Stupid worm

This is how my morning began. I went out to the garden to harvest as much kale and cucumber and zucchini as I could fit into a cooler for the next two weeks, since I am off to Martha's Vineyard. As I went by the tomato plants, I noticed that the upper branches looked funny. I inspected closer and realized they were BEING EATEN. Shit. Then I noticed this stuff all over the ground, and upon closer inspection realized I was looking face to face with one of these ugly things. My tomato plants were covered with them. I am sorry, but would you want to touch one of those? They are several inches long and they cling on to the branch with suction cups. They are just icky.

I did what any new gardener would do (what did they do before the internet?) and I quickly googled in creepy slug on my tomato plant. That actually worked, and up popped the Horned Worm. Yep, that was it. The solution? Well you can spray with something that I do not have, and remember, I am organic, so the next solution was to pick them all off. Lovely.

So I took a pair of kitchen tongs and a jar with a lid and off I went and plucked these creepy crawlies off my plants. I collected about ten, and then Peter came out and instantly found three more where I had been staring. Which leads me to believe there are a whole hell of a lot more out there. But I am leaving and will not have time to search for them, which also leads me to believe that when I return my garden will be a ghost town. They eat SOOOOOOOOO much. They are almost amazing. And my question is, why the hell don't they eat the fricking zucchini?

It has been a long day and it's only 11:00!

Remember ... summer of EXCESS

Yesterday I went to the beach -- not to the balmy waters of Nantucket -- but the searing cold waters of the N.H. coast. OHMYGOD. It was hot out (excessively so!) and there was no sea breeze. So really the only option was to go into the water to cool off. The problem with that is one step into the water and your body started to freeze. Go numb. How delightful. There were also no waves, so the only way to actually get completely wet was to wade through the water until you got to your waist and then you just had to duck under. Torture. True water torture.

I did it exactly five times. Five times I grit my teeth and ignored the pain of brutally cold water upon my skin ... all in the name of cooling off. Around 6:00 something happened and there was suddenly a breeze off the water. Thank you.

Then once the sun sank behind a house (the unfortunate problem when the sun is not setting in the ocean!) we went for dinner. We had a lovely table overlooking the beach and ocean, and it was a spectacular night. It was a barely waning moon that was twinkling upon the sea ... just lovely. My ride home in the open Jeep was a little ... FRICKING FREEZING! Geesh. When I left Exeter it was 72 degrees ... and that is quite bearable. I had put on a jacket and the heat was on, but it was windy out and my head was getting battered. I put on a hat, but that left a small gap between the middle of my ears to the top of my neck where the wind was hitting! Seriously, it was cold! By the time I drove into my driveway near midnight, it was 63 degrees, and let me tell you, with the wind howling that is just plain EXCESSIVELY cold. What did you say? Put the top up? yeah, right.

I was really tired and anxious to go to bed, so I did. Except, I couldn't sleep. The moon was blaring EXCESSIVELY into my window and suddenly my exhaustion had turned into can't sleep. I tossed, I turned, I fell asleep only to wake up again. Totally sucked. And I had to be up before 7 to be at my CSA (community supported agriculture) farm by 8 to work. Fortunately I didn't have to pick beans or blueberries -- but flowers. Which was a piece of cake -- I didn't have to bend over or squat or anything horrific, other than tussle with bees for the flowers. But it was hot and I was dripping and it sucked the life right out of me. By the time I got home, I was drained. Completely. EXCESSIVELY so!

I hate to be tired ... in fact, I despise it. But it's really because I am tired, so I can't do much to combat it! I spent a few hours laying about reading (I am not a napper, I WISH I was, but I am not.) But I still feel like a used up dishrag. Lovely, huh?

I have to pack as I am leaving for the Vineyard for two weeks in two days. I hate packing. I should make a list so that I can figure out what I need to do. Or not.

So that's that story. An excessive bitching session, right?!!!

The Summer of Excess

Forget about the zucchini, it's now the cucumbers that have taken over. I just pulled 20 from the garden, and there are many more to follow. Maddie and I also picked another 18 quarts of blueberries today. My desk is covered with recipes ranging from zucchini entrees to bread and blueberry cakes, scones and muffins. And now, pickle recipes. I also have to head back out there and get the rest of the peas and well, the lettuce is bolting and I just feel as though a million guests have arrived for a party I'm not prepared for!

Talk about food overload. And it's all so volatile -- it's not like I can pick it all and it will last. Oh no, I have to deal with it PRONTO. I must admit, I left some zucchini on the vine. Why not see how big I can grow one? I mean, let's turn it into a sport! The world's largest zucchini is better than 10 little ones I can't eat!

I am going to check with a food pantry -- of course we have nothing local (or do we, do I not know about something?) but there is one on the way to Charlie's school and he has to do a tour on Friday, so we can stop by and see if they want some of the bounty.

Today it is cloudy and in the 70's with a breeze. In a normal summer, we would call it a yucky day, in terms of not good beach weather. Well, the lack of excessive humidity is a sheer gift from the gods. To sit here and not sweat is a delicious treat. It was perfect blueberry picking weather, I don't think I sweat a drop. Yesterday I picked blueberries for my CSA, and it was brutal in the hot sun. Three days of blueberry picking in a row, with today being a perfect 10. I think we are done!

Last night I drove home in the scariest thunderstorm of my life. I LOVE thunderstorms, I always have. I love the lightening, the booming and crashing, the sheer force of power they bring along with them. Well. Last night it was excessive. That is what I am going to label this summer ... The summer of Excess.

We were on the highway and ahead you could see heat lightening in the sky. Quite a show, really, and I had a feeling that we would hit a storm. I could see it ahead, and had my windshield wipers on high as the first drops hit. It was a total wall of water, and then all of a sudden the subtle heat lightening turned into these jagged lines across the sky. Flashes of lightening, jagged lines, straight ahead, to the right, to the left, overhead ... and then seemingly all of it at once, lighting up, followed by these crazy crashes of thunder. My first instinct, after slowing way down, was to pull over. The rain was crazy and the wind was causing the water on the road to act as though we were literally in a body of water with waves ... I kept looking for the spinning cow from the movie "Twister," to go by. Seriously.

Which is why I wasn't terribly inclined to stop and pull over -- because it all felt wrong. It felt as though we were in a ride -- that the lightening and thunder and rain and wind were all on overkill to make the ride more exciting. Except, it wasn't a ride. It was real, and suddenly I wasn't so sure the tin can we were in was even safe! Sure, you hear that the car is the safest place to be in a lightening storm, and I've actually never met anyone who was hit by lightening in their car (their house yes, but not a car!) But this was no run-of-the-mill lightening. This was lightening on steroids. I was SO THANKFUL that I had the beast of a car and not the Jeep with the canvas cover. I am not sure we would have survived in that!

Someone today said that there was hail in the storm. Seriously, it was so loud and overwhelming I wouldn't have noticed if there was hail. Could have been -- between the cacophony of sound from the skies, the windshield wipers going berserk and our screaming and scared out of our minds laughter, there could have been cats hitting the car and I wouldn't have noticed.

These pictures I have on here are exactly what it was like -- crazy stuff. I am somewhat relieved that they exist though, because it proves I'm not crazy!

I am not a sissy, and I repeat I love storms. But this was crazy violent and relentless. Is Mother Earth pissed or what?

I think so. I'm staying out of her way as much as possible!

FYI

I don't care that she had to go to jail.

You know, in case you were wondering.

I knew better

I really did. When I was planting seeds in my little containers I thought you really don't need THAT many zucchini. But the seeds are so teeny and it all seems so presumptuous that they will grow into anything, that I planted like six. And thought I was risking having NONE of them grow.

Yeah, no.

All six grew and then when it came time to plant them in the garden, I felt like such a bad mother only choosing three of them. The other three I apologized to profusely and left them in a tray by the garage in the event either of the three died.

Yeah, no.

They did not die, in fact, they are healthy as hell and producing hundreds of zucchini a day. Or maybe I am exaggerating, but I have these things everywhere ... and if you don't pick them they grow leaps and bounds overnight. They are kind of freaking me out. Currently I have six sitting on my counter so I can make bread. Except you only need like maybe the meat of ONE of them. I just made blueberry muffins -- and the thought of zucchini bread only makes me wince.

We picked 18 quarts of blueberries today. I am working on getting those frozen and of course had to make the obligatory blueberry muffins. I don't think anything tastes better in this world than a muffin made with berries you've just picked. I could eat them all, but I am also waiting for pizza dough to rise so that I can make zucchini pizza. (Yes, I am THAT desperate!) It is crazy how much food there is to be eaten -- and painful to know it is all going to rot. I keep saying that letting the zucchini go directly from the garden to the compost isn't really the end of the world, but it's hard.

Oh, and those three extra plants? They have slithered off into the deep grass and are undoubtedly growing great amounts that I can't see. But I am not going to look. What you don't know about can't hurt you!

Dream a little dream

The kids and I went to see the movie Inception, with Leonardo DiCaprio. It was really, really good. The movie is about dreams, and entering them via some machine they've cooked up that hooks you all together. Then their dream becomes your reality, so if someone is shooting at you, then someone is shooting at you. Though if you are shot, then you just wake up. Unless ... you have a dream inside a dream. Or inside yet another dream. It's all about dream layers, and the rules change with each layer. As does time.

So ... you have to somehow figure out what is real, what is not and in which layer they are in! It was fun to try to figure it all out, I thoroughly enjoyed it, and unlike so many movies these days, where you are forced to suspend belief in order to continue watching a movie star being shot at, driven over and flying through the air with the greatest of ease in the midst of an explosion, always to land on their feet with maybe a bruised shoulder.

I have been having this really irritating dream for over a month now. In my dream I have forgotten to do something. Sometimes I get really close to figuring that out, and then when I wake up it is so real to me -- this forgetting something. And I think, HAVE I forgotten something? It feels as though it is something I am supposed to do TO myself ... take a pill, put on a certain cream, I don't know, the details are fuzzy ... but whatever this imperative thing is, it is upsetting me IN my dream that I have continued to forget it, night after night after night. And sometimes I wake up SURE that there is this something, and yet, as the dream fades away, I become less sure. It is making me a little nuts ... because I am SORT OF sure and positive that this has no merit. But then, why does it keep happening, night after night?

This movie was interesting to me from the perspective of when you are in a dream you aren't sure what is real and what isn't. Having actually experienced that, it was very easy to see that if you are in a dream, then you wouldn't know it. They figure out a way to keep track of reality, but in truth, it's a tenuous grasp.

I think at this particular mid-stage of life (I am not sure why, but the term middle-aged does NOT appeal to me. I have thrown it into the vault of words I despise, along with zit, clitoris and puke.) I prefer blemish, clit and throw up, FYI. Anyway, according to the things I have read, a woman approaching the brink of "the change," (I think menopause might have to go in the vault too, just don't love it) often have very vivid dreams. I have always had vivid dreams, and I have also had dreams that would include certain people in my life, which would generally mean that I would see them in the near future. So much so, that when I do dream of a particular person I haven't seen in a while, I will know for a fact that I will be seeing them within a week.

I have books on dreams and I always write down the more interesting ones. I have had dreams that I could tell you about with incredible detail right now. Without looking at my dream dictionary. In other words, I really have a thing for dreams! And I think that when you get older, your wisdom gives you more clarity in terms of what they mean. So what does this niggling dream I keep having mean?

Though there is no unerring rule as to what any given dream might be about, a good rule of thumb is to re-experience the feeling of the dream and find out where this same feeling shows up in our waking life (often alluded to by the setting of the dream, though perhaps figuratively). This is the rule of associative logic - the dream associates to our life, and sometimes to our past, by a specific feeling.

Okay, that is interesting. So I have to figure out where in my life I feel this sureness that I have forgotten something important. Hmmmmm. I guess I'll go and sleep on it!

Tonight

Our family unit is a bit off balance this weekend. While it is perfectly normal for me to go off, for a night, two nights, a week, or even a month, no one else in this family does that. Ever.

This weekend Peter and Maddie are off to Rhode Island for a softball tournament, and Charlie and I are staying home. While this shouldn't be such a big deal, the first thing I thought was WHAT CAN WE DO? We joined up with friends and had a most wonderful evening together. Charlie and Julia went out on the sunfish and disappeared for hours and Linda and I sat on the beach and chatted and caught up. As we sat on the beach, long after everyone had left, we watched falling stars and breathed in the delightful smell of s'mores that the kids were making.

It was awesome. And there was such a freedom to sit on a beach until midnight, not having to worry about calling anyone and telling them what we were doing. We completely skipped dinner -- we just wandered into cocktail hour and never looked back! Loved it.

It is almost unreal to me to believe that I am going to sleep alone (with Charlie) in this house, without Peter, for all of the 12-plus years we have lived here. Peter does not travel for work -- there were a few nights in the beginning where he thought he might plow all night and I was like, yeah, no. I am not sitting at home all night worrying about you driving thirty minutes in a blizzard to plow. I had small children (well, WE had small children, but at that point in time it seemed as though **I** had small children to care for and he had this business idea. Like I said, yeah, no.)

I was working full time and I was on the edge -- and I made it blatantly clear that if he left for even one evening, he left for good. Which brings us to now! Wow, I am woman hear me roar!

Me, I leave all the time. I travel here, I travel there. I am completely comfortable going anywhere. And let me admit, I am thrilled beyond belief that tonight I get to go to bed and TURN ON THE LIGHT and read all night long if I want to! In my own bed! It's almost scandalous how much it thrills me that this is coming to pass. Never, ever do I get to go into an empty bedroom. I always have to sneak in and not try to wake him up.

Change has always been in my blood. Always. When anything new comes along, I get excited. Even the thought of being in my own house, with a few people missing.

Tips on how not to melt in a heat wave

We are having a heat wave. Hot, humid, hazy, and just plain not fun. Yesterday I drove down to the coast to go to the beach, and you know what? It was TOO hot to go to the beach. Actually, the most relaxing part of the morning was driving in the car with the air conditioning cranked.

We don't have A/C in our house. We have a wall of heat to sit in with a few fans to blow it around. If you sit absolutely still and don't even turn a page of a magazine, you won't sweat. Otherwise, all bets are off. Right now I am just a wet, soppy mess. I would take my shirt off, but I don't have the energy. The heat sucks that right out of you, in a straw. I have a straw attached to the top of my head and the heat monster is sucking me dry. I swear, I can't drink enough, I am constantly thirsty.

Anyway, my first tip is to leave your hot, humid house and get into your car with the A/C cranked. It is like heaven. I swear, I instantly perked up the moment I drove away. Also, you should remove the wet mass of hair that is sticking to your neck and put it up. It makes a huge difference (as does removing all unnecessary clothing!) I have a jeep, which I exclusively use when it is sunny out. You do NOT travel in a convertible when it is pushing 100 degrees out. It is wrong, you need cover and freezing cold air on you. My first tip includes the caveat of driving in a car that is ENCLOSED with A/C -- just in case this isn't blatantly obvious!

I drove and drove, but the moment I stepped out of the car the wall came crashing into me again. The wall of impenetrable heat that is. My sister and I went to lunch, all the while thinking we might still go to the beach. But as we ate in an air conditioned restaurant, we decided that pedicures in air conditioning sounded so much more humane!

So that is tip number 2. Go have a pedicure! It takes a nice amount of time, you can chat, and your toes look marvelous at the end.

Then go to visit people you know who have air conditioning. In this event, my parents were in the vicinity, so we nixed the beach (we contemplated it whilst riding around in a cool car, but every time we opened the door to get out, we would gasp and shriek WE CAN'T GO TO THE BEACH) and hung out with them, and waited for the sun to set. That brought about a 15 degree drop in temperature -- and when we walked outside we didn't actually gasp, but said, oh, this isn't THAT bad. I drove home in utter comfort and walked into the inferno. Despite at least a 20 degree difference in outside temperature, the house had latched on to all that heat and was holding on for all it was worth. This is a lovely feature in the winter. Not so much in the summer!

On day 2 of our heat wave, and let me tell you, when you wake up and it is as hot out as it was the day before, you know it's going to be HOT, I had a dentist appointment. I had considered canceling it earlier in the week, because it is an hour's drive south and who wants to go to the dentist in July? Well, in a heat wave it is a luxury! You get to relax in a comfy chair and the A/C blows and blows your troubles away. So, I woke up, showered quickly, ran to car and turned on A/C, drove an hour, rushed into dentist office and relaxed. Not too bad. Then Maddie and I went to lunch, in A/C of course, and then we went to the movies. Where I FROZE.

Seriously. I forgot to grab my sweatshirt when I went in -- because the movies are always cold -- but there is something about remembering a sweatshirt when you open up your car door and that wall of heat hits you. You just don't. So I had to wrap my freezing cold arms up in my pocketbook to survive! And then of course went out to hot car and swore as it took its time cooling down!

It's a constant dance, this trying to keep cool. How many hundreds of miles do you want to put on your car during a heat wave? Me, I have no qualms, cheaper than cooling my whole house! But utilizing public spots such as I've mentioned above is really your best bet.

You can also go to the lake if you have access, which I do. But here is the thing. I feel it is TOO HOT to do that! Because then you have to return to this hellishly hot house anyway and you just sweat again.