The helmet decision

(The big box in the goggles is the reflection of the computer screen and I am too lazy to take a picture with my camera!)

Anyway.  This morning I went skiing for the first day of the year with Maddie, who had already gone two days in a row.  Anyone who skis knows that the first day can be brutal.  Everything feels wrong, your boots hurt, your clothes feel confining and there is pain involved on all fronts.

I expected this, and the first run did not disappoint.  My legs were screaming, my feet were aching and felt as though someone was driving small nails through them and I couldn't adjust my hat/neck warmer and goggles properly so that I wasn't getting cold air on exposed skin.  In a nutshell, the first run pretty much sucked despite the amazing snow conditions.

Maddie kept telling me that I had to unbuckle my boots.  But no.  I have been skiing for ::::cough cough:::: forty something years :::::::good lord:::::::: and if I know anything it's that once you buckle the boots, you don't go up or down playing with adjustments because it won't work.  Can ruin your whole day.  So I gutted through it.

By the third run things were clicking into place.  I started to realize that we had the WHOLE trail to ourselves, the whole darned corduroy trail with patches of blue sky and the unfrozen lake in our view.  Hello!  Heaven on earth.  And my feet had gone from crazy painful to a moderate ache.  And for some reason my legs weren't burning any more.  I, well, I felt good!  And I was going for it, keeping up with Maddie with no problem.  She was a little ahead of me and I saw her go to the far edge to do a tight turn, and I realized that there was very little between the woods and the trail -- maybe five inches of snow.  Not much of a buffer.   As I reached the spot I peered into the woods and shuddered a bit ... wouldn't want to lose control now -- and fly into the woods towards a sure death.

The helmet discussion has come up before, as year after year passes and everyone we know has succumbed to the brain buckets.  For me, it has always been a question of freedom.   I don't want to wear something on my head that is going to confine me -- feel heavy and cumbersome and cramp my style.  So I've always just insisted I would never wear a helmet, live free or die.

But today the die part kept popping into my head a little more than the live part!  I was flying.  This has definitely niggled in the back of my head in years past, as I've been flying down a trail and caught an edge, and corrected it.  And then thought, wow, that would have been bad.  I don't have to ski fast, and there are times when I slow way down and don't even think about it.  But today, I was skiing with a racer, and they ski fast.

And it feels good.

And this was my first day.  

If my legs can stand some pretty strenuous runs the first time out, it's pretty unlikely that I will slow down in the days, weeks and months to come.  It is ski season.

And I ski.

A lot.

So Peter and I had some errands to run and I told him I wanted to check out helmets.  He was shocked.  He kept pointing out how adamant I have been against them for the past however many years, and I said yes, I understand, but people can change their minds.

And they aren't heavy at all.  In fact, I think it weighs as much as my hat does!  I put the first one on that caught my fancy (pink of course!) and it fit snugly, warmly, and well, it felt right.  I turned to Peter and he laughed.  I asked him, does it look that bad?

He said no, but it's just weird to see you in a helmet.  

Well, for heaven's sake, get over it.  My mind was made up.  I tried a few others on, but this helmet and I had already bonded.  

Peter still couldn't believe it.  He thought we were just LOOKING at helmets.  Well, maybe we were, but I'd found one that felt good, why wait?  So then we had to find him a helmet as well.  Because he claimed that he has always known that it was safer to use helmets.  (He just wanted to be unsafe with me I guess!)

So there you have it.  It wasn't much of a decision at all.  It was just time.  And in the spring, when the sun is shining, I will most definitely NOT wear a helmet and fly down the trails with my hair trailing behind me.  Because THAT is the true definition of freedom.

But the snow is always mushy and you go way slower and it's more like plowing than flying!  And your legs are in shape.

And did I mention it was pink?

Dying for a good cause

The 34-year-old worker who died Friday morning after opening up the doors to the Long Island-based Wal-Mart store and being trampled was a beautiful, sacrificial death.

How wonderful that there are American citizens willing to give up their lives so that others may shop for great deals.  It brings a tear to my eye.  And even more intense was when it became apparent that this person -- this suicidal door opener -- had indeed succumbed to his death, shoppers continued to pour in and ignored what was on the floor before them.

At least we now have another job description for Wal-Mart workers, along with greeter, cashier, etc.  Suicidal door-openers.  You gotta love America, the land of opportunity.

As a firm believer in karma, I have no doubt that those who stepped upon this man will suffer for their disgusting behavior.  Perhaps they will became agoraphobic and forced to watch their newly-purchased flat screen televisions for the rest of their lives.  I don't know, but it chills me to the bone to think that some crappy STUFF was more important than a man's life to these disgusting consumer junkies.

It makes me sick.

If you save $100 by staying in line for hours and getting various discounts, does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?  Could your child have ONE less toy apiece and let you go shop during normal hours when the doors aren't clogged by savages?

It truly was a Black Friday, but I suspect that Wal-Mart will continue the tradition in the years to come.  Because they know what is important:  Providing the CRAP to the consumers at a reduced rate.  It's really all there is.

I am thankful that I care more about human beings than I do about stuff.  Today, yesterday and forever.

To disappoint or not to disappoint, that is the question

I think one of the hardest things for me to do is watch people make the same mistakes over and over.

So many people get caught up in their dramas -- and they repeat the same things that make them miserable time and again -- because those dramas are safe.

One thing I have noticed with being raw is that I don't hold on to anger long -- I have so much more clarity as to what makes people tick, that instead of personalizing it, I compartmentalize all the aspects of it -- then look at each one separately and see how they form the whole. (The whole drama that is!)

I think more than angry though, it just makes me very sad. And it is my own problem that I believe that people can change -- or want to change enough to institute that change.

So I have to learn how to not let other people's actions affect me! Which is one tall order, because life is made up of relationships and imperfections and personalities and situations.

The key is to just let it go. See things as they are and then move on.

Yesterday Charlie was in rare form. That translates into he was being the biggest jerk on the planet. Rude, obnoxious, nasty ... he felt toxic. I wanted nothing to do with him -- and of course he knew that, so he started pushing buttons. In most cases he hits dead buttons -- I have long since figured him out, but there are times when I'm not prepared. And that would be after a long stretch of him being nothing but sweet, helpful and easy to get along with. I can't remember the last time he was the biggest jerk on the planet -- so -- I guess a part of me had forgotten that he can indeed be just that.

I didn't engage when he started mouthing off. I ignored him when he said he wasn't going to go shopping with me (a pre-planned event that he was trying to get out of at the last minute) but when I was driving out of the driveway and he came running after me, and then acted like he was going to slam the car window and then swore at me, I felt like killing him.

A deep primal urge to smash his head against the pavement, or even better, drive over him.

It's not like I had to keep myself from doing either of those things. I wasn't shaking with anger or had my foot poised over the gas pedal. But it's just so sad that I even have such thoughts. That he can evoke such anger out of me.

But why am I surprised? He's done it a million times before.

Because I am always (stupidly it seems) hopeful that the change he has exhibited for months and months has taken permanent hold and that he is no longer capable of being such a ... a... creep.

People will always disappoint you. You just have to figure out how to handle it in such a way that their actions remain just that ... THEIRS! Or even better, not to have it touch you so that you have to use words like disappoint.

For example. If I had just taken a few minutes when Charlie started acting "off," to examine the situation, I probably could have avoided it altogether. First, he was probably feeling a little overwhelmed at the thought of preparing Thanksgiving dinner for everyone. He is, after all, only 13 and that's a big job for anyone. Now obviously I'm not going to abandon him alone in the kitchen, but he doesn't think that way.

Then to top that off, he received some very disappointing news that if again, I had taken the time, I would have realized I should have explained it to him more thoroughly and tried to make him feel better about things. I forget sometimes that things affect him deeply.

But after careful thought I have concluded that I too, am only human and obviously must participate in some dramas of my own.   And the truth is, that people do TRY, and Charlie is a good example of someone who is definitely improving with age.

Hopefully I will to :)

This is where it will end

Just strap on the feed bag.

AhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I've discovered it.  I have!

Discovered what?

Well, the meaning of life of course!

As I watched this movie today, so completely and utterly drawn in, I had to ask myself, what IS it about the Twilight books, the movie, that I find so compelling?

I like Bella of course because she is her own person.  She doesn't care about being in the in crowd, she doesn't care what people think of her or what she wears or what she looks like.  In fact, she thinks she isn't that special at all and assumes that is how everyone else sees her.

She is unassuming.

I am not like her at all, really, but I certainly relate to her on a certain level.

And then there is ... Edward.

He is the ultimate ... ULTIMATE ... bad guy.  I've always been attracted to "that guy" -- the one you don't want to bring home to meet Daddy.  Perhaps all women are, I don't know.  But Edward stands for Every Girl's dream, and he has manners to boot.  If he loves you, he won't kill you.  Gotta love that.

Star-crossed lovers are always good fodder for romance novels and movies because ultimately you want to see the near impossible happen.  I can recall when my daughter watched Pretty Woman like everyday for years.  Hey, I liked the movie and I liked looking at Richard Gere, but not everyday.  But I got it, because it is the ultimate Cinderella story and we all want that -- to be swept off our feet and told that we are loved despite who we are.

Bella and Edward are so endearing to our psyches because they are such polar opposites -- and yet, the attraction, despite its impossibility -- is what drives us to root for them.  Because the ultimate message is, if you love someone and they love you, then he can resist sucking your blood and you can forgive him for being a 300 year old monster vampire.  It's really that simple.

And brings us back to the meaning of life. 

Which is love.

That's all we want.

But we want impossible love -- we want love that defies all common sense and possibility.  We want it, because love is like a drug -- once you taste it, you want more and more and more. 

So what is wrong with that?

The power of chocolate

So.  I made this raw chocolate out of cacoa nibs, coconut oil and agave -- which is the basis of all raw chocolate, including the above which you can purchase -- but why bother, because it is a piece of cake (no chocolate!) to make.

The first day I couldn't stop eating it.  I mean, this stuff is crazy.  

And I didn't sleep for three days.

I am very sensitive to caffeine, and I have no idea what the caffeine content is in raw cacoa, but it must be mad crazy, because I was zinging for hours.  So I had some at 7 this morning, thinking I'd be safe. (I looked it up and it says that raw chocolate contains very little caffeine.  So I react to something else then!  Cuz I wasn't dreaming I wasn't sleeping!)

But wowsa!  I am so hyped up -- so, so ... HAPPY!  I mean seriously, I can't keep my lips from turning upwards into a smile.  It's kind of weird.  In a good sort of way.

And I can't keep still!  I have to DO something.

Anyway, the thing is, chocolate is good for you.  At least THIS chocolate is.  We're not talking Three Musketeers bars here, we're talking raw chocolate fresh from the nut.

The nut?

Yes, chocolate comes from a nut, which grows on a tree.  A very odd tree.  And another cool thing about chocolate is that it is ALWAYS in season.  There is no chocolate nut season, the nuts grow all year long.  The theory for this is that we NEED chocolate all the time!

I am hip with that.

So money doesn't grow on trees -- but chocolate does!  Life is good.

This is the tree and the nuts are inside the fruit (pods).  These trees grow in tropical rainforests in South America, Malaysia and Africa.

these are the nuts.

The cacoa pods take five to six months to ripen.  On a typical plantation the pod is cut open with a machete and the beans are removed (there are approximately 45 beans per pod).  The beans are then covered with banana leaves and left to ferment for five days, which reduces the bitterness and enhances the chocolate flavor.  Then they are left to dry in the sun ... and that's it!  Then they are sent off to cacoa buyers and processors.

ALL chocolate is made from these beans.  But the chocolate bars that you buy, for the most part, contain not one iota of the cacoa bean.   Unless you indulge in real chocolate, you are not receiving any of the following benefits:

Raw cacoa has the highest anti-oxidant properties of ANY food in the world!    It has anti-aging and anti-inflammatory properties, it is a good source of magnesium, sulphur, calcium, iron, zinc, copper, potassium, manganese and some B vitamins.

 

Sulfur helps build strong hair and nails, promotes healthy and beautiful skin, helps detoxify the liver and helps healthy functioning of the pancreas.

I could go on ... but the bottom line is, it's a superfood.  Now ... you can find information out there that chocolate is a toxic and dangerous substance and that it will do harmful things to your body and become addictive.  But I've only found one source claiming this and countless others touting the wonders and joy of chocolate.

Since I have been experiencing the mood-lifting benefits of the crazy cacoa wonder all morning, I am less inclined to believe that it is bad for me.  I do know that if I eat too much of it or too late in the day I won't sleep.  There is no argument from me that it is a stimulant.  But what is wrong with feeling fabulous every now and again?  As for addictive ... well.  I can choose not to eat it and have since those sleepless nights!

But it sure does taste good.

Here is a raw fudge recipe that is super easy and will have you swinging from the chandelier and smiling despite yourself!

Raw Fudge

1/2 cup raw chocolate powder (raw cacoa powder)

1/2 cup raw coconut butter (oil)

1/2 cup raw honey

All of these ingredients can be found at a health food store or in most grocery stores.

Mix all ingredients in a pan (warm it slightly if necessary as the coconut butter/oil will be a solid as will the honey)

Press into a 5X5 container and then chill in the fridge for an hour.

And then ... swoon!

When an obsession becomes a reality!

I think I am officially deranged.

I just bought tickets to see Twilight for Friday.  Like the first packed showing.  

I NEVER do this.

In fact, I am against it!  I think it is foolish -- all things can wait.

Except for this.

And ... I CAN'T wait!