driven movies are such a refreshing departure from the action-packed, bang, bang, end of the world, screaming and yelling and guns, car crashes, guns, car crashes and more guns movies that have been so prevalent the past few years.
I just love to come out of a movie and discuss the plot, and how it tied together, and the subtle messages and how it evoked this emotion or that one. Movies with intelligent plots and story lines.
Now, can I just get me a hook on the back of my stall?
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