Computers, food and chickens

Apparently my blog has a new look.  The world just keeps changing I guess!  What is funny is that it sort of ties in with what I was going to talk about, in a kinda sorta way.

So Peter bought a new computer for his office and therefore needed me to transfer all the stuff from the old to the new, etc.  It became quite apparent to me while doing this that the old computer was in great shape and certainly had plenty of life left in it, so I decided to give it to my father.  This would seem like a fairly innocuous gesture (damn, new set-up doesn't do autocorrect!) perhaps I spelled that innocuous word correctly, but anyway, the gifting of this computer would mean that I would have to teach my father to go from a PC to a Mac.  In other words, was I crazy?

I did the transfer of information and the teaching of where it was all located in the new operating system over the weekend with Peter.  It amazed me how little he knew of what he did on a daily basis, and I showed him how to do things faster, more streamlined, and yet, he kept asking questions about things that don't really matter.  Like why was this particular file (an application) where it was.  Honestly, I have been working with computers since the beginning of time (or so it feels sometimes!) and not ONCE have I EVER questioned the location of a file.  It's like if I went into an office building and it just drove me INSANE that the receptionists desk was to my right and not to my left.  (I use any type of analogy I can come up with to try to point out how ridiculous such comments and concerns are, but thus far no one seems to get it!)

I found it interesting the things that bothered Peter.  For example, the original computer I was transferring the files, applications and documents from had been mine.  I have always been quite convincing, both at home and for all the years I worked at the newspaper, that it made the MOST sense for me to get whatever new computer we needed and then I would relinquish my older model to whomever it was actually needed a computer.  Makes sense, right?  No one ever questioned this, including Peter, so whenever he has needed a new one ... well, you get the picture.  I like to have the fastest, newest, biggest and best, and no one else has ever really questioned that! LOL  But he was getting a new fancy schmancy printer/scanner/copier at his office and needed more oomph, and here is the thing ... I didn't need an upgrade myself!  I couldn't have a bigger screen or I would have to go outside to see it, I have plenty of juice for all the applications I need ... I'd hit the top and that last peak just isn't necessary!

So Peter actually got the new computer, but because I used Migration Assistant in transferring files, it also came over on his new computer that I was a User, and an administrative user at that, and well, he doesn't like to see my name in HIS computer!~  He wanted it to be his, and only his.  Fine, I assured him that I would delete my pesky name from his computer, but in the meantime, there were more pressing urgent matters ... like getting a PC and a Mac to get along.  The big new fancy schmancy printer thingamabobby is PC-run, and Peter wants to be able to share files between that and the Mac.

But I am getting ahead of myself.  In the meantime, Peter took his new computer to the office, all set up and ready to go, and I took the older one to my father.  I knew there was going to be a learning curve, so I packed clothes in case I needed to overnight it.  I made myself completely available to him for a full day so that he could ask any questions he wanted and I could help solve the problems he encountered.  Then I left him with tons of sticky notes tacked all over the computer with simple directions and told him to write down any further questions and I would return in a few day's time.

In the meanwhile, Peter asked me to come to his office while the new fancy schmancy thingamabob was being set up in the event the person doing so didn't know how to connect Macs and PC.s  (He didn't.)  But the actual set-up took hours, and I wasn't able to work on connectivity until it was getting late and we still had other things to do, so I said I would figure it out another time because he could still print, scan and copy files from the mac and vice versa using a thumb drive, and really, that isn't the end of the world in the interim.  BUT ... before I left, could I PLEASE do something about my user name being in there, it was DRIVING HIM CRAZY! 

OMG.  Seriously?

So I removed it from all the directories I could find, but you see, these people, and when I use that term I refer to my father and husband, are obsessed with SEEKING OUT THE THINGS THAT DRIVE THEM INSANE.  I just don't get this.  I taught myself how to program computers, I taught myself how to desktop publish, I taught myself how to use PhotoShop, I taught myself how to use Excel, which is no easy feat I might add (to use as a database), certainly not as easy as true programming, and never for a single solitary second, not even a brief, passing millisecond, did it ever occur to me to give a damn about something that didn't keep me from doing what I needed to do.  Never.  So I just don't get it. 

I can address problems and I do my best to solve them.  But those actions are secondary to the fact that I won't be as bothered by these non-essential things as they are!  In fact, the fact that I have come across this issue twice in the same week has left me most curious.  Is it the male brain?

I returned to my father's domicile and addressed the list of questions he had.  They were fairly simple and I spelled it out for him (literally) so he could access the answers at any time.  But there were a few things driving him crazy.  One of them?  MY NAME was in the computer, why was that.  Seriously?  Do people not like my name?  LOL 

Oh.  And there were icons on the dock that he didn't understand.  I tried to explain that when you open an application, it seats an icon on the dock so that you are aware that you have that particular application open.  If it drove him nuts, then he could close it.  I gave him examples, but then the printer icon popped up and he exclaimed SEE, like that one, why is it there?  I calmly explained that it was because he was printing a document.  Will it go away he wanted to know.  Yes, but if not, he could close it.  Why did he have to close it?

You can see that in my head I am screaming WHY THE HELL DOES IT MATTER?  But I calmly and clearly state that he doesn't HAVE to close it, but since it appears to be BOTHERING him, closing it seems the most appropriate thing to do since ignoring it doesn't seem to be an option.

Both my husband and my father are most curious as to why I don't do something with computers as a job, (you know, because I obviously NEED a job since I have so much time to help them!)  And when I was watching the guy set up the thingamabob for Peter, I even gave him a few pointers to make things quicker ... so it's not as though I couldn't.  But I will tell you why.  It is because computers are easy, but it's the PEOPLE I can't deal with!  My brain doesn't seem to work the way others do ... and anything you do with computers is insanely frustrating because sometimes one thing will work perfectly and then the next time you go to do it, it won't.  That isn't logical, but you can't deal with great amounts of information without the knowledge that it will try to beat you down in one way or another.  To me, it is a challenge, but what if I spent my time asking WHY such and such happened?  You just can't.  If you want to know what I am talking about, use any complicated software for even the most simplest of tasks, and then try to do the same thing again using the same method.  There is no guarantee that it will work.  In fact, I bet it won't!  I am not talking about opening and closing files, either.  I will work for hours and hours and hours to solve a problem, build a database, try to format a document (that is hell no matter how you slice it!) and not let any of the things that could push the average person over the edge bother me.  So you can see why the most silliest of things bothering someone seems just ludicrous to me.  Maybe it's because I know too much?  I don't know.  But the bottom line is, I have no patience in explaining the same things over and over and over only to have someone ask me why my name is in the computer.  Huh?

But having spent a full week doing computer-related things, I did realize I enjoy it.  Not the people part, no way no how, but trying to figure out how to get Mac and PC to play is fun and challenging because I don't think anyone really knows for sure!  Oh yes, there are directions on how to do this and do that, but that doesn't mean it will work.  Very often you will have to do the opposite of the directions.  But I get that.  It's always been that way with computers.  They are illogically logical.  Or at least software is.  And I started to think, is it because when programmers are writing code, they do what I used to do, and copy and paste large chunks of already written code and then modify that to do what you wanted it to do.  Because that makes sense, in an illogically logical type of way, that software is so much more complicated than it has to be, and it would make sense if it was trying to do something to a certain point, then it runs into another piece of code that sends it off in another direction.  I was never sure which parts to get rid of (and since it worked, why bother) but think about this happening to a huge degree.  Well, obviously most people don't even know what the hell I am talking about, and a computer programmer would say she has no idea what she is talking about ... yeah, whatever.  And therein lies the problem.  LOL

So as I was thinking about what it would be that I could do that would incorporate my interest in computer-related things, I went to Trader Joe's to buy food and the check-out woman was talking to another employee about the raw food diet.  She looked at me and said, I know, you have no idea what I am talking about, and I said, actually, I do.  And she tried to catch me up on it, asking if I had a juicer (yes) and then she said, well, my excalibur is on order.  And I said I have one, don't use it very much, but my favorite recipes are kale and onion bread.  Oh, she said, you really do know what you are talking about.  (Why would I lie?)  I explained that I had taken a very expensive course on it, but had concluded that while I could find a lot of benefits to it, ultimately I had determined that eating an almost strict organic diet (she had noted that everything I had bought was organic) of lean meats and vegetables and fruits, no processed foods and now no wheat was where I was at now.  At this point she had called the other employee over and they were both asking me questions.  The other person behind me in line also started asking things, and there was nothing they asked that I didn't know about.  You should be teaching about this stuff, the woman told me, and it just cracked me up.  I do NOT WANT TO BE A TEACHER!  I have no patience for people not getting it immediately, and while I had no problem answering all of their questions, what would drive me nuts if I was supposedly teaching and advising them would be the fact that they would continue on with their normal eating patterns no matter what I said.

I don't want a job, so afterwards, as I was driving, I pondered exactly what the universe was trying to say.  I still don't know, but it was a very clear message in that I got it, and when you have that feeling of knowing, it definitely means something.

Right now it is about chickens ... I feel strongly that this is going to be a lesson I need to learn, whatever it is and for whatever reason.  And maybe somehow all these things will tie together in a much more coherent manner than it is now.  But the only thing I know for sure is that I have no control.  Oh, and that having my name on this computer doesn't bother me one bit!!!

The period has not ended the sentence!

Shall we have a little chat about menopause?  Or peri-menopause, that lovely term that is supposed to encompass all a woman goes through until the day she has entered menopause forever and a day.

I was lucky for the majority of my adult life in that my period did not run my life -- and in my family, that says a lot!  My mother and sister were (are?) heavily affected and often explained many situations due to PMS.  I just didn't have it, and therefore didn't get what they were talking about.  I had what I termed "change of season" periods, where I got a small glimpse into the PMS world ... but they were so infrequent that I hardly paid attention to them other than to come out on the other side and think, wow, I think I was actually depressed!

Once I started to experience symptoms of peri-menopause, my first thought was that I would gut it out, take nothing and get to the other side with a minimum of pain and suffering.  What I didn't expect was the sheer exhaustion that overtook me.  I am not a napper, and the ONLY time I had ever become so tired I could hardly make it to the couch, was when I was pregnant.  So that made sense, a hormonal oversurge was coursing through me, and my body was mimicking being pregnant.  Fine.  Except I wasn't, and there was no way I was going to hit the couch everyday!  There was that, and I literally felt as though my uterus was falling out.  I think this can actually happen, but everything felt all wrong "down there," and I didn't like it.  So I was suddenly faced with two issues that I didn't feel prepared to live with, and I started doing research.  I had narrowed it down to a holistic clinic in Massachusetts, when I came across an over-the-counter all natural remedy that was cheap and it seemed worth my while to try.   So I did.  It was about two weeks before I noticed I was back to myself.  Or the new self that I am, because as women we don't really ever have a touch stone of "self" to return to, because our lives and our bodies and our minds are constantly changing.  Constantly.

So that has been at least a year or so that all has been good -- I take my little green pills three times a day (religiously I must add!) and I use a variety of supplements that are all known to help, like maca powder and flax, and I throw in hemp seed, chia, green powders and the like as well.  I do not experience hot flashes EXCEPT when I am about to get my period.  And then they are fairly benign, more of an introduction to a hot flash ... I can feel the things friends talk about begin to happen, then it dissipates.  I do, however, have one day before my period where that exhaustion thing kicks in and I have given up fighting it, because it just prolongs it, and I just kind of do nothing until it passes.  But that is what prompted this blog today ... one because I think as women we need to be talking about it because it is such a minefield of choices, we need to share our stories.  And two, because my period, which has been irregular for a long time, but had seemed to find a pattern of regular irregular, seems to be shifting into a new pattern of regular irregular!  I went 34 days since my last period, and yet I expected it to come about 12 days prior to that, and actually experienced symptoms.  But no period.

So I actually grew excited that maybe this was it!  Maybe I had crossed over to the other side and I was going to be free!!!!!

Yeah, no.

So I pulled out my calendar and realized that two months ago the same thing happened ... a huge span of at least ten extra days, and so I guess the new regular irregular is all over the map!  In December it was 26 days (between periods) in January it was 33, in February it was 20, in March, 25 and in April, 34.   (In case the universe cares or is listening, I am all for the 34 days thing ... the 20 is tough, kind of like having your period all the time!)

So I wanted to see if there was some way I could regulate irregular periods, and the first thing I read was that irregular periods can affect women between three and TEN years.  And all of the things I could do to treat the problem, I am already doing.  It is due to rising and falling progesterone and estrogen levels.  Blah blah blah.

So, no party to celebrate the passing of this cycle that is really at this point, just a pain in the butt.  (Well, I guess not the butt) and I suppose I should just be happy that it came with no warning, and I am not the least bit exhausted ... so that is a plus, right?

What is really amazing is that this is still something a woman comes into with very little knowledge and wisdom from others.  My mother went on hormone replacement therapy and while it delayed her symptoms for a decade, once she went off of them when they were deemed unsafe, she was left with one confused body.  I personally have to believe that it is a natural part of a woman's life ... and have gone along with that for years, as I have been reading about it all along.  But when certain symptoms hit you that are untenable to live with ... suddenly you panic and think that there is no way you can spend the rest of your life feeling like this.  Sure, it is an over-reaction to a perhaps temporary issue ... but I still think the majority of us are hit with this thinking that it is OUR problem alone.

And it's not.

I know how eager you must be to have this all cleared up and please know that I am happy to assist you further.

I know how eager you must be to have this all cleared up and please know that I am happy to assist you further.

This is what I kept getting from the Apple Store.  Ya think?  What I think is so funny is that **I** have to provide all the information in order for them to do anything, when in this case I am trying to BUY something, but it isn't working!  And I keep getting the above line, and then a request for more information.  Which galls me because in this information age I know they have every scrap and morsel of information they need, but this is a stalling tactic.  But don't pretend you are happy to assist me when your first line of defense is to respond that you are happy to help me but you want me to provide you with MORE information ... THAT YOU ALREADY HAVE!

This has generated over eight emails.  All beginning with the above line.  I am grinding my teeth.  My eyes have rolled so far back in their sockets, they hurt.

I am EAGER to hurt someone right now.  Will anyone be happy to assist me in THAT endeavor?!!!!

Oh what a beautiful morning

Ahhhh, there really isn't anything better than blue skies, sunshine and a gentle breeze streaming through the house to put you in a good mood!  Yesterday it was in the high eighties here -- a season where it is almost always cold and rainy and gray.  So even though this wacky weather is a bit concerning, I have to admit if global warming means we get less winter here in New Hampshire, well, I put that in the plus column!

Also in that column is the ability to get gardens started earlier -- or a longer growing season altogether -- more weeks before black flies infiltrate and just the overall joy of being outside instead of inside holed up and dreaming for warmer climes.

In the negative column is the fact that we need rain.  The lake is as low as I have ever seen it for this time of year (when it is usually the opposite) and the concern that if I do actually plant plants in the garden, it might snow!  I mean, it is mid-April and I am afraid I might be pushing things.  Am I?  It's hard to say.  I went swimming in the lake yesterday.  Oh, I could feel the fact that it recently had ice in it, but still, times they are a'changing, and I guess it is better to be further north as it does.  Our stay in Florida was quite warm, and locals said that it was unseasonably hot there, for that time of year.  Then there are all these crazy storms across the country.

But is this due to global warming or is it just typical weather patterns that are being reported on more frequently?  I mean, Oklahoma gets tornadoes, as do many states in the midwest.  So are there more tornadoes than normal?  I have no idea, since I don't live there.  I can only report on the state of the weather in my own state -- and it is definitely different.  But the ice did go out on the lake this time a hundred years ago (or less) and it was 90 degrees in April another time....and all that time in between the world hasn't come to an end.

As for devastation, since I was a small child I have heard that California is going to fall into the ocean and that states bordering the San Andreas fault could just up and fall into it without warning.  I just couldn't imagine why people would choose to live in these areas!  I didn't even venture to California until only a handful of years ago!  I mean, it's GOING TO FALL INTO THE OCEAN!

Yesterday, when I began this it was in the high seventies.  Due to the fact it was nearly 90 the day before that, every window in the house was open.  Last night I started to close a few as it seemed chilly.  This morning it was FREEZING in the house and the heat was on.  I checked the outside temp and it was 40.  No extreme temperature fluctuations THERE ... unless you count a 50 degree switch in two days extreme!  What is so interesting is how it plays with your brain.  Yesterday I was getting stressed that I haven't planted all of my seeds.  This morning I am worried about all the seedlings I have that are going to eventually have to be planted in the garden ... which suddenly today seems way too early to even be considering!  Geesh.  Two days ago I was refilling the hot tub wondering when I thought I would actually use it, as it was so hot.  This morning I wanted to jump into it because I was freezing!

No one knows if global warming is real.  I guess we'll know they were right when the movie 2012 happens, not that long to wait really.  Of course, California is still there ... but they MIGHT be right.  Or maybe that is what a living planet does to heal itself ... creates weather to shake things up a bit ...  maybe this is all completely normal.  I love extremes -- when we get a blizzard I hope we get stuck on our mountain for days!  That has never actually happened, but I think it would be fun.  I guess I don't want as much snow as certain parts of Alaska received where it buried people in their houses.  At least I don't think so.  Still seems kind of fun.  

Mostly I just have to wrap my head around having three different seasons in a week.  I guess as long as I am flexible and have jeans, shorts, flip flops and clogs and long and short-sleeved shirts at my disposal, and a jacket to throw in for the really cold days, it will be fine.  I just don't want to put the top on the Jeep.

If global warming means we get more warm weather in New Hampshire, then sign me up.   But just stop teasing!~

More on the moneymakers

I received an email from a shaman who I had met with several years ago in which he talked about ho'oponopono -- which is a somewhat confusing method to find yourself and heal the world.  Why confusing?  Because there seems to be a bit of controversy surrounding its roots and its "masters."

The email led me to a book called
 
 and my entire being screamed DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK.  Why?  Because I did a little quick research on the author, and he is basically the epitomy of the salesperson I was talking about earlier -- who just keeps writing the same book over and over with new titles all in the name of making money (for himself, of course).

The person who sent me the email is someone I would respect ... with the exception that he clearly wants to be one of these people -- with a successful online business selling his services.  I could see him begin to implement his strategy right from the beginning, and I was immediately put on guard.  I just have a hard time seeing spirituality and the pursuit of money as going hand-in-hand.  And yet, this is a huge money pit in that there are so many people out there looking for answers to their myriad of questions.

The author of ZeroLimits is almost nauseating in this book, as the master of the process is constantly talking about how awesome he is.  And then he talks about his car, and well, you truly begin to wonder how "deep" this guy is.  The book is sprinkled liberally with websites to visit to purchase all manner of wares, including t-shirts and the like.  In addition, the testimonials (which are on both the website and in the book) lead you to their websites -- and you realize most of them are in on this same deal ... buy my stuff, my programs, my wealth of knowledge on attracting success.

And ... you don't really learn the process itself because it is SECRET!!!!  The only way to TRULY learn is to purchase the $200 DVDs, of which of course there are many.   I mean, kudos to Joe Vitale (not sure where the doctor part comes in, he certainly doesn't mention that in this particular book) for making money spinning a philosophy that to the best of my knowledge could be imparted on a post-it note into a full-fledged book.  I mean, he repeats himself (we do keep hearing about that amazing car he loves and which has its own name, Francine, given by its creators) and every book should have page upon page of testimonials in really large print to take up extra room.

Am I being attracted to this right now because I should take advantage of the millions of people who want positive change in their life and I can certainly dream up some such amazing intelligence that only I have, some secret way to do some ordinary thing, that will cost way more than $19.99 and not even come with a ginzu knife!  I do find it intriguing that I guess I was looking for proof of this, and then whammo, boy did I get it.  And in spades.  
 
Curiosity got to me and I went to see what he is a doctor of.  He is a doctor of metaphysics -- a spiritual healer.  I personally think he is a money doctor, because when you type in his name you get countless websites -- he doesn't leave it up to one -- he will sell anything, good old Doctor Joe.  Yeah, I'm not impressed.  I also see on this particular book jacket above, it says you get a SNEAK PREVIEW of ho'oponopono.com.  Whip dee doo!  I guess it didn't work, huh?  I read the book and I don't seem any wealthier, healthier or at peace AT ALL!  I am all riled up!  I mostly just feel duped.

And that happened because someone I respected (but questioned) recommended this to me.  I should have gone with my gut.  But that is who buys this stuff, fairly intelligent people with the ability to pay for the things we already know.  We just don't trust ourselves.

I could never make money off of that.  Alissa.

Garden ramblings

There are two areas where I experience great feelings of inadequacy in the garden; and they are raspberries and asparagus.  I read about them; I am pretty sure I "get it," then I go out and am completely nonplussed as I stare at what I've got.  Right now my asparagus plants, which were cut down in the fall per directions I read, are still just the dead husks sticking out of the ground.  I covered them with hay and uncovered them this morning, thinking I might see some green.  Ummm, no.  So I do what I always do, I walked away!  I mean, do I get rid of those dead husks?  I don't know.  I hate not knowing.

The raspberry bushes confound me beyond belief.  Either you have summer bearing or overbearing.  If they are summer bearing, then you prune them one way, if they are overbearing, you prune them another.  I know that I get two crops of berries from these teeny bushes; which would lead me to believe they are overbearing.  But then it says if you want a greater yield; you should only go for one crop.  So, I was out looking at my raspberry bushes and they look like hell.  Peter says they are all dead.  I know they're not all dead, but I also know that I was supposed to prune out the dead canes last fall.  But I freaked out in total confusion and left them alone.  So now we're here, Spring is coming, and I still don't know what to do!  Do I prune them now?  Then the same summer bearing overbearing thing comes up, and I just want to ignore them.  I ignored them last year and they gave me some berries -- but they definitely need some type of TLC.  Oh geesh.   I find it so interesting how I let these things get to me!  I mean, make a damn decision and move on.  But I can't seem to!  Like the end of the world will happen if I don't make the right one.

What I do know for sure is that they will do their damndest to stay alive -- that is just in their nature.  And my worst problem is that I hate reading directions -- I just always assume I will figure something out intuitively -- especially in the garden.  But not these two buggers!  I still remain confounded after looking them up... again!

On another note, nearly ALL of the garlic I planted in the fall is growing -- and that is very exciting.  How cool is that -- plant a clove of garlic and you get more garlic.  Now THAT makes sense!  But these are touchy plants too -- you have to trim down the garlic scapes at a certain point, and naturally none of the sources I seek agree on one certain time.  Whatever.

When I started to garden three years ago (this will be my fourth year) I had no idea what I was doing.  But I have gained experience, which is really the best way to learn anything.  I feel very confident with many things -- lettuce, kale, cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, beets, carrots ... but then others do me in.  Last year the broccoli and cabbage brought in these stupid pesty moths that ate everything in the garden that they could.  So this year I am avoiding them like the plague!   Besides, cabbage plants are huge and take forever to grow into one head of cabbage -- and all the while I was pulling worms off of them.  By the time I got the hole-riddled cabbages, I didn't even want to eat them -- sure they were bug infested!

As for tomatoes -- oh such torture with the worm -- whatever it is called.  I have a tendency to block out bad things, so I can't remember the name of the worm, but it is big, insidious and last year I lost nearly my entire tomato crop.  I spoke to an organic gardener, hoping he would give me some fabulous insight on how to beat this worm, and he said, you pick them off.  Great.  Oh, and feed them to the chickens!  Yeah, another reason to have chickens!

So this year I am going to put the tomatoes in a raised bed, to make it easier to pull off the worms!  Fine, if that is the way to save the tomatoes, then so be it.  I figure this way I can sit on the edge of the bed and pick away.  Last year it was a hands and knees thing and I planted them too close, so it was really hard to spot the worms.  This year, it will be all about getting those damn words as conveniently as possible!   But I love garden fresh tomatoes way too much to not plant them.

So Peter and I wandered about to make a list of all the things that need to be done, as spring begins to come into play.  The coop is going to require a bit of effort, but we determined where the run will be and how to set up the interior (we are using an existing playhouse, which was originally a shed.)

Then we scoped out the garden, decided to enlarge it a bit, add the raised bed, some more fencing and additional watering system, and then we discussed how to deal with the weeds that are climbing up both the inside and outside of the fence.  Since this is where I plant the peas, it needs to be dealt with now, and we are trying to figure out a more permanent solution other than pulling the weeds, because they grow way to fast and they are nearly impossible to pull (tall grasses).  It seems to me that the raised bed won't experience this; so who knows, maybe we will continue to add raised beds if I find they make more sense.

Peter and I have quite differing end games though, and it is kind of funny.  He talks about leveling off this side and putting in steps and some more patio, adding more fence for aesthetic purposes, while I am all about where the plants are going to go and how to keep the varmints out!

This is such a tough time of year though -- it is right before the bloom.  We hardly even have buds on the trees, where 15 miles south the trees are budding, and 30 miles south they are flowering.   You almost get a false sense of no urgency when you go out and everything seems dead.  But I know that it is only a matter of time before the garden will sprout up in weeds if I don't get a hop on it!

Bloggy ramblings

It is interesting that many of the blogs that I have been following for years have petered out ... and I am guilty of this as well.  Is it a bad thing?  No, I don't think so.  I find it so fascinating how some blogs seem to take off, getting hundreds of visitors a day, while others just seem to lanquish with their handful of followers.  It has nothing to do with the subject matter or the quality of writing either.   In fact, I would almost say that in my experience, the better writers have the least amount of visitors.  And I think it's because they don't put the time in to promote themselves.

I think you are either born having the ability to spin gold (make money) or you're not.  By that I mean it is so important that whatever one does computes to a paycheck that they figure out how to make that happen.  When I first started blogging I researched it, as is my way, and started out by putting ads and labels and key words so that I would come up on search engines, etc.  At that time, everyone within certain communities (those that followed each other's blogs) would make sure that they would click on the ads on each other's blogs.  I did that for a few months, and then I decided it wasn't for me.  Yes, I understand that pennies add up, but I wasn't really interested in counting my pennies.  Then I put the URL for my blog into my emails, and that is when I got into trouble with Charlie's school, as they intimated that they would use my written words against me.  And that made me think for a little while.  Did I really want my written word "out there?"

Ultimately I don't really care who reads my blog, my words, my thoughts and opinions.  I have journals, and they are the old-fashioned kind that hold my true, deep, dark secrets ... and thoughts and opinions that I don't want to share.  For me, this is a bit of a time capsule and it is fun to go back and read old posts.  I think I will ultimately pull out the ones I like best and make a book out of them.  Someday!  But for now, I will write when I feel like, never feel beholden to it, and let it be organic ... write what comes to mind.

It has been very interesting to watch social media develop over the years -- especially because I don't have a stake in it.  If I was into self-promotion, I have a pretty good idea how to go about it -- not from my own trial and error; but from watching others.  My favorite blogs are still the ones who are like me -- just putting it out there because.  The ones that have become commercial (selling things that once they posted for free) I no longer go to.  It's not that I think that people don't deserve to be paid for their skills.  It's just that they found them on the internet too -- and they happen to be the ones born to self-promote and spin gold.  And then they truly do believe that they "invented" whatever they are selling.

I was given a book by a Dr. Mark Hyman a few years ago, that discussed nutrition and the diet that was going to change your life.  I thumbed through it, but it was pretty repetitive of many, many, many, many, many other books I had already read.  Then Dr. Christiane Northrup, who keeps a daily presence in Facebook started talking about his latest book, The Sugar Solution or some such thing, that addresses the epidemic of "diabesity," a term that Dr. Hyman claims he founded, but after a little quick research I discovered that really isn't so.  I downloaded the first chapter of his book for free via Kindle, and was thrown a lot of research and science and how this is the first generation of children who will not live as long as their parents, and I was a bit aghast.  This was not new information.  Not a bit of it.   And you were constantly told to visit his website.  Which I did, because it is so easy now, just click and away you are go, right from the book.  I couldn't even peek around without signing up (I hate that) and once I was confirmed with a user name and password, I was at last allowed to access the quizzes that would let me know if I was prone to any of the 20 diseases this particular diet he was touting would solve.  Just for fun, I answered NO to everything, and of course it told me I was prone to all of those diseases and that I should order various jumpstart kits before starting the diet.

Seriously?

The website has bits and pieces of information, but you are constantly being directed to purchase this or that -- all of which would solve all of your problems by Tuesday.

The book that Dr. Hyman wrote before this latest one also had a website, which directed its readers to follow.  But once he came out with his new book; he dumped that website.  I stumbled upon message boards with people who had purchased that book wondering what was going on.  He came out with yet another regurgitated book on the same subject that is not a new subject, but he is an expert now, and really more money can be made with a new book with a new title.  What the hell is that?

Wrong, is what it is, but when the bottom line is about making money, there really is no end to it I suppose.   One person who comes to mind is Alissa Cohen.  This is a person who promoted herself as a raw food expert -- and her classes were so special, so unique, so fricking amazing, she had to charge a fortune for them.  And in addition to that, there was a NO MONEY BACK policy, because of course there were 5 million other people who would have taken the spot in that class and because you took it, you had to pay for it no matter what.

Alissa Cohen did me wrong.  And I am going to put her name in my labels today and see what happens.  Because you can google her and not find anything negative against her.  And I know people that have plenty negative things to say about her, beyond myself, and yet there was a little brainwashing going on during the "class" that talked about how if you were negative, then you would attract that.  So I haven't really told my Alissa Cohen tale.  Mostly because I was so angry, and doing anything out of anger is never a smart thing to do.  But if anyone is interested, let me know.  I just might be ready to share.

And I won't charge you for it!!!

The chicks are coming

 

After several years of consideration ... and the wearing down of one reluctant spouse ... the chicks are in the mail.  Or they will be, in three to five weeks!  I have envisioned the little buggers running around my yard for a while now, but every time I brought it up, Peter would say absolutely not.  You can buy eggs.

True.  And I didn't really push it, because any animal means more work, and do I really want to shovel chicken poop?  Maybe not so much.

But I love fresh eggs.  I can really tell, and one thing you never know for sure is if you are buying a free range egg.  Not so much for the egg's sake, but I have been to a chicken place and it is horrible.  I mean, terrible.  I think everyone should visit one -- and to think that I did it on a 4-H visit -- and the people who owned the place were proud to show it!  It was horrible.  Yes, I know I've already said that, but it was years and years ago and I can still see it, smell it and hear it.  More chickens than you can imagine are in cages, but they don't have bottoms.  They sort of perch on a small area, and when they lay their eggs, the egg goes on to a conveyor belt and off it goes to where it is weighed and whatever else.  I was too traumatized by the chickens to see the rest of the deal.


















    

I can't find a picture that show exactly what the factory I went to visit was like, but this is pretty darn close.  The smell and the noise are beyond words, really, and free range just means they are not in a cage but smashed together, wandering around, almost always inside.  In other words, a free range egg is fairly meaningless.  And because of that, I spend a LOT of money on free range eggs that are from supposedly reputable farms; or get local when I can.

When I was in 4-H as a kid, a friend and I shared a flock of chickens, so I am well aware of what it entails.  But I have never raised chicks, and I wonder if you get closer to them?  The ones I dealt with were not all that friendly, but they were kept in a large stall in a barn, and they weren't free range really, either.  To me, that means they are outside, wandering around, eating bugs and rolling in the dirt.  The good chicken life!  I am aiming to provide the good life to my chickens in exchange for eggs that come from happy chickens.

There are no other farm animals that I would be interested in.  I don't drink milk, so there is no need for a cow; and while I do enjoy a rasher of bacon (whatever that is!!!) from time to time, I don't really eat pig.  I grew up with horses, and haven't really had the desire to return to that, in all these years.  Back then there was a purpose; you rode to get better so that when you were in horse shows you could potentially win.  Horse people really have no other life if they are really into it.  I knew as a kid that that wasn't going to be my lot in life!

As for food sources, I would ultimately like to eat as little meat as possible.  I won't have any issues eating my happy chickens when the time comes; if that is a route we choose to go.   But I am not sure I can throw a chicken on a log and whack its head off.  So I guess if I can't do that, then I shouldn't be eating my friends!  But I don't want to raise my own meat, ultimately, even if to know where it comes from.  I'd rather not eat it, I guess!

So now the playhouse needs to be converted into a chicken coop and the dogs need to be lectured on how to get along with furry creatures!

The middle of the middle

I have always disliked the term "middle-aged," and I don't really know why.  I've shied from it, never applying it to myself, sure that it meant something old.  I know people my age who already talk about being old, and I find it appalling.  I am not old, but recently I "got" what middle-aged means.

While it still has a derogatory, old feel to it, to me, I think that it seemed less scary in context when I thought about it from a different perspective.

I was sitting on the beach in Florida, my last day, all alone.  This in itself was remarkable, after many weeks of lots of people coming and going, but I actually felt lonely, which is odd for me.  And it was because I was on a beach surrounded by groups of people, talking, laughing, swimming, playing games. And I thought to myself, you have done all of this on this beach.  You have been a sister, walking the beach with your own siblings.  You have been a daughter, walking the beach with your mother.  You have been a mother, walking the beach with your children.  You have been a wife, walking the beach with your husband, and you have been a friend, walking the beach with friends.

It was two women talking animatedly as they passed by that started my thought process.  For a moment I was jealous, because I was alone and they were together, talking.  But that is when it dawned on me, as I watched first a young couple stroll by, hand and hand, and then a "middle-aged" couple (if you will!) go by, not talking, not holding hands, but still, together, that I had had it all.  Every scenario that passed my gaze I had experienced, and I thought to myself, wow, how lucky is that?

And that is when I thought, so this is what the middle is!  It is that precipice of time -- that trek to the top of the mountain -- where you stand on the top and admire the view.  The climb up represents your youth, your relationships that resulted in marriage, having your children, your career ... all of it.  And not everyone gets to take advantage of viewing the landscape before it disappears, slowly, as the downhill trek begins.  And downhill can represent whatever you want!

Not sure why I fell into that metaphor -- because it's not what I am trying to say.  What I felt, sitting on that beautiful beach with the sun gazing down on me and pelicans diving into the surf was sheer gratitude.  This is such a golden time -- when children are no longer a full time job, but more often than not fascinating and interesting people and when we still have our parents in our lives ... even though we are being reminded that this won't always be so.  This is the dawn of that new day ... that day when our parents will leave us and our children too, will be on their own.  And it is as though I was given a nudge to keep an eye on that sunrise ... because if you look away, bam, the sun is up and the glow has passed.

I hate reading metaphors; I don't know why I insist upon writing them!  I guess because it is hard to come up with words to describe something that is more a feeling than anything else.  It was such an awe-inspiring thought process ... it really opened something up inside of me ... something deep and god help me, I am going to say this, awesome.

For me, the middle (though technically if I am accepting the badge of middle-age-hood, then that means I have to live to 98!) is an amazing place to be.  There is so much promise in the unknown ... what does the future hold?  I don't know!  What I do know is it does not hold me driving any one anywhere on a daily basis; or the worry of whether I can get someone to the point that I have brought them (ie graduated from high school, or well on the way).  It is often said that the most important job in the world is to be a parent -- and I have never taken that lightly -- but it is such an incredible sense of accomplishment to cool my heels at this point and see what my dedication has reaped.  I was not a perfect mother -- no such thing I suppose -- but I produced perfect kids, so I must have done most things right! HAHAHAHA. 

It isn't often that I have a hard time expressing myself (in words) but I am not able to say what I feel in this situation.  It was very profound and lingering...a week or so later I am still thinking about it, still feeling it.

Behind the house in Florida, on the canal.  I was so excited that it was actually going to RAIN!

I am home, alone at last, and thank heavens the sun is out.  I can see that spring is ready to pounce and it is time to think about my garden.  Yesterday I went out to see if the garlic I planted in the fall had done anything, and it did!  I am so excited!  I know, weird, but there really is a thrill in watching plants grow.  I think I stare at my plants more than I eat them!  While in Florida, every day it was blue sky, 80-plus degrees and of course, quite easy to take.  But one day the sky behind the house got really dark, and I was really excited!  Just having something different to look at -- black sky versus blue -- but it reminded me that I am far too mercurial to live in a climate that is always nice.  I like to complain about the weather -- it is what we New Englanders do -- and with good reason!  But what happens when you have grey day upon grey day and then suddenly it is sunny, is that you appreciate it.  I came to accept that every day would be sunny and gorgeous, and when there were a few clouds in the sky, my thought was what is this!  We can't have these clouds floating around messing up bluebird skies!

I don't know.  I constantly think I would like to move.  But where?

This dolphin remains in the same place and goes from boat to boat to say hello (or get food).  What is it about dolphins?  I don't know.  I love the addition of the stars -- so that is what the sun looks like when it sparkles on the water!  (this is my photo, stars not photoshopped!)

I need mountains.  As soon as I started to see them while driving home, I definitely realized how much I had missed them.  Ups and downs ... they really do add a lot!  I am clearly not cut out to live on level ground with the sun shining all day, every day.  Go figure!