Do you see the brown-haired woman in the middle in the white shirt? Let me tell you about this woman. While vacationing on Martha's Vineyard the past few weeks, one night we decided to partake, along with a couple hundred other people, in a beautiful Menemsha sunset. As we approached, I began to intend for "a perfect parking spot." Yes, this does work. Almost always. As we approached the parked lot, there were dozens of cars milling about looking for a spot. I saw a van with all the doors open, and we stopped and asked them if they were leaving. The man said yes, but it might be a little while as he was trying to get everyone packed in. No problem. I maneuvered the car so that it was out of the way of other cars trolling around looking for a spot, and waited. Then this woman (the one I pointed out above) came from the van and said to us "it looks like we're not leaving after all." I was like, what? Now.
It was quite possible that it was the truth because why exactly WOULD you leave a prime parking spot on a beach that was about to experience a fantastic sunset. Then she walked back towards the van and did not get in, but instead sort of went behind it like she was going to sit down on the beach. It was that movement that made me realize I was wasting my time waiting for them to leave. So we pulled away and inched back into the line of cars looking for parking spaces. Then we saw the van leave and another car pulled in (of course.) At first we all thought it was the van people who had saved the spot for someone else, and that sort of made sense. But then, when the van passed me, I noticed the woman in the car was NOT the woman who had acted as though she was the "woman of the van." Suddenly I realized what had happened. She had played us!
I said to everyone, "OHMYGOD, that evil bitch just said that and stole the parking spot. That was her waving in the other car ... the car that SHE CAME IN." Peter likes to believe all people are nice, and he said he thought I was mistaken. I bee-lined back there and sure enough, there was that woman walking with another woman towards the lobster place. I gave her an evil growly "I can't believe what type of person you are," and she just stared ahead and totally ignored me. I was totally blown away. It took me a while to get over it, literally. We just dumped all of our stuff (chairs and cooler) and Peter took the car off to find a space because I was quite possibly going to drive over the woman (oops, shit happens, right?) and he kinda sorta knows me and was probably worried about that. So I walked over to where she was sitting, as you can see, and snapped her picture. She didn't see me at first, but then it registered that she had a big-assed lense trained right at her. I just gave her the biggest most evil smile I could muster, and turned and walked away. And then I sat in my chair and hexed her. Yes, you can do that.
She is probably bald today. And quite possibly had a very awful bout with food poisoning. I am just saying.
Anyways ... if you are ever in a situation where you are waiting for a spot, and someone walks by you and says they aren't leaving -- get a second opinion -- like from the people actually near the car. Because evil lurks in all sorts of places. Even beautiful beaches.
Speaking of which ...
After all my hexing and questioning the universe why such a thing was dumped on my lap, (and a few quick vodka drinks) I was able to enjoy this. It really was beautiful, despite the number of people. There was even a group who came and set up a long table and like dining room chairs, put on a table cloth and sat there eating their lobster. What was so silly was that they weren't paying any attention to the sunset -- they were far more interested in how clever they were. In a world of one-up-manship, I was happy that I'd managed to abstain from all the fanfare and was quite happy with our cheese and crackers and cocktails. I mean, do you really need anything else when you have this:
No. You do not. And a beautiful ball of gorgeous sun can make all the evil go away.
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