Living in the moment

Peter always needs to do, do, do.  He believes that if you are doing nothing (which constitutes any type of activity that is pursued sitting on your butt, like writing, reading, meditating) then you are WASTING your day, life, whatever.

Once upon a time I bought into this.  For like a day or two.  But I was sitting on the deck that Peter and his father had built the weekend before, basking in the sunshine and reading the Sunday newspaper, when his father walked by with a ladder towards some unknown project and commented how I was wasting the day away.

Oh, really?  Then why build the deck if you can't sit on it?  Why are newspapers printed if it is a waste of time to read them?  Who invented deck chairs if sitting on them was a WASTE OF TIME?  And I realized that no, I wasn't wasting my time.  I was being.  And therefore, from that day on, I became the anti-worker around the house.  I was done.  Don't ever tell me I am wasting my time, because I will only do it ten times more, if only to bug you.  So it was a stand of stubborness mingled with the underlying feeling of what is the point of working all week if you can't ever enjoy yourself?  Balance is huge.  Peter doesn't have it.  None of his family really does.

And I was fine with the disengagement.  But not totally.  For many years I associated my identity with being a working person -- I needed to be a working person, a person with a purpose, a job to go to everyday and therefore not WASTE the day away.  I bought into it, and when I stopped working, it took a long time to stop feeling as though my days were frittering away like sand through open fingers.

But those days are long gone ... baby!  Oh yes -- I love waking up each day to the mountain of possibility.  But each day Peter wakes up to ... the need to do something.

Back to A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle:

The ego knows nothing of Being but believes you will eventually be saved by doing.  If you are in the grip of the ego, you believe that by doing more and more you will eventually accumulate enough "doings" to make yourself feel complete at some point in the future.  You won't.  You will only lose yourself in doing.  The entire civilization is losing itself in doing that is not rooted in Being and thus becomes futile.

Well, the good news is we all just got free passes to be lazy!  I mean, if we are doing then it means our ego is being pushy and we really need to ignore that ego!  Oh, I can turn things around, I am a spin doctor .... yeah yeah.

No, seriously, there is doing and there is Being.  And you find Being in the still, alert presence of Consciousness itself, the Consciousness that you are.  Human is form.  Being is formless.  Human and Being are not separate but interwoven.

After reading that I kept thinking Human Being.  We are called Human Beings.  Doesn't that sound so weird?  I am a human being.  I think this is what the book talks about when your mind gets jumbled in thought!  If I am a human being, does that make Peter a human doing? HAHAHA.

So what if you don't know who you are?  What if you don't know what it means to be yourself?

If you can be absolutely comfortable with not knowing who you are, then what's left is who you are -- the Being behind the human, the field of pure potentiality rather than something that is already defined.

This really goes against anything we have even been taught.  What are you going to be when you grow up is one of the first questions we are asked when we are little.  Well, I don't know, you will answer, but you will quickly see that that is NOT the right one!  So if you really don't know, you will say doctor, lawyer, indian chief.  (Well at least that's what I said!) and they will roll their eyes because again, you didn't answer the question properly.  But there was Johnny over there with his arms crossed over his chest and he would close his book and say "I am going to be President of the United States," and the adult would beam and say that is wonderful Johnny.

Kiss ass.  Never did like those Johnny's.  But now I know that NOT knowing was the right answer!

In form, you are and will always be inferior to some, superior to others.  In essence, you are neither inferior nor superior to anyone.

So ha Johnny!

So this morning, while I was laying in bed reading, Peter came along in an incredible burst of doing, commented on my perceived laziness, rushed off, returned later to comment on my perceived laziness, I then read him excerpts from the book and basically told him his perpetual state of doing was futile and he asked what that meant and I said he needed to learn to chill and then ... he sat in a chair in the living room all day and watched TV and then said he didn't feel good.

So I believe I sucked out his essence of being by saying he couldn't do and therefore he is deflated and empty.

There was no mention in the book of this possibly happening.  I may have to insist upon a disclaimer, like smoking is hazardous to your health on cigarette packages, this book will have to say that reading this may be hazardous to your doing.

And the other thing -- when he is doing he is not being in my space.   Hey, you can't save everyone ... one enlightened person at a time, let's not get crazy here.

Dissecting loss

What would it be like to lose everything?  This happened yesterday to a family we know -- their house burned down and they lost their home, their possessions and their pets.

It is such a profound loss that it takes a while for it to sink in.  As word spread across the community, you could feel that everyone had the same reaction -- that feeling in your gut that lodges there and won't go away, and keeps reminding you that something is NOT RIGHT.  And then you put yourself in the same position.

What would it be like to leave your house in the morning and then return to find it completely gone?

My first feeling was of course the horror of losing loved and cherished animals.  Unlike objects, they are irreplaceable and forever gone.  Very hard to imagine, and my heart goes out to them for the grief they must feel.  

Then I thought, wow, there would be no place to "go."

Everyday you go home.  Your house is where you "go."  It is where you keep everything, where you sleep, sit, eat, etc.  I actually construed the loss of a place to "go" to be more keen than the loss of possessions, interestingly enough.

I woke up this morning with the thought that I need to safeguard those items that are irreplaceable -- like photos, all the boxes I have of unfinished novels and short stories, my diaries and the contents of my computer ... and I really didn't get that much further.  Clothes, who cares.  I can't think of one item of clothing that I couldn't live without.  If I go from room to room, I am somewhat amazed at how little attachment I have to the items contained within.

I have jewelry -- nothing expensive, a lot of earrings, a few necklaces ... wouldn't be a huge big deal.

I love my computer -- but with the exception of its contents (and that is something I intend to safeguard for real this time, no more back-ups are for sissies mentality!) I could get another one.  My cookbooks, which I have dog-eared with my most favorite recipes, well, it would be an inconvenience, but not by an means all that horrible.  I love all my books, but I've read most of them and could always buy them again if I needed to.  That goes with the majority of the furniture -- we don't really have any precious antiques -- some bureaus from grandparents, bedside tables, that kind of thing, but they are utilitarian mostly for me.

So what am I saying?  That it would be no big deal?  No, of course not.   But I think it would be more of a huge pain in the neck to have to replace things than the overall feeling that I can't continue life without the things that were lost.

This is of course very easy to say as I type on my computer in my office within my intact house and surrounded by my dogs.  I am not in any way trying to minimize the tragedy that has befallen this family -- I am more trying to impart how interesting I found it that there are so many things I would not grieve.  I was even saying to Peter that it would feel like a rebirth -- a chance to start over without the encumbrances of things that we have been hauling around with us for years and years and years.

He didn't believe me, and maybe I don't even believe myself.  In any case, it is a massive blow and it really gets you thinking, because it could happen to anyone.

Down ego! Bad ego!

Yes, this is more about the book, A New Earth -- because it is really quite fascinating.  (At least to me!  But you always have the choice to visit more exciting blogs!)

What I have been reading has been focused on the ego -- which is really quite a monster.  Ego is a conglomeration of recurring thought forms and conditioned mental-emotional patters that are invested with a sense of I, a sense of self.

Now that doesn't sound so bad, right?  Recurring thought forms, how bad can that be?  If I am not mistaken -- and heaven only knows I could be -- the problem with a sense of I is that we attach an "I am this," or "I am that," but the ultimate truth of who you are is  just ...

I am.

No this or that.

In most cases, when you say "I" it is the ego speaking -- these thoughts and emotions, a bundle of memories you identify with as the "me and my story," of habitual roles you play without knowing.

If I was squirming in my seat with the whole Feed the world with my Kirby thing, then I was really squirming when I discovered I am in love with my ego and I don't think I can become enlightened because it doesn't sound like it would be any fun.

What?

Well, apparently there is this egoic compulsive habit of faultfinding and complaining about others.  Umm, this is like my favorite sport!  And then, whilst squirming, I thought, well, gee, if I can't find fault with others, what will I BLOG about?  It's so fun to pick on people, to find faults, to dive into conspiracy theories ... I feel like Hansel and Gretl -- like I stumbled upon the house built of candy (the book) and upon getting inside find there is a big mean witch inside who is going to kill me.

For I believe without my ego, I will be ... no fun.

Yes, I said it.  And I bet if I read further I will read about how the ego will try to TRICK you into believing that it is too important, that you will lose all sense of self (ummm, hello, I think that is so!) and so therefore you will hang onto it -- and then you are back at square one.  Completely unenlightened and destined for a dark future of swirling bad thoughts and complaining complaining complaining.  (Which apparently is one of the ego's favorite strategies for strengthening itself.)

DO YOU SEE WHAT IT IS DOING?  My ego is complaining about how it doesn't want to be dissolved and therefore it is strengthening itself and I am a willing participant.  DOWN EGO!  

My puppy doesn't listen to me either when I say DOWN.  What hope do I have to keep the ego on its haunches?

And in a very confusing twist, it says that the ego's greatest enemy is the present moment, which is to say, life itself.

(A life without bitching?  Say it isn't so!)

It also says, Sometimes it becomes obvious that the ego doesn't really want change so that it can go on complaining.

I think me and my ego, we're simpatico on this!  Though when I read what it's all about, it makes me think maybe it's not such a lofty goal -- lolling around in all this ego.

When you complain, by implication you are right and the person or situation you complain about or react against is wrong.  There is nothing that strengthens the ego more than being right.

...you need to make others wrong in order to get a strong sense of who you are ... Being right places you in a position of imagined moral superiority in relation to the person or situation that is being judged and found wanting.  It is that sense of superiority the ego craves and through which it enhances itself.

And this is bad, huh?  ::::::::::::::::big sigh::::::::::::::::::::::

I read further ... and it speaks of Truth and when you find it, your actions will be in alignment with it.  

So I am off to seek the Truth, but **I** am not sure if I WANT to. 

So there.  :P

A New Earth

I stopped reading Oprah's book club selections years ago -- because she was drawn to extremely depressing and dark material.  In fact, if I saw the Oprah stamp on a book, I would make a point NOT to buy it.

But obviously I was alone in that -- because that woman has power.  I do watch her show, though I don't actually like her.   But she is really the only game in town if you are interested in getting your message out to the masses -- I don't think there is anyone else out there who can reach as many people as she does.   So she attracts great people, interesting people, people who have a lot to say.  And therefore, she draws me.   (haha!)

I am a willing fly to her spidery web!  And for the first time in a very long time, I am reading her latest book selection -- A New Earth: Awakening to your Life's Purpose by Eckhart Tolle.  I have also joined, along with 300,000 others, the "classroom" that she and Eckhart Tolle will be running online starting in March.  I have been sucked in ... big time.

But I was thinking about it ... how for years now she has been building up this base of readers who probably wouldn't read at all if she wasn't telling them what to read.  And that is not a bad thing.

In the few chapters that I have read, I have come across countless thoughts and ideas that I have underlined.  (And through another Oprah moment, or from watching the show that featured all of her favorite things, I purchased one of the Post-It highlighter pens that has the post-its right in the pen.  It truly is a clever little invention and also makes you go  highlighting/post-it crazy!)

From the book:

We are running out of time.  From the perspective of the ego, that’s bad news and will give rise to fear.  From a higher perspective, the running out of time is exactly what is needed for the new consciousness to come into this world.

President Bush used fear to create his new world, so what is the difference for this man, who calls himself a contemporary spiritual teacher, to spout such doom and gloom?

Well first off, unlike American taxpayers who must fund a war they might not be interested in being in at all, we are not forced to purchase a book we have no desire to read.   To read about this particular doom and gloom is a choice, and chances are if you are choosing such a book it  is because you have an open mind.

From the book:

The physical needs for food, water, shelter, clothing and basic comforts could be easily met for all humans on the planet, were it not for the imbalance of resources created by the insane and rapacious need for more, the greed of the ego.

It makes me squirm in my seat, just reading that.  Talk about Catholic guilt, I have "could feed

the whole world but I bought a Kirby guilt ..." and heaven only knows the Kirby is only the tip of the iceberg.  But it's SO HARD TO STOP.

According to the book, the thought forms of "me," "mine," of "more than," of "I want," "I need," "I must have," and of "not enough" pertain not to content but to the structure of the ego.  And as long as you don't recognize those thought forms within yourself you will believe in what they say -- you will be condemned to acting out those unconscious thoughts, condemned to seeking and not finding.

(Honestly, I just wanted to keep my house clean.)  But there you go "I wanted ..."  It says that no matter what you have or get, you won't be happy.  You will always be looking for something else that promises greater fulfillment, that promises to make your incomplete sense of self complete and fill that sense of lack you feel within.

So what do I want?  Ahhh, there it comes again, the "I want."

According to the book, how do you let go of attachment of things?  It says to not even try, that it's impossible!  But ... this attachment will drop away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them.

I suppose I will have to seek therapy to figure out what I am seeing of myself in a vacuum cleaner.   But I truly did not spend much of my life wanting the thing either.  I don't spend a lot of time trying to decide whether or not to buy something.  If it seems practical, useful and I guess will bring me pleasure, then I buy it.

This apparently needs to stop as it is a roadblock to my enlightenment.  But then get this, from the book:

Anti-consumerism would be another thought form, another mental position, that can replace identification with possessions.  Through it you could make yourself right and others wrong.  And as we shall see later, making yourself right and others wrong is one of the principal egoic mind patterns, one of the main forms of unconsciousness.

Oy, I don't have a prayer.  I am here, on earth, and enlightenment is that tiny speck of a moon, beautiful in the sky but you can't get there from here.

I suppose it is not completely ridiculous to feel overwhelmed on Chapter two.  In case you are wondering if I am enjoying the book, let's just say I am on page 52 and I have 18 post it stickies marking pages where I have underlined text.

Thought-provoking ... and exciting.

In the news

I was reading that there are sharks swarming off the Florida coast.  Those are two words -- sharks, swarming -- that when put together sounds very ominous.

So why do I think that the next headline I will be reading is "woman's arm bitten off by shark off Florida coast," or "Small boy loses lower torso as shark takes a bite off Florida coast," or ... well you get the picture.

So here's a little word of advice:  If there are sharks swarming -- off the Florida coast, off any coast, in any body of water that you are dipping your toe in, or even your bathtub.  

  S T A Y  O U T  O F  T H E  W A T E R.

That is my public service message of the day. 

You are welcome.

Food for thought

I read this first thing this morning and it stuck in my head all day long:

     When we meet someone who is a particularly strong mirror for us, we feel an intense attraction (or we may experience it initially as a repulsion or dislike; either way, there's a strong feeling).  If that person is of the right sex and has certain characteristics, we may experience the feeling as a sexual attraction.  When the energy is particularly strong we have an experience we call "falling in love."

     

     Falling in love is actually a powerful experience of feeling the universe move through you.  The other person has become a channel for you, a catalyst that triggers you to open up to the love, beauty, and passion within you.  Your own channel opens wide, the universal energy comes pouring through, and you have a blissful moment of "enlightenment" very similar to the experiences some people have after long periods of meditation.

     

     This is the most thrilling and passionate experience in the world and of course we want to hold onto it.  Unfortunately, we don't realize that we are truly experiencing the universe within ourselves.  We recognize that the other person has triggered this experience and we think it is him or her that is so wonderful!  Of course, at the moment of falling in love we are accurately perceiving the beauty of that person's spirit, but we don't recognize that it is a mirror of our own.  We just know that we feel this great feeling when we're with them, so we immediately start to give our power away to them, start to put our source of happiness outside of ourselves.

     The other person immediately becomes an object -- something we want to possess and hold onto.  The relationship becomes an addiction: as with a drug, we want more and more of the thing that gets us high.  The problem is that we get addicted to the person's form, not recognizing that it's the energy we want.  We focus on the personality and the body, and try to grab onto it, to keep it.  The minute we do this, the energy gets blocked.  By grabbing hold of the channel so tightly we are actually strangling it and closing off the very energy we seek.

     True passion brings us together but neediness inevitably takes over shortly thereafter.  The relationship starts to die almost as soon as it blooms.  Then we really panic and usually hold on even tighter.  The initial feeling of falling in love was so powerful that we sometimes spend years trying to recreate it, but the more we try, the more it eludes us.  It's only when we give up and let go that the energy starts to flow again, and we can touch that same feeling.

     And I will leave you with that ... food for thought ... as I myself continue to explore what it is that has struck me so profoundly.

     Don't worry, I'll share :)

 

Lobbyists, interns, it all comes down to sex

Report Shadows McCain ... the headline reads ... was there an inappropriate relationship with a lobbyist?

                                   McCain's wife stands by his side as he claims that the lobbyist was just a good friend.  (Poor wives, always standing by their men.   She ought to chat with Hilary, she knows all about that.)

Hey, look at the guy -- would YOU sleep with him? What type of gain does a lobbyist have for sleeping with a senator?  (I really don't know, I am asking!)  Personally, I just rolled my eyes when I read that, because really, who cares?   The only time they bring out the mud is when someone is losing ... they call them their aces in the holes, their ticket to victory ... whatever.   And I think that we the people should ignore all of it -- ALL of it.  If we didn't learn anything from the Clinton/Lewinsky saga, then shame on us all.

I was reading an article that said that Hilary is going to be bringing out the big guns now that she is losing to Obama ... really gonna sling the dirt.  I can't wait to see what he got himself into.  Smoked pot?  Yeah, so.  Slept with 10 women at once.  Good for him.  Stole pieces of other people's speeches -- oh that's right, she already used that.  What, she writes her own speeches, never borrows a word from anyone?  PUHLEESE.  She's probably fired more speech writers than he's hired.   You know, because she has ALL the experience!

If he has begged, borrowed, cheated or lied, then so has she.  We shouldn't care about things that don't affect their overall mission -- which is to try to undo the Bush wacking we've been taking.  If they had sex, will have sex, want to smoke pot, or will lie to someone for the greater good of mankind, then so be it.  We all tell our children there is a Santa Claus ... lying is part of life, as is sex.  I am sick of hearing about the things we all do as something that elected officials can't do unless it's with their wives or WHATEVER.  

Think about the time and effort each candidate must put forth in order to be good all the time.  It's just so stupid.   And really, you can't have more than one Watergate ... that was big, huge, DEEP THROAT ... and it's never gonna happen again.  We all know the intimate details of what Clinton and Monica did ... and yet, impeachment or no, he stuck it out until the bitter end.  I am saying, it means nothing.  Bush should be impeached for commiting crimes left and right, but we ignore all of that.  It's no fun, it's not sex or drugs or rock and roll.  

It doesn't create good copy.  Scandal is fun, but only if you can say someone is doing something inappropriate.  McCain doing his lobbyist ... now that's something to worry about!

Give me a break.