I have felt the writer in me swirling around through each individual cell, knocking on the door, so to speak, trying to get my attention, for a few weeks now. There are always half a dozen excuses on any given day why I don't sit down and do what I was born to do, and I am more than happy to use them. There are weeds in the garden! It's a beautiful sunny day and there is no good reason to waste it sitting inside, plenty of time for that when it gets yucky out. Good day for a hike! Nail day! No food in the fridge. I feel like cooking.
I have a process and it begins with voracious reading. Just before I am about to launch a very serious writing binge (I can put together a novel from start to finish in a matter of months once I open up the flood gates) I can't read enough. One novel after another, I read and read and read and read. I don't know why, for inspiration I suppose. Then, when I have saturated myself with fictional novels, I move onto non-fiction, philosophical pieces, this is what you are supposed to be doing with your life stuff. I am there now, and am reading The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself, by Micheal A. Singer, and The Art of Work, by Jeff Goins.
And I also visit my cards.
Recently a friend said that I was afraid to publish my books, and I said no, I think you're wrong. And I don't think it is fear of failure, I think it is just plain laziness. I have no self-promotional skills whatsoever, and while I love the process of writing, the business of books is daunting to me. So okay, I guess you can translate that into fear, because I do fear that I will throw up a few books on Amazon. com and that will be that. No one will read them because they have no idea they are there! Initially I came up with this brilliant plan that I would write three novels and then put one on Amazon for free ... and people would read the free one and say wow, I hope she wrote more books, and then pay for the other two. (I told you this part wasn't my gig!!!) And while it's probably not the saddest of plans, I also determined that based on my own experience, the free books usually suck and so I stopped reading them. Again, do I want to be a free book sitting unread from now until the end of time on someone's device? I do not.
But I did get the three novels done (which is the part I love!) I just had no Plan B.
And so I visited the cards.
And I realized two things. First, that I can't do it alone. Yes, I am both a writer and an editor, but having my children and close friends read my stuff isn't exactly the way to get the most un-biased opinions. And the thing that has always stopped me from paying for such services is that well, I can do it myself. The card I drew, called The Unicorn, said to indulge my creative, imaginative and magical side through some form of artistic expression. It then went on to say that I should make it a priority in my life and devote time, energy and even some money towards this artistic pursuit. And I thought, AHA! That is where the big road block begins and ends. My refusal to PAY for something that I shouldn't be doing in the first place!
And without another moment of hesitation, I sent it off. Oh, I knew where to send it. I have folders upon folders of all one needs to know about self-publishing, etc. Really, for the most part, I am just weird. In all these minutes since I pushed the button, it just seems ridiculous that I haven't done this earlier! I instructed them to be ruthless, don't worry about hurting my feelings, tell me like it is. I have no concerns for me ego (though I think that would have been an untrue statement not too many years ago). But the other card I drew said "I release the need to determine how things "should" be."
Really, the cards are just there to reinforce what you already know, and I know these cards and myself so well, I know EXACTLY which card is going to come up. At first that freaked me out. No, it always freaks me out. So here is the big reveal. I am afraid. But not of what I expected ... I am afraid of all that can be. When the freaky things start, that is when I retreat. One of the cards I draw A LOT, and one of the ones I know is going to come up, is this one:
Platypus -- Stop complaining and focus your attention on the blessings in your life."
This one always cracks me up, because it is so spot on. Some of the stuff we dwell on is such a collossal waste of time. And I know this, but some times it is just easier to bitch and moan then ignore it and move on. Is easier the right word? I don't know, but I do know that this stage of my life is so very much about anger. Anger that I have clearly sat on, and it didn't please me to see that the last blog post I made was of much the same vein. It is that fire ... that incredible burning AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH that fuels this ridiculous need to right every wrong! And how silly is that? Stop complaining and focus your attention on the blessings in your life.
STOP COMPLAINING AND FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION ON THE BLESSINGS IN YOUR LIFE.
With everything I know, why this needs to be continuously drilled into my head is beyond me. EVERY single thing that happens to you is caused by you. You can't even really throw a "more or less" in there, because ultimately, it stands true.
I am a writer, and when I write my life flows. It is because it is what I am supposed to be doing with my life, and yet, I go for months and months and months without doing it. Why? I have no answer for that, other than the laundry list of excuses I keep handy. I used to have better, more solid excuses, but they have all left the nest. Perhaps it is as simple as I am just lazy. But I don't think I am lazy. Do lazy people NOT know they are lazy?!!!!
Let's draw another card, for kicks and giggles. My question is am I being lazy?
Panda -- Create a sacred space for yourself in your home and/or place of work.
A sacred space is an area in your home or workplace where you can have some privacy for contemplation, meditation or simply a bit of quiet time to think. This is a space that is your territory, whether it's an entire room or a corner of your living room or bedroom. Place a cozy chair or pillow there, and then set up a simple altar, one that contains a few pieces that are both personal and precious. Include a candle in your space that you can light when you're abiding there. Make your sacred space a comfortable place to hang out, with no agenda of compulsion to do anything. As Buddha said, "don't just do something; sit there."
You may find all sorts of reasons or excuses not to do this, but don't cave in to these internal objections, Make it important enough for your emotional and mental health and balance to create this kind of private spiritual sanctuary. Be sure to do nothing in particular for a good period of the time while you're there. The increasingly rapid pace of life and growing intensities in the world are even greater cause for doing so. It's a place for solace, one where you can more closely listen to your inner voice and feelings, and tap into the Life Force inside that's expressing itself as you.
**
Huh. In response to my asking if I am lazy, I am told to get even lazier (more or less!) Which of course is easily interpreted as you are so not lazy!
Awesome! I am awesome!
