Beckoning journey

This morning I was driving home in the bright sunshine with my hair blowing all over the place (in the open Jeep) after completing one of my obligations at my CSA (Community Shared Agriculture), which means I pay a sum for a share of a garden, and then I work in the garden to help pay off that share as well.  My obligation today consisted of cutting flowers and then later, kale.

After we were done with that, my friend and I went to breakfast.  The weather was perfect -- sunny and yet breezy with big chunky clouds floating by in the sky.  Just one of those days you are happy to be alive.  But I was even happier, as I drove along, to not be working.  It was quite difficult getting up at 7:00 this morning, I must admit!  The kids and I have become quite lazy these past few weeks, getting up late and going to bed even later.  To me, it is what summer is all about, and I love being able to go to bed and see that Charlie is watching TV and NOT having to say to him you have to go to sleep now.  Because who cares!  No one has to get up for anything, just do what you want to do.  That freedom is really the primary focus of summer and why I have never pushed my kids to get jobs.  (Though they do, because as those things work, if I WAS pushing them, they would be adverse.  But since I don't really care whether or not you have a job unless you are 16 and can get yourself there, they seem to crave them, go figure!)

Anyway, I was just filled with sheer and total joy this morning that I do not work.  And this from someone who loved to work.  And yet, having to get up this morning reminded me how much I hate obligation of any kind right now!  Freedom baby, it's all I want.

There is this workshop on advanced shamanism that popped up in my inbox yesterday.  I would say out of all the things I have been drawn to -- shamanism feels right.  In addition to being a lazy bones about getting up in the morning, I have also fallen off my daily angel card readings and shaman journeying.  I was even given HUGE signs a few weeks ago, with first a big bear running across my path followed by a large blue heron squawking above my head moments later.  My dense brain didn't pick up the connection (or the actual shove the universe or whatever you want to call it was giving me) until the heron went by.  I mean, hello.  Both of my power animals in all their glory, moments apart.  No such thing as by accident there.  OK.  I got it.  But then again, did I?

It changed my mood, but didn't shove me back into a journey.  The last shamanic journey I took, my teacher within the upper world told me I needed to do more -- needed to make it a more regular practice.  Me being me, once I am told to do something, I tend to back off!  (Not to mention the whole thing freaks me out just a little bit, and I suppose if backing off is necessary, then so be it.)

So yesterday for no reason other than I thought it had been awhile, I did an angel card reading.  Normally when I do this, one card will show itself, maybe two.  This time six cards jumped out at me, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.  I even intuitively knew which one to turn over when, and they were all over my desk.  I have a tendency to draw the same cards, but this time they were ALL new cards.  All new messages I'd never been given before.  And so amazingly dead on I got chills.  I even found myself talking to "the angels" or in my case the silent air around me, because I was so blown away.  I ended up requesting information for the shamanic two-week intensive workshop.  And today in my inbox, the information was there.

I read through it and then came to the cost of the program.  Hmmmm.  The doubts, the recriminations, the whole this is such a waste of time and we don't really have the money with two kids in school to be throwing away on mommy playing workshop get-away came flooding in, and I stopped myself and went for the cards. When I drew the Workshops and Seminars card, well I am sorry, but wouldn't YOU be a bit freaked out?  This is a large deck of cards.  The card reads:  Attending and giving speeches is part of your spiritual path and purpose.  Be open to teaching and learning.

There is no way to explain how emotional that made me feel.

  "You are also guided to attend workshops to further your spiritual path and education.  Enroll in classes that you feel drawn to, and ask Archangel Raphael to support everything in this endeavor, including tuition fees, transportation, lodging, time off from work, babysitting arrangements and so on.  The way is clear for you to give and receive through the workshop process.  Enjoy."

Alrighty then.

Forms suck

 

I am tired of filling out forms.  The first year that they start a school, well fine.  Obviously the school has no information and they have to start somewhere.  So I dutifully fill out color coded forms (blue for the health forms, yellow for administrative, purple for whatever else and so on) and mail them back.  Maddie is starting her first year of college, and so there were forms.  Lots and lots and lots of forms.  They were all filled out at the beginning of summer, and well, when Charlie's forms came in, I wasn't in the mood.  So I put them aside.

When the second set of forms came in, I set those aside too.  Then they started emailing them to me.  Which I found confusing, because I didn't want to print out those forms when I already had the hard copies (twice) laying around.  So I ignored those.  Then they started contacting Charlie YOU NEED YOUR FORMS TURNED IN.  And he started bugging me.  So I actually went to the trouble of locating the parked and dusty forms and putting them on my desk.  But I didn't want to deal.

This morning he actually filled out his own forms.  Well, hallelulah.  Glad he wants to go to school bad enough to make that happen.  His comment was that I ALWAYS fill out the forms.  Yeah, well, I'm sick of them.  He is going into his junior year at the same school.  They have all these forms.  We haven't moved, our names, birthdates and occupations are all the same.  I actually believed in the paperless society.  Mostly because it could actually happen.  It's just stupid procedures that no one ever thinks about changing that keep this paper game going.  Obviously I am doing a silent protest.  NO MORE (&)_%&#()$_*(#)_$*()#_*$ FORMS.

Send me a tweet, send me an email, facebook me and check out my status (I know a school has full access) but stop sending the damn colored forms to be filled out.  I know what you are going to do with them.  Someone is going to briefly scan them to make sure that all the information on the form matches the information that is ALREADY ON THE COMPUTER, and then the form will go into the folder that holds the same, matching form that I filled out two years ago and the year after that.

Ask me if I have anything to update on said forms.  I will say no and it will all be over with.  I won't have to put pen to paper and put down the same information, no one on the other end will have to look at it, and life will go on.  I assure you, it will.  I won't have to buy a stamp and put it on an envelope, so that it can take a trip across towns to arrive in the inbox of someone who can then put a check by my name and won't bother me for forms anymore!

For fun, I used to fill out the forms for public school with bogus information.  No one ever caught it BECAUSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE FORMS.  It is only about getting the forms back that matters.  I hate stupidity.  I always have and I really can't see that changing anytime soon.  I recieved two texts and a voicemail from the dentist reminding me about appointments, AS WELL AS A CARD IN THE MAIL.  Hello.  If you have the technology to send an automated text and voicemail, then stop sending the cards!  This whole technology thing is not in addition to, it is to REPLACE outdated ways and procedures.

Honestly, is this really that hard?

Schools can send me an email or text or whatever, with a simple request.  Has any of the information that you filled out on the original forms changed?  Show me a scan of my original info, I will check the box that says NO and send it back INSTANTLY!  Yes, that is right.  I won't let it collect dust all summer, I will return it pronto.

So there are some forms that this won't apply to.  I can't think of any, but I can already hear people saying so.  Okay then, then just send out those forms.  Even the poor doctor has to fill out the same stupid form over and over and over.  Why not just the things that have changed?  Why everything?  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH it makes me nuts.  (Obviously!)


All of the forms were supposed to be in by July 15th.  Charlie was horrified.  He's afraid that he won't be allowed back to school because of his mother's lazy ways.  Yeah, well, the bill has been paid.  It's only the forms asking me for the information they already have that are still sitting here.  And they always agree with me when I mention how ridiculous it is to fill out the same forms year after year.  I know, right?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

Now I have to go get the tape so I can adhere the copies of his insurance card to the &$*(P*$(@)_*#$(&# form.  It's like being in nursery school, with all the rote work and cutting and pasting.  It's like every little thing ... I am just so over it.  I have been filling out forms for over 20 years and I am just plain tired of the nothingness of it.  The fact that in all those years nothing has changed.  N O T H I N G.  Not one brain has persisted to the point of exclaiming, there must be a better way!  It's just so demoralizing to realize that the world really is just stuck in a form filled rut.  (Though to be fair, the different colored paper wasn't around in the first ten years of form filling out.  So I shouldn't say that NO ONE came up with anything new.)

I am sorry, but it's pathetic.  P A T H E T I C.  And I have been railing against it forever.  I remember filling out the forms at the doctor's office....can she hold a cup, blah blah blah.  Then the next time I would get the same form.  I finally said, how come you can't just give me a copy of the form I filled out last time so I don't have to keep trying to remember if she colors within the lines?  (Cuz none of this shit matters unless there are big problems with said child, and that form isn't going to be the go-to document anyway).  Maybe forms don't bother anyone else.  Maybe it makes people feel good to write down their names and addresses and phone numbers and email addresses over and over and over.

Personally, I just think it is stupid!