An app for bra buying?

It used to be that I had to have EVERYTHING new. Had to. All things techie thrilled me to no end. I've had e-readers (known today as the Kindle, Sony Reader and now the iPad) for well over 20 years -- I am sure I had the first one. It was huge, clunky and there was absolutely NO content whatsoever to obtain. But I had one! Oh yes, I did!

But somewhere along the line, the sheer amount of fun, techie gadgets started to get out of control. I still have the biggest computer screen out there (iMac) because there are some things you just have to keep current, but all of a sudden my phone is a relic, my camera only has about 300 options and I have no way to get an app for that.

None. Zip. I was watching my recorded Oprah from last Friday and she was announcing her new app for her show. All I could think was first, how odd that I've lived this long without ever actually using an app, and secondly, that I totally did not give a shit.

Which brought me to the thirdly ... who am I and where did Lisa go?

I do not live and breathe my phone. In fact, I used to think that I would die if I went for a day without Internet, but as each year passes, I have actually concluded that not having it from time to time is nice. (Last summer the house we rented on the Vineyard did not have Internet. I biked to an internet cafe several times. But seriously, I just didn't miss it.) Then I used my brother's phone to read my email, and I found it to be silly. NOTHING in my inbox was worth trying to read in the palm of my hand.

I used to wonder why I didn't have an iPhone. And now I wonder why I am not all gung ho about the iPad. The ONLY reason I would get an iPad is as a reader. My Kindle has issues -- I love it and pretty much exclusively read on it, but when you hit the previous page button nine times in one sitting by accident, it can get irritating. (The second generation Kindle solved all the problems that plague me, naturally!) I have read that the iPad is hard to read outside. That would be an issue for me -- because I read outside. Because of my Kindle experience, I would not get a first-generation iPad. So that means I have to wait at least a year before I would get one ... and the old part of me that needs needs needs that stuff gets all wiggly inside and says NO WAY YOU ARE WAITING THAT LONG.

And who knows -- I haven't actually had an iPad in my hot little hands, so I don't know how badly my need will grow when it comes in contact, but I am trying to believe that I have evolved beyond a need that is driven by something other than necessity. Before I had this huge-screened iMac I had the one a few inches smaller. I thought that was good for life. But bigger and better is always fun -- I will be the first to admit!

But the truth of the matter is, the need isn't as potent as it used to be. And I like it. And I am finding that rubbing off in other areas as well. Like when I was shopping the other day with Maddie and I found a bunch of shirts in all these great colors. And then I flashed to the bunch of shirts I have at home on the shelf in all these great colors, and I actually put them back. I put them back and bought ONE shirt with the $10 off coupon I had, which brought the grand total to $5. It was actually kind of fun to NOT buy as much as I normally would have!

I don't have a shopping problem -- I actually hate to shop. But when I do find myself in a store, I will buy whatever I want because I am not all that into deprivation. But this is different -- this is evaluating need versus want -- and coming to the conclusion that just because I happen to be in a store and have stumbled upon shirts that I would most definitely wear, but don't need, does not mean I have to buy them. Interesting.

Maddie and I both needed bras. Now bras are a whole 'nother animal. For some reason I buy several bras and wear them until they are dangerous. They become dangerous by getting thrown into the dryer by accident -- because then the little metal clasps in the back get all twanged -- and then they dig into your skin. I will actually wear a bra and let this happen for months. No, it doesn't feel good, but the alternative (that being going to a store and trying on new ones) is more painful! I can't just walk in and buy the same size bra (and brand) that I did several years ago because they are so decrepit at this point there are no markings left. And you would think after wearing the same sized bra since I was in my 20's that I would recall what size I wear -- but I actually don't. I can never remember, am I a C or a D cup? In some styles I am even a B cup. Hence the reason you have to try the damn things on. Hate it. HATE IT. And most women do. Which makes no sense, because we wear them every single day. So I thought, I will just buy like six of them and I'll be good for years.

BUT I COULDN'T!!!! I don't know why. I could buy two. That seems to be my bra limit. They are expensive, but when you wear them to rags, it probably costs less than a penny a month to wear the thing by the time I replace it!!! So I could easily purchase a stack of shirts that I do not need, but a bra, which I need very badly, I have trouble buying. And Maddie would only buy one. She hates buying them too.

Now, if they had an app for that -- that would be a reason to gadget up!

Hmmmmmmmm

Meatloaf sandwich.

And a raw chocolate.

Sometimes it just doesn't get any better than that. And all relatively guilt free, after a six mile walk! In the sunshine no less. (Yesterday's walk was in a blizzard).

Raw chocolate number two was even better! Yummy yum yum.

At Whole Foods I bought a few raw candy bars and thought they were to die for; but really, the best chocolate in the world is the kind I make, with coconut oil, raw cacao powder, maple syrup and chopped up goji berries, almonds and raisins. OHMYOHMYOHMY. If I go for chocolate number three, I will be fresh out of chocolate. I made a huge batch the other day for a friend for her birthday -- and used the insert of a valentine's day chocolate heart box as the mold -- they were so yummy looking. Perhaps I need to make more?

I have not been in a blogging mood lately -- I have been pouring myself into reading. I have several books going -- all very interesting and thought-provoking. I still want to delve into the Organic Manifesto book that I read recently as well, because it had so many interesting bits of information. I have so many ideas of things to do based off that book -- it's crazy! Nothing like a really inspiring read to get your creative juices going. In addition, I have been putting a lot of the though processes and actions into action, and the results have really been astounding.

I have done this before (and I know I am being cryptic, but it's not something I am ready to talk about) and it's always amazing, but so easy to forget. Hopefully this time around it will become even more ingrained in my daily life. One can only hope! But I have to be very mindful, and that sometimes comes with a price -- and that means not filling my head with other things, like blogging ideas! As someone with a tendency to live in their head, it is very hard to do otherwise. It is actually a chore ... because I have to constantly chide myself back into the present. For me, being present is like standing on my toes: easy for a little while, but then it gets painful and you just stop.

I think for the first time in my life -- EVER -- I can't think of anything to say!

Weird.

That meatloaf sandwich was delicious.

But so ten minutes ago.

I need to run for the hills, not watch it

I was reading this afternoon. I found a little patch of sunshine in the living room, grabbed my Kindle, and settled in for a good read. I was thoroughly happy -- completely content -- when Maddie came in and asked if she could turn on the TV. My book was good, so I didn't think the TV would distract me all that much, so I said sure.

She put it on a show called "The Hills." I have never seen this show before and didn't pay that much attention at first. But I had a few questions. Like why did all these blondes (I had a hard time telling them apart at first) live in really nice houses and drive crazy nice cars? Maddie shrugged.

I asked her if they worked. Did they have jobs? Other than being blonde and having the most banal conversations with their girlfriends and boyfriends, I couldn't really see them DOING anything worth watching them. In fact, the conversations were so ridiculous, I had to start commenting. And also, I asked Maddie, was there ever anything but a full moon in Malibu? Because I'd been to California before, and thought it was the same moon we have on this coast.

She said she would never watch this show again with me in the room. As the sun began to set, I asked her why the show never ended. Oh, it was a marathon. Every season of the show since it began. Fortunately she didn't suck me in until season 5, because it is the final season before the new season begins on Tuesday night. At 10:00. Oh, yes, I know. Because I AM ADDICTED. Maddie left hours ago, and in between reading my book during commercials, I have watched this stupid show since 4:00 or so. It is now close to 8:30. It has not improved -- the conversations have remained banal -- grown women fight over the same two guys -- they're not even that cute (though Maddie disagrees) and the couple that are married are fighting because she wants to have babies now that they've been married for two months and he never wants them.

Ridiculous. (Did I say that already?) It is so high school, and I didn't even like high school, so I have no idea why I have continued to watch one episode after another. I have figured out which girl is who -- but that took a lot of episodes -- mostly blonde, perfect braced teeth, slinky little bodies and apparently nothing else to do but go out to lunch and dinner. Though they fight a lot, so they sit down in a restaurant, order a drink, then one leaves after the fight. I am left to wonder, who is paying for those drinks?

Do they lead rich, full lives, and then go out on dates with the same two guys just for the TV show? Is the girl who clearly has a drinking problem now in rehab and that is why she hasn't been on the last few episodes?

And this guy, Spencer, who is nearly in tears at the thought of his wife being pregnant: What if she is? Does he realize that a potential child will be able to pull up these episodes in the future and realize how wanted he or she was? (Should I be concerned about this? I wonder, because one of the things his wife said in a teaser about the upcoming episode was "I never thought I would get a divorce."

So that means the unwanted baby might not have to deal. That is good.

And are they sleeping with each other? They are very coy about this, and it bugs me. Oh, no, spoke to soon. Kristen is in bed with the super banal ummmm, I think Justin.

This show is incredibly stupid. But is Kristen going to stay with Justin or is she going to continue to try to get Brody back -- just so that she can fight with his girlfriend Jayde. Who is really the only dark haired girl on the show. And a total two-year-old. "You are being rude to me I am not going to let you be rude to me it is not nice when you are rude to me I am not going to talk to you if you are being rude to me."

OHMIGOD shut up already. But he of course likes her because she is always leaving him.

Did I mention the whole show is ridiculous?

Are you thinking the ridiculous part is that I am watching it AND talking about it?

I would agree with you. Except that I am busy.

You know.

Watching THE HILLS.

(The music is really good, I must say.)

Yeah. I am watching it for the music.

BAHAHAHAHA

Organic Manifesto

This morning I finished Organic Manifesto, by Maria Rodale, a book that explains how organic farming can heal our planet, feed the world and keep us safe.

My kind of book. But even more importantly, it makes me realize I am on the right path -- oh, and that path has so many curves and U-turns in it -- it's a good thing I like to travel. Right?

Last year I had my first vegetable (organic of course!) garden. It was an experiment to see whether or not a) I could even stand it, since I have this belief that I hate gardening; and b) to see whether or not it provided anything of substance. It was a successful experiment in that I didn't hate it as much as I thought I would and I loved having access to fresh lettuce, cucumbers and peppers. That is what was what I got the most of, and so this year I am starting things from seed to see how that goes -- and already I love watching everything grow in my living room.

The one constant in my life is that it is so hard to obtain fresh, organic food. Last week a friend and I went to Andover, Mass. to shop at a Whole Foods. There were several products that I had read about that were only sold there, and of course I always enjoy being surrounded by a beautiful array of happy and healthy produce. It is absolutely ridiculous, of course, to travel over an hour, into another state, for groceries. It shouldn't have to be that way, but in the book, Organic Manifesto, the author states that she is glad that it exists at all. And that is true, and a much healthier way of looking at it. I spent the most I've EVER spent at one time at a grocery store that day, and with my jaw hanging down in shock I muttered to my friend I would never shop there again! It is ridiculous, I exclaimed. I don't even have anything for dinner!

But when you break down the bill, it becomes much more understandable. For one, I bought $100 worth of skin products that I wouldn't normally buy when purchasing food, I also picked up several (very expensive I might add!) natural remedies for sinus and upper respiratory woes that we all seem to be experiencing, and three raw chocolate bars at $8 apiece. Since I make raw chocolate, I know exactly what it costs to use superior ingredients, and $8 really isn't unreasonable. But it is a total luxury, since of course I do make it, and just as well as the store-bought brand! (But that was also one of the items I had read about, only sold at Whole Foods, that I was anxious to try.)

My point is, I didn't buy anything that I don't normally buy (except for the pricey chocolate) I just don't usually buy it all at the same time at the same place! And isn't that what supermarkets were all about? One-stop shopping! Talk about a case of not being able to make ANYone happy! Here I am, driving substantially out of my way, and I am mad because it's not cheap.

It's not cheap because it is good! Good for you. Not cheap and more than likely to kill you down the road.

As stated in Organic Manifesto: "...in the United States we have come to expect -- and even feel entitled to -- certain things being cheap: gas, food, news and anything made in China. Our primal buying habits have encouraged this belief in ways that people don't usually consider, and its effects are deeper and more harmful than we may realize. You can witness the effect of price and money in our current recession. All the righteous griping from environmentalists and people like me barely makes an impression on Americans' buying habits or driving habits, but with a financial crisis and all the fear that comes with it, shopping comes to a screeching halt and the whole economic system starts falling apart."

After reading this book I feel incredibly guilty about driving a huge SUV. Sure, I can rationalize it by saying I need such a vehicle because I live on a mountain and so on, but the bottom line is, it is a tremendous luxury and it does suck down an extraordinary amount of gas, and I know we are on the wrong side of the slope in regards to Peak oil, and yet I still keep on trucking (or SUVing.) Why? I can't really answer that with anything other than, because I can. I guess I talk the talk but don't walk the walk -- at least not as much as I could.

I use the environmentally friendly shopping bags (which are clearly manufactured in China, because they don't hold up for anything and I am not sure how many trees I am using and/or saving by using them) and I do not buy bottled water and I turn out lights that are on in empty rooms, etc. But I think I just cross that all out every time I climb into my big-assed car and drive my kid 50 miles to school.

It's very frustrating. But I did get a lot of hope from this book. And I will go into even further detail about it in another post as this one is getting long and I have little seedlings crying for water!!!!

Feed me!

Something that matters

I have been taking a nice long swim in the conspiracy theory pool as of late, and it really does become so overwhelming. None of these are new to me; I have followed them for years, but what is so interesting is that no one seems to care! And I sort of get it; because what can one do? If you get too deep into anything and want to blow a whistle, you just get killed. Plane crashes, car accidents, "suicides," and the like. Every single thing that is wrong in this world, every single thing that you wonder "how could that happen," has happened by design. I mean, you can take it right back to the playground. Are all the kids playing together and getting along? There is someone on the playground that controls pretty much everything (and I don't mean a teacher!) Kids are mean to each other and the play of power is worked out at an early age. Who do you align yourself with so you don't get a wedgie and your lunch stolen?

Whether I am reading about the corruption of government; or how corporations have poisoned our water and earth or how pharmaceutical companies keep "cures" from being "discovered" because they want you to be sick and buy their drugs, forever, I am never surprised, always sad and left feeling hopeless. What can I do? Nothing really.

But I am reading this book called The Organic Manifesto, by Maria Rodale, and instead of feeling hopeless, I am feeling exactly the opposite. By greatly reducing the amount of chemical farming that takes place in the world, we can actually save the planet ... and ourselves! We can turn it around, and at the same time kill two birds with one stone: Stop pollution and killing ourselves with eating food designed to do just that. (Seriously!)

Right now my living room is full of little plants -- which has really given me a new appreciation for a greenhouse! A tiny little peat disk with a few seeds in it turns into a three inch plant within a week, which then turns into an even bigger plant, which needs to be in a bigger environment. I transplanted everything into 16 oz. beer cups (I get very thirsty when I am in the living room these days ... where's the keg?) My hope is to have them live in the garden soon, but today we woke up to several inches of snow on the ground. But I enjoy watching things grow,and I've done a bunch of experiments with the various seeds, to see what works best. I have some in the back room with little light, some on the window sill, some I've thinned down to one plant, some I've left with many. I love the experimenting of it all -- it's like cooking. I could follow directions, but it's ever so much more fun to just wing it!

So as I read the book I keep thinking of all the things I CAN DO ... I live on 12 acres of land and while the growing season IS short, there are ways to extend it on either end. There are ways to grow fruit trees, even here in N.H. all year round. There are ways! The majority of the leaders of the raw food movement are gravitating towards a self-sustaining lifestyle and are coming up with all these great ideas, one being a dome greenhouse (so large trees can grow!) that I MUST get Peter to build! The cost of food -- fresh and organic food -- is our greatest monthly expense. (And really, how fresh can it be in the middle of winter in N.H.?) It really would be something to solve that problem, once and for all. And for the betterment of all mankind!

Now that's pretty huge!

Stephen King, welcome back to my life!

Charlie and I started listening to this in audiobook format when we left South Carolina. It is a total of 32 hours long, and while Charlie would listen when he was in the car with me back and forth to school, I would listen in between -- and then fill him in. I mean, I didn't want to spend the rest of my life listening to this particular book, entertaining as it was. And Stephen King will use 20 words to my three to describe something, so there was 20 minutes left when I dropped Charlie off in the morning, and I waited to pick him up before listening to the ending. Which left me on a drive with just the radio! Not even satellite radio, because I was in the Jeep and apparently our free service is gone! (When we bought it last year, used, it came with it, it just stopped last month. Thank you to whomever has been paying for it for us!)

After the book ended, Stephen King spoke about how he came up with the idea of the book and how long it took him to write it because he wanted it to make sense. (Seriously? King has been taking huge leaps with his story lines for years, why let "sense" get in the way this late in the game?!) Which reminded me of the time when I was in high school, when I gobbled up anything he wrote until one day I was reading some book about aliens or what have you, and the Coke machine was killing people, and I was done. I even wrote to him and asked him what sorts of drugs he was on when he was writing, because I felt that if I too, took the drugs, the story line might be digestible. (He never replied.)

I basically gave up King, despite how much I had loved his stories, such as Carrie, Salem's Lot, Cujo, Pet Cemetery and my mostest favorite, Misery.

I can actually remember flying to Arizona with Peter, it was mid-80's and we were going to the Grand Canyon for a wedding of a childhood friend of Peter's. On the flight there I was reading Misery. I am a fairly fast reader and I was inhaling this book, when it got to the parts where the crazy lady starts hacking off parts of her captive with an axe. Right now, as I sit here, I can recall how I had to close my eyes and stop reading, in order to let the horror pass through me. The attention to detail in that book is really mind boggling. King was NOT doing drugs when he wrote that, no way. When the guy manages to get out of the room and gets his wheelchair down the hallway into the bathroom, then hears her car and has to get back into the room so she won't know he can get out ... and then he sees the mark of the wheelchair wheel on the floor .... every cell in my body was screaming. What would the nut job do NOW?! (If you have only seen the movie, Misery, and not read the book, you need to rectify that immediately.)

I have a friend who remained a loyal King fan, and when she would ask me if I had read so and so, I would tell her that he was too off the charts for me now, I don't read him, and she would tell me I was nuts. After thoroughly enjoying Under The Dome, I am now going to go back and read those books that I haven't -- and my heavens -- there are so many!

I think it was The Tommyknockers that signaled the end of my King road. But then years later, I read The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon, and thoroughly enjoyed it, but those long books are such a commitment. But listening to them in the car is perfect, especially for a daily commute. So I think my next one will be The Stand. Nope, not on Audible.com yet, so I went with Rose Madder.

What is kind of exciting here is that there are so many to choose from! All these years I've been scorning Stephen King, and he has gone and not cared one bit (do you think he even READ my letter?) and just kept writing. Geesh.

Another school rant. Just because I can (for now)

(I think that three posts in two days means I can go somewhere and be baaaaaah-ad)

There is no public school (a government-mandated program) agenda, right? We send our kids to school to learn, right? That is ALL the schools are interested in, right?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

HAHA.

YouTube - The Sheeple Syndrome and Public Schools (this is clearly purposely delivered in this manner to make you want to kill yourself. You know, like being in school.)

Anyway.

For years I struggled through school, hating every minute of it. The work wasn't difficult, it was the teachers and the atmosphere. It felt wrong. (Not when I was in elementary, and I admit that in junior high my hormones took over my brain and I forgot to hate school and was just glad there were boys there.) But by high school I was done. I couldn't take the small mindedness, the rigidity of teachers who couldn't even look you in the eye when you asked them a question because they had no intention of answering it. And while of course there were many good people within the system, I remember when one of my favorite english teachers later became principal of the school. We had always had a great relationship, and I had graduated the year before. I was in the hallway waiting for a friend when he came towards me. My face lit up as I recognized him and I opened up my mouth to congratulate him on his new position, when he growled at me that I wasn't allowed to be in the hall.

Huh? Was he kidding? He must be, right? This was an open concept school -- there were always people in the hall.

It took him a moment to register who I was, but instead of apologizing to me, he decided to stay his course, and pointed me towards the door. My instant reaction was FUCK YOU, and also, since I didn't actually go to that school, I believe I said it. Which resulted in him chasing me out the door, growling and foaming at the mouth.

Yeah, and who says power doesn't change people?

I hold a grudge. I willingly admit this. Events such as that imprint themselves on my brain for all eternity. The next time I was in a situation where I was face to face with this man was many, many years later. He was basically old and retired and had long since forgotten that we weren't best friends as we'd always been.

He smiled jovially at me and held out his hand. I gave him a withering look, one of those looks that can kill type ... you know the one ... and raised an eyebrow. He was speechless. Good. I felt he wasn't owed any explanation, and I ignored him. (There were other people there). The point of that little story was that really, even when I had good experiences at school, they were often replaced with much worse ones -- moments that stayed with me long after they should have, and had way more of an impact than they should have, because I truly believed that he had liked me and respected my mind.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Some where along the line he became more important than he'd been before. Why did he believe this? He was clearly made to believe this, and believe it he did. He exchanged a bit of his humanity for this; and didn't even know it.

So it's not really a big surprise that my own children had very negative experiences in public school, and now, only almost one year out of it, I realize how thankful I am! Because the public school systems want to create GOOD CITIZENS. And what that basically means is that a good citizen believes that teachers and administrators, as government employees, know best. Even if all evidence points to the contrary, a good citizen does not question the materials that they are taught.

And then you take those good citizens, one generation at a time, and begin to indoctrinate your agenda. Government has first claim to your children, and over the course of my children's education has worked very hard to get non-compliant parents out of the school. What kind of bologna is it that you can't walk into a public building because they lock the doors, with your child on the other side?

But who cares, right. Via the use of fear (sexual predators and children with guns) good citizens are convinced that they are being protected through these measures.

If only.

So I came across some anti-Obama rant from newsbusters.org that talks about how Organizing for America, which is the successor organization to Obama for America, which aided in electing Obama, is seeking to empower students across the U.S. to help bring about his agenda for change. The upsetting thing about this, to the author of the rant, is that Obama is USING THE SCHOOLS to recruit his agenda.

Ummm. Well, yeah. There HAS to be an agenda, else what is there? A plan? Same thing. When government created its own Department of Education (which is unconstitutional if you read about it, but these days that is sort of par for the course and who cares, right) it had an agenda. Whatever it was, even if it was to legitimately educate the children of the United States, they still had to have an agenda. The first day of school, every child is handed out AN AGENDA. They love that word. So I guess Obama's agenda is to create free-thinking agents o change. What a shocker. We can't have this. The New World Order has no room for such garbage.

Okay, so according to this article, which can be found here Obama Using Public Schools To Recruit Agenda Advancing Interns | NewsBusters.org, he is recruiting interns from public schools to assist in advancing his agenda along with getting him re-elected. Oh, and even scarier, it suggests that they read Saul Alinsky's "Rules for Radicals."

How would you rather live? In a police state, or under the true auspices of justice, equality and peace? Because we are just a blink away from becoming a police state -- it's already started. Just go to Washington, D.C. Soon your own community will look like that, with policemen in combat gear holding machine guns standing outside your public buildings. I've seen it here, when the area went under martial law during an ice storm. It's scary, scary, scary shit, and they don't care about the people. AT ALL.

I would have loved to have read that book in high school! And why the hell not? What's wrong with that? Is it SCARY to have people read such things, if they have independent minds and are capable of making their own decisions in regards to what they have read? Or is the real problem here that once these "good citizens" get an inkling that being good isn't ALL there is in life, they might :::gasp::: rise up and demand that their rights not be violated?

Yeah, that would be bad. According to his hideous propaganda that Obama is sending out to the schools to advance "his agenda," he has "from his earliest years as an elected official, encouraged young Americans to believe that their efforts can change the world for the better."

It goes on to state: "If you are passionate about reviving the economy, making the United States a global leader in clean energy; and want to be on the front lines of political change, apply for an OFA internship today."

And the article ends with this: "Exit question: Is this something that should be happening at public schools funded with tax dollars, and isn't this a question media members should be asking?"

What exactly is it that is HAPPENING at public schools? They are being given this piece of paper. Aren't they taught in school to respect their government (teachers and administrators). Are they not? And isn't the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES someone they should be interested in? And if he is offering them an opportunity to brainwash them to become agents of change, don't they have the choice to throw it into the trash can if they want to? No where in this propaganda from the devil do I see consequences of any kind (negative or positive) if this opportunity is not enlisted.

What about the letters that come home from the school strongly suggesting that on the nights of government-mandated testing in the schools that I feed my child properly and make sure they get enough sleep? Isn't that a little over the top?

If my child came home with this socialistic Nazi mind-altering brainwashing totaliariinsimg (sic) piece of paper, I would encourage them to ask themselves, is this something I am interested in? If not, fine. But I find Obama inspiring when he speaks (yep, fell for the Kool-Aid hook line and sinker I guess), and he doesn't sound as though he wants your child to be a good citizen through keeping their mouth shut. His "agenda" sounds so much more appealing than stripping off my clothes as the airport to be a good, compliant and of course, safe American.

Organizing for America | Apply to be an Obama Organizing Fellow

I am so happy that my children did not fit into the mold of public school. I am so happy that just by osmosis they didn't become good little citizens and believe that it was their job to shut up and not question anything. This bodes well for them in the future, because no one respects someone with no opinion -- especially those who believe they control you. What is it that these people fear? That their children, raised to be little sheeple, will all sign up to be brainwashed? Do they truly believe that their own free will can not be utilized here?

Should public schools be used to disseminate such information? They are government-run, people. Worry about what your children ARE NOT being taught, then what type of information they are bringing home. One you can throw away in the trash can, the other is irretrievable.

Monday musings

My favorite thing to do on a Monday morning is to just sit. After I've done the drive to take Charlie to school, once I've cleaned up the kitchen that seems to mess itself up on it's own between last night and this morning, once I've checked and responded to email, etc. it is nice to just sit and soak in the silence.

I love silence.

It is getting so green out -- the lawn has pockets of deep, rich and lush grass and then lots of brown spots as well. What, the sun doesn't hit it all at the same time?

Speaking of sun and plants, I really wish that I'd known that growing your own vegetables was such a pain in the butt. I have already invested quite a bit of time into it. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but I spend more time moving them around to get optimal sun -- and I think I am losing about half of them due to the fact that they are so LEGGY. I of course am not following directions and do not have them under lights. I could, but I am just so determined to do it MY WAY! And they require water, but not too much. And since they aren't in much dirt, they need their squirts of water twice a day.

I yelled at them yesterday.

I know, they probably took it to heart and that might explain why the lettuce is all slumped over, almost as though they are in pain. I didn't mean to, but when you put them in the sun they dry out. One dried out COMPLETELY! Like it had been zapped by the rays of the sun.

I also spend far too much time thinking about them. Should I start the seeds in a different room where they aren't seeking the sun? Should I put them in the back bedroom and draw the curtains? The basement? The mud room? (Is it really worth losing sleep over?!!!!) I think not!

I also get frustrated by my total lack of knowledge in all things garden and plants. I spent hours yesterday preparing beds to plant sunflower seeds. I have a boatload of the seeds and so I went inside to get them. On the package it said they would grow as much as twelve feet tall! How cool. It did not, however, say how far apart to space the seeds.

Seriously? Does everyone know this but me? Is it such common knowledge that it's not worth even mentioning on the package? Of course I then had to look it up, and for some reason whenever I do a search I am always at some place at some far off part of the country that has nothing to do with me. Like Missouri -- I am sure it is a lovely place -- but I don't think it has the same climate as New Hampshire. I can't even say with any authority whatsoever if that even matters. I have no authority. I hate feeling dumb.

I did an "average" search, meaning I checked a handful of links and pooled together their directions and the average answer was 18 inches. (Some said more, some said less.) I planted the seeds, and then couldn't remember when I planted them last year (and they came in beautifully) if I had put in more than one seed. Geesh.

I was very calm and peaceful and reflective when I started this post -- and now I am all riled up.

Deep breaths.

Deep breaths.

The good news is if all of this fails, then I can either go to a nursery and buy the plants or hell, ditch the whole thing and go to the grocery store. So, there should be NO PRESSURE!

But that's not me. I like to succeed. I was so proud when my little seedlings started sprouting. Now they are defecting on me with their weeny little stalks, unable to carry their own weight. I have no room for inferiority!

I am going to go speak to them now, in an encouraging tone, and tell them how beautiful and strong they are.

See, now I can't remember, I know you are supposed to talk to plants, but veggie seedlings?

I am NOT looking it up. I don't care what they do in Alaska. This is me, in New Hampshire, and I can talk to my plants if I want to.

Date Night on Family Night

Everyone worked outdoors today in the beautiful spring weather -- Peter did mucho work around the yard filling in holes the dogs had dug and pruning trees and bushes, and Charlie decided that he wanted to clean out the brick patio over by my garden.

Pretty soon all of us were by the patio, Charlie and Peter were hacking at sod and shoveling it out and Maddie was working the edges, getting rid of all the creepy crawly stuff that had grown in over the years. I have decided that I am going to grow sunflowers all over the place -- so I was digging out a spot along the stone wall that edges the brick patio. We had a good time scaring each other (first Maddie was walking to me and then had this look of horror come across her face and she was staring at my torso, and I of course was sure that it was something horrid on me so I started beating myself with my dirty gloves. When I realized she was just yanking my chain, I yelled at her and told her she would be sorry.)

Her dose of sorry was when she was crouched below me working away and I took an old withered sunflower and scratched her cheek. She freaked. We all laughed, thought it was pretty funny, and I explained that you DO NOT scare me and expect to get away with it. We called a truce and there were no more creepy crawling sightings/feelings after that.

Anyway, everyone was working hard and then both kids went inside to do homework, so I suggested that we do a family movie/dinner night, to which they readily agreed. I wanted to see Date Night, so I left them to their homework for a few hours, then told them it was time to go. Charlie immediately fell asleep in the car (he really worked hard for hours, beginning with spreading manure in my garden then rototilling it in while I took a six mile walk) and when we arrived at the theater, he said, "wait a minute, I don't even know what movie we are going to."

I said Date Night, and he groaned and said he should have stayed home, and Maddie saw the movie poster and her comment was I HATE TINA FEY. (How can you hate Tina Fey?)

Well, the movie was HILARIOUS. We all laughed and laughed and laughed. It was seriously SO GOOD, I think I would see it again. Some of the lines are just so funny and almost all of it is believable (there is one car scene where, well, no, someone would have died) but other than that, excellent flick. And good enough for the whole family (well, teenagers anyway.) We then went to dinner and proceeded to crack each other up quoting lines from the movie.

But most exciting was that we drove home and it was STILL LIGHT OUT! It was a perfect spring day -- the temperature was perfect for my walk; there were no bugs while we worked outdoors and there was a beautiful, cooling breeze and because the kids had no school, we were able to spend the day together with no interruptions.

Seems like you wait their entire life for days like this -- when they don't fight or do something that causes you to have to yell at them -- and instead everyone just enjoys each other's company. And the movie was like the icing on the cake, because these two people (Tina Fey and Steve Carrell) think that they have to do something to spice up their "boring" lives, when soon enough they realize, ALL they want back is their boring lives.

Hilarious.

Go see it. Or else zip your vagina.

Oh Olivia, shame on your teachers and you!

I have been following Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution program, and also signed the online petition Sign the petition | Jamie's Food Revolution USA | Jamie Oliver that he aims to take to Congress. (I think you should too if you already haven't!)

But this above tweet was in my Facebook feed this morning, and I was just completely overwhelmed with sadness and horror at the tweet the girl underneath Ellen Degenere's comment posted.

While it is a wonderful cause to go into a school and change their food program, from what I can see, they need to be changing their English and spelling programs as well.

There could be an argument that when something is tweety twitted that proper grammer rules do not apply -- but here's the thing. I can't write any other way. It would be a chore for me to write something with so many misspellings and errors that it is just easier to do it the right way. Does that make sense? So I have a feeling that Olivia Manley, and of course I have no idea how old she is, but she has the ability to write, we do know this, writes exactly as she wrote that. And that is not good.

Not good at all. And if she is grossly overweight due to a lifetime of processed foods, then she will die an early death semi-illiterate.

Is this non-PC to say?

I am just saying, there are a LOT of problems that need to be overcome in this country and world, and it should be approached with an holistic approach. Yes, it is great to get into the schools and change their lunch programs, but let's face it, if parent's don't have a clue what their children are eating during the day, chances are they don't really care. So will changing one meal a day really make a difference? I hope so! I think it's a beautiful crusade, don't get me wrong. But it's a band-aid approach to a gi-normous problem. We are talking about a system that people continue to send their children to -- DESPITE THE FACT THAT THEY KNOW, deep in their gut, that it is causing their children irreparable harm. I am sure in the backs of their minds they are thinking, so big deal if they have pizza for breakfast, there are worse concerns than that during their school day.

Personally, I am completely and totally overwhelmed and exhausted by it all. The way I see it, there are two choices -- climb back into the hole and ignore it all, or believe that by doing everything I can for my own family in terms of teaching them how to eat and not to believe the status quo just because, then I am doing the best that I can.

If only that was my personality it would all work out fine!

Same as I can't type with lower case letters, I can't pretend that none of it matters.

Kind of a bummer, really. It's a tough world to live in when you care. If only, only, only money had been all I ever wanted. Then I'd be all set.

And there you have it.

I was just kidding .... DUH

If you were an American and your name happened to be Mohammed Al-Madadi, you would get all that fancy dancy screening they have invented to keep us safe. You would undoubtedly be red flagged and goosed up the ass for your troubles of being so unfortunately dubbed with an obvious terrorist-inclined moniker.

BUT ... if that is your name and you go and have a quick smoke in the airplane bathroom (seriously?) and then come out and joke that you were going to set your shoe on fire ... well, of course you are going to jail. Right? You would if you were an American, you can bet your shoe burning ass on that one. (Not sure why I am loving the word ass this morning! Probably because this stuff is so dumb ass it makes me think ass.) Ass. Ass. Ass.

Ahhhhh, but if you are a DIPLOMAT. Nothing happens. Squat. You get sent home. And that's it. He knew better. Doesn't matter. Why is someone so moronic even a diplomat? Perhaps we need to start examining our freeeee to do whatever they want diplomats as potential terrorists. Certainly since every American getting on a plane is one, why not them?

Mohammad Al-Madadi is a diplomat from Qatar (pronounced gutter), and he has what is essentially a get out of jail free card in the form of diplomatic immunity. And while such immunity can be waived by a diplomat's home government (something that is rarely requested and even more rarely granted), that would not happen in this case because Qatar (pronounced gutter) is an OIL rich little country the size of Connecticut and Rhode Island, and also hosts the forward headquarters of the U.S. Central Command (which runs the war in both Afghanistan and Iraq.)

According to Qatar's (pronounced gutter) ambassador to the United States, "this diplomat was traveling to Denver on official embassy business on my instructions, and he was certainly not engaged in any threatening activity ... the facts will reveal that this was a mistake."

Who needs facts? What for? He's a free guy now. Despite the thousands upon thousands of dollars it cost this country to respond in an emergent manner to a potential terrorist threat on an airline, he will be on a plane today headed home. No biggy.

Now, as someone born into the land of the free and the home of the brave, I don't have access to such freedoms and forgiveness. Oh no sirree. I am treated like crap every time I fly -- I am forced to take off my shoes to prove that I am not trying to blow up a plane with them. (Clearly he was not asked to remove his shoes, because if he had, they would have known he couldn't be trying to set them on fire. Right? And how did HE get the lighter in? Thoughts?) It's all bullshit.

I would have been better off born in a gutter (Qatar). Now put that in your pipe and smoke it.

(If you dare.)

Hot and cold, cold and HOT

Yesterday it was hot out. I had on shorts, flip flops and the top of the Jeep was down. I sat and watched Maddie's softball game and a few times uttered "this is ridiculous how hot it is."

And it was. Was being the key word here.

For now it is cold out, which is typical of this time of year. But come on already, fluctuations in temperatures of 30 to 40 degrees a day is over the top. I am not amused.

I had to switch out of flip flops back into clogs (with socks!) and when I go to the softball game this afternoon, I will need a coat.

I had to walk around and close all the doors and windows that were thrown open yesterday because IT WAS SO HOT OUT, because now it was SO COLD OUT.

I'm not complaining. I am just complaining. And why not? If the weather is allowed to do whatever the hell it wants, why can't I?

Yes, I see you agree with my reasoning!

Oh, there isn't any?

EXACTLY!

Seriously, a few days ago I was panicking that I was behind in my garden. Today I am thankful that all my little planties are safe inside. The dog keeps digging holes in the dirt because she thinks it is hot out. I have to keep yelling at her to stop. IT's COLD OUT you foolish dog. Cut it out. She doesn't get it. But she is a dog.

I don't get it either. And I believe my brain is a little brighter than hers. A smidge.

Easter dinner we sat on the deck and had dinner. I love that. But it's just a fluke. We recalled that the last time we did so was when Charlie was three. Over ten years ago. I mean, it's not exactly a "roll" in weather patterns. So in 2020 we get to have Easter dinner again on the deck?

Can't wait.

That's what you get when you live in New Hampshire, I keep hearing. That doesn't really help me, since I can't really understand why I live in New Hampshire about 99.9 percent of the time! I love spring, people cry, when the sun shines.

What is spring? Nearly 90 one day, 45 the next? That is fun? It is torture if you ask me. Never tease a weasel ... teasing isn't nice.

Oh, now now now, I love spring too. The few days that we get of it. When it is high 50's and 60's and there are no bugs and the brown world begins to turn green. I am happy to see the buds on the trees, the flowers coming up, and all that. Really, I am. I just don't get why I choose to live in an area where that is such a big deal. LOL

Here's the problem. Yesterday I was literally sweating as I was running around getting things ready for people to come over. Sweating. When I went to bed, I was so hot I couldn't have any covers on. When I woke up in the middle of the night I was freezing. I have been cold all day and it is gray and windy out as well. It is like eating chocolate cake one day, and then having someone cram mud down your throat the next.

It sucks!

Now I am sure a quick perusal of the calendar would discover that my moodiness is somewhat enhanced by the imminent arrival of that "time of the month" when bitchiness is the special on the menu. But still. STILL STILL STILL.

I think it was the flip flops that set me off. I love wearing flip flops. I was just irritated beyond belief that it was too cold to wear them. I went out to fill in holes the dumb dog dug (alliteration and anger are absolute allies!) and my toes froze. GRRRRRRRRR.

Oh well. Tomorrow it could be 90. Would that make me happy? Yes. I prefer nice days to not nice days. Who doesn't? But if I could choose I would prefer that it be just temperate spring temperatures without these crazy highs thrown in that make the temperate spring temperatures feel COLD!

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

What not to wear ... skiing!

The kids and I went over to the mountain to get in some more of the most amazing spring skiing I've had in years, and it didn't fail to deliver. I skied on Friday and was delighted with the conditions -- but it was even better this morning because the temperatures had gone down a little and it was a little harder. AWESOME! It was also fun because there was hardly anyone there. We knew most everyone that was -- and they were doing the same things as us -- getting in as many runs as possible before the conditions downgraded. Then back home for some Easter dinner!

It is very difficult to dress for spring skiing when the temperatures are actually more like summer. On Friday I wore regular ski pants and nearly died I was so hot. When I finally peeled them off (they were totally drenched and stuck to me) it was like a rebirth! I knew one thing for sure -- I wasn't skiing in snow pants today! But what to wear? A lot of people were in shorts; and I considered it -- but the snow is still snow after all, and when it gets on you, it is cold! So I opted for jeans because they are light and ... well. My kids were horrified! And I get it; you DO NOT wear jeans skiing. But come on. My entire wardrobe of ski clothes was not suited for today. I had to improvise.

And they actually worked out great -- until the last run (which essentially became the last run due to this fact) I sat down on the chairlift and my entire butt soaked up whatever moisture was on the chair. Lovely. Suddenly I was not happy -- wet butt feels awful. But that was just bad luck; Charlie was wearing shorts and his butt was dry. Same chairlift. (Maddie wore ski pants, because she is too cool.) It was not a big deal -- the last run we were tucking so that we could make it back to the chair on the run-out -- and it was literally more dirt mixed with the snow than snow. EWWWW~! (We had gone over to the terrain park, which is at the bottom of the mountain, so the coverage was much more sketchier over there.) The rest of the mountain is in unbelievably good shape. I am thinking of going tomorrow!

So, we sat down in our chairs to take off our boots, and I was watching what people were wearing (since the whole jeans thing seemed as though it wasn't working!) I saw some people with leggings and then shorts over that. Interesting. I said maybe that was a good idea and Maddie said they looked dorky. Charlie said they looked retarded. Okay. They used worse adjectives to describe my jean-clad legs -- perhaps dorky and retarded were steps up!

Seems like a great idea, skiing in shorts. But what if you fall? Or snow gets into your boots? I am just too practical at this stage in my life to be so ... daring?

The warm temps and sunshine make people want to dress in crazy outfits -- some people go retro and wear their crazy-colored ski wear from the 70's and 80's. That's just silly, since it is still ski wear and too hot. A lot of younger girls wear big t-shirts over leggings and crazy necklaces. There is some really bad phase going on where middle-aged men aren't wearing shirts. It's not pretty. And even the guys with the good bodies -- I don't know -- doesn't do it for me. One guy, super jacked, as Maddie would say, had on white ski pants, no shirt, his arms were tattooed from wrist to shoulder, and he was wearing a gold cross across his lumpy chest. And a pair of goggles. Eww. He just looked wrong. Lime green is a good color to wear on the snow. I am just saying. Yes, I own quite a bit of lime green, why do you ask!

One girl had on a mini skirt, a bright pink shirt, cool sunglasses and a lime green bandana around her neck. She was me -- if possible that would be an outfit I would wear today. (But hello, I get grief for wearing JEANS!) And those days of outdoing myself in the wardrobe department are long gone, I thought to myself, as I saw another girl go by in a white sleeveless sun dress (short short short!) and knew she was so far out of my league at ANY stage of my life, I wasn't even going to comment. She looked amazing. Tanned body, muscular, and when you pair that with ski boots, it works. And I would say from the guys panting glances, they thought so to.

Just add skis!

But as I was driving home in the Jeep with the top down, I noticed that people were giving us second glances as they passed by. So I looked in the mirror and had to laugh. I had on a lime green head band, my hair was basically blowing straight up from that, and I was in all pink, with neon blue sunglasses. I was an easter egg!

You may think you change as you get older, but if you look a little closer, you realize, not so much!

Happy Easter.

Seeds, glorious seeds!

Today is plant your seeds day. No, I don't think it is a national holiday, but for some reason I am quite excited! My seeds came in the other day and yesterday I picked up the stuff I needed to plant them, and I even woke up thinking that "today is the day I plant the seeds!"

Must be a good thing to make me excited, right? I have:

Giant red celery

Ruby red chard

green finger cucumber

Dinosaur kale

Winter density salad mix

Green tower lettuce

Gourmet lettuce mix

Walla walla onions

California wonder sweet pepper

Heirloom tomatoes

Crimson sweet watermelon

Sweet basil

Santo cilantro

Sacred basil

And then massive quantities of sunflower seeds -- I am planting them EVERYWHERE! I just love the sounds of all those seed names -- reminds me of my love for the J. Peterman catalog. There is such anticipation in the thought of a crimson sweet watermelon beginning to sprout in your own backyard. Or to dig up a walla walla onion and do the tango. Or to snip some sweet basil for pesto, or choose the sacred basil and say a prayer.

When I bite into the California wonder sweet pepper, will I be wondrously transported to California?

I am doing this, of course, because what lies ahead is a bit of work. It is one thing to wax poetic about the wonders of seeds and their high falutin' names. Quite another to plant them. Some of those babies are teeny tiny, I feel like I have the hands of an awkward elephant. If they had hands, of course. I also really have no idea if I am on time in this planting thing; or really behind or just right. In truth, the weather is so freaky these days, the zone charts aren't really trustworthy. So I guess I will have to go with my gut, which is telling me I am fine.

Gut gardening. In order to feed your gut healthy, organic food. So not a pretty slogan. J. Peterman would fire me on the spot.

Actually, this should be pretty easy. I was headed south yesterday and I checked my greenhouse to see what type of supplies I needed. I have a number of things I could plant seeds in, and then there is a big bag of peat moss. I don't really know ANYTHING about anything when it comes to gardening; which is quite unfortunate because I also hate reading directions about something that seems so DUH .... but I truly had no clue as to whether the peat moss could be used as potting soil to plant the seeds.

So I googled it. And up popped information on something called "peat discs." I checked them out and they looked so clean and appealing! It is literally this tiny little disc that you put one seed in.

They are compressed so when you add water, they expand. I'd never seen or heard of such a thing (which is no great surprise since until last year the thought of gardening made me feel ill) and I wondered if they were something I would have to special order online or if they would be in stores. I was also in a hurry so had no idea what they cost. My intent with starting my garden from seed this year is a) to ensure that my plants are organic and b) to save money. Last year I blew a wad buying all the plants to put into the garden, but that was really my only choice since I made my decision so late. I also wasn't really one hundred percent sure they were organic, either. I think they slip in Miracle Grow personally. I bought the majority at an independent place -- and the people were so old I don't think they would even know what Miracle Grow was, (so I was safe there, even if the actual seeds weren't organic) but I bought tomato plants at various nurseries, and I am sure they were spiked with toxins!

So a friend and I were in Home Depot. Now here is the thing. I was kinda sorta looking for my planting supplies, but truth be told, the greenhouse does have enough in there for me to do it with a little creativity. (But I HATE the greenhouse -- it has the worst feeling to me, I feel claustrophobic the moment I walk in, and seriously, I went in yesterday and it was after my walk and my raincoat was tied around my waist, and I turned to look at something and the raincoat scraped against the wall and I nearly passed out because I thought it was something HISSING at me!) Now, I have seen snakes around it, so I instantly visualize a millions snakes seething underneath it. And when I walked down to it yesterday I kept saying "it's too early for the snakes, too early for the snakes," all the while knowing it was so not too early for the snakes. But this is my thing -- apparently -- this crazy fear of snakes, my cross to bear if you will, and I have combined the greenhouse and the snakes into one big mass of horrid hell. (No, what makes you think I am dramatic?)

Anyway, I digress ... the reason we were south was a) to have lunch at my most favorite vegan restaurant; b) to go to a movie and c) to go to Target because my friend needed Easter stuff. We had about 15 minutes to kill before the movie, so I got off the exit where Target was. And then proceeded to drive to Home Depot. In the parking lot, she asked me what I needed there. I said, me? I thought you said you needed something here. No, she said. But like I said, we had the 15 minutes to kill, so in we went.

And what did I find? Oh yes. Not even 300 feet into the store and there it all was. Peat discs galore. GALORE I am telling you! Now, you can believe that Home Depot has been selling these things forever and always places them to the immediate right as you first walk in, but in my world you realize the universe is offering you a big GIMME. So I took. I have so many peat discs, it's ridiculous. SCORE, baby, score. So returning to gut gardening, that is a sign and baby I can take a sign.

I have also purchased as many heirloom seeds as I could. Unless you don't want to sleep at night, don't read about what big companies (MONSANTO) are doing to the world of seeds in this world. Just pretend everything is okay. Really, it's easier. I have a very strong need to plant this garden this year, because I believe I really need to learn how -- I need to build up the knowledge over time so that I become a confident gardener wholly responsible for what I put in my mouth. I am also continuing on with my CSA -- because I feel crazy strongly about supporting a local farm that is committed to planting organic gardens. The one thing I keep thinking when I think "I don't know what I am doing," is that ultimately, I do. It's like when you first become a parent -- you don't really KNOW what you are doing, but it's kind of obvious.

Wet diapers need to be changed.

Crying babies need to be fed.

And seeds need to be planted. So they become Food, Glorious FOOD!