The power of chocolate

So.  I made this raw chocolate out of cacoa nibs, coconut oil and agave -- which is the basis of all raw chocolate, including the above which you can purchase -- but why bother, because it is a piece of cake (no chocolate!) to make.

The first day I couldn't stop eating it.  I mean, this stuff is crazy.  

And I didn't sleep for three days.

I am very sensitive to caffeine, and I have no idea what the caffeine content is in raw cacoa, but it must be mad crazy, because I was zinging for hours.  So I had some at 7 this morning, thinking I'd be safe. (I looked it up and it says that raw chocolate contains very little caffeine.  So I react to something else then!  Cuz I wasn't dreaming I wasn't sleeping!)

But wowsa!  I am so hyped up -- so, so ... HAPPY!  I mean seriously, I can't keep my lips from turning upwards into a smile.  It's kind of weird.  In a good sort of way.

And I can't keep still!  I have to DO something.

Anyway, the thing is, chocolate is good for you.  At least THIS chocolate is.  We're not talking Three Musketeers bars here, we're talking raw chocolate fresh from the nut.

The nut?

Yes, chocolate comes from a nut, which grows on a tree.  A very odd tree.  And another cool thing about chocolate is that it is ALWAYS in season.  There is no chocolate nut season, the nuts grow all year long.  The theory for this is that we NEED chocolate all the time!

I am hip with that.

So money doesn't grow on trees -- but chocolate does!  Life is good.

This is the tree and the nuts are inside the fruit (pods).  These trees grow in tropical rainforests in South America, Malaysia and Africa.

these are the nuts.

The cacoa pods take five to six months to ripen.  On a typical plantation the pod is cut open with a machete and the beans are removed (there are approximately 45 beans per pod).  The beans are then covered with banana leaves and left to ferment for five days, which reduces the bitterness and enhances the chocolate flavor.  Then they are left to dry in the sun ... and that's it!  Then they are sent off to cacoa buyers and processors.

ALL chocolate is made from these beans.  But the chocolate bars that you buy, for the most part, contain not one iota of the cacoa bean.   Unless you indulge in real chocolate, you are not receiving any of the following benefits:

Raw cacoa has the highest anti-oxidant properties of ANY food in the world!    It has anti-aging and anti-inflammatory properties, it is a good source of magnesium, sulphur, calcium, iron, zinc, copper, potassium, manganese and some B vitamins.

 

Sulfur helps build strong hair and nails, promotes healthy and beautiful skin, helps detoxify the liver and helps healthy functioning of the pancreas.

I could go on ... but the bottom line is, it's a superfood.  Now ... you can find information out there that chocolate is a toxic and dangerous substance and that it will do harmful things to your body and become addictive.  But I've only found one source claiming this and countless others touting the wonders and joy of chocolate.

Since I have been experiencing the mood-lifting benefits of the crazy cacoa wonder all morning, I am less inclined to believe that it is bad for me.  I do know that if I eat too much of it or too late in the day I won't sleep.  There is no argument from me that it is a stimulant.  But what is wrong with feeling fabulous every now and again?  As for addictive ... well.  I can choose not to eat it and have since those sleepless nights!

But it sure does taste good.

Here is a raw fudge recipe that is super easy and will have you swinging from the chandelier and smiling despite yourself!

Raw Fudge

1/2 cup raw chocolate powder (raw cacoa powder)

1/2 cup raw coconut butter (oil)

1/2 cup raw honey

All of these ingredients can be found at a health food store or in most grocery stores.

Mix all ingredients in a pan (warm it slightly if necessary as the coconut butter/oil will be a solid as will the honey)

Press into a 5X5 container and then chill in the fridge for an hour.

And then ... swoon!

When an obsession becomes a reality!

I think I am officially deranged.

I just bought tickets to see Twilight for Friday.  Like the first packed showing.  

I NEVER do this.

In fact, I am against it!  I think it is foolish -- all things can wait.

Except for this.

And ... I CAN'T wait!

Too many shoes, or not enough?

No, this post is not about The Secret -- but it's about ideas and attraction and my overwhelming feeling of certainty that the world is not coming to an end.

I have, as many readers know, not been this optimistic over the past year.  I latched on to any one particular subject and followed it down to its worst-case-scenario, fully believing that peak oil would decimate us, or everyone would die of cancer or whatever else I got caught up in.

Those things are all still true -- but they don't HAVE to be our destiny.  We are all in charge of our own futures -- and we can choose whatever path we want to take. 

Peak Oil is a fact.  But as we now know, the oil industry is incredibly volatile.  We were paying double at the pumps a few months ago.  But all it took was a few adjustments, and suddenly the demand on oil went down enough to balance out the supply and demand war.  Seriously, some how every one of us made some type of change that affected this, even if it was a change that really didn't change your life.

It is infinitesimal changes across a grand scale that can make a grand change.

If you don't want cancer in your life, then you can stop ingesting cancer-causing agents on a daily basis and instead eat foods that will armor your body to guard against what is really an inevitable disease for anyone who eats the standard american diet.

Again, with teeny tiny changes, this too can be done.

I can hear a dozen analysts screaming that I don't know what I'm talking about, that historically this and historically that, blah blah blah.

That's fine.  I'm not an expert, I will admit that.  But I know what I know and I know this without a shadow of a doubt:  We NEED this, this world in turmoil.  We NEED it as our wake-up call, we need to STOP eating crap and buying crap ... and the only way to get some people to do this is to make it impossible for them.  And that is by taking away their buying power -- or their money, if only for a short while, so they can slowly start to GET IT.

I will admit I am a bit of a hypocrite in this whole conversation.  I still buy stuff.  I still buy stuff I do NOT need.  It's a hard habit to break.  I am always amazed when I am in a store (and I will say that I don't go in on my own accord, I am almost ALWAYS with someone else who is, while not making me go, certainly providing me with a situation I wouldn't put myself in on my own) I can't believe how much stuff there is that appeals to me!  I have my buttons.  I love pocketbooks and jewelry and soft materials and cool gadgets and things that sparkle.

But I've bought enough things over the years to know that I just plain don't need them.  That I can live without them.  When I find something I like, I don't think about it at all.  I just buy it.  I have never wasted precious moments of my life wondering the pros and cons of something.  It is as simple as if I want it and seem to have a need, then that is fine.

The other day while shopping I wanted one thing.  I wanted shoes.  Now, I most certainly do not NEED shoes.  I have loads of them.  But I had decided that I would use these shoes (and I knew exactly what type I wanted, what brand and what color) as a reward for reaching a milestone.  Before we reached the shoe store, my sister and I went into this shop that has all the wonderful pocketbooks, jewelry, soft materials and cool gadgets and things that sparkle and I was of course infected with the fever.  I wanted.

But what?

I've blogged before about my perfect pocketbook, which was slung across my shoulder.  But it wasn't so perfect that day because my sunglass holder didn't really fit in it.  I was feeling a bit put out at its slight imperfection, and I am sure that it was no coincidence that there was an entire WALL of pocketbooks that were just screaming my name.

It was bedlam I tell ya!  I started to try them on.  And I settled on one that seemed perfect!  Perfect!  Until my sister started pointing out that it was like a bag on sterioids.  Forget the perfect pockets on the front, that was only the tip of the iceberg.  The thing opened up in three different places, it had multiple zippers and snaps and it opened to the left and it opened to the right ... and well ... you'd never be able to find a damn thing in it!  It was like the castle of pocketbooks -- full of hallways that you'd never really need to go down.  Just point me to the kitchen please.

I felt bereft.  No pocketbook today?  Really?  I hadn't been shopping in weeks, months even!  But then I said to myself no, you are getting something today.  You are getting shoes!

As I was buying a birthday present I noticed these fabulous earrings on the counter.  Made of some Amazon tree, they were really, really cool.  Then my mind flashed to the earring tree on my bathroom counter at home.  FULL of so many earrings I could wear a new pair everyday for months.  Seriously.  I have a lot of earrings.  And bracelets.  And rings.  I just have.  A lot.

So I bought the shoes and instantly felt gratified.  I asked for my size in the color I wanted, put them on my feet, stood up and said I'd take them.  I wore them out of the store and never looked back.  I love those shoes.

I love them because they are not only a reminder of the milestone I intended them for, but they also remind me that I **am** capable of just buying one thing -- that I don't have to instantly gratify every "need" that comes my way, because you know, I never would have loved that pocketbook.  And I have loads of pocketbooks.  I could change pocketbooks everyday for a few weeks too.  I just have.  A lot.

Anyway, so as our economy tanks, I am cool with that because I only need food, I don't need an abundance of stuff because I already have it!  I didn't personally need this lesson myself, because I was already on this path ... it was becoming a natural progression of the type of changes I needed to make, both physical and spiritual.

Because stuff bogs you down.  It really does.  Everything bogs you down in one way or another.

I had my hair cut to feel free.  I could only go so far, but I had this overwhelming urge to cut my hair for the freedom of it.

I changed my diet and I feel free.  Which makes no sense, but something clicked for me, and it ultimately made me realize that I am free from the pull of food.  All food really.

Charlie made chicken and cheese grinders (I invented them because we all loved steak and cheese grinders and when I gave up red meat, we all wanted to keep this wonderful food alive!) last night and the smell was incredible.   So in my mind I ate one.  I could taste exactly what it would taste like ... right down to the mayo on the roll, the slimy feel of the onions and peppers coated in melted cheese, the softness of the bits of chicken as I bit into them.  It was delicious.  And then I watched as everyone ate theirs.  It was mindless.  They were just putting the food in their mouths, chewing and going for the next bite.  There was no doubt in my mind that I had enjoyed that grinder a hundred times more than they did ... in my mind!

We're so numb to everything after all these years of too much, that the only thing that is going to make people wake up is a crisis of immense proportions.

But each and every one of us can control that proportion, by keeping things in proportion.  Because you can ultimately have everything you want -- you just have to want it with pure intention.  And that's when it gets tricky ... because then you have to go deeper inside yourself than you have to when you have enough money at your disposal to just buy everything you want because just maybe, maybe one of those things will meet your wants and you don't even have to try to think about it.

And that begins the great disconnect.

Think about all the mixed messages the universe hears.  The car industry is in grave danger.  They say we must bail them out too because of all the jobs that will be lost.  But wait ... do the worker's REALLY want their jobs?  That is why answers can't be packaged up neatly and problems solved overnight ... because ultimately, in the backs of many of the minds of these people who work on assembly lines, they are secretly happy at the thought of being FORCED out of a job they hate.  Out of a daily existence that has numbed them completely.  As long as there is negative energy mixed in ... it will dilute the solutions.  

Everyone has to think what THEY want.  What they REALLY want.  Yes, they want money to provide food and clothing for their families.  But how much money do they need?   People get locked into jobs for life based on these needs:  The need to provide.  But WHAT are they providing?  In many cases, empty lives that will be led by their children as well, because so many basics have been lost over the years.  We have forgotten that you don't NEED stuff to survive.  You just need food, shelter, some clothing (not closets full) and not 100's of pairs of shoes.

I know that all I want is the freedom to be free of stuff -- to not care about what type of car I drive or the clothes I wear or any of that.  And to a certain point, I have reached that.  But not completely -- I still have human thoughts!  (hahaha, sorry, reading too many vampire books). 

But mostly I want to know WHAT I want.  I want it to be intuitive, I want to believe that every choice I make is pure and not based in any of the emotions that tend to accompany our decisions.

It is what I intend.

Gawd I love my shoes.

Say it isn't so!

After coming off a few days of "blackout" myself, I am horrified that poor Obama might not be able to keep an email account -- or even worse -- his blackberry, once he becomes president.

Talk about technology not keeping up with the Oval Office!  I don't care about security, blah blah blah.  If the guy wants to email his friends and say "go Sox!" then he should be allowed to.  I do not think he should be allowed to email his friends and say "thinking of blowing up Cuba tomorrow, what do you think?"

I mean, let's be adults here.  Obviously you don't use email correspondence for private, secure, top-secret "government stuff."   But I think he should be trusted to be allowed to keep something that keeps him informed.  Believe me, you can't even find a movie that is playing without an internet connection!

I find it ridiculous that the president doesn't even have a laptop (the current one that is).  If it is the way you have become, as it is most certain Obama has, then it just is.  You can't stop knowing how to find out things within seconds, you can't just stop and wait for a committee to gather to inform you.  It would drive me INSANE!  I want a happy President, thank you very much!

I was watching excerpts from Michele and Barack on 60 Minutes and I was struck by his comments on how he (and he wasn't complaining!) misses things like taking a walk, or going to have his hair cut.  He said that it was a loss of connection ... 

I don't think anyone has any idea what it is like to be the President of the United States.   But man, they are just so wonderful to watch. They are so true ... it's not like Laura Bush, who in 8 years has made no imprint whatsoever in my mind because she's always "I support my husband ..." whereas Michele is out and out a force herself.   She was asked if she could truly, as a Princeton and Harvard Law School graduate, sit inside the White House and "just be a Mom."

She is so comfortable in her own skin and doesn't have to prove anything.  I flashed back to Hillary -- who was our first "strong" woman first lady, and the difference between them is that Hillary can't prove herself enough -- she has to push, push and push.   She wanted it clear right from the get-go that she had a brain and she was going to use it.  Damn-it!  And all she ended up doing was making a stupid "not going to sit at home and bake cookies," crack that pretty much ended up being her claim to fame.  She couldn't win.  She tried too hard.

Watch CBS Videos Online

I don't know why, but I totally and thoroughly enjoyed watching the two of them. And I loved it how Obama (I can never decide, do I call him Barack or do I call him Obama ... and then I have to think, which is the first and last name?) Anyway, I loved it when he was talking about his mother-in-law. He just seems like a guy you could easily have a conversation with. And want to.


Watch CBS Videos Online

And so, after watching that, don't you agree that if the President wants to email his buddies about a college playoff system, that he should be allowed to?

OOOOooooh I am addicted

So.  Last Tuesday I was at my sister's and her daughter Emma is all into these Twilight Series books and my sister had finished the first and was almost done the second.  These are big books, but boy, do you go through them quickly.  I borrowed the first one and took it home.

By Wednesday morning I had all but a few chapters left.  I finished those then later in the afternoon went to the bookstore to buy the second book.  I also checked to see if they had the next two in the series, but they did not.  

I read that all night and finished it in the morning.  Then I paced.  What should I do?  If I ordered the other two online, it would take DAYS to come.  Was there a bookstore in Hanover?  Lebanon?  How come I wasn't sure?  Hmmmmmm.

By late afternoon (with the internet down as well!) I drove to Concord and ran into Border's ... I might have been panting.  I bought the last two (in hard cover damnit!) and Maddie looked at me like I was nuts and said maybe I should read one first and then buy the other one after that.  I said NO.  WHAT?  ARE YOU CRAZY?  I don't care what they cost ... I NEEEEEEEEED them.

And now I am starting to see something I should have thought about earlier:  I am running out of my fix.  I of course read most of the third last night ... and I am physically keeping myself away from the book right now.  But it will be done in no time ... and then there is only one more left.

I have NEVER gone through books like this.  I mean, I literally have no desire to put them down.  They never get boring, they are absolutely and completely ridiculous ... totally over the top, and I am eye rolling some of the time.  But that means nothing.  I am hooked.

Have I mentioned these are geared towards the younger set?  That you have to find them in the Young Adult section?

Yeah, I know, it's a little weird.  And my own young adult refuses to read them herself.  She scoffed when I told her it was about this girl and a vampire ... and said "please, no more, I am not interested."

NOT INTERESTED?  I just don't understand.  Even my reading compadre, Hallie, said that Emma had mentioned them over the summer but she didn't like vampires either.

Well poooh to all of them.  I love vampires.  Well, I love one vampire in particular.  I love his cold, marble lips and his beautiful appearance and his sense of humour.  I love Edward.  I do!

I am now obsessed with vampires.  I am going to read the Anne Rice series ... because I too used to say that vampires did not interest me.  But ... I have been turned on to those bloodsuckers and there is no turning back now -- because I am just about out of this fix ... and I need to line something up.  I believe Anne Rice is a prolific writer as well.  (I don't know what it is about vampires, but they keep a story going!)  Maybe it has something to do with their immortality.

Of course, these are nice vampires.  But just like humans, there are bad vamps and good vamps.  One just needs to have an open mind.  And werewolves ... now they aren't always scary either.

I think I'll end this right now before I sound even more deranged than I think I do.  

And go read.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Sooooooooooooo.  I've had no internet for a day and a half.  I called to report this, and the nice woman said, "Oh, I know why your internet isn't working.  There is an outage in your area."

"Do you have any idea when it will be fixed?  I haven't had internet all day.  I've unplugged everything, reset everything and kicked a few things as well."

"I'm sorry ma'am, I really am."

"But you have no idea when the internet will be fixed in this area?  Do you have any idea what caused it?  A large storm perhaps?"

"Ummmm..."

"Because there have been no large storms."

"I really don't know."

"So you are saying I have no internet, you now know that, and you have no idea why and when it will be restored?"

"Ummmmm."

"Because that is quite ridiculous.  There must be a fact or two to go along with this.  Some teeny tiny shred of proof that the internet will be restored within say, a day, a week, a month, even a year."

"Oh, I don't think it will be that long."

"But you don't know."

"Well, no.  But..."

"I have no one else to call?"

"Oh," she said brightly.  "You can call the business office on Monday morning if you wish."

"Why would I do that?"

"To report that your internet was out in an area where there was an outage, and they will credit your account."

"I see.  Do you think I should wait longer than Monday morning, in the event the internet stays down longer than that?"

"Ummmm."

Okay, okay, I finally let the poor girl off the hook.  Though, when she said this ...

"Is there anything else we can help you with today?"

"Yes, I'd like to have my internet fixed and to have a general idea of when that is going to happen."

"Besides that."

I mean, come on, I had to laugh.    I call the service department, they say basically we can't help you, but is there anything else I can help you with?  Should I have ordered a cheeseburger?  Asked her for the time.

Anyway, it is 3:00 the following day, it's been over 24 hours of no computer ... and well, it's really taken a toll on me.  I've read three books.  Well, that is EMMA's fault, but I think it is another blog.  

This afternoon we thought we might go to a movie.  We couldn't figure out what was playing.  I called all the numbers in my phone book to try and get an audio recording of movies playing.  You can't understand any of that fandango stuff and I was screaming at the recorded voice when it kept saying it couldn't understand me.  

It wasn't right.  Then Charlie tried, because you know, I must be doing something wrong.  He looked at me, nonplussed, and said "I can't understand what they are saying."

Makes sense to me!  Oh, I am so glad the world is falling apart and we will get back some CUSTOMER SERVICE.  I am so looking forward to it, I really am.

Is that wrong?

No.  But I am not going to discuss the end of the world now, because I refuse to go there.  LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA.

So, I re-boot everything and then I played games with myself.  If I don't go over and check for five minutes, the internet will be back.  (I had to do something, because I was afraid I was going to kick it again!)  Anyway, it came back and I was so excited, I didn't know what to do first!  Everyone else is gone -- since the movie thing became impossible, everyone decided to go shopping.  Since I am against shopping, I stayed here.  And read.

But this, this is sooooooooo exciting.  I am baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.  And of course with the internet down I had tons of blogging ideas.  Tons!  And no, I couldn't write them in a word document and then transfer them, because it's just not the way to do it.  Geesh.  In fact, I have decided my computer is completely worthless unless it is online.

Well, I'm glad it's back and everything, but I have to go read.

Seriously.

Active without pretense

I don't mean for this to be about my journey with raw food, because that's a whole 'nother blogging experience, but since it is really what my life is all about right now ... well, it's what is in my head.

Yesterday I went to visit my sister as Charlie and Zach didn't have school.  We went to the health food store that normally has a raw food entree available for lunch.  The only thing that was raw was a sandwich (which was delicious!)  This health food store was all into raw months ago, but now it has kind of fizzled out.  That's what happened to me the first time, so I completely understand it.  But it makes me realize, there has to be a way to reach people on a deeper level.

By holding a class and introducing people to raw food and how it tastes, is step one.  But then what?  It's a very easy situation in which to say "oh, the food tastes great and I feel great when I am eating it, but you need too much equipment, it takes too much time to make and it doesn't fit into my lifestyle."

I totally get that.  Believe me.  But something happened to me last night that made me realize that a mindset can be completely changed the other way ... to a place where a person could say "Oh, the food tastes great and I feel great when I am eating it and I somehow need to figure out how to incorporate this lifestyle into my life because I need to choose feeling good over feeling just okay."

We went out for dinner at a fabulous pizza restaurant -- one of my favorites.  The pizza there is made out of all organic ingredients, local if possible, and it is cooked in a wood fire.  ALL they serve is pizza, salad and a few desserts.   I had no plans to eat pizza -- I also love the salad they serve which has this yummy dressing and seaweed on it -- so you know it is good for you.  But one of the special pizzas had a curry-coconut sauce with organic broccoli, tomatoes and chickpeas on it.  I mean, it's like a dream pizza for me!  So my mother and sister ordered half of that and it came and it smelled to die for.  I could specifically smell the coconut, the curry, the tomatoes ... and so I took a teeny tiny piece and put it in my mouth.

The initial sensation was ... oooh, this is almost hot ... then it went from excitement to instant disappointment when I realized I couldn't taste any particular flavor.  It just felt like warm mush in my mouth.  I swallowed and took the second small piece on my plate.  Same thing.  And then my entire mouth felt all gross and oily and just downright unhappy.  The smells coming from the pizza before me were still good .... but the flavor didn't hold up to the promise.

The thing with eating raw is that when you take a bite of something, the flavors pop in your mouth.  I am drinking a smoothie concocted of coconut milk, coconut meat, strawberries and goji berries.  I can specifically taste each flavor, and while the coconut is trying to take over, you can also experience hints of goji and strawberry.  And the taste sensation lingers in your mouth, so you don't need to take another sip for a long time, because you are still experiencing it.  It sounds weird, but I realized last night that I have become accustomed to this -- and that putting something in my mouth that is, well, that is dead and incapable of creating these sensations -- is not something I am interested in!

The reasons that cooked food smells so good is because you are basically smelling the last bit of the essence of that food steaming off into the ether.  Think about it.  When food grows cold, it no longer smells appetizing.  Sometimes it hardly smells at all.

When you eat cooked food all the time, you definitely taste flavor, but I bet if you think about it a little you would realize that after the first bite, you don't really taste that much at all.  Try it.  The first bite will be delicious, it will click something in your brain that says GOOD FOOD and you will keep eating and eating and eating it.  But will you be tasting it?

I know that I never really did.  And I used to say that to myself ... that why bother after the first bite, it was never as good.  But I think I was just looking for that same sensation ... over and over, bite after bite.  All in vain!

The first time I ate raw I did not do 100 percent.  So I did not experience the things I am now.  When I ate cooked foods that I liked, they tasted good.  But the compromise was that I never reached the point that when I ate the raw foods it was a near-nirvana experience for each bite to taste like heaven.  Kind of an odd compromise, if you think about it.

I will never have a desire to eat that pizza again -- as long as I stay raw.  I know this.  I know that without a shadow of a doubt I could re-program my body to enjoy cooked foods again.  But why?  Why?  My sister complained of feeling full, I could actually experience her lack of energy and vitality -- she had totally lost her raw buzz by eating that pizza.

And it's such a short thing.  For a few moments I sat there with nothing to do while everyone else ate.  And I discovered another thing.  That my hearing has become very keen.  I could pull specific sounds out of the mayhem of noise a crowded restaurant creates, and it was kind of cool.  So, I could eat and stuff myself into oblivion, or I could start to hone new sensations that are coming about as my body starts to wake up in so many new and different ways.

So why, I wonder, is it so hard for us to forego the standard of eating that has created a society of obese and sick people?  I think it is because some of us feel safer in the fog ... and I understand that.  When you feel alive, when you feel feel feel, and by that I mean when your body literally zings and your thoughts come at you crystal clear and you look around you and see such beauty and inside you are so calm and yet so ... full ... it can be overwhelming.  Because you think to yourself ... I can do anything.

And those feelings can be cured by eating cooked food.  The moment you put cooked food into your zinging body it starts to tamper it all down.  And you can ignore things that bother you.  

But I am finding that if you stay in it and go deeper, what seems hopeless is really just an opportunity to make changes that will help everyone involved.  If you don't tamper down the power -- the energy -- it starts to grow.  I am an impatient person and I always want things to happen ... yesterday.  

So right now, right now I have no demands on myself.  I am trying to listen to my intuition, my inner voice -- and instead of being reactive, inactive or proactive, I am just remaining ... active.  Waiting to feel the need to do something, say something, be something.

Carrot anyone?