I have really started to hate to fly. I mean, really, really hate it. I have done a lot of traveling in my life and for the most part, have felt that air travel, while often inconvenient, uncomfortable and time consuming, has always been not that big of a deal. But now, now it feels like there is an underlying current there -- something that niggles at the back of my mind that says, they want to make your life miserable.But perhaps that is because that is what they do -- and they do it so well! As someone who just loves, loves, loves Southwest, I don't often complain about flights because they do a great job. They have happy personnel and they strive to get you where you want to go, on time. Such an amazing concept! But Delta -- let me just say this, DELTA SUCKS. My last two miserable trips have been on Delta, and I have nothing good to say. N O T H I N G.
The first leg out of Manchester on our trip to Oklahoma was a fricking nightmare. I am not sure what happened to the plane, but it shrunk -- perhaps it went through one too many rainstorms -- but I could hardly get my bag off my lap and under the seat in front of me. It also didn't help that I couldn't sit with the people I was with. Remember those days when if that happened, and it happens on Delta because they overbook and don't have seats for you to claim when you buy your ticket, the ticket agents would get you together or the passengers themselves would move so you could be with your people. Yeah, that doesn't happen any more. They say NO, I want my window seat. Whatever. Freeze your ass off and I will enjoy watching that. (The window seats on Delta flights are just frigid.)
So that flight totally sucked, and the next one was much better because there was an additional inch or so of leg room in the seats so I could actually get my bag down on the floor. And I got to sit with my people! Geesh. But here's the other thing -- because they charge to check luggage, everyone of course carries on their little (or not so little) bags. So in many cases you have to gate check. But the word must have come down from the top of corporate to ruin these bags -- because my beautiful (hard covered) pink case was totally marred and scarred and my mother's was actually broken. You telling me that the trip from the doorway to the hold of the plane is that bumpy? Yeah, they are purposefully trying to ruin your bag so you will check. One woman's bag was soaking wet. Did they all pee on it? Nothing would surprise me.
They have also managed to create a package small enough to contain six peanuts and 8 pretzels. What type of engineering magic is that? And then again, why bother? It is like a taunt -- haha, hope you're not hungry, because this won't do anything for you, but we're giving it to you to remind you that we suck!! Good strategy.
The flight back home was not total hell -- but only because we managed to foresee what it would be. But there was of course, a good dose of sheer hell involved. Our flight out of Oklahoma was late. It didn't NEED to be late, but the person at the gate was just one person, and he very slowly wheeled three people in wheelchairs onto the plane. He left the door to the ramp that connects to the plane wide open and quite frankly, this upset me because I have to be made to feel like a potential criminal every time I go to fly, but they don't have someone making sure that just anyone doesn't get onto this flight at the fricking gate? They are just so disorganized it is sad.
So we were late because they couldn't get the plane loaded in a timely manner. THEN, after we arrived in Detroit, with everyone looking at their watches over and over as they wondered if it was humanly possible to get to their connecting flights, we stood in that little tuna can in the growing heat and waited. And waited. Finally the pilot comes on and says ummm, sorry, but we have called in to tell them we have arrived, we are just waiting for someone to drive over and connect to the door. Seriously? They just suck! Or do they do it on purpose? I am not sure. Sometimes it is inconceivable that any service industry could be THAT bad. I mean, THAT bad.
Once off the plane, we rushed into the crowded airport to find a bank of screens to see which gate our next flight was leaving from. I am not sure why they make sure that you arrive at one end of the airport and depart from another -- this too must be some masterminded scheme -- but it was flashing BOARDING on our flight, and the gate was of course, a 100 miles away. We started running. Another woman who was also on our flight ran with us. We ran as fast as we could, we had to dodge other people running for other flights. It was crazy. It was insane. I was sweating so much by the time I reached the gate, you could have wrung me out. My hair was drenched. I rushed to the desk and gasped, Manchester flight, has it left?
The woman barely looks at me and says Flight 3811 has been delayed until 12:30. (It is now 10:00.) I flipped out. I try not to let things bother me, but give me a fucking break. I was like OH REALLY, that is SO WEIRD that it was flashing BOARDING on the screens, does anyone think that perhaps the word DELAYED might be employed so that people don't try to kill themselves to rush to a plane that doesn't even exist, much less is being boarded? Do you have a survey that I can fill out so I could give you a couple of hints on being respectful of people? I WAS SO MAD. (They just ignore you. It is a good plan. I mean, pretend the person doesn't exist, it will make them feel oh so much better.)
I stormed to the bathroom, and regrouped. I knew deep within my very soul that there was no plane leaving at 12:30. Why do they lie? Why? I just don't get it. Why do they want to fill the airport with irate people? What are they preparing us for? So we went back to the woman I had yelled at and said we wanted to rebook our flight for the following morning. Well, she liked that. Because now she had three open seats (on a flight that was never leaving of course) and she could hand those out to three people sitting around despondently at the gate. Fine. We got hotel and food vouchers and made phone calls home that we weren't coming home.
Now, that was our story -- we ran, we peed, and then we had this particular agent (I think her name was Trista) became our personal travel agent. I apologized for having yelled at her, and I said, I am not normally like this, but my gawd, it is ridiculous to have people running for no reason. She apologized too and we were all great friends as she rebooked our flights and gave us our free rooms and $12 towards food. Hey, fine. Whatever. But think how ridiculous that was. Because the airport was jam packed with people waiting for flights that were never going to happen, because there were tornadoes and bad storms all over the place. I get the weather, but it is so weird that they never say to you, this flight probably won't happen due to the weather. Instead, they lie and say it is delayed. Why? I have no clue. But why were we newcomers treated with such help while the others were just biding their time? Because that is how it works -- it is just luck. There is no system in place UNTIL a flight is cancelled. Then everyone has to do what we did, but do it in a really big line. Anyway. My experience with Delta lying and then cancelling helped me out. But the real question is, why do I fly Delta? (As of this day on, I never will. N E V E R.)
So. We spend the night in a Quality Inn -- an odd name for it -- and hear true horror stories of people sitting on the runway for two hours starting at 8:00 in the morning ... and we are just happy that we have only been moderately inconvenienced. Oh, and before we even left that part of the airport, they did cancel our flight and tons and tons of people had to go stand in this never-ending line. And the following morning there were people just sitting around hoping to get a flight. We lucked out. Because, as I say, I know Delta sucks! LOL
So. I get one-and-one-half hours of sleep, partially because the hotel is super noisy and partially because I am reading this book, Hunger Games. Which is all about governmental control on steroids, and I highly recommend it. So, I wake up from my short sleep in a sheer panic, knowing that we have to get to the airport earlier than we had planned. I wake up my mother and sister, and we are standing in the hotel lobby in 15 minutes to get on the shuttle (which was packed) to get to the airport a little after 6. Where we come across the biggest lines of security I have EVER seen. As we go through the maze line, I am watching how people are being chosen to go through the metal detector or the body scanning machine. I know I can't go through the body scanning machine, but I also know that I will be chosen for it because I need to make a stand. (It is as though I feel I can control my destiny by intending to go through the metal detector, and yet I know that I HAVE to be chosen for the other.) It was a weird feeling and I kept a close eye on how the guy was choosing who would go to which. And it was quite simple -- if the line got too backed up, he would push four or five people through the metal detector, then he would let the body scanner line get backed up, and then the next wave of people would go through the metal detector. Fuck that.
So we get up there, and my sister is first, and he sends her through the metal detector. Then my mother he says to the body scanner. She goes compliantly. Then he waits a second, sees that there is not that many people behind me, and motions me to go to the body scanner. I say no. My mother gets this worried look on her face (I am sure she thinks I will be arrested) and I say no. Are you opting out, he asks? Yes, whatever you want to call it, I am not getting a good dose of radiation for no better reason than the line is not backed up. He speaks into his walky talky, OPT OUT OPT OUT AT GATE 1, I need a female security officer, and he tells me not to move. Yeah, whatever. My security breachiness has gone up high on the scale now, I get it. But I am not shutting up. My mother says that she doesn't want to do it, and I say then don't. Opt out. But she can't. She does what she is told and even though she WANTS to say no, it is not in her. I again say, why get a good dose of radiation because the line is slow? I say to the guy, my sister gets to walk through the metal detector and yet my mother and I have to get scanned. It is too Sophie's Choice for me. He was like, what does that mean? I said, Sophie's Choice, it is a movie about the holocaust and how this woman had to choose between her two children which one will go to the ovens, and which one will not die that day. He gets this disturbed look on his face (he is young) and he says, it isn't anything like that. I said no? Then why can't I choose to go through the metal detector? I choose to live! He says the scanner isn't going to kill you. I said yes it will. Not today, not tomorrow, but it is an excess of radiation my body doesn't need. At that point, the female security officer shows up, and I walk through the metal detector and I look deeply into the guys eyes until he flinches a bit. And then I give him a big smile and say Have a great Day! The female officer is all business and says which bins are yours? DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING. Fine. Carry it for me. I point out my two bins worth of stuff and my suitcase, and she fumbles around until she has it all, and my sister is FREakING OuT saying her laptop has been stolen. And she is like, what is going on when she realizes I am following this woman. I tell her, I wasn't going through that thing, and she gets all wide-eyed and says you were right behind me! Yep. I was chosen to die.
I am told to put my feet on the two marks (this is also wrong, so of course I make sure my feet do not line up with the feet marks on the rug) and she says do you know what I am going to do? And I said yes, you are going to have sex with me. She grimaces a little, and I say, come on, you are going to touch me all over, we all know that, so get to it. She says I can have a private screening, and I say oh no, I am good. The woman next to me is all freaked out, and I ask her if she opted out. She says what does that mean? I said did you go through the scanner, and she says yes. But she had a cell phone in her pocket and they dragged her to the rug! LOL So she says, what does opt out mean? I tell her that I don't want to go through those machines because of the radiation. That I am sure it is way worse than anyone knows because they are new, and it takes a long time for people to die from radiation so it will be 20, 30, 40 years from now before they link it to these machines. My security officer is listening to me, and the woman is like you are kidding me, I could have just had this done? I said yes, just say you opt out. She thanked me. (I am not sure why people don't realize this. I think there was even a sign somewhere in the line saying you could, but it was small print and not well posted. No, seriously.)
So then my sister and mother come over and stand by me and my sister, who was recovering from thinking her laptop was stolen, was saying that the woman at the screening area was like, so sorry you lost your laptop. And I said, that is bologna, that your stuff is taken from you and sent somewhere and someone can take it and they don't care. And then I say to my woman, who is patting down my bare feet and bare legs (as I am in shorts) I am not talking about you, you were very nice about making sure I had all of my stuff," and she smiles a little and says okay, you're all set. All she did was touch my hair, my back, made me lift my shirt so that she could feel around my waist line, then my legs (my bare legs, I again repeat. BARE legs and feet.) And then that was it. No sex for me!
I also noticed that more people were going through the metal detector than earlier. I wonder if that guy will rent the movie Sophie's Choice!
I was the same person that flew the day before without being a security risk. We need to be treated as the criminals that we ARE NOT. We need to be recognized for not blowing up planes, not treated as though we would. Yeah, yeah, we are all safer because of it. No, you are not. The point of a metal detector is to detect metal. I love the pictures above ... are you telling me that that person would get through with all that metal? No, they would not.
This is about compliancy. Begin it on any level that you can -- make people learn to comply. Take a service industry, and treat people like crap and they keep coming back because they have no choice.
Or do they?
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