Mind blown across the planet

OHMYGOD.

Like a stupid head I joined the Columbia DVD club a hundred years ago. Actually, I joined it three years ago when we bought a new blu-ray DVD player and there were very few places to rent them at the time.

So, like a super stupid head, I joined thinking I'd go in; get my freebies; buy my commitment's worth and get out, quick and dirty.

Yeah. Because I am super duper stupid head, I am stuck in this hell of a nightmare of a company that has it figured out beyond my wildest dreams.

The only way to cancel is to send a letter. But how do you prove that you sent a letter? Because, you see, they say they never get them. (I guess my next step is a certified letter; but come on, does it have to be this hard?)

So, despite my letters begging them to cancel, I am still a full-fledged member of the Columbia House DVD Club. Kill me now.

Last summer I missed the four-day window they give you to respond to their "director's selection" and therefore received the damn thing in the mail. For the minor cost of $25 I received a DVD that I not only didn't want, but could absolutely NOT do anything about. According to the directions (heaven forbid you ever try to speak to a human being, not going to happen) all you have to do if you don't want a selection, is to write "REFUSED" on it, and put it back in your mailbox. Then, they will accept it, but they won't refund your money. You see, there are NO REFUNDS!!!

Brilliant, huh?

So one of my more important jobs in life is making sure that I respond to the "Director's Selection" in a timely manner so I won't get any &()_#()@&%()#_$*()#P DVD's that I don't want in the mail. Makes my blood boil.

This particular method has been working just fine, when all of a sudden they have figured out how to get around me. They have rendered the "No Thanks, I do not want this selection or any other *()$#_*%()#_*$()#* of your goddamn *(%)_*#($)_*)#($ movies at this time" useless. Now, when I hit that link, it sends me to another box where I am supposed to sign in. Then, when I do so, it takes me directly to supposedly my account page, where it tells me that I don't owe anything. There is no way to navigate around this -- it always takes me back to the sign-in page. Bottom line? It won't let me say no.

So I decided to try to call them. This sends you to voice mail hell, and then they came up with a devious idea: Tell the person, after they have given their account number, to tell you what the 7-digit "directors selection number" is, which is located in the upper right hand corner of your card.

You see, I don't get a card. Oh, they know this. They have it all figured out. It is mind-boggling INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything I do with the club is done online. They can "bill me" online, they can tell me, online, that they are sending me a selection that I don't want online, but I can't cancel online, tell them I don't want it online and since I don't get anything in the mail, I can't cancel in any other way.

Would this drive anyone else bonkers? Is it just me? Am I losing it? Am I typing like a mad woman about a diabolical company for no good reason?

Perhaps. ::::::deep breaths:::::::::

I just tried again. And here's the deal: They sent me on the 22nd a notice that I would receive my selection if I did not respond by the 25th. Their office isn't open after 6:00 p.m. and they do not take calls during weekends. AMAZING?

Is this not illegal????

I will have to do nothing tomorrow but prioritize making this call. And then who knows what will happen? There is no guarantee that I will get any help. I have received no response to my umpteen emails to their "customer service center." HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Better Business Bureau?

Cancel my credit card?

Hire a lawyer????

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.