Of cucumbers and novels

I could write a horror movie and call it, "The cucumbers are coming and the zucchini is not far behind."

I am not sure if it is possible to overdose on cucumbers, but I am pretty sure I have come close. Every day I juice about six of them and then eat another six. That still leaves plenty for the rest of the family, friends and neighbors. I have to pick them twice a day because they grow from little bitty things to these oversized beasts in a few hours time. I have a huge pile of ones that have grown beyond an acceptable size -- and that is with me combing through the leaves on a daily basis. Plenty like to escape out the fence and grow into these freaks. Today I tried to kill a zucchini plant by taking all its leaves off. Because the cucumbers were all entwined in them.

And don't even talk about the tomatoes. I used to love cherry tomatoes -- they tasted like candy and were ever so delicious. Now I am not sure I will ever eat another one. And my daily sandwich -- lettuce and tomato -- is getting old. After I've had my large cucumber juice, it's like, oh goody, time for lunch. NOT! But I have to enjoy these foods while they are so fresh and amazing, right? Because in a few weeks time I am going to have to go back to the supermarket and get the bland versions and actually pay great sums of money for them.

That is if I ever eat any of these items ever again! Today I am not so sure.

So I have not had time to blog the past few weeks (months?) because I am writing elsewhere. In essence, I am cheating on the blog. Big time. I started a novel in 1999 that was inspired by the plane crash that killed John F. Kennedy, Jr. and his wife Caroline. Shortly after, we were on the Vineyard and a shrine had been built on the beach up at Gay Head, near where items from the plane had washed up on shore. I had taken pictures of it and whammo, a novel was born. But then it fizzled out. I just couldn't seem to figure out where to go with it, and tried out a bunch of different scenarios, before abandoning it and writing several more novels instead. But I always liked it, and I figured out how to download my books onto my kindle (the ones I've written) and I read it again while on the Vineyard. And it all just clicked ... and the end became so obvious and even more interesting, the span of ten years has made all the difference!

So I have been writing up a storm and while I have several other completed novels, this is going to be my debut one, I have decided. I am looking forward to the kids returning to school so that I can put in a huge amount of hours toward writing. Currently I am sitting down whenever and getting lost for hours on end, and then I have to pull myself out. It is hard, so I have been actually holding myself back, because it is still summer and there are still summery things to do ... so I am working on being patient. Not that it always works, and it's not unusual for me to say I am headed to bed, only to write a few words that turns into several hours and any thoughts of being tired are long gone.

The writing life is NOT family-friendly -- at least not the way it works for me. I have spent much of my children's lives saying, "okay, be right there," only to find the house dark and everyone asleep and a little nagging thought that I was supposed to do something. It's not really fair, but the future is upon me -- pretty soon there won't be any children at home at all, and no reason not to lose myself for hours on end. The fact that I can return to a book ten-plus years later and it's as though it was the way it was supposed to be has taught me that nothing has to be written overnight. You can get the characters back fully once again and they become richer over the passage of time.

A lot of the blogs I follow seem to be on the verge of coming to an end. It as though we have collectively shared and honed our ability to write on a regular basis, and now we are all concluding that it is time to channel it elsewhere. And unspoken as it seems to be -- the fact that so few words are being spoken speaks volumes!

I am not formally ending my blog -- but I do not feel compelled to write everyday, as I already am.

There once was an evil bitch on a beautiful night in Menemsha

Do you see the brown-haired woman in the middle in the white shirt? Let me tell you about this woman. While vacationing on Martha's Vineyard the past few weeks, one night we decided to partake, along with a couple hundred other people, in a beautiful Menemsha sunset. As we approached, I began to intend for "a perfect parking spot." Yes, this does work. Almost always. As we approached the parked lot, there were dozens of cars milling about looking for a spot. I saw a van with all the doors open, and we stopped and asked them if they were leaving. The man said yes, but it might be a little while as he was trying to get everyone packed in. No problem. I maneuvered the car so that it was out of the way of other cars trolling around looking for a spot, and waited. Then this woman (the one I pointed out above) came from the van and said to us "it looks like we're not leaving after all." I was like, what?

Now.

It was quite possible that it was the truth because why exactly WOULD you leave a prime parking spot on a beach that was about to experience a fantastic sunset. Then she walked back towards the van and did not get in, but instead sort of went behind it like she was going to sit down on the beach. It was that movement that made me realize I was wasting my time waiting for them to leave. So we pulled away and inched back into the line of cars looking for parking spaces. Then we saw the van leave and another car pulled in (of course.) At first we all thought it was the van people who had saved the spot for someone else, and that sort of made sense. But then, when the van passed me, I noticed the woman in the car was NOT the woman who had acted as though she was the "woman of the van." Suddenly I realized what had happened. She had played us!

I said to everyone, "OHMYGOD, that evil bitch just said that and stole the parking spot. That was her waving in the other car ... the car that SHE CAME IN." Peter likes to believe all people are nice, and he said he thought I was mistaken. I bee-lined back there and sure enough, there was that woman walking with another woman towards the lobster place. I gave her an evil growly "I can't believe what type of person you are," and she just stared ahead and totally ignored me. I was totally blown away. It took me a while to get over it, literally. We just dumped all of our stuff (chairs and cooler) and Peter took the car off to find a space because I was quite possibly going to drive over the woman (oops, shit happens, right?) and he kinda sorta knows me and was probably worried about that. So I walked over to where she was sitting, as you can see, and snapped her picture. She didn't see me at first, but then it registered that she had a big-assed lense trained right at her. I just gave her the biggest most evil smile I could muster, and turned and walked away. And then I sat in my chair and hexed her. Yes, you can do that.

She is probably bald today. And quite possibly had a very awful bout with food poisoning. I am just saying.

Anyways ... if you are ever in a situation where you are waiting for a spot, and someone walks by you and says they aren't leaving -- get a second opinion -- like from the people actually near the car. Because evil lurks in all sorts of places. Even beautiful beaches.

Speaking of which ...

After all my hexing and questioning the universe why such a thing was dumped on my lap, (and a few quick vodka drinks) I was able to enjoy this. It really was beautiful, despite the number of people. There was even a group who came and set up a long table and like dining room chairs, put on a table cloth and sat there eating their lobster. What was so silly was that they weren't paying any attention to the sunset -- they were far more interested in how clever they were. In a world of one-up-manship, I was happy that I'd managed to abstain from all the fanfare and was quite happy with our cheese and crackers and cocktails. I mean, do you really need anything else when you have this:

No. You do not. And a beautiful ball of gorgeous sun can make all the evil go away.

Stupid worm

This is how my morning began. I went out to the garden to harvest as much kale and cucumber and zucchini as I could fit into a cooler for the next two weeks, since I am off to Martha's Vineyard. As I went by the tomato plants, I noticed that the upper branches looked funny. I inspected closer and realized they were BEING EATEN. Shit. Then I noticed this stuff all over the ground, and upon closer inspection realized I was looking face to face with one of these ugly things. My tomato plants were covered with them. I am sorry, but would you want to touch one of those? They are several inches long and they cling on to the branch with suction cups. They are just icky.

I did what any new gardener would do (what did they do before the internet?) and I quickly googled in creepy slug on my tomato plant. That actually worked, and up popped the Horned Worm. Yep, that was it. The solution? Well you can spray with something that I do not have, and remember, I am organic, so the next solution was to pick them all off. Lovely.

So I took a pair of kitchen tongs and a jar with a lid and off I went and plucked these creepy crawlies off my plants. I collected about ten, and then Peter came out and instantly found three more where I had been staring. Which leads me to believe there are a whole hell of a lot more out there. But I am leaving and will not have time to search for them, which also leads me to believe that when I return my garden will be a ghost town. They eat SOOOOOOOOO much. They are almost amazing. And my question is, why the hell don't they eat the fricking zucchini?

It has been a long day and it's only 11:00!

Remember ... summer of EXCESS

Yesterday I went to the beach -- not to the balmy waters of Nantucket -- but the searing cold waters of the N.H. coast. OHMYGOD. It was hot out (excessively so!) and there was no sea breeze. So really the only option was to go into the water to cool off. The problem with that is one step into the water and your body started to freeze. Go numb. How delightful. There were also no waves, so the only way to actually get completely wet was to wade through the water until you got to your waist and then you just had to duck under. Torture. True water torture.

I did it exactly five times. Five times I grit my teeth and ignored the pain of brutally cold water upon my skin ... all in the name of cooling off. Around 6:00 something happened and there was suddenly a breeze off the water. Thank you.

Then once the sun sank behind a house (the unfortunate problem when the sun is not setting in the ocean!) we went for dinner. We had a lovely table overlooking the beach and ocean, and it was a spectacular night. It was a barely waning moon that was twinkling upon the sea ... just lovely. My ride home in the open Jeep was a little ... FRICKING FREEZING! Geesh. When I left Exeter it was 72 degrees ... and that is quite bearable. I had put on a jacket and the heat was on, but it was windy out and my head was getting battered. I put on a hat, but that left a small gap between the middle of my ears to the top of my neck where the wind was hitting! Seriously, it was cold! By the time I drove into my driveway near midnight, it was 63 degrees, and let me tell you, with the wind howling that is just plain EXCESSIVELY cold. What did you say? Put the top up? yeah, right.

I was really tired and anxious to go to bed, so I did. Except, I couldn't sleep. The moon was blaring EXCESSIVELY into my window and suddenly my exhaustion had turned into can't sleep. I tossed, I turned, I fell asleep only to wake up again. Totally sucked. And I had to be up before 7 to be at my CSA (community supported agriculture) farm by 8 to work. Fortunately I didn't have to pick beans or blueberries -- but flowers. Which was a piece of cake -- I didn't have to bend over or squat or anything horrific, other than tussle with bees for the flowers. But it was hot and I was dripping and it sucked the life right out of me. By the time I got home, I was drained. Completely. EXCESSIVELY so!

I hate to be tired ... in fact, I despise it. But it's really because I am tired, so I can't do much to combat it! I spent a few hours laying about reading (I am not a napper, I WISH I was, but I am not.) But I still feel like a used up dishrag. Lovely, huh?

I have to pack as I am leaving for the Vineyard for two weeks in two days. I hate packing. I should make a list so that I can figure out what I need to do. Or not.

So that's that story. An excessive bitching session, right?!!!

The Summer of Excess

Forget about the zucchini, it's now the cucumbers that have taken over. I just pulled 20 from the garden, and there are many more to follow. Maddie and I also picked another 18 quarts of blueberries today. My desk is covered with recipes ranging from zucchini entrees to bread and blueberry cakes, scones and muffins. And now, pickle recipes. I also have to head back out there and get the rest of the peas and well, the lettuce is bolting and I just feel as though a million guests have arrived for a party I'm not prepared for!

Talk about food overload. And it's all so volatile -- it's not like I can pick it all and it will last. Oh no, I have to deal with it PRONTO. I must admit, I left some zucchini on the vine. Why not see how big I can grow one? I mean, let's turn it into a sport! The world's largest zucchini is better than 10 little ones I can't eat!

I am going to check with a food pantry -- of course we have nothing local (or do we, do I not know about something?) but there is one on the way to Charlie's school and he has to do a tour on Friday, so we can stop by and see if they want some of the bounty.

Today it is cloudy and in the 70's with a breeze. In a normal summer, we would call it a yucky day, in terms of not good beach weather. Well, the lack of excessive humidity is a sheer gift from the gods. To sit here and not sweat is a delicious treat. It was perfect blueberry picking weather, I don't think I sweat a drop. Yesterday I picked blueberries for my CSA, and it was brutal in the hot sun. Three days of blueberry picking in a row, with today being a perfect 10. I think we are done!

Last night I drove home in the scariest thunderstorm of my life. I LOVE thunderstorms, I always have. I love the lightening, the booming and crashing, the sheer force of power they bring along with them. Well. Last night it was excessive. That is what I am going to label this summer ... The summer of Excess.

We were on the highway and ahead you could see heat lightening in the sky. Quite a show, really, and I had a feeling that we would hit a storm. I could see it ahead, and had my windshield wipers on high as the first drops hit. It was a total wall of water, and then all of a sudden the subtle heat lightening turned into these jagged lines across the sky. Flashes of lightening, jagged lines, straight ahead, to the right, to the left, overhead ... and then seemingly all of it at once, lighting up, followed by these crazy crashes of thunder. My first instinct, after slowing way down, was to pull over. The rain was crazy and the wind was causing the water on the road to act as though we were literally in a body of water with waves ... I kept looking for the spinning cow from the movie "Twister," to go by. Seriously.

Which is why I wasn't terribly inclined to stop and pull over -- because it all felt wrong. It felt as though we were in a ride -- that the lightening and thunder and rain and wind were all on overkill to make the ride more exciting. Except, it wasn't a ride. It was real, and suddenly I wasn't so sure the tin can we were in was even safe! Sure, you hear that the car is the safest place to be in a lightening storm, and I've actually never met anyone who was hit by lightening in their car (their house yes, but not a car!) But this was no run-of-the-mill lightening. This was lightening on steroids. I was SO THANKFUL that I had the beast of a car and not the Jeep with the canvas cover. I am not sure we would have survived in that!

Someone today said that there was hail in the storm. Seriously, it was so loud and overwhelming I wouldn't have noticed if there was hail. Could have been -- between the cacophony of sound from the skies, the windshield wipers going berserk and our screaming and scared out of our minds laughter, there could have been cats hitting the car and I wouldn't have noticed.

These pictures I have on here are exactly what it was like -- crazy stuff. I am somewhat relieved that they exist though, because it proves I'm not crazy!

I am not a sissy, and I repeat I love storms. But this was crazy violent and relentless. Is Mother Earth pissed or what?

I think so. I'm staying out of her way as much as possible!

FYI

I don't care that she had to go to jail.

You know, in case you were wondering.

I knew better

I really did. When I was planting seeds in my little containers I thought you really don't need THAT many zucchini. But the seeds are so teeny and it all seems so presumptuous that they will grow into anything, that I planted like six. And thought I was risking having NONE of them grow.

Yeah, no.

All six grew and then when it came time to plant them in the garden, I felt like such a bad mother only choosing three of them. The other three I apologized to profusely and left them in a tray by the garage in the event either of the three died.

Yeah, no.

They did not die, in fact, they are healthy as hell and producing hundreds of zucchini a day. Or maybe I am exaggerating, but I have these things everywhere ... and if you don't pick them they grow leaps and bounds overnight. They are kind of freaking me out. Currently I have six sitting on my counter so I can make bread. Except you only need like maybe the meat of ONE of them. I just made blueberry muffins -- and the thought of zucchini bread only makes me wince.

We picked 18 quarts of blueberries today. I am working on getting those frozen and of course had to make the obligatory blueberry muffins. I don't think anything tastes better in this world than a muffin made with berries you've just picked. I could eat them all, but I am also waiting for pizza dough to rise so that I can make zucchini pizza. (Yes, I am THAT desperate!) It is crazy how much food there is to be eaten -- and painful to know it is all going to rot. I keep saying that letting the zucchini go directly from the garden to the compost isn't really the end of the world, but it's hard.

Oh, and those three extra plants? They have slithered off into the deep grass and are undoubtedly growing great amounts that I can't see. But I am not going to look. What you don't know about can't hurt you!