Sooooooooooo sweet

UPDATE:  The little cakes are DELICIOUS!  Above is a picture of them, along with the delicious chocolates.

I made these raw chocolates yesterday and because I had already had the remains of the chocolate in the blender with my smoothie, and because the raw cacoa used in these recipes is very powerful (and will keep me up for days if I am not careful) I didn't actually taste one until this morning.

Oh my.

Maddie came out to get into the car to go to school and her mouth was full of chocolate and she was mumbling something about how delicious it was.  This was before I had tried it, and the way she was going on -- well, you can only imagine how anxious I was to get that little morsel into my mouth.

Oh my.

The recipe didn't make that many, so I had put the majority into the freezer and kept three in the fridge.  Maddie ate one and I quickly scarfed down the remaining two.  There are a few in the freezer, I may have to get a guard dog to keep them there.  I need to make more, but here's the thing, it's a bit time consuming.  They don't have a lot of ingredients, but I don't like super sweet, so instead of using the measurements in the recipe, I keep tasting and tasting and tasting until it is just right.  I have to figure out a way to measure that so that subsequent times will be easier.

I just made chocolate mousse cakes.  They are too sweet, I can tell already, and the entire time I was making them I was adjusting things in my head.  I always make the recipe as close as I can, but omit things that I know will make things sweeter than they need to be.  I learned today that coconut oil, agave and dates together are way over the top.  I've scribbled down a few adjustments, but right now I have 12 cupcake sized cakes and 8 mini-cupcake cakes in the freezer.  See, you end up with tons of those and very little of the chocolates!  Figures.

How do I know I won't love them as much?  Yesterday while making the chocolates, everytime I had to clean something, I used my tongue.  Because I couldn't get enough of it!  I was scraping the sides of the blender trying to get the last morsels out.  It was delicious.

Today, I tried the different components, and my initial thought was okay, but a little too sweet.  That is three sweet things combined, it's going to be too sweet.  But the good thing about the freezer is that it dulls the taste a bit, so it might be fine.

Above is the Chocolate Orange Cake that I want to make next.  Doesn't that look to die for?  I've studied the recipe and already made the adjustments that I think are necessary for it not to be too over the top sweet.

I have been very frustrated with the whole raw food concept because of the lack of fresh ingredients, so this is renewing my interest in it because I happen to have the ingredients on hand, and you can freeze things, so it's not a lot of work for a one-time meal.  Now obviously you can't eat this stuff all day long, but it's nice to have a little something on hand to stave off the sweet cravings, and the little cakes are made with avocado, so they will be very filling.

Maddie called and said she read my Facebook entry about making the little cakes and said she is dreaming about them!

I am telling you, those chocolates are THAT good.

Aren't you dying for one?

If this gravity gig quits, we're in serious trouble

Do you ever have one of those mornings when you wake up and there is a huge question running around in your head, and you vaguely feel that you know the answer, but you are not happy with the one word that doesn't really explain it, so you lay there and obsess?

No?  Really?

Because this morning the moment I opened my eyes, I was just completely blown away with the concept of the earth being round.

Seriously.

Last night I couldn't sleep.  At all.  I tossed, I turned, I deep sighed, I glanced out at the sky and wondered if there was a full moon, and noticed that the moon was waaaaaaay over on the other side of the sky (which meant morning was approaching.)  The last thought I had was how the sun and the moon rise and fall in the same place. (Not that this was an epiphany, more of an "oh no, I've managed to remain awake long enough to see the full rotation, aaaaargh!")

And then I woke up thinking about the sun and moon circling around the circle of earth, and for the life of me, despite my limited knowledge of gravity, just couldn't imagine why if you're on the bottom you don't fall off.  Or, okay, because of the whole gravity thing, why don't you feel upside down, or if you're on the side of the rotational spin, again, why aren't you laying down?

No, this is not the first time I've questioned this, but it has been one of those things not fully explained to my liking is all.  And I truly do not feel satisfied with any of the answers I have come upon.  They are all basically stated in terms of "It's gravity, moron," which is great, I knew that.  But I don't know why I knew it or what it really means, other than that it seems to work and no one is complaining.

Did you know there is actually a society who believes the earth is flat?  And the response to that is "If it was flat, you moron, you'd fall off the edge."  Which really makes no sense either, because we should be falling off in droves when we're upside down.

I am just saying.

This reminds me of the fax machine.  When we first had a fax machine installed at the office, it was because we belonged to some association that required you to have one so they could send you faxes.  This was a long time ago when the earth was green, and it was a technological wonder I couldn't seem to grasp.

HOW did it work?  I believe the answer I always received was "it comes over the line, moron."  Well, yeah, I get that (and gravity too!) but HOW does it come over the line?  I eventually did grasp the concept of digital information and how it is packaged up in little packets and executed through time and space (well not really) and then goes from one machine to the next and then is printed out.  Well, I mean, I get it in terms of not being able to explain it, I should add!

Is it normal to be concerned about such things?  Because, I've been reading about gravity and falling off the earth and I still can't really say, other than the fact that gravity always pulls from the center of the earth so that no matter which surface you are on you can still stand up, that I completely and totally "get" gravity.

Because seriously, does that REALLY answer the question?  I picture a person on a beach ball, and when that person is glued on (a cheap and easy replacement for gravity), when the ball is upside down, they don't fall off, but they are seriously getting head rushes.  BUT, if it was gravity holding them on and not glue, it just works better.  Huh?

So, there is a force of gravity between any two things, and the earth is the largest mass you deal with, and for everything that is smaller the force of gravity is less. (Like you versus everything else on earth.)

No, I don't really GET it either, I just get it.  Moron.

Queen. Mother. Freedom...

We were having dinner last night and some how my blog came up and Maddie commented that there were times that I was "out of line."

I asked her to clarify and she said, "well, for example, you just did one on the swine flu and you are lucky that the government doesn't go after you or something."

Why is that, I wonder.  Do they instill that fear somewhere along the line to our children, that if you express your opinion you can get in trouble for it?  

Is it true?  What about the fact that I was right?  This swine flu is really winding down as a big ole crash and burn pandemic -- though just in case you feel safe enough to sleep at night, they do remind you that it could mutate into something even WORSE.  (And as long as you keep it in context, even worse than no big deal comes out to a little bit bigger no big deal.)

But why is my daughter saying the government is going to come after me?  Has she not been following the news (well, filtering it I should say, since you can't take it at first-glance), because if she was she would realize that Obama has not been interested in turning this into a REALLY BIG DEAL either.  He's done as little as he can in regards to commenting on it, because everything does need to be addressed, but he has taken a wait and see attitude since the beginning.

What are the consequences of expressing your opinions (popular or otherwise) on a public forum?  I read some blogs where the commentary is just downright mouth-dropping off the charts, I mean, mine is G-Rated times ten compared to some of them, so it interests me that my own daughter thinks that my opinion, which is always strong and as far as I'm concerned, fairly well-informed, could pose a danger to me.  

Well, could it?

There was the incident of the school reading my blog and indicating that my words could be used against me in regards to harming my child, and there are times that I wish that I had let that blow up into a big ole mess, because I feel VERY strongly that I have every right to express my opinion in any forum that I wish.

But there is one thing I've learned over the course of keeping "principals" alive and "rights" in line, is that for the most part, the majority of people would rather just do nothing, so you're pretty much always going to be on your own, and how much of your life do you want to devote to issues that are mired in negativity?  I think that at this point in my life I have definitely concluded that "fighting" anything isn't the way to approach any possible solution.  But the fine line is that the fire inside is stoked by brash violations of our rights -- big or small -- and it is the anger and the sense of injustice that flames the cause.

So at what point can you take a fire you need to burn big and scary and turn it into something safe and warm?

I have no answers for this; it is something that I have lived with my entire life.  From the days of being a child and being told by my parents that "you can't change anything," to the realization as an adult that if I had JUST played the game, things would have been a lot easier.  (And then I instantly get sick at the thought that if I had become complacent and just stood in line naked on my march to the gas chamber: I'd just be dead.)

So I am constantly at odds with myself, one moment I am ready to jump upon my steed and rush into the center of battle and yet (when I turn around and realize that the mass crowd that started with me has now retreated) there is a part of me that is always wondering what other means there is to an end.  It's hard.

It's like I was designed to be the leader of a cause, and deep-rooted in my DNA are all these signals and deep-rooted motivations to make true change, and yet ... there really isn't any one big cause great enough worth unleashing it for.  It's like I am a souped-up race car stuck in a small track at an amusement park -- I could jump the car off the track, it's not that restrictive, but then what?

So I occasionally rev the engine and look around, and realize that despite the fact that I am equipped with all this power, there really is nowhere to go.

It's MADDENING I tell ya!

When I was in Sedona, I did this thing called journey work, and while in a deep, almost hypnotic state, I was asked to describe myself in one word.  She asked me three times, and these are the words that I said:

Queen

Mother

Freedom

So, if those are the things that I am, what does that mean?

It means something, and I guess it is my job to figure that out.

So Maddie, I apologize for concerning you via my words, but as you can see, I originate from three very strong words -- all of which mean big, big things.

A Queen is a leader, a mother is all-knowing and freedom is something not one of us should take lightly.

I know I don't.

Ramblings about epidemics attached to pigs

FIRST U.S. SWINE FLU DEATH REPORTED:

Ok.  What are the details?  It was a 23-month-old toddler.  Was this child sick with another illness, perhaps an auto-immune disorder or some type of cancer which would greatly influence the fact that it wasn't JUST the swine flu in play here.  Was the child transported to the hospital in a timely manner?  

This stuff makes me crazy.  Maddie came home from school yesterday saying she was freaked out about it.  I asked her why.  She is strong, healthy, she exercises and eats properly.  If she gets the flu, her body is in prime condition to fight it off.  What is there to be afraid of?

Oh, she said.

Exactly.

So far there has been ONE death in the U.S., not hundreds and certainly not thousands.  Is that what it would take to freak me out?  Yes.  Thus far there have been 50 deaths in Mexico and 2,000 people with the illness.  Ummm, that just doesn't seem like a huge, enormous big deal to me, I'm sorry.  Call me crazy, but again, do I know that those 50 people didn't have something else going on, that in tandem with the flu, caused them to die?  I don't.  I don't have anywhere near enough facts to get to freak-out stage one.

When you consider that between 20 and 40 MILLION people died in the flu pandemic of 1918, pardon me for not going all cuckoo over 51 deaths.  There is also consideration that the deaths of that time were not caused by a strain of flu, but by tuberculosis, since flu typically affects the infirm, elderly and small children, whereas the 1918 disease went after people between their 20's and 40's -- often killing them almost immediately.  There are countless stories, like four women who got together to play cards, and by the end of the night three of them had died.

The fact that scientists are STILL not sure what happened in 1918 does not make me believe they have any idea what could happen today.  It is all theories based on computer models which are designed to create worst-case scenarios.

All I hear lately is about the swine flu.  It is all over the Internet, it is on local news, talk shows, it is getting its 15-minutes of fame and then I hope it fades off into oblivion.

The facts are that out of a world population of 6,776,520,595 people, 51 have succumbed to this new strain of whatever it is.  In the time it took me to type in that number (taken from the popluation clock) it jumped to 6,776,520,640.  In under a few seconds the world's population increased the number of people it lost to the flu.  In one minute it went from 6,776,520,791.  In no time at all, the population has already doubled the number of people lost to this strain.

I am just saying.  Context, people.  Context.

This map is kind of cool -- it has labels where every suspected case of flu has been verified and you can click on them and see more detailed information.  In the Northeast, there are actually reports of 1 case in New Jersey, one in Connecticut, and several in Maryland.  Epidemic?  Or not?

RSOE EDIS - Pandemic Monitoring System

Pre-summer pleasures

Tonight it was beautiful so I packed a cooler (and so it begins!) and we headed to the lake.  The neighbors grandchildren are up and they are two girls, one is Charlie's age and the other is in 4th grade.  Maddie, who is a sophomore in high school, hung with them as well.  

They went out on the boat, they played wiffle ball until it became too dark to see anything, and then they sat out on the lawn and giggled.  And giggled and giggled.

Peter had left as soon as the sun set and I had retreated from the dock to the screen porch with my book.  The sky was pastel gorgeous and I found my eyes drifting from the page to the scene before me: the beautiful sky, the calm lake, the arc of the birch trees silhouetted against the sky, and my ears tuned into the conversation the kids were having.

Apparently the youngest little girl was negotiating with Charlie how to best ask her sister out.  How hilarious is that?  And then there would be giggles.

I was transported back in time, to the vacant lot across the street from our house in our little Bedford neighborhood, where all the big kids played kickball after dinner.  By sheer will I managed to get them to allow me to play, despite the fact I was a good five or six years younger than they were, and this little girl telling Charlie what to do reminded me of me.

Just act like you know it, and the rest will follow!!!

As it grew darker and later, I could sense an urgency in their tones:  They were all waiting to be told it was time to call it a night.  But it wasn't going to be from me.  How many times had I been called home right in the middle of something so amazingly important it makes me ache to think of it?  Countless!  Too many!  Not fair!  For my entire life, as the day ebbs into night, I grow more alive and energized.  I am a true night person, and while I don't suffer from insomnia, when I am pushed into bed before I am ready, I will lay there for hours and hours and hours.  I spent a lot of hours as a kid just being pissed off that I had to be in bed.  Or staring out the window at all the older kids who could stay up as long as they wanted to.  NOT FAIR!

Nope.  I was in no hurry to get home.  True, the kids have school tomorrow, but so what?  Today it was hot and sunny, tomorrow it could easily be in the 30's and 40's.  Seize the moment!  Live while the peepers are peeping and the boring people are sleeping, I say!

So the big negotiations that the "giggler's" were in the middle of progressed, and the little girl ran into her cottage and Maddie ran into ours and pretended to have a conversation with me, which left Charlie and the intended (so to speak) alone. Oh, before that Charlie came in and asked me what to do.  I made some comment about not being in middle school and that was it really necessary to ask someone out?

But who am I kidding?  Of course it is necessary to ask someone out.  It is HUGE.  For me, in middle school, it was Bruce Schartner and Drew Conroy.  I think they both asked me out, and I think I said yes to both of them, and that worked out fine until ski season.  That was before  the days of triple chairlifts, so I was always pushed to make a choice of who I would go up with.  Oh, the angst.  Going out meant nothing, really, other than the fact that you were going out.  We did not kiss (horrors) and when Bruce gave me a ring as a birthday present, I was horrified.  What did THAT mean?  Oh, the angst!

And that is really all it is about.  Well, at least in my innocent world, and Charlie is still quite innocent in that regard.  (Believe me, if you'd heard the giggles, you'd believe me for sure!)

So as a parent, I don't want to get too involved.  Not because I'm not interested, but because I think the purpose of it all is to figure it out on your own.  There is a lesson to be learned from expressing your feelings and putting yourself out there, at the risk of being rejected.  It can be painful, but on the other hand, it can be the best damn thing that's ever happened to you!

She didn't say yes, but she didn't say no either.  Let's be reasonable, she is of the female species, and she and Charlie have had maybe two conversations over the past 13 years.  I am sure she is thinking what the hell!  Last year he liked her so much he ran away whenever she was around.  But they all clicked yesterday and today (the motley crew if you will) and if the common goal between all of them is navigating Charlie's love life, then so be it.

The sounds of the giggling was music to my ears.  It really was.  I kept finding myself grinning myself.

Will you go out with me?

Bongo baby bongo!

Wow, it's been awhile since I've blogged.  But my house looks fabulous!  We had a party here on Thursday night for the Eastern Ski team parents and coaches -- about 40 people.  Both Peter and I went a little nuts.  I cleaned everything there was to be cleaned downstairs -- including the oven and underneath the kitchen sink, and he landscaped outside.  We are House Beautiful right now, and I don't want it to be messed up!

Yesterday it was nearly 90 degrees, and I really don't appreciate the Universe throwing that out following day upon day of cold, raw and rainy days.  What is it?  Some kind of torture mechanism?   We did go over to the lake and sat on the dock, and this morning they put in the Whaler ... and we're supposed to go over later and put up screens.  It is early, but the thing is, you must grab the summer days when they arrive.  They can be fleeting and sporadic.  Today it isn't really that nice.  Which is the problem with a really hot sunny day coming out of nowhere, because it makes the days following that seem cold in comparison.  It's probably 70 degrees, but that is 20 degrees cooler than it was yesterday.  So it feels cold.

It's all wrong!!!!  And yet, it happens year after year after year.

So on Friday night we went to a Proctor event which included a live band, dancing and encouragement from said band to be participants.  They were more than happy to have you come up on stage and sing along, and they were insistent that you play instruments (they handed me this egg that shook -- I mean, picture holding an egg in your hand and shaking it ... what does it remind you of?  Do they do it to be funny?)

They also hand out a tambourine, a stick and a bell and there was a bongo drum in the middle of the dance floor.  I was busy chatting with people when I was grabbed by two friends and dragged out to the dance floor.  I don't really need to be dragged, but that's what they did, and somehow I was deposited in front of the bongo drum.  Seeing a fresh participant, one of the band members leapt off the stage and approached me and started banging on the drum, then indicated that I must follow suit.  So I copied what he had done.  Then he did something else, and I copied that, and so on, until I was sufficiently bongo-drum ready to be in the band and he left me.

Well.  I do not take such tasks lightly, so I banged those bongo drums with enthusiasm, while the tambourine player kept encouraging me, the band members kept giving me thumbs up and other people kept saying I was doing a great job.  I bongoed until I could bongo no more, and then I was coerced up onto the stage to sing.  I explained, as the song began, to the lead singer standing next to me, that I did not know the song.  That doesn't matter, though, you just wing it!  I am sure I was pathetic, well of course I was, I didn't KNOW the song, but it was fun and I just waved to my husband and friends as they indicated that they were leaving (and watched them go out the door.)  I stood up there (with others) until the last song was sung, and then ran off to find my ride.  And it was then I noticed that my hands hurt.  Like, a LOT.  I had felt that the rings on my fingers felt tight, but I was otherwise occupied and didn't pay too much attention.

When I got home I realized my hands were seriously swollen and it took me a good long while to get the rings off my fingers.  One of them is even bent! (The ring, not my finger!)  I woke up in the morning and they were bruised, front and back, all over, and super swollen.  BONGO DRUMITIS!  They still hurt as I type this and are still swollen and bruised, though a little less.

So alas, my potential future career as a bongo drummer does not seem imminent because I am thinking my hands are too important for such a dangerous occupation.  I clearly used every part of my hands because there are bruises on my wrists, the heels of my hands, all of my fingers ... the works.

I forgot how much fun it was to dance to a live band.  I was running around planning a big party for this summer because, well, they are so much fun.  Or at least I know **I** have fun!  And if you are at this big party I plan to have and see me in front of the bongo drums -- please make me STEP AWAY!!!!

You had me at stylish and hell, it's pink

I am in spring cleaning mode and I am in a relentless mood.  One big garbage bag and I are making the rounds, and if I don't like the looks of you -- you could be stuffed in and discarded without a moment's thought.  RELENTLESS I TELL YA!

But the one place that really needs a good work-over is this computer -- it is getting so slow because of all the pictures I have on it, and when I go to do anything in iPhoto, it often crashes.  NOT a good sign.  I do have back-ups of the important pictures (or as many as I could fit on several 2 gig flash drives) but I still have a TON of pictures.  A few months ago I went through and deleted hundreds of pictures.  This month I added close to a thousand from my trip to Arizona and California.  Good grief.

So I decided to check out external hard drives, and the first one I clicked on made me laugh.  Read this.  I mean, it's an EXTERNAL HARD DRIVE for heaven's sake.

LaCie Mobile Hard Drive, Design by F.A. Porsche 100GB 5400RPMUSB 2.0 and FireWire Made with a durable exterior to withstand life on the go, this stylish, compact drive lets you safely travel with your professional and personal data, including MP3s, audio tracks and photos. Since this portable drive is USB & FireWire bus-powered, no cumbersome AC adapter is required. There is also no software to configure on Windows 2000, Windows XP and Mac OS X because its driver-free. With plug and play convenience, its preformatted for immediate use on PC or Mac. User Benefits: * Universal USB and FireWire connectivity * Lightweight, portable design * Bus-powered* - AC adapter not requiredInterface : FireWire (1 port) and Hi-Speed USB 2.0 (1 port) Interface Transfer Rate : Hi-Speed USB 2.0: 480Mbits/s (60MB/s) FireWire: 400Mbits/s (50MB/s)Capacity : 100 GBUPC#: 093053653781MFP#: 300808

Does anyone remember the J. Peterman catalog?  I loved that thing and ordered so many items from it that I absolutely never used.  For one, there were hand drawings (not pictures).  Wait.

The caftan. Simple, comfortable, graceful, and easy to wear.

It’s one of those designs so well adapted to its function (think ax handles, ship’s rudders, etc.) that time has suggested few improvements.

So we’ve taken a deep breath here before standing up to announce something that may take a bit of getting used to:

The world’s first caftan with a concealed inner tie at the waist.

This empowers you to adjust precisely the caftan’s fit to your body; some people prefer a more tailored look, for example, when they leave home for the souk.

Caftan traditionalists and neo-caftanians should be able to lounge around together in a spirit of mutual appreciation, or at least tolerance.

This is not a matter of right or wrong; it’s about freedom of choice.

Adjustable-Waist Caftan (No. 2335). Ankle-length cut of pure cotton. Side slits. On-seam pockets. Taped V-neck and hook-closing placket leading down to stitched half-belt like panel at the waist; hidden inner ties continue around inside.

Size: one size fits most. Color: Coral and Pink floral on Taupe, with Pink trim.

The chances that I would EVER wear a caftan are slim-to none.  But the words ... oh the words ... freedom of choice, just yummy.  I just might purchase this caftan because it is pink and because the words dimmed the lightbulb in my brain and made me believe.  That caftans are good.

Anyway.  The same as those words with the silly external hard drive. (I had no idea that J. Peterman was around still, by the way.)  But this stylish and compact drive lets you travel safely with your data ... I mean, who doesn't want that?  I think they had me at stylish.  Just like a caftan, it's not about need.  It's about the delivery.

Time to go work out my credit card.  Does anyone else want to join me in building the new caftan-craze?

Anyone?

UPDATE:  The more I look at this caftan, the more I like it.

ANYONE?  

For those interested, the price of this be----U----T---Ful caftan is $89.  MY GAWD, a bargain!