Work in progress

My sister said that she was sick of looking at the picture of my beat up old food processor.

She had to call.

She said "I had to call," because she couldn't get her "Lisa fix" via the blog.

Which made me wonder, how many other relationships am I missing out on because they touch base with me via this blog, but I don't know that?  :::::Shrug:::::: I don't know, I guess it doesn't really matter, but if you ever wonder whether or not to respond -- you should!  Because it returns to me the connection that I put out there.

This is not a demand mind you!  Just a thought.

There was a Christmas commercial on this morning -- the Hershey Kisses were singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas."  For Gawd sake.  Then I get on to my picture a day site and they are discussing next year, shall we all take a picture a day again?  Since I sort of feel that it was a really cool thing to do ... ONCE ... I doubt I will continue.  But it's another example of making connections in strange and different ways.  It is AMAZING how you can get to know someone just by looking at their daily self-portrait.

And then I was reminded that I haven't blogged in a few days.

Such pressure!

So I went online and basically began and ended my Christmas shopping.  We held it way down last year, and this year isn't going to be any different.  One decent gift and a stocking with decent items.  Yeah, that's it.  I bought the one gift for everyone, now I have stockings.  I've already done other family and friend gifts.  For someone that is not always that organized, I am quite amazing this year!  :)

Then I came on here and blogged.  And the reason that I haven't in a few days isn't because I don't have anything to say -- it's because I have so much.  And while for the most part I have no problem saying anything -- and putting anything I say out there -- one of the side affects of eating raw is that you change.

And it will sound crazy to the general populace.  So I haven't been all that anxious to go there, but really the reason I started this blog was to write.  And writing is my therapy, it always has been.  I should also mention that while I have kept diaries for years, they are usually filled with daily doings and the weather.  But I started my raw journey with a journal and I am filling those pages with my feelings.  And things that inspire me.

Like this comment I came across:

Paint your life BIG so people will see.

Now, 19 days ago (pre-raw) or PR, I would have thought something along the lines of "nice comment," and moved on.  But in my raw state (R-s) that just speaks volumes to me.  Volumes I'm telling you!

I've always had the inclination to paint my life big.  Things happen in my life and if there's nothing happening, then I make something happen.  I don't need and crave this -- in fact, I can go for weeks and weeks without even seeing a lot of people or doing anything at all.  But those times are just as big as the other times.

As for "so people will see," I think that goes hand-in-hand with not caring what other people think of you -- so you are given a freedom to do whatever the hell you want.  And if you want to blog crazy things because that is where you are at at the time, then you do it.  Because why not!  Life is fluid, blogs are too.  I can go back and read entries and think "man, you were losing it there."  And I read some and think "wow, that was inspired."  But I can also see that there is no stagnation ... there are ruts, absolutely! ... but I think that maintaining a blog is a cool thing, an interesting archive of time.

It's a lot of work -- and a certain sense of pressure!  But sometimes you have to dig a little deeper and pull something out of the hat -- just for the sake of saying something.  So while I am probably not going to do a self-portrait a day next year, I am definitely going to continue my blogging practice.  Even if I talk about scary, crazy things like how I watched the dogs the other day for an inordinately large amount of time ... watched how they listened and reacted to different sounds, scents in the air.  So then I tried it too.  I just sat there and listened and sniffed.  So many sounds.  So many smells.

It's kinda relaxing, a dog's life is.  Though when the car drove into the driveway, I did not feel compelled to go nutso and start barking and chasing it and spinning around in circles.  I mean, how uncool is that?

So that's really all there is for now.  I am in a pause ... big things shifted in my psyche and now I just have to get used to that.

I was making a cooked lasagna for a dinner party the other night while simultaneously preparing a raw lasagna.  I was assembling the cooked one when I got some of the sauce on my hand.  I had been looking into the pot a little longingly when I was making the sauce ... and when I added the meat, it looked so appealing.  It was bubbling and it smelled good and I had just put in the herbs ... and I realized that it was the time that I would normally taste it.  But I didn't want to go there.  I didn't even want to open the door.

So when it splashed on my hand, I washed it off.  And I realized that my personality HAS to go to these extremes -- it's the way I am.  I HAVE to swear off cooked food one million percent, and then I can work my way back to a new normal.  Because if I open the door just a smidge and say "oh, this is okay," and "that is okay," then all of a sudden there will be a whole lot of okay going on.  And it's NOT okay!

I can even hold a dinner party and eat raw!  To look at everything as possibility.

To paint your life BIG so that will people will see ...

What to do, what to do ... the world's ugliest food processor!

Oooooooooh I have been "uncooking" for hours.  Somehow I have found myself caught up in re-creating cooked foods, and I am thinking this is not the path I want to go down!

For one thing, there is too much focus on food itself.  My dehydrator arrived yesterday and the first thing I did was make onion "bread," which is STILL in the dehydrator as we speak.  It has been in there since yesterday afternoon.  Let me tell you this -- it is painful and TORTUROUS to smell that -- it is incredible how strong it is.  I woke up this morning and was like WOWSA.  It's supposed to turn into like a cracker, but I don't see that happening!  It said it only had to be in for 4-6 hours ... like, ten times that!

I also made onion bagels and "chicken nuggets" today, all in the dehydrator for the next few days if that flat onion bread is any indicator of how long things take!  I'm not even a huge fan of chicken nuggets in real life (so to speak!) but they sounded good the other day when I was making my shopping list STARVING.

I know better than that -- to make a list while starving!  I am starving now because I have been so busy making things for the future, I haven't taken time to feed myself now.  I know, I know, it's all bizarre.  I am waiting for the lightbulb to go off ... the one thing that is going to be like THIS is where I am going with this!  Right now I am just frustrated, and I can't hold a class until I am sure I can present something of value.

The truth of the matter is, this is a very expensive and time-consuming venture.  I may have just taken a wrong turn (in making such complex meals) and just need to find my way back to salads, juices and smoothies.  But this is me -- I accept that.  I go overboard -- waaaaaaay overboard -- and yet, it's kind of fun, all the experimenting!

But I know without a shadow of a doubt that there are very few people who would want to invest the time and energy I have the past few days into preparing these meals.  Do I enjoy it enough to do it on a grander scale?  Do I want to open up a venue where people can come buy food?  I just don't know!!!!

I guess the first thing to do is schedule a class and see what happens from there.  I have no idea what type of response I would get -- all I know are people who are not interested in this type of thing (for the most part) so it's very hard to say.

And then there is equipment.  Will people automatically be discouraged from doing it because they don't have the right stuff?

Now me, I just go out and buy it.  But it is all expensive and I understand most people wouldn't make that type of commitment at the start.  I didn't even buy a dehydrator the first time I attempted raw, because I bought the really pricey blender instead.

My Cuisinart food processor is old and well-used and today while I was making something all the water I had just poured in seeped out through a multitude of tiny, hairline cracks that surround the bowl.  I got out a bunch of towels, poured in more water and put it on, and wondered briefly if I would electrocute myself.

It made such a mess that I went online and looked up food processors.  And there was the Cuisinart that I had completely the same -- not one thing changed in over 20 years!) and I thought, well, the base of this thing is perfectly fine, I'm not going to buy a whole new bottom .  This is so not me -- normally I will push the button -- but instead I got out duct tape and taped up the holes!  HAHAHAHA.  I have no idea if this will actually work, but now I have the UGLIEST food processor in the world!  Which makes it all that more appealing to me!

So I will have a class and someone will start talking about equipment, and I will have before me a beat-up old food processor that looks like hell and I can shrug and say you really don't have to go all out!  Yeah, I think that is the key!

I really do enjoy cooking.  I have to think about this.

OMG is right!

I drove by a handwritten sign today after dropping Maddie off at school and it said something along the lines of Hey Kids, you can be anything you want to be in the United States of America.

That's what I'm talking about!  The type of emotion and gut-wrenching hope that inspires someone to find a piece of cardboard, write that, then go stake it out in their lawn on the morning after.

The morning after we went from the potential dark depths of hell to a brand new beginning.

Yeah, I think it is that serious.  Someone said on TV that Obama spoke to the consciousness of people last night.  And that is exactly what happened.  This is a unifying moment that I will never forget.  I will never forget how it felt to witness the goodness in people.  What a difference the McCain crowd was -- all white.  White White White everywhere, faces, hair ... a sea of white.

The Obama rally was a sight to see.  Black babies squirming in their mother's arms, every age of American stretched from one end of the park to the other ... all together ... all as one.  It was so cool to know I had a daughter in that crowd -- a young person who cared enough to be there. 

It was a very small percentage of the black vote that put Obama in office.  The majority was white.  Why is this important?  Because it is.  Because it means that a really large percentage of us have moved beyond color and race and are seeing the person.

This is evolution.

Hallie!  Tell us what it was like to be there last night.

OMG!  President Obama.  If you don't look behind, you can almost forget the burning Bush.

************************

Following are Hallie's comments about being at the rally in Grant Park, Chicago, Nov. 4, 2008:

So that was probably one of the coolest things I have ever experienced! We made it to where we wanted approximately one minute before they started counting down the closing of the west coast polls and then the projection came on that Obama was president and people went nuts! People were crying and laughing and screaming, it was just so incredible to be surrounded by all these people who wanted Obama to be president so badly. I have to say it was probably the first time I have ever been so proud to be an American. Being with a crowd who was willing to look past the fact of how horrible our economy and everything is and to put all of this good energy towards this one person.

And the crowd just in itself was amazing! I mean there was no pushing, shoving, anger or anything. Everywhere you looked there were these huge beaming smiles. And even when McCain spoke, the crowd got quiet and respectful and listened to what he had to say. The only harsh remarks I heard were when he thanked Palin, haha but that is to be expected. I truly hope that this rally is a sign of how people will act for the next four years, with compassion and respect.

His speech was very eloquent and calm, kept the entire crowd fired up, but not to a ridiculous point. He is an amazing speaker. It was so nice to see him with his family and Biden’s family. And the comment about the puppy made him feel so real! There was laughter and then a collective sigh from the whole crowd when he said that. I feel like that was the point where everyone just felt 100% confirmed that they had made the right choice.

So you say 125,000 ppl were there? I have no idea how many actually were but it was just people everywhere you looked. And walking out they had shut down Michigan Ave for awhile so most people walked up that and the side streets going off of it were packed and people were still yelling and making noise. People had lined the streets and were taking pictures. It was amazing. We prob left at like 11:45 or so and I didn’t get home till 1. We ended up walking most of the way! 

You didn't have to be there, to be there

I just want to write about this because it's worth remembering.

Obama spoke to 125,000 people in Grant Park in Chicago.  You could have heard a pin drop.  At no time did the crowd overtake what has turned into an almost solemn awe of what has happened tonight.

Because it was (is) awe-some.  Obama was incredibly calm and he threw that out into the crowd and I thought, wow, if he took on a different vibe, think of how that just wouldn't work in that throng of people -- it would have been bedlam.  He has that kind of aura, if you will.  While he spoke, people everywhere stood silent, tears streaming down their cheeks, and they listened.  In Times Square people stood silent and gazed up at the screen.  Blogs across America went silent as people listened.  And it wasn't even so much what he said, it was that he was there projecting his vision of hope and a dose of reality in the fact that things suck right now, but that's okay.  No false promises.

And I sat there, in my living room, and sobbed.  Like a big baby.  I didn't even realize it until my nose was running and I was blubbering ... but I was mesmerized.  So many young people in the crowd, so many black people.  So many people full of hope.  It was so worth the fact that it is almost one in the morning to have felt it.

I am telling you -- there is so much hope out there right now, if only we could bottle it.  I hope we can hold onto it in the years to come, because we're so going to need it.  But we have a leader now, and just think.  We haven't had one IN EIGHT YEARS.  

Good night America.

We're going to be okay.

Why it is ...

Because he had a clear vision -- and he's worked towards the goal of being the President of the United States with no wavering.  Call him on his preacher, he just keeps trudging on.  Tell him he consorts with terrorists ... trudging on.  His grandmother approaches death, he goes to her, he tells her goodbye ... and continues to trudge on.

You can't wrestle with that kind of determination ... ahhh, that kind of INTENT.  He put himself in the White House many months ago.

And McCain listened to everyone but himself.  He lost himself along the way ... he became desperate, he picked up Palin.

It's a lesson to all of us -- decide what you want and then do it.  

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I can feel it (seriously)

I am all tingly and feeling the energy -- there is actually a shift in the universe -- I'm not kidding.  The hope that people are beginning to feel is coming through, like in waves.  There is NO WAY I am going to bed until this election is called, because I want to feel the surge -- because it's coming.  I can feel it in my bones.

I have been ignoring TV until now ... and I realize that some would say that it's still too early to call ... except that I know.  It's almost 10:00 ...   AND IT'S SO COOL!

OK, I have to go now and intend for Hallie and her cousins to get into the Obama rally in downtown Chicago.  

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Oh my

I went shopping today for food.  I wandered the aisles of the store wondering what I could get everyone else for food.  I had an extensive list for myself, but I don't know, what do they need?  I picked up some lunch meat and rolls, some spaghetti noodles and sauce and a loaf of french bread as well as some turkey burgers.

No one here is going to cook fish.

No one here is going to cook much of anything!

So what do I get them?

Ya got me.

But **I** filled my cart with produce and fruits and nuts, ohyesIdidboyohboy.  I have NEVER spent as much at the supermarket at one time than I did today.  Like, I should have had filet mignon and lobster in that tab -- but no.  I had nuts.  And vegetables.  What type of world do we live in where basic food costs a fricking fortune?

But I am letting that go for now ... I can't get bogged down in cost.  But as I was driving home I was thinking, "can I really eat six pieces of zucchini this week?"  Five avocados?  A bag of apples, a bag of kiwi's -- pears, tangelos, grapes, bananas???  Four heads of lettuce, a head of broccoli, celery, red peppers, orange peppers, 8 lemons, collard leaves and a partridge in a pear tree?

Oh come on now, that last one is meat.  I might eat the tree though!  :)

And the nuts!  I must have bought about 20 pounds of various nuts and grains.  Talk about nuts.  I know.

I am.

I watched everyone put their stuff on the counter, and I thought, hmmm, interesting.   I did not think I wanted to eat any of it -- but still.  It is interesting to think that most of the world eats a certain way, and now I do not.

So I just prepared my dinner -- which is a pasta with a cream sauce and parmesan cheese (all nuts) and Charlie made their dinner -- he made a spaghetti sauce and garlic bread.

So, all I've been hearing is that there are a record number of people voting this time around.  I bet that some of those people were the ones who didn't bother last time, but know in their hearts that their vote would have made a difference.  There is already screaming and yelling about fraud and broken machines (and if there is a problem with screwed up chads, I am moving, I swear, OUTTA here!)

Landslide, baby.  That's what we're headed for.  I don't think it is going to be a close race.  

You heard it here.  

Time for change.