NH Electric Coop is not zapping my funny bone right now

So, for the past month-plus we've had a power line laying across the front lawn, from the pole to the house, so we can get power. The reason for this is because they have to dig a hole, lay in a conduit and then run the power line through that. Clearly it is not something they are anxious to deal with, so they have just left us with a live wire across our yard.

Absolutely, utterly ridiculous.

Charlie is home this morning because he doesn't have school and I was taking pure advantage of this and laying in bed with the sun beating down on me and just chilling. Charlie was outside driving around in his go-cart and the dogs started barking. I figured it was because of Charlie, so I kept yelling at them to stop. But they didn't. So I got up and looked out the window and saw the power truck parked out by the pole on the road. Oh, so are they going to deal with that today? Nice of them to let me know.

I heard them knocking on the door, and what did I do? I went directly to the shower. The way I saw it, if I was losing power, I was going to be clean! I knew they were knocking to let me know, and I knew they were knocking because they knew I was inside because I am sure they heard me yelling at the dogs.

And you know what? I don't care.

Charlie came up and said that he had talked to them and when they found out I was showering, they said they would come back in half an hour. Yes, they do need to turn off the power, and they also want to know if they can take up boards on the front porch (to make it easier for them to get the line to the house.) Charlie called Peter who said no, they would have to dig a hole.

Now, at first I thought this was a tad unreasonable. But it's been over a half-an-hour and I've had nothing but time to think. Charlie said they are going to ask me and Peter said that I need to tell them no. Okay. And here is how it is going to go, as I have been rehearsing it in my mind over and over to be sure to get it right.

"Gentlemen! So nice to see you, it's been a while. I understand that you want to pull up some boards on the porch to make your job easier, and you know, I think that makes a lot of sense. But here's the thing. You left us believing that the power issue we've been experiencing since last summer was our problem, and therefore we endured the daily power surges. So while it might seem unreasonable that you have to get dirty and get under that porch to get the job done, I am going to keep reminding myself that I had to pay $450 to get my dryer fixed, a dryer that was undoubtedly ruined by a power surge -- now now, I understand I can't prove that it was done by this, but I think we all know that is the case.

In addition, for three weeks I had no dryer, and had to haul heavy baskets of wet clothes to the laundromat to dry them. Oh, and we also had to endure countless nights of being awakened when the power went off to the sounds of the fire alarms beeping.

I suppose I could go on, like remember the day there were six of you standing around in my yard for seven hours trying to fix the problem that you knew existed and then you left us with the old line hooked up just so "you" could prove that it truly was the problem? And of course, once again we had to listen to the fire alarms beep at 2:00 in the morning.

This, gentlemen, is what you call karma. Or, a tit for a tat. I have no sympathy for you, and if you like, I will get you a shovel. But unless you intend to hire a carpenter to rip up and then replace the boards on the porch, your only option is to dig a hole. And climb in it. It might not bring back all the sleep I lost, or the money I spent on broken appliances or how many times I had to re-connect my computer to the Internet because the power went off over and over and over and over. But it will be fun to watch. Any further questions or are you ready to fix this problem once and for all?"

What do you think? Too long? And even funnier, they have now been gone for an hour, and Charlie and I are getting ready to leave. Maybe I'll just print this out and tape it to the pole.

With love.