I'm all for change too

The television was on a bit this morning and it was just inundated with political ads.  If the candidates aren't pointing out how stupid their opponents are, they are squawking about change.


Me too!


I change the channel.

Sorry Hoarders, not this time.

 

In order to avoid an episode of Hoarder's featuring me, I am de-cluttering my office.  I am having a hard time though, disposing of the piles of stuff that threaten to take over every inch of available space in an already small environment.

Let's start with magazines.  I love magazines, and I have loads of them.  What I don't seem to do is actually read them cover to cover.  I flip through, get engaged for a short bit, do some dog-earring and then put it down.  But ... it's not DONE done, so I can't exactly throw it out.  Right?  I have about 50 Vanity Fair magazines that fall into that category.  The problem with that particular tome is that each story is like a short novel.  So while I will read one or two things, there are still at least half a dozen other articles I would like to read as well.  So it goes in the "get to later" pile.  Which, by the way, nearly reaches the ceiling.

The truth of the matter is, there is no later.  There is only the now that I read it, and the later will never come.  Ever.  And I have a stack of magazines to prove that!  Today I have thrown away like 10.  Which is the proverbial drop in the bucket.  I could also start reading them right now instead of writing about them.  But that isn't what I feel like doing.  In fact, I am so Kindle-addicted I can't really think of when I read ANYthing else, including newspapers, junk mail and magazines, other than something to amuse me while using the lady's room.  (I am saying that politely.)  And that is hardly enough time to finish a short article, forget Vanity Fair fare.

Then there are the recipes.  I print them out, I rip them out of magazines, I create massive piles of them.  But I rarely actually take the next step and try them out.  I just went through a stack of ripped out magazine pages that I can't for the life of me figure out why I ripped out in the first place.  I was seriously bugged that there was no obvious reason, and I kept going over and over them.  Weird.

So, we've covered the magazines, and there are of course the books.  The stack of fun reading I have yet to read (and might never actually get to due to that Kindle problem!) and then the stack of gardening books and the self-help books and the yoga books and ... well, what they really are are books that I will probably never read since I haven't seemed to in all the years they have been sitting there, right out in the open so I won't forget them!

Moving on we have the bags.  I love bags.  Pocketbooks, backpacks, larger bags, computer bags, camera bags ... oh my gawd the bags.  Now, I can do what I just did and neaten up the pile/stack of bags, but I know that next time I go to grab my hiking backpack, which is sort of in the middle of the pack (haha), everything will come tumbling down and it will spill out of its little corner.  But where else shall I keep the bags?  This is my central bag location!

And shoes.  When I come in from a walk, I have a tendency to come into my office and take my shoes off sitting on my chair.  There really is no closer seat, and I also like to put them on in same seat, so it makes sense to just keep them in my office, right?  But then it gets complicated, because I will be wearing a pair of shoes before I put on my walking shoes, and well, what if I am hiking that day instead of walking?  That is a different pair of shoes.  And well, there is the issue of lower and higher hiking boots.  They tend to line up.  I just put away my cowboy boots, two pairs of clogs and my Uggs, but the sneakers, well I know I am just going to use them here tomorrow, so why bother to pretend they go elsewhere?  (The hiking boots are back in the hall closet, but let's be serious, for how long?)  The only thing that prevents me from storing my shoes in my office is if they are muddy -- then I take them off on the porch.  But after the last episode of putting on my hiking boots and having to tear away a lot of cobwebs, I am thinking that's not such a great spot!  (Okay, I hadn't been hiking in a while, but cobwebs are tough to get off!)

I know!  I think I have a solution.  What I need to do is move my desk and computer to another location, and then re-label this space as my walk-in closet!  The fact of the matter is, that would be perfect!

Fun day sightings

 I don't know how I ended up on this website, but I couldn't stop laughing.
I am sharing some that literally had me laughing out loud -- there are
captions too -- which I will probably elaborate on because I can!
In this case
"If you don't want to sell me a pretzel, just say so.  You don't have to lie." 

I do this all the time when I am out and about -- see things and
make up captions in my head that make the situation that much
happier. Who knew that there were others out there that not only did it,
but recorded it too!  I am going to steal (um, I mean share) these
today, and then I am going to take my camera and do this on my own.
  It is too flipping funny.  Working with photos and Blogger is a
fricking nightmare, so bear with the fact it will look like shit.
I can't get below that picture down there! AAAAAAAAAAAARGH

The caption for this one: "Is this considered statue-tory rape?" 
 But can you imagine the embarrassment this
poor dumb moose experienced?





















"I want to see his credentials.  
What food medical school did he attend?"

"In his defense, she was sending mixed signals."  
(Perhaps the lack of a head?) LOL


























This one hits very close to home for me!  This summer while on Martha's Vineyard on the beach, I was going to take a bite of my sandwich, when a seagull landed on my leg and tried to get the sandwich out of my grasp (I shrieked and threw the sandwich into the air) and then he dug his talons into me as he launched himself towards the airborne snack.  The caption to this one:
"They'll do it too.  They're crazy, godless, lawless birds.  One time a seagull ate a funnel cake right out of my hand at the Jersey Shore." 
Guess they're after everyone!




 











"The circle of life is so beautiful and wondrous."















The website where I found all of these is  http://pictures.todaysbigthing.com/2010/10/13

Tree to be you and me

I have had the most intense and vivid dreams the past month or so.  I always dream, but these are the type you wake up thinking about -- and while I will have those from time to time, to have them nightly is a new phenomena.  And I like it, because I believe your dreams are meaningful if you take the time to look a little deeper.

Last night's dream was about having a big fight with someone -- a fight where things were said that are always ALWAYS left unsaid -- and it felt good, and it felt right, and in the end, when I woke up, I felt as though it was a validation towards defending my feelings towards this person.  I am always trying to be open and accepting and to turn the other cheek, so to speak, because I can be a bitch and sometimes only just for the sake of being one.  Why?  I think that is partially laziness -- sometimes it is easier just to dismiss someone and believe that you don't connect with them because you don't feel like it -- but then again, what sense does that make?  There has to be a REASON you don't like someone, right?

But then that conflicts with the notion that we are all one and the same and the universe should just be gushing with love and if you are pulsing your own love machine, then how can you not like someone?  I seriously wish sometimes that I didn't give a shit, you know?  And it's not even a situation of over thinking something -- because that's not really it.  It's the idea that maybe if I am having a problem with someone, than somehow it is MY fault because am I not supposed to be the enlightened, open, and loving source?

It's all very confusing -- but the dream spoke to me in a way that I can't speak to myself -- and the altercation that took place within the dream felt right.  I know that probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but the first thing I thought of this morning (after I stopped oohing and aaaahing over the pink sky) was, yeah, I knew it.  I've ALWAYS known it!  And there is a richness of feeling in having that confirmed, even if ultimately it is me that confirmed it!  HAHAHAHA.

I have been using Angel Cards on a daily basis, and they have directed me towards a path I find a bit disconcerting.  Not in a bad way, mind you, but in a kind of hmmm, are you sure and positive way.  (As in oh angels, you sure you got the right person?!!!)  I used the cards on a diverse group of people -- as in my family!  I have been using them for a little while now, and have grown quite comfortable in knowing that the card I draw is the right one (and very often the same one I drew before).  Which, if you think about a deck of 50 cards, which I shuffle and shuffle and shuffle, and have only drawn maybe 10 of the same cards over and over, is pretty validating.  But then again, I am a believer and that's all there is to it.  So when I drew certain cards for the non believers -- I was amazed at how dead on the cards were for THAT person (even if they thought it was all a bunch of hooey.)   I am not going to go into specific detail, because one of the cards instructed me to keep it to myself (because obviously people think you are crazy so why make it easy for them, right?!!!!) but through a series of different things I ended up at a website about shamanism.

I am not really sure that shamanism resonates with me -- to the degree I would suspect one would resonate with something they are supposed to "get into," but somehow I ended up finding a workshop that was outside of Boston, and I signed up.  It happened very quickly and without thought, and after I did it, I thought, really?  Is it really in me to wander about the woods with a drum and talk to the animals and trees?  Then I realized, I have been doing that for YEARS (sans drum) and the one exercise I did a while back where I was supposed to put my hand on a tree and just be, I remember it being so freaky I never did it again.

Freaky how?  I could feel the tree -- and I don't mean on my hand.  So why did I freak out and why did I then just walk by the tree and not acknowledge it?  Fear.  The fear of the unknown, the fear of having it stir something deep within that fights the fact that you can talk to trees, I guess.  There is an enormous pine tree in my front yard, and I sit at my desk and I am parallel to it -- I look out and we are staring at each other.  I look at this tree a hundred times a day, and now I realize that I draw strength from it.  Which then takes me back to my old house where there were also pine trees across the street, but they were tall and skinny and I always expected them to fall over.  In other words, I not only did not draw any strength from them, but they were yet another concern in a life full of many concerns (baby, job, relationship, shitty house ...) bad trees!

I look out at my (grandfather, grandmother?) of a tree, I take a deep breath and I continue on with what I am doing.  In the course of writing this I have done that about five times.  It is my touchstone (touch tree!) and it is magnificent in its size and strength.  In other words, it has some to share!

As soon as I signed up for the workshop, I ran for the angel cards with the basic question of are you shitting me?  The card I drew gave me the chills and I haven't drawn for two days.  (I apparently am a bit of a baby letting all these things freak me out!)  And I think if I drew one now it would be the one that says to keep things close to the vest -- don't be so open and honest that people think you are a wack job. (My interpretation of the card!)  But then, this morning Jesse Ventura was on Good Morning America, and I remembered that I liked him -- because he is so into conspiracy theories and even George Stephanopulous was like, Really Jesse?  And I laughed and thought, Jesse doesn't care, why should I?  (I don't, really, and since I've never been one for following directions, from angels or trees, obviously I am showing off my wackadoodleness with great glee!)  But seriously, there has to be a middle road between a sheeple and a wack job.  Right?  It can't be everyone either goes with the flow, or against it?

Earth Angel.  That is the card I drew today.

Oh, and the reason I started this blog this morning was because the book I have been writing is no longer an urgency ... as in, while I can write, it just doesn't seem all that satisfying.  I guess that is because I am supposed to go out and chat with trees and birds.

SQUAWK!

So, what do you want to know about my hot tub?

It is a beautiful October morning -- and I was standing knee deep (literally) in water in the hot tub scrubbing it down.  Suddenly, as my aching back caused me to stand up, I (once again literally) gasped in amazement as all the colors of the sky and the trees and the lower field hit my vision at once.  It was such staggering beauty.  Wow.

Oh the hot tub.  Such a ball and chain that thing has been.  Peter shut it down several summers ago and all the crap in the lines that hardened has been joining us for each and every hot tub event ever since.  It is gross.  Even though you know it's not big chunks of skin floating around, it is hard to ignore.  Disgusting.  Peter tried to wet-vac up the clumps of the stuff this weekend, and was feeling as though he'd really gotten a handle on it.  The thing is, even 10 small pieces of blech floating around is just not good.

We had to get some more chemicals, so off we went up north to the spa and pool store.  (It was deliciously gorgeous out on Sunday, but it was interesting to note that the foliage is peaking here and over up there.)  Seems early.  Anyway, we got to chatting with the girl at the store, and while we explained that we had crystal clear water, we were still battling gook from an error past.  She suggested that not only do we do Spa Purge, but because I have a hard time with immersing myself in chemicals, we stop using the old system of bromine (or chlorine?) and move to this other system that is silky smooth, odor free, and now that I am typing this, I have no idea what it is -- but she probably didn't say chemical free, right?  I can pretend.  Or even better, look it up!  Un momento por favor.

SilkBalance System ... Well it says that it is going to keep my spa clean and my body silky smooth without the use of chemicals.  It then goes on to discuss some such thing called BioFilm Dispersion Technology, which in a nutshell doesn't let gunk collect in your pipes, etc., and helps maintain hygiene and safer water.  Upon further research (which is kind of funny, isn't this something you are supposed to do BEFORE you switch?!)   Well, I am sorry I went off on THAT tangent -- geesh.  I have just been reading a message board with some people for and some people against the SilkBalance system.  Whatever, since we needed to do something ANYthing, to get rid of our original problem, it is worth a try.

I will say that the purge stuff seemed to work like a charm, because the ozonator was going mad this morning!  (You leave it in overnight, and then drain the tub.)  I wiped up very little of the "pieces" that have been haunting us ... so hopefully it will all work.

And now that I am done that project, I am off to clean up the raspberry beds and surround the thriving kale plants with straw so that I can keep them around for as long as possible.  I am already missing my cucumbers ... and while there are tons of green tomatoes on the vines, I don't think they are going to be able to mature as the days get so cold.  I know I should tear them down, but it was painful enough tossing away the cucumber vines.  I did transplant several basil TREES (they are ginormous!) and am bringing them into the house and see how they winter over.  All that I have read about them says that I will fail -- and that it would be easier to start a plant from seed, but I had six of the most gorgeous basil trees in my garden, and it's hard to imagine just letting them die!  So I have rescued a green and purple ... and the rest must fend for themselves.  Seriously, this is a brutal time of year for me.  After having that lush garden, to have it all die ... and even worse, to have to resort to having to BUY this stuff in a store ... it's just so sad.

Really one of the most frustrating things about this time of year is that you can NOT capture it.  While this looks pretty enough, it does not even come close to portraying the absolute magnificence one feels looking out at this, or being in it.

Sometimes it is the simple changes that are the most destructive!  For the past month or so, and building up in frequency, the safari browser on my computer "hangs," which means a small circular rainbow colored disk spins and spins and spins -- basically saying you are screwed.

Being my impatient self, I have stopped shutting down the computer properly and I just keep hitting the power button to reboot it quickly.  This problem is not with the computer itself -- it is some kind of software glitch that occurs when you open up safari, gmail and facebook -- not necessarily at the same time -- but still.  It's a pain in the butt and I am sick of it.  I am also concerned that the constant abuse of circumventing the proper way to turn off the computer is going to create a new problem.  I have gone online and tried to solve this -- I've emptied cache and I've followed directions and opened up 200 windows and done all the things I've been told -- to no avail.  Today I experienced my final crash, and then downloaded firefox.

Also, being crazy like I am, I also accepted the experimental trial period of a new Blogger window -- and it is super slow and has a ton of features I am not interested in.  Two huge changes in the span of five minutes is difficult to take!  I figured how different could it be?  It imported all my settings from Safari to Firefox -- but the tabs are in different places and my favorites, which used to be right there on the screen, now require me to go up and open up a new window.  I am sure I will get used to it, but why can't Safari just work?

I have also found that Firefox seems mucho slower -- downloading pages and getting from here to there.  I have to admit, in a way, I am almost hoping that it will crash so that I don't have to accept this as my permanent browser and will know it is another problem that needs to be solved.  Which makes no sense, I know, but I suppose I went through this when I switched from Explorer to Safari.  Right?  I don't remember, which is a good thing, because hopefully in an hour or so I won't remember any of this!

MEEEP.

Rock blessing

The other morning on our walk I spotted a blue heron in the marsh. I stopped and dragged my friend Liz over to the break in the trees and when it finally moved, she saw it as well. She wondered how I had even spotted it.

Because I was supposed to!

As we were ending our walk, we crossed a trestle bridge (the path we were on is called the rail trail, which as the name implies, was where the trains used to go) and I heard this gawdawful screeching sound and stopped to see what the racket was about. Two blue herons were not happy about us being there, or something, and after a lot of screeching they flew low, over the water, in the opposite direction. Then they landed. Two very cool sightings, and quite significant in that I was in search of my Power Animal.

We were also screamed at by a pair of blue jays, and when we passed by them, Liz spotted a rock that looks exactly like an egg. She picked it up and said something about it looking like a bird's egg, and after a few moments she handed it to me and said it was mine.

I cradled it in my hand for the rest of the walk, waiting for it to warm up in my grasp and perhaps let me know whether or not I was supposed to keep it. I did, and then put it on the shelf between the seats in the car. And in essence, forgot about it.

This morning I was driving Charlie(who is almost 15) to school and he spotted the rock and asked me what it was doing there. I explained the above and waited for "that look," you know the one, where your children are mulling over the possibility that they TRULY must have been adopted because how could they have possibly come from YOUR crazy ass loins?

But it didn't come. Instead he said, "I hope I marry someone exactly like you."

Completely touched I asked him to clarify what that meant. Because he wasn't prepared to answer it because clearly his declaration came straight from the heart, after some thought he said that he liked how I knew things. Further prompting and he said like when I walked into a house and knew that it was the right house. Those were his words, but I knew he meant so much more than that -- and I had to blink back tears as I thought to myself that the rock had given me more than I could have ever thought possible.

It's not something to be over-thought or parsed. It was its spontaneous simplicity that gave it its truth. The only thing I can think of to say, which is completely unlike me and I even hate writing it because of its cornball sentiment is that ...

I am blessed.