A concert as the muse

I have never been a big concert person -- I like music -- it is a very integral part of my life -- but perhaps more of a result of geography than anything else, I have not attended a lot of concerts in my life.  (I do also have amazing hearing, so it might not have been a bad thing!)

So when a friend had an extra ticket to a concert for someone I'd never heard of, much less listened to, my obvious answer was no, right?  But for some reason I didn't say no.  There was no resounding reason to go (didn't know who the opening act or the headliner was) but there was no resounding reason not to go either.  I was neutral and there was clearly a part of me that wanted to go.  So I went.

As we walked on the sidewalk to enter the venue, the House of Blues in Boston, on Lansdowne Street across from Fenway Park, I was completely engulfed in a total deja vu.  I'd gone here in the murky regions of my past ... that region where there was drinking and near strangers and loud music and having to flirt my way past the door man as I was under aged.  As I held out my wrist to get the bracelet that would allow me to purchase alcohol inside without the need of an ID (okay, so I guess I look older than 21, it was bound to happen someday, right?!) I couldn't get over the weird feeling, or the feeling of the energy that a concert-growing crowd emits.  I liked it.  It was familiar, it's a young energy and it reactivated the young cells of my youth and flooded me with memories.

The opening act, Christina Perry, whom I actually thought was going to be Katy Perry, was very cute and energetic and sooooo excited that it was the first night of her first-ever tour.  Like I said, good energy.  There was a short break and then James Blunt came out.  Cute.  And the following two hours were quite enjoyable and got my creative juices flowing in a big way.







so it is time to write. 

Mr. Potato head.

I am (and I announce this with clear intent to the universe) finishing up the novels I have written (or not completely written) and moving on.  Until I rid myself of these appendages, I have been told that there will be no space for anything new.  I believe that.

As I read through the one novel that has been haunting me for some time for attention, I am never quite sure if more has been written or if it is in my head.  I am 99.4 percent sure that there is more to this story actually written, so I have been going through my files with a fine tooth comb looking for that stray file.  I can be very careless with my writing -- sitting down and writing for an entire day and then closing the file, giving it some random name, and then forgetting about it.  So I opened up a file called Writing Between the Cracks.  And it cracked me up.


Version:1.0 StartHTML:0000000201 EndHTML:0000012020 StartFragment:0000002430 EndFragment:0000011984 SourceURL:file://localhost/Users/lisamadden/Documents/Writing/writing%20between%20the%20cracks

Writing Between The Cracks

She has long, flowing blonde hair and it is snapping in the wind.  He is reaching out to tame it, to tuck it behind her ears and get closer to her.  He wants to lean in and kiss her, his lips are already beginning to pucker …

“Mom!” My daughter is standing before me.

I am startled and I look down to see that the water is boiling on the stove and there are vegetables waiting to be cut.

 “What?” I ask her as I grab a carrot and chop its tail off.

“I have been yelling at you forever,” she says dramatically.

I am sure she can’t find her raincoat or her iPod or whatever item she has misplaced and now that I think of it, I no longer want Lucy to have blonde hair.  All of my heroines have blonde hair, it’s time for a radical change.  No, not red, I think.  Brown hair.

“Mom!”

“What?”

“Do you ever listen?”

I take a deep breath and smile at her.  “What do you have to say?”

“Nothing!” She shakes her head in disgust and leaves the room.

I begin to peel a potato and my thoughts return to Lucy.  Now with the long, flowing brown hair.  Oh, I smile as I recall that Ethan was just about to kiss her, and I can see him, his crazy, corkscrew curls blowing in the wind.  They are on the ferry to the island where they are going to make love for the first time.  And they are nervous, excited and I feel a little chill run up my spine, and then I scream in pain as I knick my thumb with the peeler.  I grab a paper towel to stanch the flow of blood and then examine the half peeled potato.  What am I making anyway?

I glance at the boiling water and the box on the counter.  Spaghetti.  Ahhhh, so what is up with the potato?  The carrot is for a salad, but why am I peeling potatoes? 

My daughter returns and glances at my finger.  “You’re bleeding,” she says, then her eyes open wide.  “What did you do to my potato?”

Her potato? I look at it guiltily, then hold up my thumb.  “Look, I cut myself.”

“Mom,” she screams and turns the potato in her hands, glaring at me in horror.  “You’ve ruined it.”

I shrug helplessly

“I can’t believe it,” she shrieks again.  “This was Mr. Potato Head!   You know, from the play I wrote.  You said it was good!”  She purses her lips and narrows her eyes.  “You killed Mr. Potato Head.”

I don’t really know what to say.

“I can’t believe you killed Mr. Potato Head,” she mutters, and my husband walks into the kitchen.

“I hate you!” My daughter yells as she runs from the room.

My husband asks me what is for dinner.

This strikes me as rude and inconsiderate and I turn off the stove burner and head for the stairs.  “Nothing,” I tell him.

In my bedroom I flop myself on the bed and stare up at the ceiling.  Lucy would be scared, even though she and Ethan have known each other their whole lives.  Her heart would pound and she would wonder what it was going to feel like.  But Ethan would be afraid too…

“So we’re not having dinner?” My husband stares down at me.   “What was the water boiling for?”

“I was making spaghetti but then I didn’t feel like spaghetti.”

“Pizza?”

“Sure,” I sigh with relief as he leaves the room.  For the next half hour or so I can work out the love scene between Lucy and Ethan.  I close my eyes and picture them in the tower bedroom …

“So, you’re not going to believe what Sarah just told me,” my older daughter lies down beside me on her stomach, her face inches from mine.

I open my eyes.  “What?”

“Joel Smith is gay.”

“No way!”  I sit up and look at her.  “Are you sure?”

“He actually asked me out once.  What was up with that?”

I can feel Lucy and Ethan fading into the ether for the time being as I realize I have to meet this conversation head on.  “Well,” I begin, “I am sure he wasn’t sure himself.”

My daughter nods and then looks at me funny.  “Why did you kill Maddie’s potato?”

*****

Now here is the thing.  I have no idea why I wrote that or even if it is true.  It has elements of truth in it -- certainly much of my life has been about the war between the characters in my head and the real people in my life vying for my time.  And I use Maddie's name, but did Hallie ever know anyone named Joel Smith and was he gay?  Did the potato head thing happen?  I sort of kind of feel like it might have, and I have found myself many times making dinner because I felt obligated to only to realize I am far too distracted to go through with it!

It is the bane of being a writer sometimes -- the real often merges with the imagined -- and you are left with a sort of fusion of ...well I am not sure what you would call it!  Did I start this thinking it would make a story?  I have no idea.  It just makes me laugh -- I have hundreds and hundreds of these little snippets, but yesterday I was at my parents with Maddie and I was on my father's computer, simultaneously chatting with Hallie in Dubai while trying to look up photos she had taken of her apartment there and carrying on a conversation with my father.  Which of course is darn near impossible, and Maddie said to him, oh, she does that all the time, she opens her mouth and starts to say something, and then stops.  Don't wait around, she'll never remember what she was saying.

If you re-read that paragraph it really makes no sense.  I need to focus!   What am I trying to say?  Well, exactly!  I try to fit too much in -- try to be too many things.  I am right now in the midst of trying to finish this book, and what am I doing?

I am sharing my insanity, because there's more than enough to go around!

You are welcome!

The Trump Card

Is this our next first family?  


I was watching Good Morning America this morning and George Stephanopoulous was interviewing the trumpster.  Clearly George went into the interview with an attitude -- I mean, Trump has been going around spouting that Obama was not born in the U.S.  He has been all over the talk shows with it, and I saw the ladies on The View get very upset.  Even Barbara Walters, who will lay down in total submission to almost anyone, did not like that Trump was going on and on about something that has been proven otherwise.


This morning he was telling George that he has "people" in Hawaii looking "into this matter," and George stated, in a calm but firm manner that there was nothing to be looked into, that according to law the birth certificate that Trump believes isn't real is in fact, real and that is really all there is to it. But oh no, says Trump, there are people looking into this matter.  What did they find?  Asked George.


Next Question, the Trump demanded!  Ooooooh, you could see how PISSED George was!  I mean, attitude or no, Trump was not answering his question and basically telling him to stop.  Okay, so now we've seen what happens when two attitudes butt heads.


Now, here we need to address a few things.  Trump is not a people person, he doesn't kiss anyone's ass and he thinks he is the king of everything.  He told George that he is going to go into all of these countries that we are protecting and tell them either start giving us oil or we're going to stop protecting you.  I mean, you can really only laugh.  He is just going to run around and tell everyone what to do?  I mean, he is a developer, for all intents and purposes.  He builds hotels and casinos.  Like anyone who made money in real estate, he was at the right place at the right time.  He has filed for bankruptcy more than once, which in truth does give him experience to run the country.  If dealing with debt is your expertise, then sign him up, right?


Right now we have a very dynamic first lady in Michele Obama.  She is smart, she doesn't give a hoot about what people think about her and she went into the job knowing full well that everyone wasn't going to like her.  Just the picture above gives you an idea of where Melania's assets are.  I am sorry, but are you kidding me?  She was posing for a publicity shot, for magazines and whatnot, and she felt the most appropriate thing to wear, to show off her milk-laden breasts was THAT?  While Michele Obama portrays an amazing balance for women and girls today, by being her own person but at the same time willing to stand by her man and use that platform to promote things that are close to her heart, Melania is the anti-thesis of that.  Marry rich, walk around looking good and make sure the diamonds and ahem, other assets, are showcased at all times.  Grrreat.


The things I am discussing are pretty menial when it comes to the discussion of running our country, but the fact of the matter is, one person does NOT run our country.  Just watching Obama flail as the Republicans stonewall his every move is disheartening enough, but then again, as long as they make it seem he is failing on his own, they don't have to shoot him.  And that is a very good thing because that is how the people who actually do run this country keep things under control.  Putting the country into mourning over an assassinated president isn't going to help them right now, and as long as gas prices rise (you think that is just odd?  No, that is purely to piss you off and who are you going to blame?) and all those cuts to services that OBAMA did .... so that the budget could be passed and the government didn't have to shut down, will piss you off.   And so of course we will have to vote for CHANGE once again, won't we?


I think putting Trump in office would probably single handedly ruin the Republican party once and for all, I really do.  Palin was crazy, but this is even crazier, and indicative of where they are at.  While Palin is someone that can be handled, I don't think that Trump is.  I think his ego is even greater than even he knows -- and he thinks he is being approached as a viable candidate because he is a good businessman.  Or I could be wrong, he could be as much as a pawn as Palin, I don't know.  Maybe he is doing exactly as he has been told and pushing that whole birth certificate thing to the limit because that is what appeals to a certain group of people.  YES!  Our president is Muslim and therefore he must go.  


But go, he will.  To me, Obama is the poster child of what our government is.   And democracy is not the word I am thinking of.  Maybe we never were.  Maybe it has all been a big smokescreen all along.   "They" have the right to take away every one of our freedoms.  We have the illusion of that and we're okay with it most of the time.


I wonder if breast implants will go up if Trump becomes the next trump card.

The tale of the iPad 2 (sorry Hallie!)

It used to be that every time a new gadget came out, I was sure to have one.  Now, this is back when new gadgets came out every few years or so, so it isn't like I was stockpiling them up or anything!  But I didn't realize how excited they made me until I out and out realized I was denying myself.  Me?  Denying myself?  I know. 

My interest in all gadgets great and small began to wane a bit when cell phones became so crazy popular that it was impossible to keep up with the latest and greatest.  At first I certainly tried, but then I realized that I am not a phone person.  I hate to talk on the phone, and while texting is convenient and all, I am just not that person who always has their cell phone on their person.   And when the iPhone came out I wasn't running to get that, and I thought that was interesting.  I mean, right now I have a phone that isn't filled with apps.  Imagine that!  I don't use my cell phone as a camera nor do I pull it out and show people pictures of my kids.  I have always maintained that the screen is too small for such impractical uses and that is that.  I know loads of people who have iPhones and who love them.  I wasn't tempted.

Then the iPad banter began and I held my ear out for a listen.  An iPad you say.  Hmmmmm.  But the cost seemed exorbitant for what seemed like a bigger, heavier iPhone (and you couldn't even make calls on it!) and I decided no.  Not necessary.  Then I saw one, and I could feel it, the excitement start to roll around a bit ... a TOY~!  But it was funny, from the moment I picked it up (and pretended it was no big deal) I thought wow, it is pretty cool.  But nope, I didn't need one.  And I thought, wow, you are so adult now.  You don't just buy toys for the sake of having a new toy.  Bravo for you!  You have evolved.  (And truth be told, I learned the hard way that buying the first generation of something like that, like the Kindle, can backfire on you and you end up buying two.)  So I just pretended that there wasn't something as fun and cool as the iPad in the universe and went about life.

Several people said to me, "I can't believe you don't have one," and I thought, hmmmm, I wonder why I don't.  Then I would remember, oh yeah, I am no longer an early adopter of these gadgets and besides, it is expensive and redundant -- it does all the things I have other things to do it.  And then I would remember that I was not spending money on something luxurious and excessive and would pat myself on the back.  Then I started hearing about the iPad 2.  From experience, I was pretty sure that all the things that I wouldn't have liked about the first version would have been fixed (smaller is better and having a camera so that you can skype on it is also a plus) and I thought, oh .... should I?  But once again I would talk myself out of it.

Then Hallie said she was getting one, and let's face it, she doesn't need one ANY MORE than I do!  In fact, no one NEEDS it, it is a toy, a gadget ... and I wanted one bad!  But then I thought, do I only want one because SHE is getting one and then I won't have one?  Hmmmmmmm. 

My fingers began to itch to hold one .... I read the reviews and I watched the videos.  I salivated as I thought how FUN it would be to have one.  Peter saw me looking at them and rolled his eyes and asked me, as others had done before, why I hadn't bought one yet.  I said, well, maybe it would make a good birthday present.  He loves to get that little inconvenient holiday out of the way and he jumped on it.  Told me to order one and "take care of it."  Okay.  I could do that.

Then I thought, you are being ridiculous.  Do you really NEED one?  No.  I guess not.  And then I got that overwhelming feeling I never let myself have, that everything is so expensive and kids in schools and college and blah blah blah and I thought no, it is just not necessary.  So I decided no, no iPad for me.

Then Peter asked me several days later if I had ordered one, and I explained to him my thoughts -- and I think he was a little shocked and he said that while he appreciated my (newfound) desire to not spend money unnecessarily, it was my birthday and no one loved gadgets more than I do and he knew I would use it all the time.  Oh.  Well alrighty then!

And I have to tell you, I have been so excited ... I can't remember the last time I was so excited to get something!  And probably a lot of that has to do with the fact that I didn't just up and buy it at the drop of a hat -- but then again, I think I am thrilled that I managed to wait until the second generation!

I am not even bothered by the fact that it will take a few weeks for it to ship.  My birthday isn't really even all that close, so it's all good.   Well that is a lie, just like my telling myself I didn't want one was, and if I could get it tomorrow, I would! 

Heeeee heeeee heeeeeee whoooooooopie woooooooooooo!

Two Kisses for Maddy

I don't remember when I first stumbled upon Matt Logelin's blog, but I have been following it for at least two years, if not longer.  The one thing that attracts me to a blog is someone's brutal honesty.  I don't want to read about someone's half-assed rambling about how great they are and how great they look doing it.  I want to read real stuff.  If someone's authenticity shines through, then I am drawn in and I never look back.  It is a commitment to follow a blog -- because you are forever touched by that person, often in ways you don't ever expect.

As a young mother I found the internet to be a treasure trove of information, companionship and support.  It was unfortunate that it wasn't until I had my third child that this opportunity was available (I know it is hard to imagine that the Internet wasn't always there, but believe me, it was not!) While working for Moms Online I was exposed to all sorts of things I'd never even heard of before (attachment parenting for example) and was often the person who had to mediate between those who were for it, and those who were against it.  It being a whole range of theories like never putting your child down to sleeping with them until they (the child) decided it was time to sleep elsewhere.  Oh, and the breast versus bottle feeding threads would get so heated I often had to shut them down.  Seriously!

But I learned so much and made such important connections that I have forever been a believer that we can find what we need in this forum if we are lucky enough to find the right place.

Matt Logelin's wife Liz died the day after she gave birth to their daughter Maddy.  She died of a pulmonary embolism (she was on bedrest for several months before giving birth prematurely) and as you can imagine, Matt was completely devastated.   He had kept a blog while Liz was in the hospital for the last three weeks of her life as a convenient way to keep family and friends updated on her status.  Later, after her death he became obsessed with keeping Liz alive for Maddy, and when he realized that he wasn't going to be able to keep her smell on the pillow or even her car in front of the house forever, he thought the blog would be a great way to share his memories with his daughter.
Matt Logelin pictured with Maddy.

Then he connected with a couple of connected women and they wanted him to join their new mom's support groups.  But some of the members didn't want a man involved.  So they decided to start their own -- and pretty soon Matt's website was getting a huge number of responses to a question.  If he asked how do I do this at 3:00 in the morning in Los Angeles, he would get a response within minutes from someone around the country who was up.  In other words, he suddenly didn't feel so alone.

Then an agent discovered his blog and asked him to write a book.  And so he did.  And I just finished reading it tonight.  And I am exhausted.

It came about a week ago and I immediately began reading it.  I chose not to buy the kindle version but instead went for the more expensive hard cover book.  It just felt right.  I could only get through one chapter before I was sobbing.  Several more chapters and I was physically and emotionally drained and put the book aside.

And I know the story.  I have read it in the blog; I have followed this man's words for years.  But this book, I don't know.  He put something in that book and it just oozes out of it.  His grief, I suppose.  He wrapped up a well source of grief and packaged it between the pages and it socks you with such a vengeance.  I have never read anything like it.

I don't mean the tears rolling down your cheeks type crying.  I am talking full on sobbing, with stomach contractions and big puffy eyelids and runny nose.  I put the book aside.  I couldn't take it.

Then I tried a chapter a day.  I never got through even one without tearing up.  Today I decided that it must be safe -- I was three quarters of the way through and well, it had to get better, right?  But it was a different kind of tears.  I felt just as emotionally devastated reading about how he was letting his wife go as I did when he was describing what it was like to lose her.  Sobbing.  I am a wreck.  Full blown headache, puffy eyes, stuffy nose, devastated.

He has a live-in girlfriend now -- and what I would predict to be quite a successful book.  He has managed to triumph over a tragedy that could level anyone.  But wow ... even knowing that didn't help one iota!  I have never read anything like it (well, maybe The Yearling.  That book pretty much did me in -- I was 14 and sobbed for three days) and I am not sure I ever want to!  I am not sure I would want to be Maddy and read that book.  Good lord.

Two kisses for Maddy -- one from him, one from her mom, one for now and one for what could and should have been.

Sundays lengthy rant!

 
The headlines are really such a source of amusement for me.  Let's see, this morning I found out that the Gifford woman who was shot (seriously, do I really need to elaborate?) is doing well.  How well?  Well, apparently she wants privacy so the person who spoke to her declined to comment further other than that she was doing well.  She wants privacy?  Does she have any idea that the biggest news of the day was that she hadn't died and it went on and on and on right up to her move to the rehab center.  I think it is funny that the media decided it was no longer a story to follow.  The Astronaut and the Congresswoman.  Ridiculous.

Another huge story today is that Charlie Sheen's opening show about his breakdown was not such a hit.  Odd, huh?  An actor who makes his living memorizing lines is not a comedienne.  The media grew a bit weary of him, I wonder how long it will take for the goddesses to realize they are living with a psycho who needs major help.  In truth, I don't give a you know what and I would just as soon not be reminded that psychotic breakdowns are fun to watch.  Because they really aren't.  At.  All.

Moving on, hmmmm, a leak was discovered in the Japanese nuclear reactor which "probably" explains why radiation levels are being detected in surrounding areas.  Again, this is not really news, it's just awful.  That radiation -- that same radiation that is going to affect each and every one of us because that is how the planet works -- is a catastrophe beyond epic proportions and is why nuclear power is such a gamble.   Just understand that you will never read much about it because they are going to cover up every bit of it that they can.  They have to, otherwise it might freak people out.  These things just go away on their own, you know.  Does anyone remember something called the Gulf Oil Spill?

I read an article where the company who runs the reactor is offering crazy sums of money for people to go in to the contaminated area and do things.  Some people are taking that money; full well knowing that the radiation is going to kill them.   I think I would consider those people heroes -- the fact of the matter is, if the thing goes into a full fledged meltdown (and it probably already has and we will probably never know because radiation is colorless, odorless and travels quite happily) these people rightly assume that they will die.  At least they are attempting to keep other people from being exposed.  It is honorable and we are lucky to have such selfless people in the world.  I ask you, would Charlie Sheen do that?  Or would he send in the goddesses?  The scary part, is WOULD THEY GO?

We have a new war going on, but how does that affect us, really?  I don't mean to sound like I sound, but when Obama announced that they had bombed Libya, I was like, great, we are in another war.  When they  rained the first bombs down on Bagdhad in the year ??? (all I know is I was working in our second Manchester office, not our third, so it was a damn long time ago) I thought OH NO.  This time I just realized it's never going to end.  We did not learn from our mistakes ... removing dictators from power doesn't necessarily mean the war is over.  It's just a different war.  I did think that the uprising and eventual departure of Mubarek in Egypt was exciting ... it is that type of collective determination of a people to take back their lives that really resonates with me.  I thought the same thing about the Wisconsin union brouhaha -- these are all signs of a disgruntled people -- and while we think we are above all that, just remember that in the United States of America the North fought the South.  The southern states are just littered with battlegrounds.  We will fight each other and die trying.  Back then it was about cheap labor; today it is oil.

These are not bad times; despite the recession/depression and the wars the earthquakes and tsunamis and crazy ass weather in different parts of the world -- this has all happened before.  These are just times ... the time we happen to be alive to experience or at least view such events.

When I was watching coverage of the Japanese tsunami, all I could think was, I have seen this before.  We've all see the doomsday movies -- they have been around since I was a kid -- but the technology has taken it to the level that when they show the Statue of Liberty being swept up under a wall of water, it looks as real as if it had just happened.  So as I watched the wall of water sweeping across the Japanese countryside, it felt familiar.  I'd seen it before.  The veil between reality and theatricality was not showing itself on the TV screen for that is where it all takes place.  My point is, we have been de-sensitized to a certain extent and these terrible things should invoke something deep within me.  But instead I think, that is horrible.  But they have been living with small earthquakes in Japan forever.  Those are what some people might refer to as a warning.  The same thing with California -- since I was a child I have heard that it is going to fall into the ocean. 

So I forego the beautiful weather and all the many things that California has to offer because falling into the ocean would kind of suck.  And it has never been "if" it should happen, it is when.  And the state is rampant with warning signs, no one cares to pay any attention to them.  So I ask you -- if you are living in a state of denial in a state where it has been stated will come to tragedy, is it up to me to feel bad if your life is lost in such a likely event?  Just wondering.  I mean, what was it like that morning when they thought the tsunami was coming in a big bad way?  Holy Shit batman, that is warning three thousand and one, take it or not, but I do expect to be watching California bite the dust on my TV screen in my lifetime.

I am not a doomsdayer -- not at all.  I am more or less stating facts with little emotion.  I just read a book about world war two -- and I think that after all these years of reading and reading and reading about the holocaust and just not being able to wrap my head around the fact that these people LET this happen to them, I get it.  I completely and totally get it.  They just didn't believe it.  True, they heard stories, but they never thought it would happen where they were (in this case it was then Chezkoslavakia, though that was divided in two ...) anyway, this Jewish family was sure that it wouldn't come to them.  (though the husband sets up swiss bank accounts early in the war under the assumption that if nothing happens, great, no big deal, but if something does .... which as we know it does, he doesn't lose all of his money and has the means to escape.) 

But I think the understanding for me came with what is my own experience -- not certainly of that degree -- but how the notion of certain things is so beyond comprehension that it is just easier to pretend it won't happen.  Like peak oil.    It is even becoming mainstream now to insert comments in articles such as "it has been determined that it is most likely that oil production has peaked and is in a downward cycle."  You never read that before because peak oil is not good for anyone.  Not business, politics, etc. etc. so it is just easier to pretend it doesn't exist.  And then ... when it is good and underway, just make it common and obvious that oh sure, we've known about peak oil all along and well now it is here and why the hell else do you think we are firmly entrenched in foreign countries who have all the fricking oil?



A hot topic, for sure, that you can't really discuss with people because no one knows any hard or true facts, just speculations and beliefs.  I personally have been reading about it for years -- and I have examined the charts and graphs and well, it makes sense.  Just the over-consumption we have taken on in the last decade is enough to convince anyone that our reliance on it is not healthy.  I used to cover myself with vaseline.  Which is petroleum jelly.  Who the hell thought it was a good idea to put petroleum in something that we put on our bodies?  It freaks me out.  Now I use coconut oil, in case you were wondering!!!  (Interestingly enough, petroleum jelly was the substance that used to stick to an oil driller's rig and gunk them all up (in the late 1800s) but it was also noted that it helped cure burns and cuts, so it was of course later marketed as such!)

Back to the holocaust; I was simultaneously listening to an audio book that was about holocaust survivors and reading a book about the same topic and the double dose from two different points of view is I think what finally hit it home for me.  The survivors did just that; but they had seen things that would haunt them forever and had lost so much that even though they tried to live normal lives it wasn't really possible.  And those who escaped lost everything but their own lives for they left behind their possessions; their careers and their families -- and all were forever lost. 



The enemy was a hazy concept until it was knocking on their doors.  And it's really no different for any one or group of people -- until Hitler sweeps you up or those hundreds of thousands of little earthquakes turns into the big one -- you just hope that everything is going to be fine.