I felt surprise when I found out what it was (except that that part didn't come through in the damn dream!) and when I asked if I had to move or where the office was located, I was told I could work from home, which I experienced with great relief.
And then it started pouring like crazy and I woke up to the sound sort of feeling as though I was drowning. And I was frustrated because it felt as though I WAS GOING TO GET MORE DETAILS on this great new job I had, except that I woke up.
Then I found a link to this book in my email What Should I Do with My Life?: The True Story of People Who Answered the Ultimate Question, by Po Bronson and looked it up and found it is available on Kindle, so I am going to download it and read it because it is super rainy and it is clearly meant to be that I read.
Just following the signs of the universe here. One step at a time. Or is that one book at a time?
TWO HOURS LATER:
I just took a shower and before I climbed in I had the whole dream going through my head. And my next thought was "what is the point of thinking about it, it is just a thought," and then I climbed into the hot water of the shower and it hit me. (Well, the water yes, but another thought that actually caused me to laugh out loud.)
I thought: I know the reason I can't seem to "discover" what it is I want to do for a job.
The answer?
I DON'T WANT A JOB!!!!
It is so obvious that it's painful. I certainly have the power to manifest a job if I **WANT** one, but my consciousness is screaming NO NO NO in the background far more louder than my "true desire" to make money is, which really doesn't come from a pure thought, it comes from guilt because I have a core value system instilled in me that I have to be independent. To be independent you must make money in order to support yourself. But I manage to skirt around this issue by "reminding" myself that I worked and worked and also raised three kids and did the vast majority of the cooking, cleaning, etc. and so therefore I am OWED the ... the what? The privilege not to work?
When I decided that I wanted to do something in the restaurant business, when I truly believed that I would enjoy doing that, within literally moments an opportunity presented itself. It didn't pan out because it wasn't logical -- all part of the way things work, and I knew that was so because I only felt relief.
These are all my thoughts -- right down to feeling as though I NEED to get a job; or have that feeling as though it would be the right thing to do. All mine. Mine mine mine. No one is forcing me to do anything; no one asks me anything other than how was my day, in truth. So I have to remove these feelings and thoughts -- free them from their captivity.
How do you know when you are on the right track? Because you literally want to sing.
The hills are alive ... with the sound of music .... my heart wants to beat like a brook as it trips and falls over stones in its way ... la la la
2 comments:
I'm in the midst of this same dilemma right now .. I just don't want to work. Seriously .. i'm perfectly content to stay home and do my thing. I have to big designs on going out into the corporate world. I did that for years. I feel a tug to DO something, but not 'work' as in 'work a job'. If that makes sense.
That makes TOTAL sense. Exactly how I feel. I like to work -- I throw myself into whatever I do. But I just don't want to do for the sake of doing.
Oh well!
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