For a limited time only, Negative Nelly returns

Alright, alright, alright ... I couldn't do it.

When I heard the announcement on TV this afternoon that the "stinking pile of cow patty with a marshmallow in it" bailout bill was rejected  I thought, oh, hmmm.  What does that mean?

Then later, the Dow hit the skids, and well, we all know what that means.  That is Wall Street saying F-YOU mothersuckers, you want to play dirty?  We'll show you dirty.

Big deal.  Oh, I know, I mean, I know it's a big deal, but my point is, to hell with all of them, politicians and financial "experts" alike.  Let's sink!  Let the filthy rotten ship hit the real bottom, not the fake bottom.   I haven't lost millions and millions in paper money and quite frankly, I also didn't over-extend myself and buy into a mortgage I couldn't afford nor do I have astonishing credit card debt.  I didn't take a risk on buying something I couldn't afford in the hopes that I'd be able to sell it real fast and make a huge profit.  I didn't lie, cheat or steal.

So when I have the President of the United States, the same lying, cheating, rotten son-of-a-bitch who has been lying and cheating the past 8 years say that something is a good idea, then my instincts say RUN FOR THE HILLS and pack your canned goods Marvin, because this man don't know squat, he's just one big weapon of mass reconstruction.

One financial expert was saying we are on the edge of the cliff, and he isn't too sure what that means.  What, exactly, does it mean if we save all these financial institutions with money we don't have?  I have tried to get a grasp on it, and tonight I was treated with a moronic explanation on WORLD NEWS TONIGHT (as opposed to Moron TV where I would have expected to find such a presentation) that was presented in cartoon form with noxious sound affects explaining to me how a dollar bounces here, and bounces there, and it creates all these good and wonderful things for the people, but when the banker man gets nervous, he won't send out that dollar to bounce around and make wonderful things happen for the people.  The stupid cartoon did not mention the bank president was in Laguna Beach in his mansion staring at his 45 million dollar view waiting to hear that his sorry ass was being saved.

I have no patience for it.  If we're going to sink, then let's sink big.  Let the whole damn world fall apart so we can start that do over I've been talking about.  Oh yes, it will hurt for a bit, maybe a long bit, maybe forever, I don't know.  All I know is that President Bush has no clue and in the end does he really care because he has every set up for every type of potential disaster that could befall us waiting for him on his ranch in Texas.   He's so over his head he is probably drinking 24/7 anyway.  I know I would.

I say, as we peer over the edge of the cliff, that it might be a long fall, but when you look behind, there's not much there, just a barren wasteland.  Maybe down there there is hope.  Up here, not so much.

But in the end, the bailout will happen and that dollar will start bouncing at certain segments of our society -- and eventually people will once again be able to over-extend themselves with money they don't earn nor have the potential to earn and the "economy" will thrive once again and ...

What I find so ironic is that the politicians were afraid to vote against what the people (the people who voted for them to represent them in Washington) wanted because there is an election coming up.  Doesn't it seem pathetic that the rest of the time they do whatever they damn well feel like?

Okay, okay, I'll stop.  I promised not to do this, and now you know why!

Well, I can't stop.  I can't pull my head out of the sand and not mention the Saturday Night Live spoof with Tina Fey doing Sarah Palin being interviewed by Katie Couric (Amy Poehler).  At one part THEY DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE THE WORDS.  They used the exact same comments that Palin said to Couric.  Imagine that!  They were so discombobulated the first time, they didn't need to be re-written as a joke.

I say what the hell -- let them take over the government, it's a laughingstock anyway, and all those crazy people who think that Obama should not be president because his middle name is Hussein will probably end up dying of stupidity anyway and ... I think NOW you are beginning to understand why certain blog subjects did not make the light of day.

I will, for real, stop now.  I'm starting to scare myself.

Reporting from the darkness

I have three incomplete blogs that I have abandoned between yesterday and today because I decided I didn't want to discuss politics any further because I was starting to freak out, and I didn't want to discuss my reaction to other people's reaction to the candidates because I was starting to freak out, and then I sat in a chair for about an hour and wondered why it affected me so.

And I decided it was because I let it.  And because I was buying into it, reading about it, immersing myself as usual in something I can do nothing about and as usual, it was making me crazy.

So let me tell you, the view here in the sand is purty.  It's a little hard to breathe, but so was it up there, with the sky falling and all.    And this is where I am going to remain until I can slough off all the negative ions that have been clinging to me and sinking into my pores.  My body brush got quite a workout this morning -- or my body did -- as I raked it with the sharp bristles in an attempt to remind myself that I am ALIVE, damnit, and all this crap is just that -- C R A P.

So I am going to take myself to a different place -- I am going to concentrate on positive energy, positive whatever, so that I will reinstate my regular positive outlook on life and then, and only then, will I extricate myself from this self-enforced darkness.

So ... just for kicks I googled HOPE, and then when I was taken to all these God-centric places, I rolled my eyes and said for crying out loud.  I did, I said that.  Because if you are turning to google for those answers, you are screwed!  And well, we already went over that already -- the key is to avoid the entity holding the screwdriver.

So then I walked away from the electronic sinkhole and gazed out at the trees that are starting to change colors and took some deep breaths and made the decision to avoid all news for a few days.  And especially the blogs that unearth all the crazy, nutty wack jobs that make up our government and population as a whole.  And then I returned to the electronic motherlode to report this.

Because that is what I do!!!!!!

When I'm not being an ostrich.

You say you want an evolution ... yeah, yeah

I was out with friends tonight and the subject of college came up.  Several of them have high school seniors who are looking at colleges, and they were discussing the process.  Then we talked about how things had changed, how when we were at the same stage our parents never went to look at colleges with us, never made lists or went through the process of how to finance it.

Isn't that weird?  How can things change so drastically in the passage of 20-plus years?

There has to be some clue, some small bit of information, that lurks within this equation.  I know that sounds like a ridiculous statement ... but seriously.  It's like the word that is on the tip of your tongue ... I want to say it.  I just ... I just can't.  When we were seniors in high school, did we not have as many options?  Was it not as mainstream to look at lists of colleges?  I had friends who did, certainly, but I had just as many who didn't.   These days, if you are going to go to college, then it's a BIG DEAL.   It's not about applying to a college, it's about finding the perfect college for you, and the only way to do that is to visit loads of them.

When I was in high school, I was that kid that didn't really fit in.   Not socially -- I had that piece down okay, just academically.  My parents wanted me to go to a private school, but I was stronger than they were:  And I said no.

There is no way to replay this situation.  Would I have been better off?  Would I have "done something spectacular with my life" if I had taken a different path?  What path would that have been?

Probably.  I remember an acting class in high school where we were told to improv -- and I just let go -- I let my personality and energy take over and ... and I performed.  And I can still see that teacher's face -- she was shocked.  And then the class ended, and she said to me, well, that was something.

And then she never said anything again.  Nor did she encourage me, and so I closed up.  And I guess that's who I was at the time -- that person looking for recognition.  Oh wait, I was like any person -- any person who was vulnerable, a teenager who opened up.  Geesh!  And she shut me down -- not deliberately I am sure -- she in retrospect was no one, but at the time she was THE PERSON who could have made a difference. I was seeking something from her, and ultimately she failed me.  But I suppose I failed myself for giving her that power.  Oh, if only we could chart the course of our lives when we were in our 40's versus when we were stupid kids who didn't -- and absolutely could NOT -- have known any better.

That is the part of Charlie that I see so clearly -- the way he shuts down (to protect himself) when he doesn't get the recognition or encouragement that he so desires.   I challenged teachers and they weren't in the mood, end of story.  He runs into this, but on a different level.  He doesn't challenge them academically, he challenges them in some manner that makes them see something they don't like in themselves, so they lash out.  Maybe I did this too -- maybe my need to learn more than the rote lesson plans they had been teaching their entire careers spoke to them, said hey, you're a boring teacher.  And so they shut me down.  Because they could.  But ultimately, they didn't really.  I saw them for who they were.  Uninspiring people who had a job.

I hated school so much.  And think how lucky I was that they could never take away my essence.  But I am afraid that they have with Charlie.  And I will always know that I could have done better.

Which is why private high school isn't a luxury, but a necessity -- so that maybe, just maybe they will have a teacher who isn't so abused by the system that they will smile and give encouragement so that my child will return the next day and grow.  And continue to grow.  And blossom.

Hey.  My parents tried -- and it was my daughter who decided she was going to take herself on a different path.  It wasn't me that suggested that prep school was the answer.  She figured it out all on her own.  And here I am, in the background, saying oh yeah, MY CHILDREN will get the best education possible.

We all want that for our children.  But our children ultimately lead the way.  No one has ever been able to harness me -- to point me in the direction of the path of least resistance.  My parents never had a chance -- and I guess neither did I.  The best advice my parent's could give me was that I couldn't beat the system.  Beat it?  I wanted to explode it!  And I still do!  And it should be -- demolished and rebuilt into something that makes sense.

When my daughter decided what she wanted, she more or less told me what to do.  And I listened.  I am always open for new solutions and new ideas!

I've always been a strong person, but I have unearthed my weaknesses along the way, and even though they are still my weaknesses now, I am constantly trying to fix them.  I want to grow, I want to be a better person -- and I've always wanted to give my kids everything I could.  And that particular conversation made me realize, we are doing more for our kids -- because we can.

I have three children, and each one is so different and amazing and talented and themselves.  There is so much of myself within all of them -- and then not so much.  I begrudge them nothing -- they owe me nothing.  I am proud, I am disappointed (not in them, but in my inability to give them every ounce of my being) and in the end I just really like them.

I can remember when Hallie was little, I would go to bed and then think "oh no, I didn't read her a story before she went to bed."   And I would feel awful.

Then when Maddie was a baby, I would put her to bed and think, "oh no, I didn't read her a story at all today."  And remember that when Hallie was little I would feel bad that I hadn't read her a story before bed, even though I had read her countless stories beforehand.

And I would think ... well, when Hallie was little you didn't have two small kids.  But none of it ever made me feel better.  I felt negligent a lot of the time.  I tweaked my life constantly trying to be the right mother.  I did a good job -- I do know this.  I know this because it was my priority, and I tweaked my (real, ha ha) job around motherhood and that was all okay too.  But I was always left wondering ... could I do more?

Oh Gawd yes, one can always do more.  But probably more to the detriment of the child than anything else.  I suffered through the daycare decision with Hallie -- month after month after month, I took her to work with me, sure that it was the right decision.  When she was a year old I put her in daycare.  Was I a horrible mother?  Because gosh, work was sure a lot easier without having to push an infant around hoping she would fall asleep so I could get something done.  And she seemed to love daycare.  Loved it.

And one wonders why I waited seven years before I had another child!

I guess my point to all of this is that I listen to my friends talk about visiting colleges with their children and all of it comes back to me -- all of it.  The daycare decisions, the decisions to have more children, the constant battle between finding the balance between work and being a mom, the concern that I wasn't giving everyone enough attention, the feeling at the end of the day that I had failed everyone, including myself ... and what the hell was the point?

There is no point ... there just is.  Life happens, or life is planned, but either way you are presented with these situations that you have to contend with.

And I'll be honest.  When life became too overwhelming, I figured it out.

And I'll be honest again -- life for me now is not overwhelming at all.  And you know what, that doesn't make figuring out what is best for your child any easier.  Odd, huh?

So whether or not you are a working parent or not -- being a parent is a challenge.  And it doesn't matter if you managed to get one child out of the nest successfully -- because children are not Pringle Potato Chips.  They are not exactly the same and they do not fit together snugly in a canister. 

(I guess when you resort to metaphors you are done.  So I am done.  I am an average parent with extraordinary children -- like all of us.)

I guess that is evolution.

Screwed and shaken

I am a bit dazed and confused after watching the debate between McCain and Obama.  Not so much from what they were saying, as that I didn't realize we were so screwed.

  I mean sure, I knew there were problems in the world (heck, read my blog, it's my favorite subject) but I don't think I've spent 90 minutes in a row thinking about all the wrongs in the world and the fact that they are really not solvable.  Not within the immediate future, if ever.

Forget about the financial disaster that has come out of nowhere (ha ha), and the war in Iraq, I guess I hadn't considered (despite the recent Georgia conflict) that Russia, despite being within hailing distance from VP Palin, is another big baddie that must be contended with.  So screwed.  Soooooo, soooooo screwed.

There is really only one answer:  We must have a do-over.  We must throw in all our assets, chips, borders, and iPods and start from scratch because the rules have long since been whited out and forgotten.  And anyone knows you can't play a game if you don't know how.  And EVERYONE knows that when you play a game with everyone's own different rules, fights ensue.  Bitter fights.  Kinda like wars.

So like I said, we're screwed.  And while McCain and Obama assured me that they had the dictators and regions down -- McCain was spewing out names clearly his tongue hadn't actually used before tonight -- I didn't get any warm and fuzzies from either of them in terms of saving our sorry asses.  Their pitiful banter about the state of the economy left me cold and McCain's insistence that we are winning the war in Iraq infuriated me.  At the very least I felt vindicated that Obama pointed out that HALF the problems that are being cleaned up (or what McCain feels is a victory) over there were caused by us.    But overall I just felt kind of sick.  

Because nothing is really going to change in the next four years because the hole is too deep and the shovel too small.

Do-over.  It's the only way.

It's like an Etch-a-Sketch.  You start out with all the patience in the world, and you create a pattern that is very logical and then all of a sudden you start to run out of gray matter ... and the little ball starts to get looser and then pretty soon you realize it's become a black mass of nothing.

So you shake it and start again.

We need to start shaking.

Like yesterday.

I'm just so easy

I don't think that I am gullible or naive, but I am often ready to take my clothes off and jump into bed with the sweetest talker. (This is a metaphor here!)

Have I always been that way?

I don't know.

Today I have been very full of something ... I have been a walking well of bubbling energy in the form of thoughts and ideas ... these tantalizing pieces of crazy yet solid notions that are floating before my eyes and I just stare at them ... dazzled.

I could reach out and touch them, but I don't want to.  I don't want to take anything in hand and examine it further, because the beauty of an idea or thought is that it's not any more real than you want it to be.  And then, if I do delve deeper, I get sucked in and ... naked if you will ... and then later I look over at what I was just so passionate about and think ... how do I get out of here without being seen?

And are you wondering what the heck am I talking about?

When I used to interview people, I would feed into their excitement as they told the story of how they built their business and got where they were at that time.  I guess I tapped into their energy and let it flow to me, and I became a champion of their vision.  It didn't matter whether I was interviewing the CEO of a top software company or a one-person start-up ... to me there was no one story that was better than another ... no person with a more superior idea.  I thought they were all worthy of having their story told.  I loved all their stories.

I remember one time I came back to the office all stoked up and ready to write after my interview.  This was par for the course -- I left nearly every such encounter on a high -- and I had the story forming in my mind, the bits and pieces of our conversation floating about, weaving itself together before my hands hit the keyboard.  My brother asked me who I'd interviewed, and I told him that two guys had created this calendar that had a different URL on it for each day -- so that every day this one website would get all these hits.

You have to understand, this was a long time ago, so pre-Google that such a word would have made me roll my eyes much less think that a search engine named so oddly would be popular, or that a search engine NEEDED to be popular.  This was before many businesses even had their own websites, this was before anyone really knew what the hell to DO with the Internet.

I thought the calendar idea was great -- partially because I wrote a column that told people where to visit on the Web and why -- and partially because I was jonesing for some new sites  -- and this was a motherlode of 365.  Wooo hooo!  

Well, my brother scoffed at the calendar, said it was stupid, and what was the point of a site getting a bunch of hits on one day?  (Well, I hadn't asked that question.  I think because the answer was really who cared?  We just wanted the Internet to have a purpose at that time, and if we had to make it up as we went along, then so be it!)    So as I sat down to write this particular story, I wondered why I HAD gotten so excited?  It really was kind of a stupid idea once I really thought about it.  And really, the main story of that time was that all the majority of the population could think about was how to MAKE THE BIG BUCKS by creating absolutely nothing of value and selling it and making a ton of money.

And I saw that ... I was on the front lines, and I suppose if I had been a journalist worth my salt I could have really written some incredible pieces.  But instead I just got excited with them, as they came up with one stupid (or brilliant!) idea after another.  I jumped into bed with them and rolled around in the sack and I gave them one hell of an ... article.  

And now, this many years later, I realize, I was too easy.  I was a floozy with a laptop.

And I haven't really changed at all.  I still buy into people and ideas -- I get excited by them, I get obsessed with them, I jump onto the bandwagon and I blow the loudest horn.  I believe, I believe so deeply that it comes out of my pores ... until it makes me so tired I can't think any more.

And I guess that what I am trying to say is that it has to stop.  I have to stop being so easy.  I can't just buy into something because someone else is excited about it, or because they have me convinced that it's the wave of the future or the end of the world or a conspiracy theory or that the oil is going to dry up and the financial system is going to crash and that we need to stock up in order to survive the end of the world as we know it, or that neither Republican or Democrat candidate will change one damn thing or that ... or that all of that is probably true and there is not a damn thing **I** can do about it anyway so why not just assume the fetal position and let it happen as it will.

It has to stop.  I need to find a way to channel my energy and keep it on a steady course and not give it away willy nilly or take on someone else's frantic dose which then scrambles mine all up.  I need to find my own way and chart my own course based on not what I read or hear, but on what I know is true.   I've read and I've asked and I've listened and I've watched.  And now there is only noise -- noise that has been created in order to thwart action.

So I leave this crumpled bed and I will not return with just anyone -- because I am no longer easy.   

Just so you know.

But you can leave the cash there on the bedside table ...   :P

Sarah Palin's personal emails vs. FOIA

This is, this is, this is ... YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

This means that if the Republicans are elected, we will have TWO people in charge of the country who completely don't understand technology -- or the basics of email.  Clearly she had a weenie password, not to mention a fricking YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO account in use for official state business (Government officials are required to use official accounts which are then retained as government records).

But, screams her "peeps," it is a violation, no, it's a CRIME to hack into someone else's email.  Okay.  Not going to argue there.

But what about the Freedom Of Information Act?  This law that ensures public access to U.S. government records.  FOIA carries a presumption of disclosure; the burden on the government -- not the public -- to substantiate why information may not be released.  Upon written request, agencies of the U.S. government are required to disclose those records, unless they can be lawfully withheld from disclosure under one of nine specific exemptions in the FOIA.  This right of access is ultimately enforceable in federal court.

Sarah Palin is the governor of Alaska, therefore she is a government official.  The email account she was using was not an official account -- and was this on purpose?   It seems so.

How many of us have screwed up in email?  Forwarding something that also contains a long conversation attached to the bottom with information you don't want certain people to read?  How many of us have easily "hacked" into other people's email accounts and read it?  (I'm going to raise my hand here, it is incredibly easy and soooooooo fun to spy.  Let me just say it this way, company email accounts are RARELY private and people are incredibly naive and trusting.)

So, here's another thought.  If I was governor of anything, and then all of a sudden on the path to the White House, I would consider myself open game to the cazillion people out there who are equally as smart as me and SMARTER, and I wouldn't utter one word on email that I wouldn't want said cazillions of people to see.  Which brings us back to maybe **I** should be vice president because I at least get that.  

I'm tired of it all.  I'm tired of this campaign, I am tired of the amount of money that is being sucked into this crazy game called politics, I am tired of having the airwaves be full of stupid commercials about the fact that Sarah Palin was against the bridge to nowhere, when in fact we all know she didn't jump on that bandwagon until it was the only wagon to be on.

I am tired that today the news is about stupid (and completely unexciting) emails that Sarah Palin wrote to people that should have been written via her government account, but then again, president's have been amending this law to keep their information "pertinent to national security," or otherwise known as lies they don't want to get out, declassified, so via the strong vehicle of lawyers this country loves to employ to keep justice from ever being meted, this entire stupid stupidity will all come to naught, because in the end, who really cares if Sarah Palin does anything right?  

Besides me, I mean?

So those on Sarah's side will just talk about how the hacker's were wrong and completely dismiss the FACT that she doesn't do things by the book, the government official book that is, and those of us on the other side of THE BRIDGE to nowhere will continue to pack our bags so that we can move to another planet if the Republicans BY THE GRACE OF GOD because we know they are praying (or cheating, I get so confused) get into the White House for another four years, because this planet will be done in.  

So Chicken Little and I are going to wrap this up and then go write a nice trojan horse program that will end this Internet nonsense once and for all.

Can I do that?

I don't know.

Can Sarah?

Wanting to be the crazy woman

It has turned cold here, in the mornings anyway, and yet I refuse to put the top up on the Jeep because ... I don't want to.

For the most part I use it as my "fair weather" car, and when it is cold or rainy I use the other one.  I am of course quite lucky to have such an option.  Last week when I met my sister and her group of friends to hike, I had taken the Jeep despite the chilly temps.  It was a cold ride over, but later in the day it was fine.  At the end of the hike we were standing around, and several of these women commented that it was a cool car.  Then they asked if it was cold to drive around in.  My response was that yes, it was chilly, but not unbearable.  And then I said, "It's not my only car," which in retrospect sounds kind of snobby, but it's not how I meant it.  And from the looks they gave each other then me, they took it NOT as I intended!

What I meant was, I had a choice to be cold.  Of course that is not going to translate through "it's not my only car," but in my mind it did!  In truth, all I have to do is put the roof on and I'd be fine, but since it's NOT my only car, I just kind of think of it as not having a roof.  Get it?

Well, probably not, I know I am odd.  Which I think is what I want to be!  Get it?

No, probably not.  Just saying you are odd is not the same as actually being odd.  And I am not really odd, because what does that mean?  I just want to be unique.  There, that is a better word.  And yet why do I want to be such a thing?

I was driving Maddie to school today and she was freezing.  She was not dressed up in a heavy fleece coat and a winter hat like I was, and she kept saying I was ridiculous.  Which of course is the point!  Which she didn't get.  Or did she?  Maddie likes to be different too.  So I told her I want to be the crazy woman.

There used to be a woman in town who drove around all four seasons in her purple convertible with the top down.  She wore a crazy hat with a flower in it, she was quite colorful all around.  And memorable.

So is that what I want to be?  Memorable?  Do I want to be "that woman who drove around all four seasons in a Jeep with the top down?"  I guess kinda sorta!  (Though I am telling you right now, the coldest it has been while driving thus far is the low 40's, and I can't imagine going much colder!)

Or maybe it is as simple as I just like the idea of doing something that is a little crazy.  Sure, it's cold, but it's invigorating.  This morning I drove through this misty area, you could hardly see through the fog, and then all of a sudden it was gone, and there was blue sky and sun and it was like, wow!  That was cool.  Then I had to drive back into it on the ride home, and that was kind of cool too, the moist air all of a sudden surrounded me, I could feel it as I breathed in, and then up ahead I could see the sun working its magic and making it evaporate.  Let's face it, you don't even consider such things in a closed vehicle.

I don't know what it is about this car, but I enjoy every minute I drive it.  Even in the cold!  Even now, when I am switching throughout the day between luxury car to Jeep, every time I climb into it I think, Wow, I like this Jeep.  It's not as comfortable as the Toyota, certainly not as smooth a ride, and yet, there is SOMETHING about it that I can't get enough of.

And if that makes me crazy, then cool!

What exactly, is OUR responsibility?

On Thursday, Sept. 11, it was predicted that Hurricane Ike could be devastating to Galveston Bay, creating a storm surge that could push floodwaters into Houston.  One million people were told to evacuate, and two million did, from coastal towns between Texas and Louisiana.  But it was estimated that more than 100,000 people through that region, as well as 20,000 people in Galveston, had disregarded the mandatory evacutation orders.

The storm was actually not as bad as it could have been when it came ashore on Sept. 13th -- a full two days after it was determined that it could be one of the worst hurricanes to ever hit land, potentially creating a virtual tsunami of 20 foot waves that would directly hit Galveston.

It was a bad storm, it was forecast, it was seen on radar, it was killing people in Cuba as people chose to stay put.  What were those 20,000 people thinking?  Oh, I can survive a 20 foot tsunami.

Are you kidding me?

If you are on a ship and it is sinking, do you go down with the ship because it contains all your belongings and you don't want to leave them?

Do I need to answer that question?

It used to be, "back in the day," that people would be told to evacuate because a hurricane was coming, and they would, and then the hurricane would fizzle out as soon as it hit land and the potential damage was minor and people left their homes for nothing.  So people stopped leaving their homes because they didn't believe that the forecasters knew what they were doing.

And they probably didn't -- because weather is hard to forecast, so they were erring on the side of caution much of the time, stressing the worst-case scenario so that people wouldn't get hurt.

But these days they forecast these things pretty darn well, and while they still play out the worst-case scenario -- the storms these days are BRUTAL because of all the temperature fluctuations, etc. (I'd say global warming, but Sarah Palin has said there is no such thing, so I guess she must be right because she is an expert because she lives in Alaska and it's always cold there I guess, so well, anyway ...) what I am trying to say is, if you see a big storm coming your way and you know that you can DIE, maybe you should pretend your home is sinking and grab what you can and save your life.

I mean, come on.  As it is now, Galveston was so hard hit, the mayor has said not to come back, because you can not live there at this time.  It hasn't even been decided if it makes sense to rebuild.  What it is, is a sunk ship.  

I don't mean to sound heartless, but we need to be responsible for our own personal safety.  It is not the government's job to take care of us, because they do such a sucky job of it anyway, if that is what you are relying on, then heaven help you.  

We had an ice storm here, years ago.  The entire area was encased in ice -- trees were down in roads, power lines were out, it was nuts.  And I'll tell you this, not for ONE SECOND did it ever occur to me that someone was going to help me.  We had no heat, no access to food, water, etc.  Well, we didn't HERE.  But if you got in your car and drove 20 miles, the whole world was going along as though nothing had ever happened.  Oh, that is because it didn't happen there.

So I don't get this mentality of sitting in your sweat (if you currently reside in Galveston, it is really hot, you have no air conditioning, food or water) and waiting.  I DON'T GET IT.   Oh I know, they're too poor, too old, too this, too that.

If your boat has sunk, you must find another place to perch.  End of story.  If you've lost everything, then you must move on and find a way to rebuild your life.   But this constant waiting for the government to pick up the pieces, it's RIDICULOUS.  There is a risk to living in a coastal environment.  That risk?  You might lose everything in a hurricane.  That, is, THE END OF THE STORY.

So you begin a new chapter.

But oh no.  Now it will be all about FEMA's response effort (which thus far has been major, but not enough, because there are too many people, too big of an area to cover) and I guess instead of moving the heck OUT of a place where you can't get food, etc. you just sit there and wait and see what happens???????

Have I mentioned I don't get this?

What would I do?  If a potential tsunami was going to hit my house?  Seriously?

I'd assume my house was lost, so I would go through and pick out the things that I wanted.  Considering I am leaving in a car, obviously that can't be much.  I'd have us all pack enough clothes to exist in indefinitely, assuming we'd have access to a washing machine.  I'd take my pets, a flash drive containing all that is on my computer, my laptop and a few books.  I would then find a relative that is inland with the biggest house and move in with them.  If I had no relatives, I would find a friend.  I would not say "do you mind," I would say, "I have to live with you for a bit because otherwise I might die."

This attachment to things, a failure to use common sense, the belief that someone else is responsible for your welfare ... these are examples of what is wrong with this country, this world, this universe if you will.

If everyone works together, then great things happen.  But if you choose to not listen to experts as they predict the unthinkable, and you choose to stay put in a potentially life threatening environment, then you really have no right to be rescued.  You had the choice, and making the wrong one is not the government's fault.  It's yours.

Must see TV!

Aunty Em! Aunty Em!

Let's see ... it's Monday.  Shall we do a little inventory?

Ike has pummelled Texas and millions of dollars will need to be funneled there for disaster relief.  I suspect that since Katrina, the federal government is trying to go overboard as opposed to ignoring them, so that should be pricey.

First Bear Stearns, Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae and now Lehman Brothers.  The Bush administation has not taken an approach yet to this situation, but both McCain and Obama favor a private solution to this. (The Fed provided a loan of $29 billion as part of JP Morgan's takeover of Bear Stearns and the government acted aggressively in taking over Freddie and Fannie.) Greenspan has commented that continuing to bail out institutions of this size is not sustainable in the financial markets and is dragging down companies such as AIG, the world's largest insurer, and Washington Mutual Inc., the nation's biggest savings bank.

90,000 passengers were stranded over the weekend when their airline went bust.   This is a warning, according to the industry -- just a sampling of things to come if oil prices continue to rise.

Gas prices soared to $5 in various parts of the country in response to Ike.  I can't find detailed reports, but through the many blogs I read there are apparently even gas shortages.  By that I mean people go to gas stations and there is no gas.  So while the price of oil has gone down to $97 a barrel, the price of gas goes up due to the threat to the refineries.  Talk about not getting a break at the pumps!

Venezuela's Chavez is threatening to stop giving us oil.  ARE WE DONE WITH OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN FREAKSHOWS FOR OIL YET?

Well, anyway, the world is clearly falling apart at the seams and it is only Monday.  I woke up to a strange day -- the wind was howling through the house and at 7:00 this morning it was 75 degrees -- this was before the sun was up.  It's much hotter now.  (And with a nice touch to the whole end of the world scenario the power just went out!)  

So, in an attempt to balance this blog from doom to good news, I want to report that Jennifer Lopez ran a marathon over the weekend, and that very same day dressed up and looked "like a million bucks" at her husband's birthday party.  It was also noted that she has her body back completely after giving birth to twins several months ago.  (Or longer, seriously I don't care).

So I guess the world isn't completely different, right?  As long as celebrities can get their bodies back after giving birth, then all is not lost.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to camp we go

Camping used to be a regular thing we did at least once a year.   We would drive many hours up to a campground in Maine that was on the ocean, and spend at least three nights.  Then we found a closer campground with an added twist:  Island camping that required a boat.  We then did that for a number of years, in any kind of weather.

But then I stopped seeing it as so much fun, but so much work.  But I should admit that I was part of that problem -- I was always trying to one-up myself in terms of creating a comfortable home in the woods, with ridiculously extravagant meals, air mattresses, comfy chairs, tables, cookware, lanterns, enough changes of clothes so that we were never wet and so on.  

And the work wasn't just being there.  It began with the lists, then the packing, then setting up the campsite, maintaining the campsite, taking down the campsite and then returning home and having to clean everything that was either wet and disgusting or just plain dirty.  It would take me about five seconds to say, nah, I don't want to camp this year.

And so, I can't even remember the last time we camped on our little island get-away --but suffice to say, it has been a number of years -- at least according to the gear I am getting out.

EWWWWWWW!

Every year, as I said, we bring up the subject of camping, and everyone always wants to go, but unless of course we women take charge, nothing comes of it.   And this year we all mentioned it while we were vacationing on the beach, and I thought, well maybe.  But when my sister broached the subject while we were hiking the other day, I had kind of put it out of my mind as another season lost, and so I didn't answer her.

But as I thought about it, I realized that all of our kids are growing up and it really will not be very long before it will be impossible to get something together.  It was hard enough with the two private school princesses -- and in fact, they can only come one night, but that requires the assistance of a grandmother who is going to drive all over creation to get them there!

So I called my sister back yesterday and said that I hadn't really answered her about camping, and that I'd thought about it, and she in turn did something that SHE never does, and basically took that there bull and wrestled it to the ground immediately.  Yes she did, she got on the horn and reserved THE site for next weekend.  I was like ... interesting.

And then I just figured it would all work out fine, until I remembered I have three dogs and a child who goes to school on Saturday!  And a boat that we haven't used since the last time we camped!  But I refused to worry, and all problems seemed to work themselves out, and Charlie and Peter just turned on the boat engine out in the driveway and it started right away.

All good!

But I had to crack up, because here we are, one full week away from the event, and we have already invested all day on it.  I have been pulling out crap, freaking out that we only seemed to have one air mattresses (I may be camping lighter than I ever have in the past, but there is NO WAY NO HOW I am sleeping on a hard platform without the benefit of a little air between me and it!) and then not being able to find a cord to charge the battery.  But I just walked away and when I returned to the "camping closet," I discovered that I had replaced an old air mattress with a new one that had everything intact in the bag.  (I also came across two sets of sheets that I had long since written off tucked into both bags!)

Now here is where I am going to "go light."  In the past I would pack my air mattress, a goose down cover for that (I'm not kidding!) a full set of sheets, pillows and blankets and a little mint for the pillow.  (Well okay, I made that last item up.)  This year it is air mattress and sleeping bags.  That's it.

Last year when I did a hike in the White Mountains with nothing but a pack on my back and a tarp to sleep under, I discovered that you really don't need all that much.  (Though I did have a Thermarest mat to sleep on!)  I liked the feeling of getting by with what you could carry on you, and so I am going to try to do my best to keep the load down.  But even so, there are so many things you need.

Tent

mattresses

sleeping bags

pillows (come on, give me this one luxury!)

chairs

table to put grill on

grill

lantern

big enormous tank of gas to run stove and lantern

a huge cooler packed with food

pots and pans to cook food

firewood (if you don't bring your own, then you have to pay ridiculous fees for a few sticks)

clothes for four seasons (we can expect anything from snow to high temperatures!)

And well, already I am exhausted just trying to come up with everything!  Other than the bedding, I am not really seeing where I am going light!  I am not going big time on the food though, (in the past I've made grilled salmon and roasted potatoes with cheese cake for dessert, as an example) -- and I am thinking turkey burgers and dogs on the grill would work!  I also have a ton of tomatoes rotting on the windowsill, so maybe I'll whip up a marinara sauce and we can have spaghetti one night.  It's only two nights, so we have two dinners, two breakfasts and two lunches to deal with.

Well, in the meantime Peter has spent the entire day working on boats.  As I mentioned, this campsite is on an island, and you can't get there without a boat.  We have two Whalers -- one is 17 feet and the other is 10.  The smaller one has been in the lake all summer, the kids use it.  The larger one we keep around strictly for this event -- and it was dirty dirty dirty.  They have been power washing it, getting it registered, replacing the battery, fixing the wires on both trailers and registering those (we don't normally register them for the short jaunt from our house to the lake).  It is 4:00 and the plan is to take the smaller Whaler out to be washed and put in the bigger one to make sure it runs okay.

Overall, it is completely ridiculous.

But I don't think sane people camp.

The energy evaders

Being evolved is so much work.  I mean, seriously.

It is so much easier to just go through everyday and not worry about anything (like world peace and big black holes) and do your thing, eat three meals, go to bed and wake up and rinse and repeat.

But this constant need to grow, to expand one's mind, to figure out the reason you are on this planet to begin with.  Well, it's just not a walk in the park, let me tell you.

Or a walk in the woods.

I am reading this book The Celestine Prophecy, by James Redfield.  It refers to "the manuscript" which holds the message of why we are here and what we are supposed to do with our lives while on this planet.  Without putting those who aren't in the least bit interested to sleep, I will say briefly that it is another adaptation of many other books I've read -- using different language -- but ultimately saying the same thing.

And the part I can't seem to get through is seeing and feeling energy on an everyday basis.  The only time I've had anything that came close to it was when I was at Stonehenge -- there I could feel it and see it.  Seriously.

It was sooooo cool.  At the time I didn't realize that was what I was witnessing, but now that I look back, that is exactly what it was.  And I felt energized and recharged for several days after being there.   I mean, I knew something was going on, but not exactly.

Today I decided to seek out energy in the woods.  So off I went with the two dogs in search of joy, wonder and energy.  Now here is the thing.  When you are seeking energy, it seems a little backwards to be outputting so much while hiking.  Here I was huffing and puffing and getting more tired by the second! My intent was to get deep into the woods where no human sounds would interfere with my little adventure, but unfortunately I neglected to consider that two dogs are not exactly quiet.

So I reached this wonderful water source, and it was coming down at a good pace from the mountain.  I found a nice flat rock and attempted to meditate.  One dog stood by my ear and whined while the other one kept splashing into the water and then coming over and shaking all over me.

Bliss was not to be had so I continued onward (much to the dogs' delight).  I would stop and look around, attempting to remove all thoughts and just to be.   It was so beautiful out, there was no excuse for not getting enlightened.  I mean, how frustrating!  The sunlight was filtering through the branches and creating beautiful patterns on the ground, leaves and rocks that surrounded me.  There was the constant sound of the stream, birds were chattering in the sky, and I kept thinking YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO IDENTIFY THESE THINGS.

Geesh.  I would go for total mind blankness then a sound would make me wonder ... is that something that could eat me stirring in the woods over yonder?  Wouldn't the dogs bark if something was coming to attack me?  Why are the dogs perking their ears like that, do they see something?  I'd turn and look around, then remember ... oh yeah, you're NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THINKING.

When I am reading the book, it all seems so simple.  Then when I attempt it, well, it seems ridiculous.  Then I think, well for crying out loud, the people in the book reached this crazy level of energy in PERU.  Apparently in PERU this can happen, and I am just here to tell you that in NEW HAMPSHIRE it does not.  They say we are liberal here, but that's not helping.

The bestest kind of energy takes place in virgin forests.  Hmmm, I thought, as I followed the well-worn path.  No virgin anything around here.  I wonder if virgins go to a virgin forest if they get the platinum version of energy.  Yeah, exactly, my thoughts were not exactly taking me down a path of thought-free abandonment.

Then I thought, today is September 11th ... would our enemy terrorists do anything on Sept. 11th ever again?  I noted that it was a beautiful sunny day as it had been six, seven years ago?  And then wondered if it was always sunny on Sept. 11 since the attacks and thought that it just might have been, because the blue sky always makes me think of looking up at it and thinking ... out of beauty comes so much awfulness.  (Bet you thought that was going to be a real nugget, sorry to disappoint!)

Oh anyway, it is plain to see that I did not evolve one iota today.

As Scarlett said ...

Lipstick On A Pig-gate

Obama did not attack the new republican vice presidential candidate, despite the fact that she has provided enough raw content for a full Saturday Night Live episode, because remember, his campaign is based on change.  And to attack candidates is old school, so last year.

But the desperados (I don't care what those thousand people said, hence putting McCain in the lead.  I am always wary of any poll that does not include me or 8 million other people anyway) are spending their time trying to make us all forget the message of change by saying that when Obama used the term "lipstick on a pig," in a commentary about the republican message of change, he was talking about the Barracuda (that is what they call her in Alaska).  And that he was launching a smear campaign on the woman.

McCain used the same expression when he was talking about the health care reform plan that Hilary Clinton came up with ... which could have been viewed as him calling Hilary a pig -- but hey, he's in George Bush's world, and you can cheat, lie, act stupid, be stupid, and make up anything you want to get the results you need.  I mean, being a hypocrite is like what you do, so what is the big deal?

I tell you who should be offended:  THE PIG!

I have email coming out of my ears

Why do we save emails?  I am sure there are some people out there who delete their email after they read it -- and so do I.  Daily.  But for some unbeknownst reason there are emails I keep, and even when I go through them all in some method of housekeeping attempt -- I still keep a ton.

I can scroll through them, I don't have any desire to read them, but I keep them, oh yessiree.   First there are the ones you read but don't feel like responding immediately.  You have to save them because you need to.

Then there are the ones that have been sent due to an email address change.  Now, there is no way no how that I am going to take all of 30 seconds and switch that email.  Oh no.  I will save that email in the unlikely event that if I ever do compose a new email to that person (as opposed to just responding to the one they have sent) well, then I will have the real address.

I have a bunch of those -- including all the emails they sent with an earlier email address.  So in truth, if I need to figure it out, I wouldn't.  But I have the email.  So it's cool.

Then there are the ones that send along something funny, and well, you keep it.  It wasn't altogether THAT funny, but maybe, just maybe you will think of a person who needs to read it.  I have never actually ever forwarded along an email funny to someone unless I did it right after reading it.  But still.  You never know.

Then there are the emails that are generated when you purchase something.  You have to save those, just in case the item doesn't come.  And by the time said item does show up, the email is buried in the past.  

And all the coupons I get -- you can't delete those.  Even the ones I get that are only good for two hours on Tuesday.  You never know.  You  might just want to use it during that window on Tuesday.  Even if it is Wednesday and the opportunity has passed ... well, so what.  It's not like the mailbox is full.  In fact, that might just be what I am striving for -- to push the limits of my mailbox.  It's some umpteen megabytes, so it may take thousands more emails.  But I am sure I will get there one day ... because even when I am done writing this, I am not going to go erase emails.

I know me.  Even when I get it down to like 10 saved emails (and even those could truly go) in a few days it's right back to loads of them.  And we're not talking junk mail either.  We're talking legitimate emails that I can't let go of.  I have two email accounts, each with about 200 emails in the inbox.  That's not counting the ones I have moved to folders to be saved for I have no idea, but they were more important than the ones just left to rot in the inbox!  Some even have titles, like Hallie's Email.  But even though I have a specific folder for her, there are currently about 30 emails from her in my inbox.

Go figure.

Well, this isn't very exciting, I know, but I don't want to blog about politics and I don't want to blog about the end of summer (sob sob) and, well, please excuse me but I have to go read my email.

From 2001.

Yo, McCain, how come you didn't call me?

I must admit that I am a little freaked out by people's comments and perceptions about the new vice presidential candidate on the republican side.

I mean ... what seems so blatantly obvious to me ... is so NOT to others.  And I am struggling to understand where the disconnect is.

I listen to all stages and ages ... and unless someone says something along the lines of "oh my gawd, they are so desperate,"  I am left feeling ill and queasy. Because exactly what part of this gun-toting, mother of five, soon-to-be grandmother of one, governor of Alaska seems appealing?

I am just so curious.

Comments I have heard:

She was a fisherman and she can drive a plane.

She is incredibly qualified in foreign policy because she negotiated with Canada in regards to the pipeline.

Seriously?

Oh my gosh people, I have nothing against her, but she is so not ready to be president of the United States, which can actually happen when you are the vice president, even more so when you are vice president to a 72-year old man with health problems.

The truth is, the vice presidency is this really sucky job ... unless the president dies or resigns, though that doesn't happen often.  Then, well, wowsa, it's really cool.  And when Gerald Ford took over for Nixon, he actually fell on his face climbing out of Airforce One ... you know, because he was like HOLY SHIT!  Because they don't plan on doing much more than funerals, shooting people in the woods, you know, normal everyday crap like that.

BUT RUNNING THE COUNTRY?

Do you want me to run the country?  Because my kids are older now and quite frankly, I have the time.  I have no special needs kids and I ran a newspaper -- not totally, of course, but hey, I get the gist.  I have foreign policy experience because I took Spanish in high school, and get this, I actually WENT TO SPAIN!  No, really.  I was there.  Kind of like an ambassador.  Yeah.  Put that on my resume.  Ambassador to Spain.  For like almost two weeks.  (Gawd, their food was awful.  But I was young.)

I had a child OUT OF WEDLOCK, which kind of makes me anti-abortion, right?  Sure.  That works.  I wasn't 17, but I was well on my way to being ... A SOCCER MOM!  No, really!  I am!  Hot dog, I am so qualified!  I am not against guns ... I have shot at apples on a stonewall, so in truth, I could be a pistol-toting, soccer mom.  It's all in the spin.

OHMYGOSHIAMSOEXCITED!

I am so totally qualified to be a VP.  This is like so better than being a VP for a bank, cuz like, they give you that title and you're supposed to be like so happy, but shit, if I was VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, I could really rock.

Why am I fighting this so much?  This means that ANYONE can be a vice president.

God Bless America.

I mean, WHAT is the difference?

Scientifically unproven sweet surprise

The television was on as I was concocting my juice.  My counter was piled high with beautiful purple kale, crisp light green lettuce, savory ginger, tangy yellow lemons and plump red apples.  As always, I was relishing the beauty of real food when on the screen there was a couple, and the girl was eating a popsicle.  She asked the presumed boyfriend if he wanted a bite, and he said "don't you love me?"  And then it went on to say that there is NOTHING wrong with high fructose corn syrup and that you should be eating popsicles.  (Well, I am not sure what actually was said because I was in shock).

Yes.  Shock.  But why should I be?  A billion-dollar industry is being threatened by consumers who are starting to get a clue.  And they aren't going to sit idly by and let such a thing happen.  The fact that many people will be swayed by a commercial telling them that popsicles are good food is beside the point.  The point is, this is an insane world and it's tough to remain sane within it.

I mean, seriously?  Money is that important?  For what?   It's so sad.

Their main argument is that high fructose corn syrup is the same as table sugar.  Okay, fine.  Do I want loads and loads of table sugar in everything I eat?  No, I don't.   But to say it is natural infers that it occurs in nature.

It does not.  Basically white cornstarch is turned into a crystal clear syrup.  But you don't get this crystal clear syrup out of a tree.  First the cornstarch is treated with a purified enzyme, alpha-amylase, which produces shorter chains of sugars called polysaccharides, which are then broken down further by adding a second enzyme called glucomylase, which then yields the simple sugar glucose, known as High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS).

Alpha-amalase and glucomylase are genetically modified to make them more stable.  And HFCS is made from genetically modified corn and then processed with genetically modified enzymes.

Which, according to the FDA, is sure, natural, because right now they are very busy and can't definitively deal with the issue right now.  (Good one, huh?)

The sweetener flooded the market in the early 80's at coincidentally the same time that the nation's obesity rate started its unprecedented climb.  There is no scientific "proof" that HFCS has had any negative effect on us.  I mean, people gaining weight could be from a million other things BESIDES THE FOOD THEY EAT.

Geesh.

And for a long time no one could avoid it because they didn't realize how it had crept into most everything we ate on a daily basis.  It's in everything.  It helps to prevent freezer burn, so it's in frozen foods.  It helps keep bread brown and soft, so it is in most bread products.  It's in most cereals, snack foods, sodas, fruit drinks, and did I mention bread?  Personally that was when I freaked out -- I mean, junk food is one thing, but bread?  

How did this happen?

In the 70's federal policies aimed at stabilizing food prices and support of corn production led to a glut of corn.  The subsidies are structured so that corn is very, very cheap which encourages (forces?) farmers to plant more to make the same amount of money.  And due to the subsidies -- the same farmer who has to plant more corn to make the same amount of money doesn't want to take the risk of planting something else because there are no subsidies for that.

Anyway, you can't blame the farmer.  He gets money to plant corn, corn he plants.  Then there was a glut of corn which led to it being really cheap, and well, HFCS entered our diets (and cows diets) in full force.  Oh, and this led to increased profits for those that produced the crap we eat.

The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition published, in 2002, research that showed teenage milk consumption decreased between 1965-1996 by 36 percent, while soda consumption increased by more than 200 HUNDRED PERCENT.  (But remember, it's not what we eat or drink that causes obesity.  There is no SCIENTIFIC PROOF of this.)

Dr. George Bray, principal investigator of the Diabetes Prevention Program at Louisiana State University Medical Center told the International Congress on Obesity that in 1980 (just after HFCS was introduced to the unknowing and unsuspecting masses) in mass quantities, relatively stable obesity rates began to climb.  By 2000 they had doubled.  (But remember, it's not what we eat or drink that causes obesity.  There is no SCIENTIFIC PROOF of this.)

Bray argues that these teenagers who replaced milk with soda also removed calcium from their diets, which can help regulate weight.  He says that he can find no other combination of environmental or food changes that were as significant to the rise in obesity.

If you visit Sweetsurprise.com, you get to view a rather succulent piece of corn.  Hey, I like corn.  I love it dripping in butter hot off the grill.  I love it in salads and various other recipes.  Is it too much to ask that it not be in my bread?  

According to the web sites FAQ's, the American Medical Association recently concluded that HFCS does not appear to contribute to obesity more than any other caloric sweeteners.

Okay, sorry.  I was Rolling on the Floor Laughing.  I mean, what does the AMA do exactly?   Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Also stated:

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration granted HFCS "Generally recognized as safe" status for use in food, and reaffirmed that ruling in 1996 after a thorough review.  (Though now, the FDA is "too busy" to delve into it further, which sounds to me like avoidance, but that is just me!)  Seriously, it is TWO THOUSAND AND EIGHT.  I don't want a ruling from 1996 on how safe my food is thank you very much.

And this:

HFCS offers numerous benefits.  It keeps food fresh, enhances fruit and spice flavors, retains moisture in bran cereals, helps keep breakfast and energy bars moist, maintains consistent flavors in beverages and keeps ingredients evenly dispersed in condiments.

Well, gee, when you put it that way.  That is numerous benefits.  NOT FOR MY HEALTH though.  For the longevity of the food, therefore ensuring more profits for those that care so much about me.  BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA.

This is a $2.6 billion dollar business and they are launching a $30 million campaign to defend high fructose corn syrup, and THAT is the best they can come up with?  The website is pathetic.  Their other defense is comparing HFCS with other sweeteners, like table sugar and honey.  Ummm, do they use these other sweeteners in everything in the grocery store?  No, they don't.  Too expensive.  

The only sweet surprise that HFCS has ever given me is discovering that it's in everything -- and that while there is no SCIENTIFIC PROOF that is does anything, you can just about guarantee that when you see a person's cart filled with the food one purchases at a grocery store in the middle aisles, and no fresh vegetables and fruit, that there will be a little tubby child attached to it.  Not scientific.  No.

Summer don't leave me

This time of year is very hard for me.  I love summer, and it's always gone in a blink of an eye.  It is especially difficult this year because we had a pretty major winter, then we had no spring, and our summer was not much to write home about either.

It makes me sad.

I like all the seasons, but I love summer.  It is always very difficult to have summer end, and I am always plagued by threads of depression that always surprise me, because I am never depressed. Except for this time of year.  So while I shouldn't be surprised, it is still all just weird to feel sad and out of sorts and then to top it off, summer really is evaporating into thin air ... and in truth it feels as though it was only weeks ago that I was wondering when the snow was going to melt in the front yard and I really can't imagine that we are headed into winter ALREADY and I am not sure I can stand it ... and well.   It definitely gets worse with each passing year ... or perhaps just because summer is becoming a long weekend.

This past week I have been eking out every last drop of summer.  On Wednesday my sister and I took the boys out of school a little early so that we could all go out on the boat.  It was a beautiful day and we had the lake to ourselves.  It was like being in an amusement park with no other people! ... the lake was like glass, the sun was hot and we toodled around the lake and swam, and later went out to dinner.  It was awesome.

Then yesterday we went to the beach -- and it was incredibly hot!  Just how I like it.  It was too hot to just sit, we had to keep going in the water, which had intense waves due to the hurricane that is making its way up the coast (or tropical storm, whatever!)  There was a wicked rip tide and current, and later in the day several people needed to be rescued because they couldn't get back in.  There is something so invigorating about swimming in water that can turn so quickly.  We were all (my sister, Maddie and my niece Emma) riding waves when there was suddenly a trio of big ones.  I dove into the first one, watched the second one come and decided to ride that one in, stood up, turned around and saw this absolute towering wall of water descending upon the others.   What did I do?  I turned tail and ran toward shore and was still swept up in its churning frenzy.  My sister was washed up nearby, her hair was askew, she was choking and spitting out water, and the girls came in to tell her everything she had done wrong!  Oh, it was a perfect day at the beach!  Loved it.  I had one episode where the wave was huge and I dove into it, but it was too late, the curl was just right to toss me forward and I was writhing about in panic for a few seconds before I was spit out unceremoniously on the sand, water gushing from my nose and mouth.

Loved it.

We left the beach when the sun started to fall behind the dunes, and then went to this cove and had lobster.  Which was fun with Maddie and Emma, since they hadn't really had it before.  They had no clue how to eat it, and in the end, Emma decided it was too gross.  It was about 7:30 when we climbed back into the Jeep, and it was incredible how warm the temperature still was.  Almost 80!  I mean, that is like summer!  I didn't even have to turn the heat on.

But on the drive home ... the temp went from 79 to 67, and I admit my head was frozen by the time I pulled into the driveway.  Which made me sad, because I love driving around topless in the Jeep (yeah, and without the roof up too!!!) and it's just another thing I have to mourn.

BOO HOO.