Graduation ...

Unrolling your "Santa Ball" but really watching to see what Maddie is getting!

I dropped Charlie off at school early this morning as he was heading out on his senior trip -- a whitewater rafting adventure in Maine.  Over the past two years I have not driven Charlie to school, because as soon as he got his license he was on his own.  But I thought it was very fitting that we should end his high school years as we began them .. in the car for our half hour trek to school.

You were so fashionable back in the day!

As I drove there and back, I realized it seemed utterly incomprehensible that I drove him to school, every day, back and forth both morning and night, for two and a half years.  Somehow in the last few years it has become such a distant memory that it feels as though it never happened.

My children, they can walk on water!

It is interesting that all three of my children are photographers!

In fact, all of it, the nine years of sheer and torturous hell we went through until he finally ended up at a school where he at last flourished, doesn't seem real.  I can still vividly recall his toxic fifth grade teacher who gave me a pit in my stomach the size of Montana the day I went into the classroom with Charlie to get homework as he had stayed home sick, and she talked about him like he was that nasty piece of chewing gum that someone sticks on the underside of the desk, seeming to think that I would agree with her that he did EVERYTHING wrong, and was just impossible, while I watched him wince at her every word.  That was my last day in that school, as it was Charlie's.  While the teacher carried on about his every negative quality, I quietly went through his desk and cubby and gathered all of his personal items, then took his hand and dragged him out of there, and straight to the office, my face red with pure anger and disbelief that any child would be treated so horrifically, and told the principal why Charlie was no longer able to attend school under the tutelage of such pure, hot hate.

Charlie captained boats from a very young age, and decided to turn it into a career when a Newbury policeman said he was the best "docker" he had ever seen.  Positive feedback is an amazing thing.  It can be life changing.

Those five years he attended public school needed to be undone in the next two years, and we threw massive amounts of money at the cause, looking for any solutions, while all the while he just wanted to go back to school with his friends.  I made a terrible error and let him return to the same school system that had abused him (I don't use that word lightly either, that is exactly what happened) and he eked through 7th and 8th grade and ran into yet another toxic teacher (or maybe there were two, I don't remember) who was always more than happy to give me a long list of her grievances about Charlie but never had a solution up her sleeve, ever.  When he didn't get into Proctor (because of toxic teachers?) we thought that was the end of the world, but boy were we wrong.  I'd already begun to see the changes the school had undergone under a new headmaster and wasn't happy during Maddie's last two years, so it was nice of the universe to intervene and put up a roadblock towards that mistake!

Charlie was my travel buddy between the south and the north every spring. Here we are at Monticello.

Charlie did well at Tilton, and during his freshman year there were under 20 kids in the class, so there was no getting lost in the crowd!  Don't get me wrong, the years were not without mishap -- though to be perfectly honest they weren't that serious, usually just comments about immaturity and peer issues -- and we were thrilled from year one that his grades were consistent, his teachers spoke highly of him and the only negative thing that was ever said was that he could try harder, or live up to his potential.  All of his teachers saw the smart kid that he was, but I don't think one of them ever succeeded in getting him to go the extra mile!  But from where I sat, the extra mile didn't need to be taken if the kid was happy, doing well in school, and was happy!  You live with an unhappy child who struggles with school ... you learn to stop caring about things like potential when there could have been potentially any number of OTHER outcomes.

Here is the boat you will be living on in the fall!

Today I dropped off a mature, confident and happy young man, who was joking with his other senior peers as they walked into the building holding their sleeping bags and backpacks, ready for their last adventure together.  He graduates on Saturday, and then in the fall he goes off to Maine Maritime Academy, where he will fulfill his most recent dream of being a ship captain.

Charlie receives a plus-five award at Tilton.

 I know that people say that it goes so fast ... and it does ... but it also goes slow.  There are countless nights of sleep lost over this child, days I wanted to just give up and hand him over to someone else!  But he repaid me in spades by being a "good" kid in high school, and there is a lot to be said for that.  I've never had to worry about him with drinking and driving or doing drugs, and I thank him from the bottom of my heart for that, because I am not sure I could have taken it!  His allotment of angst was used up in the earlier years, and truly, I've forgotten most of it, unless, like today, I think back and realize it's been a long, slow road!  And yet, like I said, it seems impossible that I ever drove back and forth to Tilton two times a day, and yet I did, and I did everything else that I did to get that kid to where he is today ... so we both graduate on Saturday!  He from high school, and me from active parenting.

For me it has been 27 years, over half my life with children in my house with their wants and needs (and yes, I know I ignored you all plenty sitting at my computer writing for days on end, but still, I am sure I fed you more often than not!) and while this big old house will be empty, I know without a doubt that he is ready, the last to fly the nest, and of course, the best (sorry Maddie, that one is for you!)  But all kidding aside, Hallie, Maddie and Charlie, you are the three accomplishments I look upon with pride and amazement ... three incredible individuals, with your own talents and desires, all of you confident and strong, hard working and compassionate.  I am immensely proud to be your mother!

Little chicks are flying the coop!

Where do you want to be?

This morning I woke up in the cottage, at the lake (BRRRRR) and looked out at the calm water and just took a deep breath.  Ahhhhhhh.  For a long while I just stood on the porch and drank it all in ... the serenity of a beautiful, sunny morning, no one around ... a small gift before the summer crowds move in.  I'll take it!

I drove home in order to deal with all things chicken, and set myself up on the front porch with some breakfast and a new cookbook that had just come in the mail.  AHHHHHHHHHHH.

 

As the breeze kept any potential black fly nuisances away, and the sun began to warm my toes, I looked around and saw my chickens wandering about doing their thing.

 Over here we had the Goldie's dust bathing, perfectly content to soak up the rays.

 Goldie takes her downtime seriously, as you can see!  You could all but hear her sighs of contentment, a truly happy chicken.

This is where I was sitting, AHHHHH, and all the while I was thinking, I have to blog about this!  My first thought was, you always think where would you want to be right now?  On a beach?  I often want to be on a beach, but at this moment in time I didn't want to be anywhere else.  I had already found my slice of heaven, and I was more than happy to soak it all in, chicken style!

There is a full day ahead, we have to build a coop for the four not so little chicks, we have to get the boat in because the kids are being quite pushy about it (and we want to go out in it ourselves tonight!) and there is an overall feeling of trying to get so many things done, because it just feels like summer has arrived.  We stayed at the cottage last night, because we all have that feeling that we want it to be here ... despite the fact that we basically slept outside last night!  I woke up somewhat freezing, as the heavier blankets had fallen off during the night, and I didn't care at all, because it's fun to do silly things!  We are leaving for Mexico on Thursday for a wedding, so there is that underlying urgent feeling in the pit of my stomach, that feeling that I have so many things to do before I leave (don't forget chicken food, don't forget to tell Charlie that it is IMPERATIVE that he water the seedling under the lights in the basement, don't forget that all the animals need to be fed and watered...will he remember, it would kill me to lose ... and so it goes.)  But that all went away for a brief while this morning as I just sat there and was.  I breathed in, I relaxed, I took it all in, and then I got all frantic about getting it blogged.

Geesh.