Period becomes novella

Ten days of a period has really taken its toll on me. I write about it because I don't want to forget it (like I had completely forgotten that I was put on strict bed rest the last trimester of my first pregnancy and it all came back to me when the same thing happened to a cousin.)

I mean, how does one forget such things? Probably because it's not necessary to dwell on the hell we've been through I suppose. BUT ... this whole peri-menopausal or whatever it is thing is worth noting because I can not IMAGINE what it must have been like to be our mothers and grandmothers going through this experience without the benefit of the Internet!

Sure, I get information from friends, but everyone has their own timetable with this process and in truth, I don't have a lot of friends who have "gone to the other side." My mother went on hormone therapy when she started experiencing symptoms (which I think were hot flashes, which is one symptom I do not have) and she then went off of them ten years later and is still experiencing symptoms in her late 60's. NO THANKS ON THAT ONE THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

I mean, each generation wants to make it better for their children -- and I appreciate the fact that she was the guinea pig for that experiment! But it's like a cork -- you take hormones until they tell you that it is no longer safe to take them -- and whammo, you unleash the horrors!

My take on the whole situation has been to realize that it's not something that can be fixed. There are no quick fixes for a stage in life; if there was, we'd cure puberty! And that's kind of what it's like -- a puberty going in the other direction -- with all the hormones swirling about making you feel dizzy and crazed.

Now one helpful thing would be if it was also something men went through! They do go through puberty, but that's it. No childbirth, no menopause. Nope. So, when my husband wonders why I can't get off the couch or snap his head off because he's asked stupid question number 340 of the day, I don't feel compelled to tell him that this has been happening to women throughout the ages and hopefully it is just a STAGE, it has a name and LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE, because seriously? Why doesn't he get it? Why doesn't he at least TRY to get it.

Once I do manage to get off the couch, I go to the Internet and type in "what the hell is going on with me I bled for 10 days and am pale and dizzy," and let me tell you, the hits are countless. I am NOT ALONE. Oh no. In fact, I read about other symptoms I didn't even realize I had -- like my head feeling heavy. Yeah, I thought, as I read it, I have that too! My head IS heavy. Like the weight of the world moved from my shoulders to my head!

So I am in that space of what am I going to do about it? I have been taking this superfood called Maca powder, which definitely staved off the crazies. I went off of it for two weeks because one, you're supposed to, and two, I am starting a cleanse on Monday and you're supposed to go off all supplements. So that means for two consecutive weeks I have been off of something that clearly keeps me off the couch and keeps the periods from turning into novella's. (Seriously, who came up with the term PERIOD? There is nothing small, petite or final about it. It comes, it comes, it comes it comes. NO FRICKING PERIOD!) It's an never-ending dot. dot. dot. Ellipsis. From now on I don't have a period, I have an ellipsis. Which apparently lawyers use to omit information between droning information (and I use them too, love them, but I use them to imply more information, not the omission thereof!) Anywho, from now on I have a monthly ellipsis.

The complete and total lack of energy is the biggest killer for me. But I am trying not to fight it. This isn't a war -- it's moving from one stage of life into another. It's the same reason why the thought of a grandchild doesn't make me want to pass out, but sounds kind of cool. I mean, where did that come from? It's such a small window between I wonder if I want another baby, am I really done? Seriously, there will be no more sleeplessness and breastfeeding and a cute little toddler climbing into my lap? ... to OMG if I get pregnant I will shoot myself, and seeing other people with small children and literally feeling yourself breaking out into hives at the thought. Teeny, tiny window where all that goes through your head and then suddenly you think, wow, I'd love to have a baby in my life where I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE. And yet, I have all these cool stuff I'd like to teach a child (since mine no longer listen!) So that leaves being a grand mother.

My mother HATED becoming a grandmother. She wasn't a whole lot older than I am, and seriously, I wouldn't care (in terms of how people would view me, or think to myself that I am TOO YOUNG to be a grandmother.) Grandmothers are hip these days, it's not about sitting in a rocking chair and sucking on your gums and shelling peas. (Though right now, today, this very moment when I am all bled out and dizzy and face heavy, that sounds quite appealing!)

So, really what I need to do is get me some Maca! But eventually I presume even that will not stem the tide of what is going to happen, which is again, something I am fine with, for the most part. I don't stare in the mirror for hours and rue every line that has come to dwell upon my face. I just don't. I look at people in the public eye, like Madonna, who is killing herself trying to stay young (and her latest face lift has turned her into another face) and think, why? I mean, Joan Rivers took that route, and you don't look at her and think FABULOUS! You think, holy shit. Batman.

There is no plastic surgery or botox in my future -- my aim is to age well by maintaining a healthy diet and lifestyle. Age well not for the sake of aging well, mind you, but for the sake of maintaining a quality of life well into my late three digit years! I have longevity genes on both sides of my family and I intend to live a long, long time.

So I suppose this later-in-life puberty will be a forgotten thing, much as the puberty of my earlier-in-life was. I remember being a tad moody (who cares, swearing is fun and pissing people off is even more fun) and of course living through the angst of all that ... and let me tell you, no thank you, would not return to that for anything. So I have no intention of holding on to my youth in the form of keeping these hormones from doing the thing they are programmed to do. I just have to wrap my head around it, is all. It's my first taste -- the last time I longed for the couch with all my might and wondered if I would have the energy to get there -- was when I was pregnant. Which is the last time I had this type of cocktail of hormones sweeping through me.

This too shall pass. Unfortunately it is doing so in a red tidal wave!

Or ellipsis.

Photos to destruction

Oh boy, have I been knee-deep in the process of moving items from one computer to another. Instead of doing it the easy way (just putting all the information onto an external hard drive and dealing with it later) I went through EVERYTHING on the old computer first. This meant sifting through thousands upon thousands of pictures and movies that I had made ... old documents of things I had written, and because one is always afraid that they will lose something, I had copies upon copies of chapters -- duplicate city.

This was the time to take care of it all. And it has been a chore. I even gave up at the end and dumped about 100 folders of pictures on the desktop of the new computer, and I try to go through a bunch whenever I can. I am taking the pictures from separate folders and placing them into one folder by year. But, I am going through each photo and dumping ones I don't really need. Like ... does one really need 7 million pictures of sunsets on Lake Sunapee?

Going through each year's worth of folders, there is a definite pattern to my life. Each summer begins at the lake, with countless photos of the boat going in, pictures of Mount Sunapee in the background with snow on the slopes and the kids swimming in the lake. Then the summer progresses and soon we are at the Vineyard, and then there are just hundreds upon hundreds of those pictures! I have debated whether I should put them all together or keep them separated by year? Right now it would be quite a big deal to merge them ... I am thinking it won't happen!

Then after the Vineyard there are sunsets! It is as though I panic at the thought of no longer seeing sunsets on the lake, so I record them dutifully! I am keeping maybe two a year -- they really are beautiful, but a tad redundant. Next there are the pictures of the boat going out of the lake and the fall colors. Every year I take pictures of the cottage as we leave it to take the boat out. Again, cottage hasn't changed much ... plenty of weeding to do there. Then we have the Thanksgiving pictures, a few random shots of this and that, then Christmas.

And then we move into the following year! And tons and tons and tons of shots of the kids in ski races. The only thing that has changed over the years in that regard is their GS suits! An occasional shot here and there of all the snow we've received (or not) and then we move into Easter, which is often at my sister's house and easily recognizable as such.

Then spring comes and whammo, the shots of me in the woods and on mountains become quite plentiful! It's kind of funny. I had no idea that I lived such a predictable life!

Of course, there are full file folders full of trips to wherever I have gone -- London, Scotland, Sedona -- so many photos, so little time!

So I have been busy doing that, skiing and lastly, being driven batty by my husband, who does not work this time of year and hence wakes up like a small child and demands to know what we are going to do today. He in fact, just came into the office and said he didn't want to bug me because he was afraid he would end up in my blog!!! Ha. We are in the midst of designing the master bathroom and preparing for a major renovation; and I have already chosen what I want for the vanity, but he wants to go check out other options.

You see, I make my mind up very easily. I picture in my head what I want, and then I know when I see it if it is right. I saw it, I said that was it, but Peter is the opposite. He needs to see hundreds of different possibilities before he makes a decision. Now, sometimes I just follow him around as he goes through this process, but then again, sometimes I am not in the mood to waste time just to appease someone. And that would be the case today! He also believes that if I am sitting at my computer writing, then I am wasting my time, so therefore not so many blogs get written because truly, does anyone want to read on a daily basis how my husband is driving me nuts?

I know I don't! And it's a double-edged sword; because once he starts on this project (which is really a major renovation that includes one half of the upstairs) he will become obsessed with that and will do nothing else. That is the good news. The bad news is that my house will be under construction and I start to hyperventilate at the thought. Seriously. My whole married life has included a major renovation and living in construction and I am seriously over it. The sound of the compressor going off haunts me; the banging, the noise, the mess. Oh sure, sure sure, Pollyanna is looking forward to her new bathroom. It will be fabulous. But the not so sunny side of me is anticipating the months of hell that will ensue, for these things do not go quickly. And there I go, hyperventilating!!!

HELP!

Revolution to Solution

At a dinner party in my very own house, I was seated next to someone that cracks me up. That is funny, engaging, kind and someone I would call a friend.

Then our conversation swayed into politics when the topic of Sarah Palin came up. I had been working on digging deep well before this night to find a shred of good will towards Sarah. I mean, she is a woman and any woman who manages to be successful in both a career and raising a family is worthy of anyone's respect. But, in truth, I find her a bit hypocritical. She believes in no sex before marriage, and yet she has a teenage daughter with a baby. The ex-boyfriend of said daughter then hit the B-circuit talk shows and said that Sarah didn't care whether or not he was in the bedroom, with the door closed. Well, I guess we know what happens, huh? I guess it's kind of cold in Alaska to go out and do it in the back of a car, like teenagers who have parents who don't allow opposite sex hang-outs in the same bedroom. Obviously you can't control teenagers behavior, no matter how vigilant you are -- but if Bristol's mother believed in abortion perhaps she could have made a CHOICE that wouldn't have left her a mother when she should be out dating.

That is catty. I have no idea whether or not such information is true -- an ex-boyfriend who is out to make money off of the fame of his almost mother-in-law is not exactly a prize source of information. True or otherwise. It all just makes me squirm. Whenever she talks, she says nothing. She is a true politician in that regard ... and yet, when Obama talks, he uses words that seem to string together to make full sentences that actually answer questions. But my opinions are liberal and therefore stupid and inconsequential if you are on the other side (like Russia from Alaska!) and really, these belief systems that become the foundations of our opinions are at fault.

Anyway, back to the dinner party. Suddenly, he was speaking to another person across the table, and they were lauding Sarah Palin. Did I hear that right? Were they being ironic? No ... suddenly, they were both going on about how much EXPERIENCE Sarah has over Obama. Good Lord. Not that old chestnut again. I was suddenly sitting there feeling quite adrift. I started to judge these two people differently -- they were REPUBLICANS! I did not know. I suppose if I had thought about it, I would have been able to guess, but suddenly he wasn't all that funny any more. And then when they started talking about the country going to pot because of the current administration ... I had to paste a fake semi-smile on my face and nod like a moron who doesn't know what is going on. Because there is NO WAY IN HELL I am going to have that conversation with a Republican! Ummm, especially not the ones who believe that we'd be better off with Sarah Palin running amok in the White House.

Which then got me to thinking later what a ridiculous system we have. I guess they call it democracy, but pitting two "parties" against each other doesn't make one big happy party, believe me. By creating such a division from the onset, it would only seem that the distrust and unrest of the party not in office would create havoc with anything positive going on in the other camp. What I mean is, shouldn't we all just want the same thing? I mean, I get the tenets of the two parties -- but quite frankly, if you're a small business owner then you are getting hosed no matter who is in office and if you are a corporate mucky muck or rich as sin and pissed that you have to pay taxes on your gold-plated golf cart, you are pissed. No one is ever happy with having to spend money they would rather keep in any administration. Big business, small business, does it matter the size, what everyone wants is to make a profit and create jobs and live happily ever after. Or so it should be. And I think it is always about money (taxes) and the rest of it is just white noise.

So, in my new PollyAnna world, we should just vote for the best person for the office. And not based on how many affairs he or she has had or how many interns they've taken into the back office. I don't care, stress relief comes in all forms and I'd rather have my potential candidate shooting off sperm than drinking a bottle of whiskey before making pertinent decisions that affect the entire world. What that means is the media would have to actually report what this candidate did that HELPED make the world a better place. Not what he did to his wife and family. That is his or her business. And if they are stupid, then hell, I want to know that! I don't want someone dragged onto the platform because they are going to get votes because they are pro-life. NO NO NO! And once something like that passes and becomes a law then it should just stay. No, lawyers, I don't care what your opinion is on the subject. Blah blah blah blah blah. Half the people are for it, half are against. The way I see it, if you don't want an abortion then YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ONE.

End of story. Moving on.

Health care. Shit. We can't have the government running this. It needs to remain private and it needs to be run competitively and it needs to be run without insurance companies. Imagine finding a doctor that you really like and paying that person for their services. Services that were based on their experience, the amount of time they spent on that service and a sliding scale fee based on income. Yes, I am saying that those that can afford more should pay for those that can't. It's how it works anyways, but everyone just gets pissed off about it. How about if you were made to feel GOOD for paying for someone who couldn't afford the same costs that you could? How about if it was big one karmic enterprise -- and remember, there is always someone above you and below you paying more and paying less. Everyone would be connected in the sharing of health -- which is the cornerstone to happiness.

Anyway, after being at a party where suddenly it became quite clear that the two-party system of democracy sucked because it made you look at people you like differently, I just decided that it's time to do away with it. So how does one start a revolution without guns?

A Revolution to World Solution without war. People coming up with great ideas and instead of having them subverted by corporate greed; they were brought to the market for all the world to enjoy. For every person living in a mansion, there are tens of thousands who are not. And that person living in that mansion knows deep in their heart that they would feel better if they had every single room filled with conversation and laughter. How else can you get inside someone's home and heart if they believe they are better than you are? But they know they are not. And if it was the norm not to have class status -- if everyone lived a perfectly wonderful life, there would be more than enough to go around. More than enough money, certainly, and really all that we need.

For me, 2010 is not about discussing what is wrong with the world. It is about coming up with solutions and believing that one person can change the world -- even if it is just her own.

I begin my own revolution to solution. And I do not stand with a crossbow aimed at the heart of Sarah Palin or any other person! I stand with an open heart and I send out a pink bubble of love to all.

You say you want a revolution .... well here you go!

Lady Gush Gush

Born into a wealthy New York City family and named Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, she longed to break away from her strict Catholic upbringing. Does that sound familiar?

Madonna reincarnated? Kind of. Except that Madonna is still alive! But seriously, I loved Madonna way back when -- I loved how CRRRRRAZZZZY she was (and then when she went overboard I backed off.) And here is this new crazy woman and I just LOVE HER!

I was instantly drawn to her music before I even knew who she was -- and then I saw her on Ellen -- and fell madly in love with her. She is such a bright star in that her pureness just seeps out of her. She is exactly what happens when you become true to yourself -- when you stop trying to fit yourself between the lines and paint yourself the color that everyone thinks you should be. When you do whatever feels good and you act as crazy as that feeling good makes you. You become light. Pure light.

Lady GaGa is just that.

Now she is on Oprah, and I was drawn to write about her. GaGa comes from the Queen song Radio GaGa -- and she said it was a nickname that her friends had for her and it made her feel safe in her different-ness (my word!) and not feel like such a freak all the time. She prefers to be called GaGa, it is who she is now.

So she comes out on stage with her hair all spikey and her microphone attached to a ball and chain, which she smashes against a taxi on the stage. She is singing her heart out, banging and dancing around ... then she walks to the piano and sings her song Speechless. Just her singing her heart out while she plays -- and she is so BEAUTIFUL. (Did I already say that?) I think she had said on Ellen that she wrote the song after her father died??? I could be wrong, but the emotion on her face when she finishes the song just blew me away. BLEW ME AWAY. She is so beautiful. (Seriously, I need to come up with a new adjective, and no I haven't been drinking.)

For all of her CRAZY costumes and big bang appearances, she is quite shy and demure when being interviewed.

Being provocative is not just about getting people's attention, but about affecting them some way. Each costume has a message -- she doesn't put together costumes purely to be weird. She has a message each time. Obviously a lot of us aren't getting that message -- but when she explains them it makes so much sense! (But then again, many famous paintings don't make a lot of sense.)

Her message at the end of the show brought not only Lady GaGa to tears, but me too.

She wants you to free yourself and love all the things that you don't love about yourself and she says that so genuinely to everyone <> and that she loves everyone very much -- because she knows how people feel. Never give up on your dream.

That kind of humility is so wonderful to witness.

Okay, I will stop being Lady GushGush. But I don't have to if I don't want to.

So there!

I am iMac lover

I have set up a lot of computers in my day. But this iMac stuff just takes the cake! Peter's office computer is old -- in fact, neither of us can remember when we bought it. I am sure that I personally have had several in that span of time. Unlike me, Peter will sit for ten minutes waiting for the internet to load up. Me? I scream and smash and rant and rave until Peter comes in and says "Do you need a new computer?"

Why yes, now that you mention it!

That actually didn't happen this time. My iMac has never let me down. Not one crash, not one unhappy face, not one virus, etc. etc. I would have been perfectly happy continuing on. BUT. If there is a new computer to be had, well, it shouldn't be wasted on someone who doesn't really care. Right? :P

So. In keeping with tradition, Peter almost always gets my old computers, unless of course they are really old (which I tend not to let happen.) And the one he has now is not one of my old ones ... I can remember going out and buying it specifically for him. (He claims this isn't so -- but it is.) But it does need to be replaced. And I have been telling him that Mac is the ONLY way to go. His office is not exactly very nice. It is dusty and cold and let's just say he doesn't have a cleaning person. And he's not much into that himself. So I could not bear to see a sleek piece of equipment be destined to live in that environment. (Yes, I am doing it for the computer.)

And, when I worked at the newspaper, whenever a new computer needed to be had for whatever purpose, I always swung it so that I got the new one and my old one went to where ever there was that need. My father would say, how come I never get a new computer? And I would say, oh, you don't want one. This one has been GREAT for me, you'll love it. As a result, I became quite spoiled in terms of never actually dealing with an older model. I ALWAYS had the best of the best.

Is that wrong?

When I stopped working I left with my good laptop, but eventually that needed to be replaced and I had to come up with an equally as good scheme to keep myself on top of technology. So I told Peter he needed the best of the best laptop to take with him during meetings to show his portfolio. Oh. And when he didn't use it, I would. :)

Yeah, you can guess how that turned out. In my defense, I did load up all of his pictures and create a wonderful portfolio, but he thought it was boring to sit there and watch them with the people, so he would just give them a disk so they could watch it without him. Hey ... no point in lugging a laptop around if you're not going to use it.

He says I am evil.

Calculating, perhaps.

Devious.

But not evil.

ANYWAY ... we had made the decision that we were going to make this move, but he wasn't in any hurry (and since I still had a marvelous, wondrous computer, neither was I). Then yesterday he just wanted to go do it. Buy it, get it done. Okay. So off we went to Best Buy and bought it. Now, I haven't even begun to deal with all the stuff on my (now) old one, and I have to switch all the stuff from Peter's computer to that one as well. And yesterday I didn't even want to begin. But of course we had to see what it looked like on my desk. So we plugged it in, and seriously. THAT IS ALL YOU DO! The keyboard and mouse are wireless and it comes with nothing, no manual, no disks ... nothing! Oh, there is a small piece of paper that tells you how to turn it on. As in press this button. I think, because I didn't read it.

This morning I loaded up Microsoft Office and then spent about 20 minutes going through my drawers (of my desk thank you very much!) looking for the printer software disk. Can't find it. When I plugged in the printer, the computer didn't say anything, like "new software found." It acted like it didn't notice. So I thought it needed software. Then I decided to see what was going on in the printer file on the computer, and lo and behold, it HAD recognized the printer ... it had it all loaded up and ready to go. Crazy, huh? (Though personally I think it should be less coy and let me know. But if that is the way it's going to roll, then fine. Now I know.)

Going from 24 inches to 27 is really huge. I mean, three inches in the grand scheme of things shouldn't be monumental -- but it is. The new design has it stretched out and instead of having six inches of white space on the bottom like the 24-inch, it has about half that. The edges are also black (instead of white) so they blur, making the screen seem even bigger. (No boundaries baby!)

My only complaint is the keyboard. It is TEENY. About six inches long (which is absurd when you consider it is paired with a 27-incher!) and not extended (no numbers on the right hand side) it is taking me time to get used to. I am still making loads of mistakes and not happy. If it doesn't get better soon, I am getting a normal one.

The mouse, however, is a dream. I LOVE IT! It is very flat and instead of having a ball that you turn to get things to scroll, you just rub your finger on the smooth flatness of the top. LOVE IT! The fact that they are both wireless just adds to the beauty. No wires!

When we were at Best Buy picking it up (the Concord store had been sold out, so we had actually purchased it there, then went to pick it up in Manchester) we were at the service desk and saw several boxes that contained iMacs in them. We had been told in Concord that there was only ONE left in Manchester, so Peter asked what those were. And the girl said that they were returned. Returned iMacs? WHY?

She said that it was because people didn't know how to use them. Seriously? SERIOUSLY? If you can't figure out how to plug something in and push the on button, then you must be a moron. SERIOUSLY! I said as much, and she said that she didn't know how to use them either. I am so confused. What is so hard? Am I missing something?

I am a (former) diehard PC person. Was for years. I was about as anti-Mac as you can get. I also hated Windows with a passion and cursed Bill Gates on a daily basis. I used computers pre-Windows and there was no crashing and bashing. I often dismissed Windows in the beginning, but as time went on, software was no longer as willing to let you inside. But I thought Macs were for morons! LOL I mean, they were so SLOW and tedious and if you thought you couldn't get behind the scenes in Windows, well, Macs were hermetically sealed in that regard. And back then there was next to no software that ran on it. Macs were stupid. But hard to use? Umm, no.

The only reason I purchased my first Mac was because I walked into Best Buy and there it was -- beautiful, huge and no big damn box that you needed to find a place for. It was all in the screen. Oh joy! Oh wonder! And it ran all the software a PC did. What was stopping me? Well, nothing! I was an instant Mac convert. I have always had a PC laptop, and still do, but if a laptop was going to be my only computer, it would have to be a Mac.

I don't really think there is a huge difference between the two platforms. I don't even think about it when I am on one or the other. I mean, Windows has been trying to mimic Mac for quite some time now. Not know how to use one?

Geesh.

So today I am throwing away a lifetime's worth of disks that I have been saving "in case." I have every operating system disk for every computer that I've ever owned. And I just bought a computer that comes with no disks at all.

PROGRESS HAS BEEN MADE! My drawers (in my desk thank you very much) are now empty.

So cool.

So big.

Wow.

Avatar and a Leap Year

Today Maddie and I caught a movie before picking up Charlie -- and the one that best fit our time frame was Leap Year. It wasn't a movie either of us was particularly anxious to see, but we weren't against it either.

A few days ago I went to see Avatar. It was good; the 3-D technology was impressive, but I commented that the story line was a bit lame in that it was the same old, same old story.

I asked Maddie what she thought of Leap Year when it was over and she said that she thought it was good, but predictable.

Me? I was completely mesmerized. I love a good love story -- and this one is set in Ireland, and the landscape reminds me of Scotland. The craggy hills and the churning sea, characters that walk about saying words that you are supposed to know but for the life of you can not understand ... it was fun to watch. I thought the lead guy was pretty darn cute too, and that always helps. He isn't a movie star, I don't even know his name. The lead chick is Amy Adams. She is fine, the typical over-achieving control freak who has it all -- money, looks, $600 shoes and the cardiologist boyfriend.

Now, I wondered afterwards why Leap Year was almost easier to take in terms of the story line than Avatar was. And I realized that for one, I like real scenery versus worlds that I don't even understand. I never did get where Avatar was set, or what universe/world or planet. I know that "we" were referred to as the sky people, and the Avatar people had another name in a language I couldn't quite grasp either!

Anway ... what it boils down to is that it doesn't take a multi-million catrillion dollar movie to tell a love story. Sometimes it is pleasant not to have to see big robotic monsters kill beautiful things just so that the hero and heroine can get together. Sometimes all it takes is a trip to Dublin with a cute guy in a really old car and a set of circumstances that cause events to happen. That are believable if not contrived!

I think that Avatar should have skipped the love story and focused on the greed, war, ruin world story line that all the bang bang shoot 'em up stuff was about. You know, a Terminator movie that lands in Oz. Remember how The Wizard of Oz starts in black and white, and then when they land in Oz, it is in technicolor? That is what Avatar is -- a black and white Terminator movie colored in to make it look pretty.

Now, now now, I am not saying I didn't like the movie! I did. But a simple love story is often more beautiful in its simplicity than when it is layered down with so many different (and unlikely) aspects that sort of boggle the mind. And I hate it when technology isn't explained! How does the avatar thing work? So you climb into a tube and a bunch of wires that aren't even attached to you somehow transport you into a different dimension where the body that was in an aquarium floating around is now there to be lived in? And if you return to your regular body in the tube when you go to sleep in Avatar-land, and then you stay up all day and plot how to kill your new friends, when exactly do you get any sleep? Because you ARE both people, right?

All that you have to believe in, in a love story, is that a true connection has been made. We have all felt it -- we don't have to boggle our brains trying to figure out how it works to reside in two worlds in any 24 hour period -- sometimes just standing around in the rain surrounded by cows (real cows at that!) is all it takes.

I hope that Avatar does not set the trend for future movies, in terms of trying to wow the audience with a big fat painting on a canvas with nothing really going on but the SAME OLD STORY.

In either story, the bottom line is all you need is love. In Avatar's case you get the Las Vegas version and in Leap Year you get a night home snuggled up by the fire with a bottle of wine.

They both work.

A meme about 2008/09, revisited in 2010

I was going over old blogs today and came across these from last year and thought it would be fun to update it. The answers from last year are still there.

What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Wow, hmmm, this is a tough one. I started to eat a diet centered around raw food.

For 2009: I left my family for a month to stay with my parents in Sedona, Arizona. It was an amazing time. I did not abandon my family; I just relocated for a bit!

Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more this year? I don't really do that ... I mean, I of course want to lose weight, exercise more and become all that I can be. The usual.

For 2009: The same answer applies this year as well.

Did anyone close to you give birth? No, I am in that stage where my friends and myself are done having babies and we're in no hurry to become grandmothers.

For 2009: Still no babies.

What countries did you visit? Well none! That isn't right. We'll have to fix that this year.

For 2009: Living for a month in the southwest (a trip to California also tucked in there) was very much like visiting a different country. No complaints ... one of the best times of my life.

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? More knowledge about the things that I don't know. More patience. The end of the public school system.

For 2009: I got it!!!! The end of the public school system in my life has happened! It is a glorious thing! Already, in 2009/10 our lives have improved one million percent because of this. ONE MILLION PERCENT! Got that you lousy educators? Yeah, I'm talking to you. And I know for a fact you're still doing it! Get another job. All of you!

What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? November 4, 2008 -- the day that Barack Obama was thankfully elected to become the next President of the United States. I cried. A lot.

And October17-20, 2008 when we rented the same house in Chappaquiddick that we did 30 years ago to celebrate my father's 80th birthday.

For 2009: January 20, 2009 -- when Barack Obama was sworn into office. We were sitting in the pub at Mt. Sunapee and the entire room was silent as everyone watched in awe as history was made. Very, very cool.

And Feb. 20-Mar. 20, 2009 when my parents rented a house in Sedona, Arizona and my brother came to visit, as well as my sister and her family. It's nice to have yearly quality family time!

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Gosh, I didn't win the Nobel Prize this year, so I can't claim that. Nor did I scale a really tall mountain. I did lose 20 pounds and learned the secret of losing even more. I don't like this question.

For 2009: I learned, at the very tail end to accept myself for who I am. I didn't realize until it actually happened, that I hadn't! So cool, so freeing. So amazing. It is interesting how the question seems to make so much more sense when you have a decent answer! I like this question!

Did you suffer illness or injury? No. In fact, I don't think I was sick at all, nothing memorable anyway.

For 2009: Nope, no illness.

What was the best thing that you bought? Oh, this one is easy! My JEEEEEEP! The car I've always wanted.

For 2009: The downstairs bathroom has to take the cake in 2009. While I was busy learning about Sedona, shamanism, inner children and the like, Peter was here re-doing the bathroom. It looks FABULOUS! We also replaced the Sequoia last month, which is a huge purchase, but the bathroom prevails.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Charlie's teachers. The way they treat him (and probably the rest of the student population) disgusts me beyond belief. Even if he is the WORST student they have ever had (and believe me, they tell him this) then so what? I'm sorry, but aren't they adults with "training" to teach children? Or did I miss something?

For 2009: Those Americans who blame Obama for the war on terror. It makes me crazy. Rudy Guiliani (however that is spelled) "misspoke" on Good Morning America the other day in saying that we are in such dire straights under this administration; for under Bush there were no terrorist attacks. Oh, he FORGOT to say that with the exception of September 11. Ooops. Seriously? How are we supposed to take these comments? How do you forget about the biggest attack on American soil since Pearl Harbor? When 2,388 soldiers died. On 9/11, when Bush was reading to his peers, over 3,000 people were killed. Since the war on terror began, which George Bush was sort of involved in, 4,373 military personnel have died. We're talking SEVEN THOUSAND people who have died while Bush was in office (okay, let's remove a few hundred since he left) and they forgot? NO, I will not go on!!!!

Where did most of your money go? Towards organic food. Seriously.

For 2009: This is easy. Private schools!

What did you get really, really, really excited about? I know this sounds ridiculous, but the first time I drove around in the Jeep with the top down and the music blaring, I couldn't stop smiling. I love my Jeep. (And it's not like I've given birth recently or anything!!!)

For 2009: When we received Charlie's first report card from school. Where they talked about how smart he was. How engaging he was to have in the classroom. Where they focused on all things positive. I cried. (And considered sending it to those child hater's at Kearsarge Regional Middle School, but knew that all they would do is discard it. When you are right, you are always right. Right?)

What song will always remind you of 2008? Anything from the Mama Mia soundtrack. Screaming it at the top of my lungs ... ummm, in the Jeep.

For 2009: Taylor Swift! Every time we'd get in the car I'd beg the kids, put on Taylor! Put on Taylor!

Compared to this time last year, are you a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? I am definitely happier because I am thinner and I am always rich.

For 2009: I am definitely happier in terms of leaving the public school in the dust and many other things. I am currently fatter and like I said last year, always rich!

What do you wish you had done less of? Less getting caught up in stuff like Peak Oil, corporate greed, conspiracy theories and the like. I'd just rather focus on the good stuff. Positive. Flow. Peace.

For 2009: Fought to get Charlie into Proctor Academy. It was a good lesson -- the universe always knows and he is where he's supposed to be. Lesson learned. No more fighting ... more acceptance.

Did you fall in love in 2008? If I say with my Jeep, does that make me shallow? LOL

For 2009: Well no, but that's a good thing, right?

How many one-night stands? The Jeep isn't talking, and neither am I!

For 2009: I can't believe this is a question! Even if I was doing such a thing, I wouldn't admit it!

What was your favorite TV program? One Tree Hill

For 2009: Ellen

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't hate anyone. Except for ... well no. I hate no one.

For 2009: This is not a good question either. All you need is love.

What was the best book you read? In terms of total reading satisfaction, I would have to say Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Series and her other book, The Host.

For 2009: Pillars of the Earth and World Without End by Ken Follett.

What was your greatest musical discovery? Secondhand Serenade and Joshua Radin.

For 2009: I have to say, talk radio on Sirius XM!

What did you want and get? Whatever I intended.

For 2009: Yep. Same.

What was your favorite film of the year? A tie between Mama Mia and Twilight.

For 2009: The Hurt Locker. Just an incredible insight into the war in Afghanistan and what it is really about.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 45 and I was busy traveling so it was hard to do something "special," since life was being special!

For 2009: I turned 46 Freedom Acres: Meanderings on May 29 and according to my blog of that day, I gardened.

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? To have Charlie in a school situation that was tolerable to both of us.

For 2009: The same as above, considering half of 2009 was all about that.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Hiker chic.

For 2009: Yeah. Jeans, clogs, pink shirts. No where special to go chic!

What kept you sane? Blogging.

For 2009: Definitely that and continuing my quest for spirituality.

What political issue stirred you the most? Sarah Palin and the thought that she could have been voted into office. My hair still stands on end at the thought.

For 2009: For the first time in a long time, I actually had faith in our leader. Not the process, but I do believe that Obama did not become president because he thought it would be fun, or because it was the family business.

Who did you miss? Hallie, because she lives in Chicago. But not so much because we keep in close touch.

For 2009: Hallie was around a lot in 2009 -- and it was awesome!

Who was the best new person you met? All the people I became close to at my raw food class.

For 2009: The people in my Pink Posse Blog.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008. You can't change people. Period.

For 2009: That what seems like what you always wanted, is not what you wanted at all. To believe in the process. to let go.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. You Light Up My Life (as sung to the Jeep.) BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

For 2009: I gotta feeling, woo hoo, that tonight's going to be a good night, that tonight's gonna be a good good night, tonight's gonna be a good night. Yeah!

And so we begin two thousand and ten

I most definitely do not do New Year's Resolutions, but one of my "intentions" was to be on the computer less. I want to spend my time doing things that are a little more creative than meandering about the web reading blogs -- and while blogging for me is a creative venue, I find that I will do that instead of write my own "stuff."

Hence the lull. I also caught up on correspondence to people -- and wrote long, newsy emails (to which I normally get a few lines in response!) and that, on top of having the MOST LAZY of lazy weeks between Christmas and New Year's -- when I did nothing too strenuous, and I think coming up with an idea for a blog was just ... too much! So I didn't. Hell, half the time I didn't even get out of my jammies. I watched movies and read and played ping pong and Wii and jammed on the guitar hero and sang on the karaoke .... you know. Those things. It was FABULOUS!

And last week I skied three days -- three glorious days of wonderful skiing. I have to say, when Peter said he didn't HAVE to ski yesterday, I was a little psyched. I mean, I would have ... but instead we went to see Avatar. We went to the 11:30 a.m. showing, and it was PACKED. Seriously? Doesn't anyone work? No, I do not, but still. Both the slopes and the movie theatres have far too many people in them during the week. That is MY TIME! Go back to work people!

The movie was okay. I mean, I had read something about how he had started the script years and years ago (James Cameron of Terminator, Titanic fame) but put it away because the technology wasn't ready for it. So, okay, the technology was cool. The 3-D is not your grandmother's 3-D -- it is way cool and the glasses only gave me a little headache (later.) But the story? Hello. Same old story -- as predictable as they come. I enjoyed it -- but I didn't love it. And truly, I just don't believe that the beings in all the other universes/planets are peace loving and we are the ONLY species that loves war. No, I just don't buy it. There are just as many of us out there that are peace loving as there are greedy and war mongering. Just once I'd like to not be cheering against "us," you know?

Then we went to look at the new iMac's. Oh mama. MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA. They are sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet. I have the 24" screen -- just a slice of sheer heaven thank you very much. But the new model is 27" and has HIGH DEFINITION. It's like you are there. Not sure where that is, but yes, I gotta be there. Pretty sure I have Peter convinced that he needs to take this one to the office and the big beauty needs to come ... to mama! (Okay, not pretty sure, it will be a done deal ... I just need to get his accounting "stuff" on here and he'll be on board.)

I have been reading this wonderful book that I need to do an entire post about -- because it really has had such an impact on me. I have read so many books on this and that. When someone mentions a book, usually I've read it. But did they impact me? No! Not like this one! This one spoke to me like none ever have before.

So I will leave you with that little enticement!

Gotta go dance now!

Stare down!

Babies have always stared at me. They won't smile at me, or even bat an eye. They just stare. And stare. And stare.

They stare me down. I mean, they actually win. And I just shrug it off, no big deal, the kid was bored and I was the shiniest thing around to stare at.

But I don't think that's it. Not after today.

I was sitting outside at a ski mountain by a fire pit. It was cold and windy and I glanced to my left and this baby was staring at me. A little boy, probably one. He was intent. I stared back. His mother was busy watching his two younger brothers and so didn't realize that there was a crazy woman staring her baby down. I was determined to stare this baby down. You see, I was about as bored as a human being can get. I was at the mountain to watch my daughter race. This takes less than a minute, but you must take the other hundreds of minutes and amuse yourself.

Today, I decided to stare down babies.

Well, this one particular baby. He had these little dark eyes, he was in a blue snowsuit and his little hands were exposed. He didn't care. He was busy staring at me. At my eyes. He was intent and I was intent too. And I thought, look at this kid! He is amazing, he ... and then suddenly his mother stood up and his little body was turned from mine. He started shrieking like he was being put in the fire, and even she was surprised. I wasn't. I knew what was bothering him. And I wondered, does this happen to babies a lot?

Do they get totally involved in staring into the eyes of people to determine who they are, only to be ripped from their undertakings by unknowing parents who think their children are clueless?

I swear, I almost want another baby right now because of this new insight! Yes, I know that sounds weird, but the mother attempted to calm this child down and ended up sitting even closer to me. And she noticed I was staring at her (well at the baby) and thought I was doing so because he was screaming. Which wasn't the case at all, but because of that, I looked away. Geesh. So when I turned to look at the baby again, he was mad! LOL

Actually, he was just frustrated and writhing and trying to get out of his mother's lap and the moment was good and lost, and when he had looked at me, I was looking away, and well ... the next thing I know his older brother (three years old, tops) was staring at me. Now I was beginning to wonder if I looked funny. Was my hair sticking out? Did I have something on my face? But he was doing the same thing! Just staring at me. And I was going to look away when I realized, NO! There is a reason for this, I just need to figure it out. So we were eye-locked for about a minute when his father sat down where the mother had just been, so he was near me, and I looked away because I don't want to be the creepy woman that stares at little boys.

But he was three, so he came right up to me and asked me what the fire pit said (it said danger, open flame) or something like that. So he started pointing to the letters and saying E L A M E, and I nodded and was about to tell him that it said flame and the first letter was an F, when his father grabbed his arm and told him it was an F not an E and come on, let's go.

Now wait a minute. Why didn't the father just tell the kid that the word was flame? Why did he have to go and tell him what he did WRONG?

Do we all do this as parents of so many little ones we can't keep our own heads on straight? The whole thing was so fascinating to me. I was completely enthralled with all of my new thoughts and I scanned the area looking for little babies to stare at. Alas, the surroundings were plum out.

But also sitting around this fire pit (and you must picture how ridiculous this is; it was freezing out, snowing, windy and yet, the lodge was mobbed and this was actually more enjoyable than being indoors!) anway, there was an older couple sitting across from me, older as in probably mid-60's, and the woman's entire body was moving to the music that was playing (quite loudly) and her husband just looked plain miserable. He was sitting next to my husband who was trying to dream up new things to do because he is bored unless he is "doing" something. In the 20 minutes or so we sat in those chairs, he had gone to check the running order, gone to the bathroom, and returned to check to see if the running order was out. Me? I was just baby staring.

Anyway.

I am deeply rooted in that space of time between no longer having small children that consume my every thought and speck of energy, and before I am too old to sit by the fire in the freezing cold and not be miserable. I say deeply rooted because I like this space and it's going to be hard to unearth me. And I felt a positive rush as I watched this older woman, because she too was content in her surroundings and able to hear the music and let her body receive it.

When we are parents of little kids, there is just no time to consider every fleeting thought our child has. When Hallie was little, she received a lot of that. She had doting grandparents and I spent countless hours with her discussing whatever was on her mind. I was a young mother and found it all intriguing, and I didn't have any peers with children at the time who could fill my mind with things like what I should and shouldn't be doing! I was winging it and really that is the only way to parent.

By the time I had Maddie, I was seven years the wiser, which meant that I was way too stupid to even have children! I believed that you could have a baby and maintain your career, no sweat, and I believed that I could do everything because I was experienced! I had done this before. And it really took another pregnancy before I realized I couldn't do it all, at all. Not even close.

I don't know if it is a rite of passage to nearly drive yourself insane with keeping your head above water and raising happy, healthy children. I really don't. And while I would be a much different parent today than I was 23 years ago, there is no way I would be a better one. Just a different one.

But for a fleeting moment today, as those children stared at me, I realized, all they are looking for is love and acceptance, and a few answers to their never-ending questions. And very often, the people that they are with 24/7 just don't have that kind of time.

There must be a solution.

Just a wandering 2010 thought.